Hello, I'm new to these forums and have recently come back to God after a long break from Him during adolescence (I convinced myself I was agnostic). I recently was diagnosed bipolar 1 with psychotic features which I only got through it's ugly appearance thanks to God. I accepted Him in my heart during the crisis (manic episode). I know I am saved now but everything seems so dull now, nothing seems the same as it did. Things I loved (reading, games, etc) no longer hold my interest. I'm not sure if it's because of my new medication or simply the effect of being a true believer now. Could it be possible that I feel empty because the world itself offers nothing worthy of Christ? I've been struggling with this for weeks now and figured talking to some fellow Christians might be helpful. I've prayed on the matter as well.
Feeling Empty
- Thread starter Phykos
- Start date
BFine
Seed Planter
Have you reviewed the symptoms with your medical doctor?
If not, then report what you are experiencing to him--perhaps
some medication dosage adjustments could be in order? Or it
could be you are getting adjusted to the meds--
What do you enjoy doing now?
Fellowship with other believers? Reading the bible and praying?
Sharing the Good News of the Gospel with those around?
Or are you saying nothing is bringing you contentment/joy?
When I was a new believer, I really got into reading the bible and praying.
I also enjoyed singing gospel songs and talking to the Lord while I played on
the front porch of our house--I got saved as a young child (just so you know.)
I liked other stuff but I didn't think other stuff was more important than God.
If not, then report what you are experiencing to him--perhaps
some medication dosage adjustments could be in order? Or it
could be you are getting adjusted to the meds--
What do you enjoy doing now?
Fellowship with other believers? Reading the bible and praying?
Sharing the Good News of the Gospel with those around?
Or are you saying nothing is bringing you contentment/joy?
When I was a new believer, I really got into reading the bible and praying.
I also enjoyed singing gospel songs and talking to the Lord while I played on
the front porch of our house--I got saved as a young child (just so you know.)
I liked other stuff but I didn't think other stuff was more important than God.
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HIS Geeky Girl
Active Member
It's definitely not God or your new faith. I'd guess it's the medications, they're supposed to sort of "numb" the edges of your emotions and suppress your central nervous system, which can feel very weird at first (I've been on psychotropic drugs before). The medical community seems to feel that a mentally ill person who's been zombie-fied on drugs is safer to themselves and the people around them. While that may be true, I still hate the way the system operates and the drugs that they use on people. I hope you're involved in some intensive counseling and therapy, and that your doctor didn't just hand you a few RX's and send you on your way 
Hugs to you.
Hugs to you.
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I've discussed it with my doctor and he started me on a new medication that has had no effect. Nearly everything I do seems dull. Thankfully, reading the Bible and following God hasn't totally lost it's luster, and is in fact the only thing I've been able to actively focus on. Though it still has that kind of "grey" feeling that everything else does, but thankfully God is helping me push through it. Still, my days as a whole feel down. I don't know what to do and it's very frustrating. Thanks for your post.
Thank you for your post too HIS Geeky Girl. I guess it is just the meds. It's a pretty awful side effect, I don't feel like myself.
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BFine
Seed Planter
Are you getting counseling as well?
I believe that can be helpful too.
I'm glad you are getting joy from reading the Bible and abiding with the lord.
Continue abiding in the Lord and I pray your time spent on meds will be short.
I use to take a mild sedative for panic attacks and my complaint with them are
not being able to think clearly and fighting sleep so much! It was like being in
a fog most of the time but I didn't feel empty inside.
I did enjoy my usual hobbies but it was a struggle because I was so tired/drowsy.
I had lots of folks praying for me and I got in some prayer time as well, I was set
free from having to take sedatives within the same year I had been prescribed them...
praising God for that!
I believe that can be helpful too.
I'm glad you are getting joy from reading the Bible and abiding with the lord.
Continue abiding in the Lord and I pray your time spent on meds will be short.
I use to take a mild sedative for panic attacks and my complaint with them are
not being able to think clearly and fighting sleep so much! It was like being in
a fog most of the time but I didn't feel empty inside.
I did enjoy my usual hobbies but it was a struggle because I was so tired/drowsy.
I had lots of folks praying for me and I got in some prayer time as well, I was set
free from having to take sedatives within the same year I had been prescribed them...
praising God for that!
