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Ending it all

Discussion in 'General Struggles' started by Chance7, Oct 24, 2020.

  1. Chance7

    Chance7 New Member

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    Does God really love me? Or is he just playing with me? You know, I've come to God because he came into my life and healed me. I never asked to be born. I never asked for this God forsaked life. He can just take the whole useless thing back. I tried. I read the Bible to no avail. I feel nothing but condemnation from it. I tried prayer and don't get anything answered. I begged him and got scoffed at. Literally the only reason I care anymore is because I don't want to go to help. Which is a real loving thing isn't it. Eternal salvation from a so called loving God because we didn't meet his ridiculous expectations of perfection. If you think I'm wrong, read matthew. Jesus says it. Be perfect. Also, what about my family? I'm just supposed to be okay with the God who will throw my loved ones in Help? Just because they aren't chosen. Because that's really what it comes down to, isn't it? Who is elect before the foundation of the world. God just throws most of us away because he can and only chooses a few that won't burn in cut wrenching torment for all eternity. And then he has the audacity to say that we don't get to talk back because we are the pottery and he is the potter and can do as he pleases. Even if that means hell that we have no choice over. There's this thing where people say that the elect are the ones who choose to follow God. Not so. God chooses. Read the Bible. Our faith comes from him. He chooses whose eyes to open to the truth. He chooses to do whatever he wants. And we have no salvation unless he chooses to give us grace. Which is great for the saved but what about the people he doesn't choose. How can I love this God? Also, how can I believe I am still saved. Since I have seen God in my life, everything has gone downhill. My health is deteriorating. I am in constant pain and illness. My mental health is destroyed and I don't even know who I am anymore. I have no peace. The bible only gives me fear mainly. I lost my family to the world and they don't like me as much at all for the most part anymore. Nothing goes right and everything I do falls apart. I constantly have thoughts that destroy me: I'm reprobate. I'm not enough. God hates me. I'm not really saved. God abandoned me. Helm will be horrible. All of these. Every day. And it never relentz. My mind is plagued. I see almost no love in God. I see no fruit of the Holy Spirit. I am not sure if I'm reprobate or not. It sure swims around in my head enough. I am stuck in sin and can't seem to get out of it. I go back and forth between being angry with and loving God. I have cursed at him and said evil things, which I still feel horrible about but I just get into these moods and I can't help it. I have no power. I begged for God's help and got nothing. Not Spiritually. My relationship with God feels hopeless. I have fought with God and repented and fought and repented and so on. I am truly verily at breaking point. I want to die and yet the only reason I am still here is because I fear hell. How can I love God when I am terrified of even everything that has to do with him? I wonder if this isn't God just punishing me or if this is Satan. I feel everything and yet nothing. I just don't want to be here anymore. If God really loved me, I would think things would be different. Like it says they should be in the Bible for anyone that believes. Where's the peace? Where's the encouragement? I want to give my life to God but not for no reason. It says in the Bible that many will strive. Many will think that they are saved and even do miracles. None of these people are actually guaranteed salvation except who God chooses. The rest are put under delusion. By GOD. Few will actually make it. That doesn't give me much encouragement. What chance do I have? I can't do much of anything well on earth. How will this be any different with God. I know it says he will help us but I just don't believe that. I believe he will help others but not me. Many experiences have taught me that. I don't even really feel conviction anymore. Just pain. My life is horrible. I want God but not like this. Not the God who doesn't care about humanity. He obviously doesn't want me anyway. If he did, he would give me peace. Ice sought him so many times and every time I've fallen away. Know why? Because I read the Bible. I read it and verses condemn me. Everything is few shall enter and this and that about hell and even more verses about election. And they never fail to drag me down into despair. A loving God I would think would help me instead of constant pressure and tests. Would give me tho Holy spirit. Would give me peace and encouragement and hope. Would answer me. I don't even feel like I can hear God anymore. But even at the best of times, my mind constantly doubts if I'm really hearing God. Just like I doubt everything else. YouTube and Google don't help but it's better than not understanding the Bible or not feeling close to God. Except that they both make things worse at the same time. I can't do this I feel for very much longer. I want Heaven but God doesn't seem to want me. Am I reprobate? Has God given up. I've sinned a lot. And I'm sorry but I sinned because I don't see hope and I can't seem to stop sinning no matter how much I pray. I pray to God someone will answer me for God. I can't seem to hear him. I'm sorry to you all and im sorry to God. I hope that he can forgive this
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2020
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  2. Danigt22

