fat, crazy, and poor

[seeker4Christ]

Hi,
I am overweight (257pounds), have mental illness (under control via medicines) and I'm poor. What is a person like me to do? Just because I'm not the most elligble bachelor doesn't mean I don't need a girlfriend.. I wish there was a way to find a mate. If only the Christian dating services had a checkbox in their services like this:
[Y/N] I am willing to date somebody with chronic health problems
Then I could just focus one people like that. Please pray for me.
- Douglas E

 

[caitlincares]

Sent you a PM to let you know you are not alone.

Praying

 

[FaithfulServant]

There is a lot more to a person than their weight and income. If you are taking your meds and they are working that is great! Concentrate on the great things about you whether it be your sense of humor, your favorite hobbies, or your love for God. People will be drawn to you if you are self confident and count your blessings. Don't dwell on what you don't have that you want, praise God for what you don't have that you don't want!

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

I have learned the hard way, that in order to love someone else, you first must love yourself (after God of course).

I have totally changed my life in the last year. I started an exercise program. I weighed 244 pounds! I was big and unhealthy and puffed everywhere I went. I have gone from a size 24 to a 10 so far and my health is great. I got back into church and have become very strong in my faith. I have developed new hobbies and did some dating.

I have had 2 very serious relationships in this time. Both failed because of my lack of self-esteem. I didn't even realize that I was constantly putting myself down. So, I am working on that. It's not easy though. I can't really put a finger on the problem. I'm smart, funny, musical and have lots of interests. I come from a loving family. I have many friends. But, for some reason, I don't love myself as much as I deserve.

Maybe that's a part of your problem too. See, my looks didn't really matter in the long run. It was really how I felt down inside that mattered the most.

God created me. God created you! You are special and wonderfully made! Learn to love you!

 

[desi]

Hi,
I am overweight (257pounds), have mental illness (under control via medicines) and I'm poor. What is a person like me to do? Just because I'm not the most elligble bachelor doesn't mean I don't need a girlfriend.. I wish there was a way to find a mate. If only the Christian dating services had a checkbox in their services like this:
[Y/N] I am willing to date somebody with chronic health problems
Then I could just focus one people like that. Please pray for me.
- Douglas E

Lose weight, start making good money, and keep taking your meds under your doctors supervision. When you feel comfortable with yourself finding a girl will be easy. Until then it will be hard. If you can become comfortable with yourself now and be confident the women will respond favorably.

 

[Lbiagm]

you have a mate out there somewhere if it is God's Will.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Douglas, women care more about how you treat them then how you look. That is the truth.

Are you able to work? Do you have any learned skills?

 

[AndrewDas]

You have to feel good about yourself before you can expect someone to feel good about you- if you are unhappy with your weight, loose a bit, if you are unhappy with your income- find something you like to do that could possibly bring you income, most importantly- you need to talk to God about it- you know know what he has for you.

 

[LadyBird]

What Dave said is true. But it's also about attitude. If a person is like "Oh, I'm fat, crazy and poor" what does that tell someone about their attitude and about how they think about themself. I care about how well my boyfriend takes care of himself because it shows me that he cares. If a guy is confident in his own skin, even if he is not a Brad Pitt look alike, I can assure you, girls will like that and react in positive ways.

 

[Selah]

I'm sorry that you feel that way about yourself, but the bible says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Also, the bible says that all of us are made in God's image and likeness, so if God is awsome, then what are you?
People are naturally attracted to people who have confidence in themselves, no matter how they look. If you don't like you, people catch on to that.

Life and death is in the power of the tounge, and right now, you're not speaking life at all. I believe that God would like to turn things around for you, but speaking negatively isn't gonna help much. Start confessing the good things about yourself, and the promises that God has made to his children, like Isaiah 53 "But he was wounded and crushed for our sins. He was beaten that we might have peace. He was whipped, and we were healed!"
God loves you, has made you a great person, and wants you to have a great life while you're here. Be proactive about your situation---pray with joy, believing that God would grant your request and start confessing your good health, and the fact that you're no longer poor---believe me, from experience, it might sound extreme or silly at first, but it won't sound so silly when things start turning around for you...God Bless!

 

[seeker4Christ]

Hi,
Thanks for you concern folks. I probably am somewhat depressed lately. I don't think I look bad really, I think I'm good looking - its just that on yahoo personals I keep finding women who have in their preferences a man in shape with money - and these are Christians. I don't blame them really, I was just feeling down about my prospects. I am still looking for another girlfriend. I had a girlfriend for 2 years but she left me I don't know why exactly for another man, and since then she has been bouncing from one man to the next. To be honest I want to be in great shape, sane, and with the middle class wealth I was capable of making when I was healthy. I am a skilled computer programmer and I've earn a good upper middle class income in the past, and then a middle class income at a Christian college, but since I got sick in 2001 I haven't been able to do full time work. Currently I work about 5 hours a week doing web page work for the Mayo Clinic. Its nice of you all to say women don't care about looks but it doesn't change the fact that most Christian women I found interesting on yahoo personals specificaly asked for a man with middle class wealth or better and in shape. Things were great with my last girlfriend and her sister said I was good for her I treated her great we rarely argued and had a lot of fun together so I know I can do it and be good for a woman but am having a hard time finding another.

 

[silentpoet]

Sometime things take time. God's time is not necessarily what we would want, but it often turns out to be better than anything we could have planned. Our plans often are not up to God's will for our life. We can want things, both the good and the bad, but those things may not be part of God's will for us. At least not what we are truly ready for. I did not find anybody really until I surrendered that very vital part of myself that was wanting female companionship to God.

 

[Sketcher]

I understand your pain. What I'm trying to do is grade myself not by my looks or my wealth or anything, but properly. God created me for a purpose, and I need to find that purpose with Him and live it out with Him. Since I am in Him, and also His beloved son by adoption, I need to see myself in a new light. I need to start fully believing those things in my heart for this to really work, but this is a secure position worth anything.

Bottom line is, if I view myself the way God believes I should, then I won't need the approval of women or anyone else to fill the needs of my heart. Then I can desire a mate for the right reasons. Reasons like, "Lord, you've called me to X. I could really use a life partner to help me do this more effectively." Women are to be partners for our lives.

 

[Lbiagm]

just pray about it and exercise.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

From what you stated, I don't think you should be looking for a gf. You need to work on yourself first. You're not happy as you are and a gf won't bring you that happiness that you're craving.

Also, if you're are looking, I'd stay away from personals such as Yahoo or Match or the like. It appears that they're just a place to "hook up" at.

What everyone says about confidence is true. If you're not feeling good about yourself, no matter what you look like, it reflects. People like and are attracted to confidence. That's just the way it is. I find that I could be hair out to here, sweats on and feeling good about myself I have a lot of people smiling and saying hi . . . to where I could be all snazzied up and feel full of self-doubt and no one says anything.

 

[California Dreamin']

No offense in any way, but you sound like my dad. My parents divorced when I was 6 and he has been single ever since and has had no success with women.
He has mental health issues (and not totally in control, you said yours are, which is great!) and he is overweight. Anyways, I'm sure you'll find someone!