Ex Christians - why did you leave?

[Carl Emerson]

A few months ago I was struggling with forgiveness (OCD, depression and whatnot). I think I’ve lost that battle because I turned to worldly things such as inappropriate contentography, sexual sin, music that doesn’t honor God, etc. Now it seems as though the end is near, and to seek forgiveness at this point would only be out of fear. I am fearful and uncertain of the future.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?

8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.

Psalm 139 is worth a read...

Jesus knows all about sin - He was surrounded by wickedness on the cross and said "Forgive them Lord for they now not what they do...

He is ready to forgive you too.

 

[Carl Emerson]

No bad life experience, no bitterness, no anger against god, nothing like that at all. Just logically looking at the entire belief system and thinking 'do I really buy this?'

Mmmm... That would seem to indicate lack of revelation - revelation knowledge is undeniable.

It is a direct communication between your spirit and the Holy Spirit.

Leaves you with no questions...

 

[TheTrueWay]

This is a good idea, thank you

It's on my conscience that I omitted to say when I walked away everything seemed empty and life didnt seem to have meaning.
I became quite desperate.

I've been unsure of where I am again. Perhaps I need to listen to what I said here! I was on a forum where someone seemed to take issue with what I said and they seemed so confident as a believer it got me looking at my failures again.

 

[Cormack]

Yes I have been there. almost died from it. Suicidal.

People who are vulnerable to anxiety or obsession outside of the faith are still vulnerable to anxiety and obsession inside of the faith, they just find new ideas to obsess over.

Hypochondriacs (for example) aren’t instantly absolved of their affliction because they’ve become Christians, and in the worst case scenario they gain a kind of spiritual hypochondria as a companion piece to their earthly issues. Spiritual self harm is probably the best term for it. A healthy, loving and spiritually informed Christian family are our best defence (and response) against those feelings.

It makes me wonder whether or not @RoseCrystal has strong, supportive Christian role models in real life to share their concerns with (rather than the internet.)

Much of their concerns, especially the one to do with Christian “similarities” to other religions, are answered conclusively and in a satisfying way by many modern Christian apologists.

EDIT: If at any point @RoseCrystal wanted answers to intellectual problems, I’m available outside of the topic. Been a Sunday school teacher and street apologist since my early 20s, nearly 10 years now.

 

[Jok]

I am not saying that I'm leaning towards atheism (not that theres anything wrong with that) I believe there is something beyond us, but I am starting to think that we can't say for sure we know what that something is and what it wants from us (if it wants anything at all). And maybe it doesn't matter what we do or what system we use to connect to the universe/god/spirit, as long as we are authentic in our beliefs.

Now see this would makes a lot more sense to me as a landing spot for you IF you were to become a former believer, it confuses me that so many ex-believers wind up in full blown atheism. I’m not saying that I’m shocked that any of them wind up as atheists, but I would expect a higher percentage of them to at least remain spiritual.

 

[Rajni]

With all due respect, you wouldn't have such questions if you are intimate with God: his friend.

Being a Christian doesn't have to exclude good critical-thinking skills and being open to more information. Any belief-system based on reality will be able to withstand scrutiny, no matter who it comes from.

 

[RoseCrystal]

People who are vulnerable to anxiety or obsession outside of the faith are still vulnerable to anxiety and obsession inside of the faith, they just find new ideas to obsess over.

Hypochondriacs (for example) aren’t instantly absolved of their affliction because they’ve become Christians, and in the worst case scenario they gain a kind of spiritual hypochondria as a companion piece to their earthly issues. Spiritual self harm is probably the best term for it. A healthy, loving and spiritually informed Christian family are our best defence (and response) against those feelings.

It makes me wonder whether or not @RoseCrystal has strong, supportive Christian role models in real life to share their concerns with (rather than the internet.)

Much of their concerns, especially the one to do with Christian “similarities” to other religions, are answered conclusively and in a satisfying way by many modern Christian apologists.

EDIT: If at any point @RoseCrystal wanted answers to intellectual problems, I’m available outside of the topic. Been a Sunday school teacher and street apologist since my early 20s, nearly 10 years now.

My whole famiy is deeply christian, I have a great support system of christian role models, I don't want to worry them if this turns out to be nothing, and if it turns out to be something I want to be 100% sure befoore telling them.

 

[Cormack]

Being a Christian doesn't have to exclude good critical-thinking skills and being open to more information. Any belief-system based on reality will be able to withstand scrutiny, no matter who it comes from.

