Fasting & Hospitality

[everbecoming2007]

My immediate family has had a reunion for the first time in approximately 20 years, and my family is not Anglican. Dad was feeling hurt when he learned I am not eating certain foods over Lent.

I compromised and had a small dish with foods I would normally abstain from. When food is offered in hospitality my principle is to "eat whatsoever is set before you."

Anglicanism doesn't prescribe these matters, but even if it did what is the point of being a Christian if we don't abide by the spirit of the law rather than the letter?

It is good to fast and also good to abstain for seasons and days, but not when it means slighting the hospitality of someone who purchased and prepared my food. It would not in this case be right to injure my father's feelings.

This is a basic principle I was taught by the priest who catechized me during my process of entering the church, and I abide by it still.

Thoughts?

Have a happy and holy Lent! Thanks be to God for his tender mercies.

 

[Monk Brendan]

My immediate family has had a reunion for the first time in approximately 20 years, and my family is not Anglican. Dad was feeling hurt when he learned I am not eating certain foods over Lent.

I compromised and had a small dish with foods I would normally abstain from. When food is offered in hospitality my principle is to "eat whatsoever is set before you."

Anglicanism doesn't prescribe these matters, but even if it did what is the point of being a Christian if we don't abide by the spirit of the law rather than the letter?

It is good to fast and also good to abstain for seasons and days, but not when it means slighting the hospitality of someone who purchased and prepared my food. It would not in this case be right to injure my father's feelings.

This is a basic principle I was taught by the priest who catechized me during my process of entering the church, and I abide by it still.

Thoughts?

Have a happy and holy Lent! Thanks be to God for his tender mercies.

I've been in that position more than once.

I believe it's better to err on the side of courtesy and charity.

 

[PloverWing]

I follow a similar policy. I am usually vegetarian for Lent, but most of my family members are carnivores -- dinner is meat with a small decorative vegetable next to it. When my husband cooks pork chops, or when my mother-in-law cooks Sunday dinner, I eat with gratitude the food that is set before me. As you say, spirit above letter.

 

[Shane R]

I belong to a social group that has a weekly gathering on Fridays. Sometimes it takes place at my house since I have a covered and screened back porch. One member is Orthodox and is always giving our Anglican members a hard time about something. But, he follows the principle laid out in the OP. For example, a few weeks ago the gathering was at my house and I made Philly cheesesteak casserole. He ate it though the prior Sunday had been Meatfare and he explained why he ate almost exactly as Everbecoming did. Yesterday the crew was at my house again. Now, I am usually a strict fish guy on Fridays but it was my birthday this week and I had a bunch of pork ribs stashed away for a celebration. I smoked those and did pulled pork too. He had been traveling and came in on Amtrak that evening. He was quite glad to eat the barbecue.

 

[FireDragon76]

I've been in that position more than once.

I believe it's better to err on the side of courtesy and charity.

That's how I would approach this, too.

 

[Naomi4Christ]

Fasting is completely voluntary. If you do follow invisible rules, they don’t apply on Sundays.

 

[everbecoming2007]

Fasting is completely voluntary. If you do follow invisible rules, they don’t apply on Sundays.

I will point out that not one person said that fasting is prescribed in Anglicanism -- not that you directly disputed that. But the first post says that fasting is not a prescribed rule in Anglicanism, so that much has already been pointed out. As for "invisible rules," whatever you mean by that, I would point out that morality is similarly "invisible." That doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you or me.

But so long as fasting is not a prescribed rule, but rather a discipline that one takes on for herself, one can fast any day of the week I suppose. Sunday is not considered a fast day in the West true, but no one says that one cannot fast on that day to my knowledge. As you pointed out Anglicans don't prescribe these matters. In fact some Anglicans keep a pre-communion fast. And in the East Sunday is still a fast day during certain times of the year.

If not compulsory then it is at least a norm to fast. Jesus says "When you fast..." (Matthew 6:16), not if. It is a discipline mentioned at least several times in both Testaments of the Bible, and the Book of Common Prayer encourages fasting on certain days as well.

 

[PloverWing]

I suppose the Sunday discussion is because of my reference to Sunday dinner at my mother-in-law's house. I find that Easter is more meaningful for me if I have taken on some fast during Lent, and abstaining from meat is usually the fast I choose. I'm aware of the practice of considering Sundays exempt from one's Lenten fast. However, for me, that feels like it disrupts the season; I do better when I follow my chosen fast for the entire season, Sundays included.

All of this is my own choice, my own spiritual discipline. I have no expectation that anyone else will choose the same fast, or will choose any fast at all. It is simply something that helps me.