    Danigt22 Well-Known Member

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    Our lord Jesus Christ died for us. Remember what he said in matthew 19:17. We will never be good enough for God. knowing this within your heart is a good understanding on why grace came to us. Have faith in his word, your sins are already pay. I know Im not worthy and I should be one of those guys God throws away. Nevertheless, this is were he is amazing. He came to this world and died to pay for the sins for a guy like me. Isnt it amazing the amount of grace we have, we can now enjoy eternal life knowing he cares.

    Luke 18
    "10 Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican.

    11 The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

    12 I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

    13 And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

    14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."

    Your heart is like the publican, keep seeking him. You will find him.
     
  3. Lost4words

    Lost4words Jesus I Trust In You Supporter

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    Life can be very tough indeed. I know myself.

    So many pitfalls. So much heartache.

    Offer up your sufferings to God. Daily. Hand them over to Him. Lay them at His feet. Surrender to God, remembering that as you carry your cross in life, Jesus is indeed carrying you!

    Never give up on God. This is what the devil wants. He wants you to turn from God. Be strong. Persevere in prayer.

    May God guide you, comfort you and wrap you in His loving arms my friend.

    God bless you
     
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  4. God is good

    God is good Well-Known Member

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    Please please don't leave God. He loves you more than you will ever know. Jesus died for you and He really loves you. Jesus knows that we're not perfect, that's why He died for us. God really loves you
     
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  5. Pop D.

    Pop D. New Member

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    I know it's difficult, but try to hang in there.

    This sermon covers several possible reasons for that:

     
  6. TenthAveN

    TenthAveN Member

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    I feel that I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I struggle with possible OCD and depression, and I never quite grasped the concept of Grace. Not to mention that I was always too much of a coward to share with people. I think I just got burnt out and now I’m in love with the world. Often it feels like the only thing that keeps me going is the fear of destruction, and I’m not sure what to do at this point either.
     
  7. alllivesmatter

    alllivesmatter ta da,EL ROI

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    @ending if all
    Will anything be different if you end it all? What happens to those who love you? God loves us so that he let his son be crucified for us. We are lower then life and he gave his beautiful son up. Can we love him even a itty bit close to that? Still, he loves us and if you think about it long and hard he loves us more than his son it seems. A love so great as that can't be ignored.
    For a long time I suffered whether I would be chosen, What if I love the lord so much do what I can to please him and I don't go to heaven because I wasn't selected and questioning that, someone posted this. We are predestined and that means that God knows who will reject him and who won't before they are a twinkle. So if you love God and follow him and do those things to be born again it has been seen before hand by God and you are on your way to be with them in heaven. God knows!
    This life is not easy but the next life is with Jesus, our reward. So maintain a life and its ups and downs trying to please God, loving him as much as he loves you and some day your life will start anew in heaven. For the rest of your family you will be setting an example for them and loving God is contagious. Its never too late to start anew.
    God bless you and your family!
     
  8. Aussie Pete

    Aussie Pete Well-Known Member Supporter

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    Millions of people have entirely the opposite experience to you. Your attention is entirely focused on yourself. Why should God treat you any differently from anyone else? God has principles that He abides by. If you align yourself to God's way and seek God diligently, He would reveal Himself to you.

    3 weeks ago I was dangerously ill in hospital. It was so noisy and I was in so much pain that I could hardly pray. All I could say was, "Lord have mercy". I shouted that out, not caring what anyone else thought. Some friends prayed for me. Immediately I began to improve a little. The original plan was for surgery but that was deemed unnecessary. The doctor heard my friend praying on the phone. The doctor had to admit that the prayer was answered to the letter. I've not had surgery, I have been home for 2 weeks now and I'm fine. I never had even a fear thought. My friends told me that they detected no self pity. My sister phoned from New Zealand. I was still feeling lousy and I had not eaten for 5 days. Yet she wondered at how strong I sounded. I attribute none of this to myself. I am the original wimp. It was entirely God's grace and mercy.