To add to that, having a love of God actually added to my interest in the subject, and as a result it added to my questions. I know some questions can come from a bad place or a leading place (asking certain questions with an eye to fuelling our own conclusions,) but if we guard ourselves against that, and if they’re questions coming from a good place, that just proves we’re enamoured with the subject.

I have a great support system of christian role models,

Are they also intellectual role models?

 

[RoseCrystal]

Are they also intellectual role models?

Yes very much so and a few of them are brilliant apologists, I've also taken more than my fair share of classes on church history, the early church fathers, and apologetics, it is not a knowledge issue for me, its an issue of whether I believe it or not.

 

[TheTrueWay]

Being a Christian doesn't have to exclude good critical-thinking skills and being open to more information. Any belief-system based on reality will be able to withstand scrutiny, no matter who it comes from.

Agreed , my own experience when I walked away was that it seemed that questions had kept coming up though. I think that it's important not to feel pressured by having to know all the answers, since there will surely always be possible questions, and to 'park' some things and to hold onto the good whilst you're exploring answers.

I'm not sure ive expressed that well.

( I think it can be a ploy to undermine faith and try and corner us into doubting everything if we cant answer questions straight away, or be able to reference another believer who can.)

A combination of thinking what has God asked me to do lately and how can I best navigate this next step may help. Prayer support from others can be very important as well as honestly facing up to any difficulties and voicing our concerns to God. Sharing from the perspective of seeking God.

I'm writing this to myself as well as the OP. I have much to learn. Deferring now to those who hopefully have helpful wisdom to impart.

 

[RoseCrystal]

EDIT: If at any point @RoseCrystal wanted answers to intellectual problems, I’m available outside of the topic. Been a Sunday school teacher and street apologist since my early 20s, nearly 10 years now.

Thank you, thats a really nice offer, I appreciate it

 

[Cormack]

it is not a knowledge issue for me,

Still your list of reasons for doubting the faith are all head issues, things to do with knowledge, right? They’re not emotional and nobody has embittered you by being a jerk.

If you write it’s not a knowledge problem but a belief problem, I understand that to mean you no longer buy the things you’ve heard so far, or you’re shaky on it all, but insisting it’s not at all a knowledge thing is also to assume your current opinion on all of those topics up to speed and fully informed.

If your real problem was an absence of knowledge or solid principles of thought you wouldn’t know it. It’s like a lose lose situation.

Do you feel you’re fully informed and up to speed with the topics you’ve been shaken by?

 

[Cormack]

And yes now I’m derailing the topic worse than anyone else here, I hate myself let’s all move on

 

[Percivale]

I've left a lot of the conservative beliefs I was raised with, since they don't stand up to scrutiny, but I think the evidence is good that Jesus really rose from the dead, and therefore is divine. That core belief of christianity can stand without a lot of the other doctrines people attach to it.

 

[Rajni]

Hi, I'm struggling with my beliefs lately and I was hoping to find some stories of those who left Christianity and why they left. I didn't really know what section to post this is so I hope this is not breaking any rules.

What made you decide to leave?
Do you have a new religion or set of spiritual beliefs? If you feel like sharing what are they?
How did you deal with fear and guilt of leaving?
What were the main sticking points for you about Christianity that you could no longer follow/believe in?
Have you found peace in your new spiritual identity?
How did your family and friends react to your leaving? What do you say to them about it and are they accepting of you? Have people turned their backs on you for leaving?
Do you ever struggle with your decision and want to go back?

Appreciate your answers

Thank you

My decision to leave Christianity wasn't an overnight thing. I went from Catholicism to born-again nondenominational Christianity, to Christian Universalism, and back to Catholicism (more specifically self-identifying as a Catholic Universalist, and this time not subscribing to each and every thing Catholic doctrine taught).

Right now, I’m spiritually diverse. I believe in God, but now the Bhagavad Gita is my go-to religious text (in the rare instance that I feel the need for one).

I have no fear or guilt about leaving at this point, if I ever did. By the time I was withdrawing, I knew it was the right thing for me to do. Things weren’t adding up, and not even those under the umbrella of Christianity can find a consensus on a lot of things (just browsing the discussions here on CF shows this).