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HIS Geeky Girl
Active Member
Don't be afraid to tell your doctor that you don't want certain meds. I'm not handing out medical advice here, I'm just saying you have a choice in your own treatment options. Sometimes another medication in the same family will work better with less side effects. I happen to be very, very sensitive to side effects on almost any medication, and I couldn't tolerate any of the meds I tried for my anxiety/depression. In the end, I just got through it on my own, with God's help, and the life-saving techniques of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and relaxation/breathing exercises. Mind you, it took months to really feel better, and years to feel somewhat "normal" again.
I now know that I'm very susceptible to anxiety and depression, I've learned what triggers it for me, and I try to avoid those things. And when I do feel myself slipping back into that state of mind, I now have the tools to fight back and get myself on the right track again. Life is hard, man... it's hard for everyone, it's just that people like you and me will always have to deal with it a bit differently because of the way we're wired. But we aren't freaks or weirdos or "damaged". We're normal people with "slightly different wiring" lol. That's how I look at it.
But the side effects you're feeling are very normal for being recently medicated. It's up to you if you want to keep going and see how things pan out (they say it takes a few weeks for the actual relief to hit). Some people can't manage it, though, and that doesn't make them wimps or losers. Keep in touch with your doctor and again, please find a therapist or counselor to work with you alongside your doctor. Medicating someone doesn't "cure" mental illness, it just temporarily manages the symptoms. It's like taking aspirin for recurring migraines; it'll make you feel some relief, but it won't make you stop having migraines. You need to dig down to the source of WHY you're experiecing bipolar disorder, and go from there to learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions in the future, to become a more functional and healthy person.
Sorry, didn't mean to get preachy...
I now know that I'm very susceptible to anxiety and depression, I've learned what triggers it for me, and I try to avoid those things. And when I do feel myself slipping back into that state of mind, I now have the tools to fight back and get myself on the right track again. Life is hard, man... it's hard for everyone, it's just that people like you and me will always have to deal with it a bit differently because of the way we're wired. But we aren't freaks or weirdos or "damaged". We're normal people with "slightly different wiring" lol. That's how I look at it.
But the side effects you're feeling are very normal for being recently medicated. It's up to you if you want to keep going and see how things pan out (they say it takes a few weeks for the actual relief to hit). Some people can't manage it, though, and that doesn't make them wimps or losers. Keep in touch with your doctor and again, please find a therapist or counselor to work with you alongside your doctor. Medicating someone doesn't "cure" mental illness, it just temporarily manages the symptoms. It's like taking aspirin for recurring migraines; it'll make you feel some relief, but it won't make you stop having migraines. You need to dig down to the source of WHY you're experiecing bipolar disorder, and go from there to learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions in the future, to become a more functional and healthy person.
Sorry, didn't mean to get preachy...
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HIS Geeky Girl
Active Member
Same here, I had my little back up "emergency" pills with me at all times for panic attacks. Thank God I only had to use them a few times. I remember when I could finally look at the bottle and realize it had been months and months since I needed one, and I felt like there was hope for me!
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Not true counseling, I get a 15-30 minute session with my Psychiatrist but he mostly just checks up on the effects of the meds. Thank you for your encouraging words though, it helps to hear from people who have had similar experiences and to know I'm in people's prayers.
A lot of mine have been answered lately, praise God, and I pray that this whole thing will work itself out sometime. I follow him now, but I'd be an even better follower if I could just get rid of this grey world I'm trapped in.
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Don't be afraid to tell your doctor that you don't want certain meds. I'm not handing out medical advice here, I'm just saying you have a choice in your own treatment options. Sometimes another medication in the same family will work better with less side effects. I happen to be very, very sensitive to side effects on almost any medication, and I couldn't tolerate any of the meds I tried for my anxiety/depression. In the end, I just got through it on my own, with God's help, and the life-saving techniques of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and relaxation/breathing exercises. Mind you, it took months to really feel better, and years to feel somewhat "normal" again.
I now know that I'm very susceptible to anxiety and depression, I've learned what triggers it for me, and I try to avoid those things. And when I do feel myself slipping back into that state of mind, I now have the tools to fight back and get myself on the right track again. Life is hard, man... it's hard for everyone, it's just that people like you and me will always have to deal with it a bit differently because of the way we're wired. But we aren't freaks or weirdos or "damaged". We're normal people with "slightly different wiring" lol. That's how I look at it.