    Quit thinking about yourself at all. Take the Bible's advice. Hebrews 12:13 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with endurance the race set out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.…"

    Consider Jesus. God loves you enough to give His Son as a sacrifice for you. There is no greater love.

    The alternative is what you are suffering (unnecessarily) now: Isaiah 45:9 "Woe to him who quarrels with his Maker— one clay pot among many.
     
  9. dqhall

    dqhall Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I read the Gospels and found a grain of wheat produced 100 times what it was when it was planted. The sick were healed, the lame walked, the blind received sight, a deaf person was able to hear, lepers were cleansed, a fisherman let down his net and pulled in a catch so large the net almost tore, 5000 were fed with a few loaves and fishes, a raging storm was calmed, a man walked on water. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. So great a chance of salvation should be sought. Lazarus was resurrected. Jesus rose on the third day. The Holy Spirit was given to believers on the day of Pentecost. More miracles have been wrought in the name of Jesus the Messiah to this day.
     
  10. eleos1954

    eleos1954 God is Love Supporter

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    Footprints

    One night I dreamed a dream.
    As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
    Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
    For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
    One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

    After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
    I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
    I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
    especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
    there was only one set of footprints.

    This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
    "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
    You'd walk with me all the way.
    But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
    there was only one set of footprints.
    I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

    He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
    Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
    When you saw only one set of footprints,
    It was then that I carried you."

    May the Lord bring you strength and endurance ... healing and peace. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

    There is a better world coming ;o)
     
  11. Psalm 27

    Psalm 27 Member

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    I realised three years ago, that I was so full of self pity, I was separated from The Lord.

    Life is fraught with bad experiences.

    it does feel good to purge, and if you can’t have a good moan on here, where can you?
    Pick yourself up now, and ask The Lord what He is showing you.

    Praying for you now :(
     
  12. Chance7

    Chance7 New Member

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    Hello everyone. Thank you so much for responding to me. You all have good points. I'm sorry I said what I did yesterday, like I did. Let me try to explain things in a more Godly way:

    I don't hate God. I'm not mad at him or even displeased with him. He is a good Father. The perfect father. O have been very blessed with what I need and more in life. I don't even want to curse at or fight with my maker at all. It's just that it gets very hard at times. And honestly, all the illnesses and stuff aren't my main concern. My salvation is.

    See, I've been trying to seek God for a long time now. I'm not going to say that I have with all my heart. Mainly because fear holds me back. And that's the problem. I live in fear. Not of my health failing. Or misery. Or even death, as much as I fear God. I know that fear of the Lord is a good thing. But that's not what I mean. I fear God. Everything about him. I fear Jesus. I fear hell. And even have anxiety about what Heaven would be like. I am terrified of Jesus coming back. I think about hell an awful lot. What will it feel like. Where will I be. What will the demons do to me(too much graphic detail for Christian forums). I am too scared to read my Bible much even. And when I do, I even read the words of God in an angry tone in my head. Like he is just "barely putting up with us" at even the best of times.

    I am not just complaining because I don't want to deal with trials. It's more that my anxious mind keeps going back to the idea that every bad thing that happens is God punishing me. I worry that we might still be under the old Testament laws so much that I am OCD over trying to obey them(I have diagnosed severe OCD and severe anxiety disorder and I wonder if maybe it somehow ties in). Everything I do feels motivated by fear. Bible verses echo in my head and make it so much worse because they seem to confirm my anxious thoughts.

    I'm not trying to get pity. Someone wrote that it was good for me to vent. Now, I should that myself off and ask God what he is showing me. And this is what came to mind. I believe by the Holy spirit.