Probably the biggest issue I had with Christianity was the insistence upon eternal torture for not believing thus-and-so (which varies depending on which denomination of Christianity you talk to). That’s why Christian Universalism was nice, because in that branch, if there is a hell, it’s not a permanent destination, and its purpose was for healing rather than petty divine revenge. Then, once I got past the belief that I needed to be saved from anything at all in the first place, even Christian Universalism fell short in my estimation because it still required this belief that salvation was needed. Basically, I began to trust that God did everything right the first time around, and so no cosmic damage-control measures were ever really needed later on (especially a belated 40,000 years later on!). Any perceived flaw in the framework is by deliberate Divine design and for the purpose of growth, imo; I now see this world as more about growing towards something (spiritual evolution) than fleeing from/being saved from something.

I probably have just as much, if not more, peace now than I did then. And I have found that what is considered the fruit of the Spirit is still growing in me in spite of no longer identifying as “Christian”, which I find interesting. Seems to be something that can happen regardless of what creed I pledge allegiance to.

When I left Catholicism after getting born-again, my Catholic family members were dismayed. But I didn’t waver. Later, when people found out that, as a Christian universalist, I didn’t believe in hell… oh my goodness, the reactions! It made me come away wondering who the real god was that I was apparently ‘blaspheming’, if removing the concept of something as inhumane as hell would cause such heartburn.

The only times I miss church-life in general is when I’m tired of having to think for myself on spiritual matters. It was nice when I could just pull out a book and see what it’s telling me to do/think. But it’s been worth it, and I’m happier now than ever before. Things happen here and now in my life to keep me believing that there’s more to this world than what meets the eye. There’s a lot to be said for dreams, signs, and synchronicities which I have experienced and witnessed first-hand. While it was nice to read about what God did in some guy’s life back in oh-dark-hundred B.C., experiencing what He – and others who have since passed on to the Other Side – are doing here and now, in my life, today, is having a bigger impact on me personally.

 

[hluke]

Being a Christian doesn't have to exclude good critical-thinking skills and being open to more information. Any belief-system based on reality will be able to withstand scrutiny, no matter who it comes from.

That's right. The more I know about Christianity and other worldviews and theories (Darwinism, new age, Islam, Hindu, existentialism...) the more I realise how exclusive Christianity really is...

I actually enjoy looking at other perspectives and philosophical positions. However, as you somewhat indicate it is something that an innocent believer would despise (like myself at one time). For example, watching Christiopher Hitchens or Dawkins no longer scares me like it used to. It makes me feel sympathetic that they are stuck in the realm of absolute absurdity... and they clearly embrace it.

Undoubtedly, however, the existence of God should not depend on intellect, but rather a personal and tangible faith and connection with Christ the Truth. I sometimes feel that, while powerhouse apologists such as Lennox, Craig, Zacharias do present Christianity in a reasoned way, sometimes I feel its better to stick to the simple gospel. God preaches in his creation, the unbelievers have no excuse. Further, lets not 'give what is holy to the dogs'...

Edit: I hope I didn't go too far off topic

 

[cloudyday2]

I will try to answer your question, but it is a long convoluted story. I will try to simplify to make it readable.

The first complication is that I left Christianity twice. I was raised as an Episcopalian, but I lost faith in college for similar reasons to those you are confronting. At that time, I was looking for a personal experience to confirm God's existence, but nothing happened that was convincing enough. I lost faith over several years, but I continued to hope for some experience of God. My faith was kind of like a runaway dog where I left the gate to my yard open for many years hoping that the dog might one day return.

Then in my mid 40s I regained faith, but actually maybe I was only having psychosis. Regardless of the actual cause, I became extremely religious for a couple of years and attended an Eastern Orthodox church. During that time I had several apparent spiritual experiences, but what I really wanted was for God to give me some direction in life. Gradually I became frustrated with God's indifference to giving me direction and I became increasingly suspicious that Christian theology was a lie.

So now 10 years later I believe that God exists, but I don't believe in Christianity. I believe that God interacts with people in their native religious language. So a Christian might experience God while praying to Jesus, but while the experience is real it does not validate the divinity of Jesus. Same with a Muslim reciting verses from the Quran or a neopagan performing some ritual to their god.

Here are answers to some of the questions not addressed above:

How did you deal with fear and guilt of leaving?
Mostly it was like walking the plank with Captain Hook behind me. What else could I do?

How did your family and friends react to your leaving? What do you say to them about it and are they accepting of you? Have people turned their backs on you for leaving?
I didn't tell them. My mother in particular would be worried. She knows that I don't attend church, but for her sake I try to keep my lack of faith ambiguous.

Do you ever struggle with your decision and want to go back?
I don't like being surrounded by family and coworkers who believe in Christianity while I secretly do not believe. I often watch Christian documentaries before bed. Last night I watched an old documentary from the 1990s about historical evidence for the Exodus.