But the side effects you're feeling are very normal for being recently medicated. It's up to you if you want to keep going and see how things pan out (they say it takes a few weeks for the actual relief to hit). Some people can't manage it, though, and that doesn't make them wimps or losers. Keep in touch with your doctor and again, please find a therapist or counselor to work with you alongside your doctor. Medicating someone doesn't "cure" mental illness, it just temporarily manages the symptoms. It's like taking aspirin for recurring migraines; it'll make you feel some relief, but it won't make you stop having migraines. You need to dig down to the source of WHY you're experiecing bipolar disorder, and go from there to learn how to manage your thoughts and emotions in the future, to become a more functional and healthy person.
Sorry, didn't mean to get preachy...
No problem at all, it's clear you understand what I'm going through and I'm thankfull for such a well thought out reply.
You're right, it's just different wiring and I have to figure out what makes it all get in sync.
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HIS Geeky Girl
Active Member
Phykos, I hope you'll keep this thread going and keep us posted on your progress. Will you do that? Even if you just check in once a week or something. Talking about it helps, and gives you a chance to get encouraged by friends
I do think you need more than a 30 minute session that revolves mainly around your medications. I hope you'll get connected with a good therapist. Bipolar disorder is very serious and doesn't just "work itself out" over time, my friend. The cause needs to be discovered so that you don't cycle back into this over and over again throughout your life. It's only when you realize 1) why it happens and 2) what you can do to prevent it, that you can start being free from it. And that will probably only happen when you have regular, in-depth counseling with a professional.
I do think you need more than a 30 minute session that revolves mainly around your medications. I hope you'll get connected with a good therapist. Bipolar disorder is very serious and doesn't just "work itself out" over time, my friend. The cause needs to be discovered so that you don't cycle back into this over and over again throughout your life. It's only when you realize 1) why it happens and 2) what you can do to prevent it, that you can start being free from it. And that will probably only happen when you have regular, in-depth counseling with a professional.
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HIS Geeky Girl
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No problem at all, it's clear you understand what I'm going through and I'm thankfull for such a well thought out reply.
Exactly! One of the most hopeless thoughts a person like us can have is "something's just wrong with me, I'll always be like this". It's a LIE. When I learned that our brains can be re-wired (for lack of a better word), that was a true glimpse of hope for me. Everything we do affects how our brains work; what we eat, how we sleep, what we watch and listen to, how we respond to stress, etc. It takes hard work to retrain your brain, but it CAN be done. You are your best advocate in all of this. If YOU believe it can get better, you're already on your way
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Phykos, I hope you'll keep this thread going and keep us posted on your progress. Will you do that? Even if you just check in once a week or something. Talking about it helps, and gives you a chance to get encouraged by friends
I do think you need more than a 30 minute session that revolves mainly around your medications. I hope you'll get connected with a good therapist. Bipolar disorder is very serious and doesn't just "work itself out" over time, my friend. The cause needs to be discovered so that you don't cycle back into this over and over again throughout your life. It's only when you realize 1) why it happens and 2) what you can do to prevent it, that you can start being free from it. And that will probably only happen when you have regular, in-depth counseling with a professional.
I'll keep it going and thank you so much for your concern.
Talking about it is very therapeutic there's no denying it. You're right about the triggers, honestly I haven't figured out what my triggers are yet so there's not much I can do about preventing it. Hopefully with time I'll figure them out.The medication seems effective in that regard, I only have had a couple of instances of bipolarness since starting it, but really it doesn't feel worth cost of losing my interests and emotions. I feel so bottled up and robotic that it's infuriating, if I could actually feel infuriated anyway.
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BFine
Seed Planter
Sharing this prayer posted on this site--
http://www.christianforums.com/t2492195/
http://www.christianforums.com/t2492195/
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Thank you so much. So glad I came to these forums, very impressed with the community. It's very much appreciated BFine.
