engaged and confused...

[bliz]

I've been married for 27 years.

Yes, love is a commitment that you keep even when the feeling of love is not there. Love is a choice, a daily, and sometimes a multiple-times-a-day choice. All of this is very true.

But, come on! It's just a little over two months before the wedding and you are watching TV from opposit ends of the sofa? His little habits are driving you crazy? You aren't thrilled to see him? This is not a good thing! Yes, yes, yes, love is so much more than swooning and delighting in each other's company, but when you are about to marry someone, I think you should be feeling that they are the best person in the world and marveling that he feels the same way about you!

At the same time, depression can make it hard to get a handle on things. Are your meds working? Sometimesd a med that was dong just fine will no longer be effective. Are you getting talk therapy?

I never thought I would agree with desi about anything... but I agree with him about this: if you are having doubts, do not get married!!!!!!

 

[seekingsomething]

I never thought I would agree with desi about anything... but I agree with him about this: if you are having doubts, do not get married!!!!!!

lol Bliz thats so funny!!!!

Dont marry until you are sure. I know i wana be fired up for the night. If he loves you (not questioning, just a statement) and its right by God, it will happen, in its own, perfect timing!!! be happy, God bless x x x

 

[Lbiagm]

marriage counseling should help greatly.

 

[Melody Joy]

i am in counseling and my meds are being monitored. I go in a couple of weeks to the psychiatrist to do the med update thing. I am not sure if what I am on-- Wellbutrin -- is doing it for me.

 

[fromcentex]

No one in here should be telling her not to get married. That is a major decision that should not be entered into lightly. No one here truly knows the entire situation. She needs to speak with her family, friends, pastor, counselor, and fiance about the situation before deciding whether to marry. It is irresponsible of people to tell her not to get married when they do not even know her. Obviously there are things she needs to think about and pray about. But there are obviously other things affecting her decision making process and her emotions. She needs to seek God and listen to Him. It is ok to give advice, encourage, give things to think about, give warnings, but to tell her not to marry? Where do any of you come off thinking you have the right to give that advice? What if she listened to you and ruined her life? Do you want that hanging over your head? What if God had put these two together? Who are you to tell her to leave?

I hope you pray about the situation and do what is truly in God's will. Talk to your therapist and parents. Talk to your fiance. Talk to your pastor. Do not enter into a marriage that is not the right marriage. But please do not walk away because people you do not know thinks you should.

 

[Lbiagm]

you should know if you truly want to get married after your marriage counseling.

 

[Warrior Poet]

No one in here should be telling her not to get married. That is a major decision that should not be entered into lightly. No one here truly knows the entire situation. She needs to speak with her family, friends, pastor, counselor, and fiance about the situation before deciding whether to marry. It is irresponsible of people to tell her not to get married when they do not even know her. Obviously there are things she needs to think about and pray about. But there are obviously other things affecting her decision making process and her emotions. She needs to seek God and listen to Him. It is ok to give advice, encourage, give things to think about, give warnings, but to tell her not to marry? Where do any of you come off thinking you have the right to give that advice? What if she listened to you and ruined her life? Do you want that hanging over your head? What if God had put these two together? Who are you to tell her to leave?

I hope you pray about the situation and do what is truly in God's will. Talk to your therapist and parents. Talk to your fiance. Talk to your pastor. Do not enter into a marriage that is not the right marriage. But please do not walk away because people you do not know thinks you should.

Bro not to to rude but thats what the courting couples forum is made for. I think more so then saying don't as you said they are simply saying "That is a major decision that should not be entered into lightly." I agree speaking with those around would be most beneficial but on the same note we get a less "tainted" view as we have no history to look upon 20/20. There is obvious concerns about it all, and personally have yet to see one invalid statement. And if giving this advice could ruin her life giving the opposite advice can have the same effect. I don' t think that anyone comes here thinking they are going to find the infallible. And what God brings together let no man tear apart, but does that mean if it is torn apart by man it wasn't of God?

Anyway. Back on topic.

Warrior Poet

 

[Lbiagm]

good points wp ol buddy ol pal.

 

[fromcentex]

I never thought I would agree with desi about anything... but I agree with him about this: if you are having doubts, do not get married!!!!!!

mmmm.....if you are having doubts, do not get married!!!!!!!
You are right wp, no one is saying do not get married.
I had doubts about finishing college. I guess I should have quit. I had doubts about taking my job. I guess i should have turned it down.
Never do anything unless you are 100% sure.

Telling someone to not get married if they are having doubts is EXTREMELY stupid. I would be more concerned about someone that has no doubts at all. Someone with no doubts is being unrealistic

 

[Lbiagm]

amen

 

[Warrior Poet]

mmmm.....if you are having doubts, do not get married!!!!!!!
You are right wp, no one is saying do not get married.
I had doubts about finishing college. I guess I should have quit. I had doubts about taking my job. I guess i should have turned it down.
Never do anything unless you are 100% sure.

Telling someone to not get married if they are having doubts is EXTREMELY stupid. I would be more concerned about someone that has no doubts at all. Someone with no doubts is being unrealistic

But you are acting like they are saying NEVER GET MARRIED. By your own logic you dont know the situation either, so anything you say at this point can be as damaging as anyone else. If they said DONT get married break up with this guy and never speak to him again I might see your point, but thats not whats going on here. And anyone can prove their points with extremes, as you have proven. Now I promise if I have anything else to say to you I will keep it to PM's as I dont want to see this thread die.

Warrior Poet

 

[Lbiagm]

go wp.

