Jenda said:
Grace, just a question. Were you actually happy then, and just project your negative feelings from now onto that period, or were you so unhappy about your beliefs at age 12? It just, to me, sounds like sour grapes, but I could be wrong.
Sometimes I was, sometimes I wasn't. I can tell you one thing. I never felt good enough when I was lds, but at the same time I thought I was somehow better than non-lds, just because I was lds and I was taught as an lds person that we were "more noble".
I kept trying harder and harder to do what is right according to the lds church, I wanted to be everything the lds church said I should be. I had callings, I attended church and enrichment, taught my children the lds gospel, shared the lds gospel with others, tried to follow the leaders of the church, just like I was taught. I went to "know your religion" classes, seminary, institute, gave talks in sacrament meeting whenever I was asked, never turned down a calling, read my BofM, prayed morning and night in the proper lds form of prayer, always blessed the food in the lds proper form of prayer, paid my tithes, attended church meetings, etc. I thought that for the most part, I was happy. However, now that I know what real happyiness in Jesus is like, I know that as an lds person, liviing the lds teachings, I was not happy. Maybe a false happyiness or a temporary one but definitly not a true, peaceful, content, joyful, everlasting, all incompassing happyiness like I have now because of Jesus.
I did have a lot of sour grapes in the lds church and I also had some not sour grapes but in the end all that matters is the truth of God and that can't be found in the LDS church teachings but it can be found in Christ and Christ is what I have now.