Hello everyone, I've been registered for about a week so far, but have hesitated to make this post. I'm a 36 year old married man with a family of 6. I grew up in a very confusing and broken charasmatic household. I was sexually abused during the course of my early years and was medically neglected when it came to my mental health. I started having delusions that I was a prophet and that God told me to do certain things etc etc....It wasn't until i had a mental break in my late twenties that I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, anxiety, panic disorder and ptsd. After I was properly medicated the delusions and issues with God went away. Shortly after that after seeing a series of "deconstructing faith" videos I started to fall away into atheism. I kept that position for many years and even influenced my wife to lose her faith in God as well. I haven't been able to put christianity down no matter what issues I think I have with it. I always come back to it. For example I don't understand Noah's flood and how it could be possible. I don't understand why there is so much violence in the OT. I don't even understand the garden of eden and the fruit. So many questions and so little in the way of answers.
I've since shifted my position to saying I'm agnostic. It's because there is something that makes even less sense than all my problems with the bible. That is the devil and his control over this world. I can see him. I see him in hollywood with all their symbolism and satanic obsessions. I see it in all the interviews with musicians that claim they sold their soul to the devil and sometimes they don't even know how they wrote their own music. I see it in the globalist elite who meet at places like the world economic forum or bohemian grove and discuss how to control the masses. It all seems to match up to the book of revelation. And if the book of revelation is real and satan is real than God must be real also. See my dilemma?
I apologize for making this so long but posting on here has been weighing on my mind for days. I come with an open mind and heart. I do not harbour any anger towards God for my life experiences or blame anyone other than the people responsible. Thanks again!
I've since shifted my position to saying I'm agnostic. It's because there is something that makes even less sense than all my problems with the bible. That is the devil and his control over this world. I can see him. I see him in hollywood with all their symbolism and satanic obsessions. I see it in all the interviews with musicians that claim they sold their soul to the devil and sometimes they don't even know how they wrote their own music. I see it in the globalist elite who meet at places like the world economic forum or bohemian grove and discuss how to control the masses. It all seems to match up to the book of revelation. And if the book of revelation is real and satan is real than God must be real also. See my dilemma?
I apologize for making this so long but posting on here has been weighing on my mind for days. I come with an open mind and heart. I do not harbour any anger towards God for my life experiences or blame anyone other than the people responsible. Thanks again!