 

[meeko]

umm... just noticing your picture there, it really doesnt look like you knew each other very long before you got engaged. While I dont have much personal experiance, I have wittnessed many of my friends in these situations. All of them have said that you really dont get to know someone until you have known them for a year or more. A neighbor of mine had the best relationship with his girlfriend for almost 2 years, they were SO cute together, everyone was sure that they would be together forever. Then she kissed another guy and everything went wrong.
Also, you need to see where you are in your life. I will not concider marrage until I am out of school because people change alot while in school. When I look back at who I was a year ago, I have grown ans changed so much.

 

[Melody Joy]

But you are acting like they are saying NEVER GET MARRIED. By your own logic you dont know the situation either, so anything you say at this point can be as damaging as anyone else. If they said DONT get married break up with this guy and never speak to him again I might see your point, but thats not whats going on here. And anyone can prove their points with extremes, as you have proven. Now I promise if I have anything else to say to you I will keep it to PM's as I dont want to see this thread die.

Warrior Poet

I think he knows the situation better than you think he does

 

[Melody Joy]

umm... just noticing your picture there, it really doesnt look like you knew each other very long before you got engaged. While I dont have much personal experiance, I have wittnessed many of my friends in these situations. All of them have said that you really dont get to know someone until you have known them for a year or more. A neighbor of mine had the best relationship with his girlfriend for almost 2 years, they were SO cute together, everyone was sure that they would be together forever. Then she kissed another guy and everything went wrong.
Also, you need to see where you are in your life. I will not concider marrage until I am out of school because people change alot while in school. When I look back at who I was a year ago, I have grown ans changed so much.

we have known each other for well over a year. When we started dating it was something we just knew. God brought us together. We need each other!

 

[Violet]

No one in here should be telling her not to get married. That is a major decision that should not be entered into lightly. No one here truly knows the entire situation. She needs to speak with her family, friends, pastor, counselor, and fiance about the situation before deciding whether to marry. It is irresponsible of people to tell her not to get married when they do not even know her. Obviously there are things she needs to think about and pray about. But there are obviously other things affecting her decision making process and her emotions. She needs to seek God and listen to Him. It is ok to give advice, encourage, give things to think about, give warnings, but to tell her not to marry? Where do any of you come off thinking you have the right to give that advice? What if she listened to you and ruined her life? Do you want that hanging over your head? What if God had put these two together? Who are you to tell her to leave?

I hope you pray about the situation and do what is truly in God's will. Talk to your therapist and parents. Talk to your fiance. Talk to your pastor. Do not enter into a marriage that is not the right marriage. But please do not walk away because people you do not know thinks you should.

Hey Dallas! You and Melody are meant to be together...this I believe whole heartedly. Planning a wedding is extremely stressful...that w/pre-wedding jitters...well, it effects people in different ways. I don't know you as well as Melody, but I know that you are perfect for her. You're so understanding and sweet to her...and she loves you so much. She's always telling me how lucky she is to have you in her life and how God brought you together. The other poster's dont have the inside view I have so naturally they are going to give different advice than me...but I think they all are trying to help her.

You guys are going to have a beautiful marriage. I dont know many other couples who are as spiritual as the two of you and I believe that both of you are blessed!

 

[Warrior Poet]

Thank you Violet.
I still stand by my prior statements though. kennedy you must have came here to seek some kind of council. Knowing that centex is your man explains his attitude and reaction, this however doesn't change the fact that to tell someone not to give advice on the forum is just silly. If you share his sentiments you should have never posted your concerns. An understanding of the situation isnt so much whats needs to be addressed so much as understanding where these feelings you are having are coming from, sounds, now, as if you as seeing a little more clearly. Getting protective can have that effect.

Warrior Poet

 

[Melody Joy]

I agree with you Warrior Poet. This is a place to get advice and it was fine of everyone to give their opinion. I disagreed partly with what my fiance said in his posts. But i love him and I love knowing I love him. I guess I should have the thread closed?

 

[Dust and Ashes]

I know there are probably not many of you out there. But has anyone ever felt this way before marriage? Or felt that you and the other person were more of best friends than "lovers"?

One way to look at that is would you rather be with your best friend or a lover? Sex is all well and good but after a while the novelty wears off and then it's nice to have your best friend there to hang out with between sexual encounters.

My own experience wasn't really like yours but maybe it will help some to relate it. I had been in one bad relationship after another till I finally gave up and made a vow that I would never love anyone more than I love God and if that meant I would be alone (single) for the rest of my life, so be it.

Less than 1 week after making the vow, with no thought of dating, my wife asked me out. I figured, what the heck and went. I got to know her and saw what a kind, loving person she was and how she had been so mistreated by guys, I prayed about it, felt a peace about it so I pursued the relationship and we became very close friends and less than a year later, married. I loved my wife deeply but wasn't what you would call in love with her.

I determined to love her and be a good husband so I committed myself every day to loving her and every day I have grown to love her more and more. We have a fulfilling sex life, though it is not the biggest part of our marriage. We don't start tearing each other's clothes off when we come through the door but we do take time to spend with each other and we set aside romantic time as well. But at the end of the day, it's just nice to sit on the couch or lie in bed and watch tv with my best friend and talk about things.

Sometimes, I let my wife's little idiosyncracies get on my nerves. Sometimes it gets bad but I always take the time to compare them with my own to get some perspective. Then I pray about it and seek God and He quiets those divisive spirits.

As far as wedding jitters, I didn't get nervous till we were standing at the door just before the ceremony began. And I threw up on my wedding night in the aftermath of everything. Not from drinking either. lol

I don't know if any of this helps but I hope it might in some way.

 

[fromcentex]

I was never saying people should not give advice. That is what this is for. I was just saying people shouldnt say not to get married just because you have some doubts.