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HIS Geeky Girl
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Yeah, trying to pin down your triggers can be tricky. A lot of times, we start sliding into these bad ways of thinking SO slowly, we don't even realize it's happening, then suddenly we're miserable and we feel hopeless and we didn't even see it coming. It can also help to examine your childhood; that's where I found the root of my own issues. I'd always thought my childhood was decent (and nobody WANTS to grow up and realize they had some crappy childhood issues), but after I really started looking at it from an adult perspective, I saw things from the past that relate to what I deal with today, and it was like a light bulb going on. I realized that I was born a very sensitive personality (nothing wrong with that, it is what it is). My childhood was filled with a lot of serious health issues (hence my hypochondria). It was also full of a lot of anger, violence, and sadness in my family around me, but it rarely involved me, I was the kid hiding in the closet with a pillow over her head, internalizing everything because she was helpless to do anything else (hence my tendency to internalize every bad feeling today as an adult). A childhood like that would be hard on any kid, but on super-sensitive me, it was traumatic, and set me up for my struggles with anxiety and depression. There's a LOT more to my story, but no room for it all here
My point is, putting your past under a microscope and looking at what you struggle with today, and comparing the two, can be extremely enlightening. And when you see that something you struggle with now, may have been caused by something that happened to you as a kid, it's actually very freeing. Because you realize it's nothing WRONG with you, it's something you were a victim of, or had no control over. And that means you can start overcoming it
My point is, putting your past under a microscope and looking at what you struggle with today, and comparing the two, can be extremely enlightening. And when you see that something you struggle with now, may have been caused by something that happened to you as a kid, it's actually very freeing. Because you realize it's nothing WRONG with you, it's something you were a victim of, or had no control over. And that means you can start overcoming it
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Yeah, trying to pin down your triggers can be tricky. A lot of times, we start sliding into these bad ways of thinking SO slowly, we don't even realize it's happening, then suddenly we're miserable and we feel hopeless and we didn't even see it coming. It can also help to examine your childhood; that's where I found the root of my own issues. I'd always thought my childhood was decent (and nobody WANTS to grow up and realize they had some crappy childhood issues), but after I really started looking at it from an adult perspective, I saw things from the past that relate to what I deal with today, and it was like a light bulb going on. I realized that I was born a very sensitive personality (nothing wrong with that, it is what it is). My childhood was filled with a lot of serious health issues (hence my hypochondria). It was also full of a lot of anger, violence, and sadness in my family around me, but it rarely involved me, I was the kid hiding in the closet with a pillow over her head, internalizing everything because she was helpless to do anything else (hence my tendency to internalize every bad feeling today as an adult). A childhood like that would be hard on any kid, but on super-sensitive me, it was traumatic, and set me up for my struggles with anxiety and depression. There's a LOT more to my story, but no room for it all here
My point is, putting your past under a microscope and looking at what you struggle with today, and comparing the two, can be extremely enlightening. And when you see that something you struggle with now, may have been caused by something that happened to you as a kid, it's actually very freeing. Because you realize it's nothing WRONG with you, it's something you were a victim of, or had no control over. And that means you can start overcoming it
Good advice I feel. I'm aware that my childhood had it's imperfections, I too internalized things on a regular basis due to my dad, at the time, being an undiagnosed bipolar person. My parents always argued due to the stunts he pulled and at the time no on knew he was bipolar and it led to a lot of conflict. As such, to this day I internalize a lot and have difficulties opening up to people. I really wish I had a proper counselor as I know it'd help quite a bit.
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HIS Geeky Girl
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Same here. I don't think either of my parents were bipolar, but my dad had a violent temper and unpredictable rages. Both he and my mom had (and still have) a lot of unresolved guilt from their own pasts, that they just carried around with them, making them bitter and unhappy. Yeah, when you grow up with parents like that, you learn that you can't trust adults, you've got no one you can go to, so you learn to just suck it all up and rely only on yourself. That's a huge burden for a kid to bear. I used to dream of having a good psychiatrist, someone to ask me something about myself, someone who cared what I thought or felt, someone interested in who I was. Isn't that a SAD dream for a kid to have?? Sheesh lol. But nobody cared what I thought about anything as a kid. They were too busy screaming at each other or being self-absorbed with their own stuff. Nobody ever stopped and asked me what was important to me. Ever.
/self pity
/self pity
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I wouldn't write all that off as self-pity. It's good to reflect on your feelings in my opinion. The better you know yourself the better you can serve the Lord eh?
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Ark100
The Lord is my Refuge
OP
Keep close to God. He is able to rid you completely of all your problems psychological and so on.
Now that you have given your life to Him, spend MORE time with Him, and dont spend too much time talking about your problems.
Profess the healing of God on your life and TRUST in the Lord for healing. Stay on His side and dont waver or falter.
Total healing. When He comes in to live, He comes with healing, deliverance and power. He died so we could live in peace, happiness and good life. Claim those things for your life and keep reminding Him.
Goodluck
Keep close to God. He is able to rid you completely of all your problems psychological and so on.
Now that you have given your life to Him, spend MORE time with Him, and dont spend too much time talking about your problems.
Profess the healing of God on your life and TRUST in the Lord for healing. Stay on His side and dont waver or falter.
Total healing. When He comes in to live, He comes with healing, deliverance and power. He died so we could live in peace, happiness and good life. Claim those things for your life and keep reminding Him.
Goodluck
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