    I've been living in fear for so long and it really handicapps my relationship with God. The thing is, I don't know how to get out of it. My prayers are laced with fear and doubts and Jesus says that doubts won't be answered. The Bible its self ironically seems to feul these fears. Mainly the fear that God has given me over to a debased mind. I have sinned more than enough to deserve it. But at the same time, I feel an incredible urge to find God and love him. It's like Paul said about a spiritual war.

    I know following God is the only way. Buy I am mortified of giving him my life and then being told at Judgement day that I wasn't enough. Or that I didn't believe right.

    Whoever said that I am overly concentrated on myself, your absolutely right. But I feel like I have to be. Lest I fall into delusion. But I am also because I am scared to death of hell. I don't want to go there. So, I take "test yourselves" to the next level and I search everything until I am burnt out. Then, I fall into the world. Until I realize that I am miserable like that or I am "scared straight" and I go back to God. Who always seems to welcome me with open arms. Then, I am soon overcome with anxiety and I lose my hold on God and I fall right back into Obsessive worry and the cycle continues.

    I'm not saying all this to further any comllaint. I am just trying to clear things up and maybe get to the bottom of all of this. I don't want to complain anymore. I want to be done with that. I just want to try to figure things out and I figured you guys would be the best people for that. God had to lead me here for a reason.
     
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  13. GTW27

    GTW27 Junior Member

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    Blessings in Christ Jesus! I understand and see where you are at. Join me tonight at the 7th hour in prayers before The Lord. Let us both put our petitions before The Lord. Lay it all down before Him. Do not be afraid but let it all out. I will be on my knees at the same time, and yes He always hears my petitions. Anyone who reads this is welcome to join in on this.(eastern time). And so you may know, this journey is not about what we (by ourselves) can and can not do, It is about what He has already done, and what He will do( in it's season) through us. In other words, it is all Him. He knew before the foundation of the world that we could not do it alone, that is why there is the old testament. That is His design, and it is perfect For He alone is Perfect. When a man finally comes to the end of himself, that is when The Lord begins. He is not mad at you at all. He is not disappointed in you at all. He just says,"Come to Me and I shall give you rest".
     
  14. Psalm 27

    Psalm 27 Member

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    Numbers 6:24-26 :)
     
  15. HIM

    HIM Friend

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    The fact that you care shows that there is hope. Spend some time with GOD alone in prayer and fasting. Jesus found it necessary to go into the Desert for 40 days to be with GOD and HIM alone. To often to many of us go right from the baptism pool straight into the world. Spend some time with GOD fasting from this world. Continue to Have faith. We are praying for ya.
     
  16. Chance7

    Chance7 New Member

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    I think that's a good idea. Thank you.
     
  17. Chance7

    Chance7 New Member

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    Thank all of you so much. You have, by God, lifted me up and given me hope. I guess I just need to stop trying to be perfect in the world and start seeking God more. Even through fear. Maybe it's Even a good thing. Maybe the persercerenxe through fear will even teach me what God has been trying to show me.

    It's just hard when you have to fight with that kind of fear. Even harder when things are confusing and fearful at the same time, like if I should keep all the old Testament laws. If we even still have to. The thing about election and predestination still really scare and confuse me as well. Along with how Grace works.

    Maybe God will answer all of these questions if I just spend more time with him. But the idea that I could give God everything I've got and still not make it to Heaven really hurts my faith. To be told to depart into the lake of fire because I wasn't chosen...its very terrifying. Maybe I will find these answers through God quicker than I think.

    God bless you all for all the positive encouragement. Praise God!
     
  18. Danigt22

    Danigt22 Well-Known Member

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    Buy I am mortified of giving him my life and then being told at Judgement day that I wasn't enough. Or that I didn't believe right.

    This is normal in every believer and it is a right understanding of grace. No one is good enough. Your heart is in a good place. Follow it, your flesh will fail many times before your hearts gets fully develop in Christ Jesus finish work of the cross. The closer you are to God your flesh becomes weaker, it isnt the other way around. So seeking works will not calm your fears. If you are receiving the sacraments, know our lord Jesus is giving you that grace that your heart so earnestly seek.
     
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