 

[hluke]

My decision to leave Christianity wasn't an overnight thing. I went from Catholicism to born-again nondenominational Christianity, to Christian Universalism, and back to Catholicism (more specifically self-identifying as a Catholic Universalist, and this time not subscribing to each and every thing Catholic doctrine taught).

Right now, I’m spiritually diverse. I believe in God, but now the Bhagavad Gita is my go-to religious text (in the rare instance that I feel the need for one).

I have no fear or guilt about leaving at this point, if I ever did. By the time I was withdrawing, I knew it was the right thing for me to do. Things weren’t adding up, and not even those under the umbrella of Christianity can find a consensus on a lot of things (just browsing the discussions here on CF shows this).

Probably the biggest issue I had with Christianity was the insistence upon eternal torture for not believing thus-and-so (which varies depending on which denomination of Christianity you talk to). That’s why Christian Universalism was nice, because in that branch, if there is a hell, it’s not a permanent destination, and its purpose was for healing rather than petty divine revenge. Then, once I got past the belief that I needed to be saved from anything at all in the first place, even Christian Universalism fell short in my estimation because it still required this belief that salvation was needed. Basically, I began to trust that God did everything right the first time around, and so no cosmic damage-control measures were ever really needed later on (especially a belated 40,000 years later on!). Any perceived flaw in the framework is by deliberate Divine design and for the purpose of growth, imo; I now see this world as more about growing towards something (spiritual evolution) than fleeing from/being saved from something.

I probably have just as much, if not more, peace now than I did then. And I have found that what is considered the fruit of the Spirit is still growing in me in spite of no longer identifying as “Christian”, which I find interesting. Seems to be something that can happen regardless of what creed I pledge allegiance to.

When I left Catholicism after getting born-again, my Catholic family members were dismayed. But I didn’t waver. Later, when people found out that, as a Christian universalist, I didn’t believe in hell… oh my goodness, the reactions! It made me come away wondering who the real god was that I was apparently ‘blaspheming’, if removing the concept of something as inhumane as hell would cause such heartburn.

The only times I miss church-life in general is when I’m tired of having to think for myself on spiritual matters. It was nice when I could just pull out a book and see what it’s telling me to do/think. But it’s been worth it, and I’m happier now than ever before. Things happen here and now in my life to keep me believing that there’s more to this world than what meets the eye. There’s a lot to be said for dreams, signs, and synchronicities which I have experienced and witnessed first-hand. While it was nice to read about what God did in some guy’s life back in oh-dark-hundred B.C., experiencing what He – and others who have since passed on to the Other Side – are doing here and now, in my life, today, is having a bigger impact on me personally.

Hello, do you mind me asking what your 'born-again' experience was like?

And some of the views you express, while not necessarily Satanic, are heretical and not conducive to a self professing Christian.

And I ask in which way do you feel 'more spiritual'?

 

[Cormack]

watching Christiopher Hitchens or Dawkins no longer scares me like it used to.

Everyone should watch William Lane Craig vs. Christopher Hitchens at least once in their life, absolute master class in defending the faith imo.

 

[hluke]

I can offer more than intellectual evidence in my testimony.

I was possessed by a demon that was cast out: no I was not/am not insane. I felt God and saw the figure of Christ which lasted a few seconds (seemed hours).

Call me a liar, but I know what I experienced.

To extend on the whole concept of morality and the existence of absolute morality, I think a basic conscience of good and evil would posit an original moral law-giver (God)

This is at least more realistic than the belief that we, and our millions perhaps billions of minute bodily structures evolved from a fish.

We are made in the image of Christ/God.

As to the resurrection of Christ (which should be conclusive evidence for Jesus' divinity), it would be challenging for even the most skeptical historical scholar to deny. (I'd be amazed if you found any history professor that doubts his ressurection).

Again, the personal and tangible evidence that he is alive is more valid, however; and the gospel is suffiecient truth. I mean look at the story of Paul's conversion. The other disciples likewise where clearly willing to die for Jesus, and so am I.

As to Christ's claims. I mean it can go two ways.

1. He is who he said he is
2. He is a lunatic and a liar

As to the gospel and salvation it can go two ways:

1. Accept: eternal life
2. Reject: eternal punishment

John 14:6

So sticking on the verge is not a valid or acceptable option in God's eyes.
Whoever disputes can deal with God on judgement day.

And the gospel is supposed to be offensive and divisive if it seems that way.