 

[Naomi4Christ]

I will point out that not one person said that fasting is prescribed in Anglicanism -- not that you directly disputed that. But the first post says that fasting is not a prescribed rule in Anglicanism, so that much has already been pointed out. As for "invisible rules," whatever you mean by that, I would point out that morality is similarly "invisible." That doesn't mean it doesn't apply to you or me.

But so long as fasting is not a prescribed rule, but rather a discipline that one takes on for herself, one can fast any day of the week I suppose. Sunday is not considered a fast day in the West true, but no one says that one cannot fast on that day to my knowledge. As you pointed out Anglicans don't prescribe these matters. In fact some Anglicans keep a pre-communion fast. And in the East Sunday is still a fast day during certain times of the year.

If not compulsory then it is at least a norm to fast. Jesus says "When you fast..." (Matthew 6:16), not if. It is a discipline mentioned at least several times in both Testaments of the Bible, and the Book of Common Prayer encourages fasting on certain days as well.

Jesus also said to keep your fast to yourself.

 

[everbecoming2007]

Jesus also said to keep your fast to yourself.

Yes in the context that some fast to gain recognition of their piety from others. But when we have seasons of fasting in which people are fasting in common are we never to mention the subject or discuss its implications in our lives at all? That is not remotely the same as making a pretense of public long prayers and other acts of piety to put on a display for worldly recognition.

What about discussing devotions and prayer? It would be wrong to make a show of prayer again for human recognition, but quite different for fellow Christians to discuss the Daily Office and its meaning for them.

 

[Naomi4Christ]

Communal Lenten studies are good.

Almsgiving is good.

Groaning about fasting, even among other groaners is not good.

You don’t have to fast on any specific date. If the date is important to you, don’t visit with other people who do not understand your fast. If the date is not important to you, translate it to a different time.

It is more important for Christians to sit down and eat together. Our faith is all about relationships. Don’t let religiosity come between relationships. And remember that every relationship you have with non-Christians is a witness opportunity.

 

[Paidiske]

Given that even in my own household, I live with people who don't share my religious practices, the idea that you can fast so that no one is aware of it seems pretty unrealistic, to me. If I want to avoid certain things, it's helpful for me to tell my husband, so that he doesn't lovingly bring me something that at another time, I'd enjoy!

It is tricky to navigate communicating helpfully with people while not letting your fast get in the way of how we relate to others, especially given that so much of our social stuff revolves around food. (For example, my birthday often falls in Lent. The day before my birthday, someone brought a cake to parish council... in theory I'd given up cake, but I could hardly politely refuse!)

It doesn't help if those around us seem to be hostile to the concept.

 

[everbecoming2007]

Communal Lenten studies are good.

Almsgiving is good.

Groaning about fasting, even among other groaners is not good.

You don’t have to fast on any specific date. If the date is important to you, don’t visit with other people who do not understand your fast. If the date is not important to you, translate it to a different time.

It is more important for Christians to sit down and eat together. Our faith is all about relationships. Don’t let religiosity come between relationships. And remember that every relationship you have with non-Christians is a witness opportunity.

Again, not that you directly stated this, but I'll point it out: I don't see anyone groaning about fasting, and I'm a bit surprised you mention these other things as good but list fasting in a disparaging context only. I would also mention that fasting doesn't always completely preclude eating with other Christians and certainly not all year. There are plenty of times to eat.

Like I mentioned before instead of precluding a visit at a family reunion during Lent I'm more inclined to simply relax the fast for the sake of others. And fasting in some contexts can be an opportunity to evangelize as can relaxing a fast. I am happy to explain the liturgical seasons and other aspects of my faith to the family.

I am not sure what you mean by religiosity getting in the way of relationships. As a communal religion Christianity is very much about relationships. My religion doesn't conflict with my relationships.

 

[everbecoming2007]

Given that even in my own household, I live with people who don't share my religious practices, the idea that you can fast so that no one is aware of it seems pretty unrealistic, to me. If I want to avoid certain things, it's helpful for me to tell my husband, so that he doesn't lovingly bring me something that at another time, I'd enjoy!

It is tricky to navigate communicating helpfully with people while not letting your fast get in the way of how we relate to others, especially given that so much of our social stuff revolves around food. (For example, my birthday often falls in Lent. The day before my birthday, someone brought a cake to parish council... in theory I'd given up cake, but I could hardly politely refuse!)

It doesn't help if those around us seem to be hostile to the concept.

As long as you don't make a show of it, and I don't at all think you do, you're fine in my opinion. And in that context it becomes an opportunity to explain aspects of your faith. I have explained various liturgical seasons to my mother, although she hasn't yet experienced a eucharist.