Does your church have anything for Singles, 40s-50s?

[ThisIsMe123]

Having given this some more thought, I think one thing we need to be careful about is not turning it into an "us and them" situation. Yes, people's lifestyles, priorities, and needs do change when they get married and even more so when they have kids, but it's not as though either of those happening means that they suddenly have absolutely nothing in common with single people and that it's absolutely necessary for single and married people to be separated.

Just going by my personal experience, I've been part of home groups that comprised both singles and couples and there have never been any issues there. My church does have a men's fellowship group, but I don't attend, not because I would feel unwelcome because I'm not married, but rather because nearly everyone there is 20-30 years older than me and I know I would feel a bit out of place, even if I also know that they would be very happy to see me there.

Obviously, that's what I've experienced, and others are going to have had different experiences, where not being married is an issue, but there are going to be churches where it isn't. My church does occasionally run marriage courses and they do often try things to make it more family friendly, but I've never felt excluded because I'm not married and don't have children - occasionally marriage and children might get touched upon in sermons, but it's always to illustrate a point, and it's one that you don't have experience of either in order to understand.

So perhaps it needs to be evaluated on an individual church basis. In some churches singles are going to feel left out because they're single, but in others it might not be the case, and it would be perhaps be a little unfair to classify the latter as failing single people.

Yeah, I had met woman on Match that said her singles ministry started like 2 years ago, then...it fizzled out after that time. When someone went to church leadership to revive the singles group...they poo-poo'ed it.

 

[seekingmuch]

I think you're confusing that with night clubs, which is what I think what you're referring to. There are small town establishments where I live where it's family friendly. Typically they only have one singer playing an instrument, and middle-aged folks to families joining up. I live in Florida,too. So it's a lot of retirees going to these events put on by the city.

There's even Tijuana Flats that has live music on certain days.

On the weekends, the streets open up for festival-like stuff with vendors. Food trucks, and of course beer tents. I'm talking more that. It's laid back. Sometimes there wine walks type of Meetups or just wine walks in general.

There are seafood fests and chili cook-offs and yeah, alcohol is served there too. Don't tell me avoid all venues that serve alcohol when you have the option to not drink it?

I work weekends so it's hard to go to those things on Saturdays.

As far as live singing in Panama City, it's mostly at bars. Some bars are also known to be "rough."

I found a writer's group and might go to it when they start back up in a few months. I tried to start an erotic writers group, but it didn't happen. LOL

Lately, I've just been spending time with my girlfriend. We're writing a novel together. She wants to be famous.

 

[justme6272]

I'm just wondering if churches in America have groups for singles, 40s/50s. I know they have things for teens/20s and many have things for single, retired. But, all of the articles I've read online said there is little for singles, 30s-50s. It seems like we are the forgotten bunch.

In my city, I've found nothing but a few Sunday School groups at one Baptist Church. No singles ministry whatsoever in my city of 100,000 people.

Yes, if the city is big enough and there are enough churches, but I can easily see how a town your size would not have any. I've noticed over the years that churches give less and less importance to singles over 30. It's as if they're saying, "If you're 30 and still not married, we can't help you." The emphasis is on families with kids cause that's where the money is. It's like when politicians know there are 4 voters in one household, they're going to be sure and mail campaign materials to that house to try and get all 4 votes. More bang for the buck. When kids grow up, if their parents kept them in the same church that whole time, then it becomes 'the church they grew up in' and unless they move to another city, they'll likely stay there and raise their kids there too. To coin a famous phrase, "follow the money."

 

[justme6272]

I tried to start an erotic writers group, but it didn't happen. LOL

Are you a Christian?

 

[AdoptedPrince]

Singles over college age are sometimes treated like oddities, and driven away by shortsightedness. If churches want to fill the pews again, they should start by making singles feel every bit as welcome and worthy as marrieds. Including them in as many activities, positions of leadership, and holding them in similar esteem.

This is so very well said.

 

[seekingmuch]

This is so very well said.

Yep, it is.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

This is the kind of thing that is a pet peeve for me. too many people are looking to see what they can get out of church instead of taking on the character of Christ who said he came to serve not to be served. i'm not necessarily saying that church shouldn't have opportunities for fellowship within God's people, but the kingdom of God isn't a buffet of come get what you want and then leave.

 

[sunshine100]

I agree

 

[sunshine100]

This is the kind of thing that is a pet peeve for me. too many people are looking to see what they can get out of church instead of taking on the character of Christ who said he came to serve not to be served. i'm not necessarily saying that church shouldn't have opportunities for fellowship within God's people, but the kingdom of God isn't a buffet of come get what you want and then leave.

I agree

 

[seekingmuch]

I agree

This is the kind of thing that is a pet peeve for me. too many people are looking to see what they can get out of church instead of taking on the character of Christ who said he came to serve not to be served. i'm not necessarily saying that church shouldn't have opportunities for fellowship within God's people, but the kingdom of God isn't a buffet of come get what you want and then leave.

It sounds like you have friendships in the church. I have no one to call whatsoever if I needed anything. Churches want us to work, and that's it, as long as leadership isn't involved. Singles have struggles, too, and need other people in their lives.

You can't work 24/7 non-stop. Jesus didn't. He spent most of his time hanging out with the disciples, ya know, his friends, and traveling with them.

I hear church people say, "I have an accountability partner..." Well, that's nice, but if nobody invites you into their cliques and groups, you're shut-out of all that stuff.

Church shouldn't be all about married people and their issues. Singles are dumping church in record numbers because they aren't welcome, leadership in churches is closed to them and friendships are offered far and few in-between. I've seen it and lived it.

 

[kittysbecute]

My church doesn’t really have enough people in that age range who are single to have a large group. We did have something in the past though to target that age range that is less likely to attend church.

If you dont have anything local why not start something yourself?
In my area we had a bible study that consisted of singles and college aged people from many different churches in the area (so we would get enough people). It was fun, and interesting with different perspectives from different Christian denominations. There was a separate singles group that met with the larger group but I prefered the larger group over specificly a singles one.

One problem I can see with a singles group long term is many people get married or move for work or a variety of other things that may make it difficult to have a consistent group. If there are enough people in the area interested and people dedicated in leading it then it has a better chance to succeed.
(This is just my limited perspective as CF is the only singles community I have participated in. So I may be wrong. I have been involved in college-aged groups though and I think they are similar in some ways.)

 

[Shimokita]

Are you a Christian?

Song of Solomon my friend.

 

[Shimokita]

I'm just wondering if churches in America have groups for singles, 40s/50s. I know they have things for teens/20s and many have things for single, retired. But, all of the articles I've read online said there is little for singles, 30s-50s. It seems like we are the forgotten bunch.

In my city, I've found nothing but a few Sunday School groups at one Baptist Church. No singles ministry whatsoever in my city of 100,000 people.

I don’t think there is much for that demographic either.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

Song of Solomon my friend.

The Song of Solomon might be racy for the Bible, but I suspect most readers of erotic fiction would consider it very weak tea. They would be asking, "When does it get to the good part??"

 

[seekingmuch]

The Song of Solomon might be racy for the Bible, but I suspect most readers of erotic fiction would consider it very weak tea. They would be asking, "When does it get to the good part??"

I write erotic novels. The Bible can be pretty racy. There's incest, Solomon's wives, etc. Just remember, there's new under the sun.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

It sounds like you have friendships in the church. I have no one to call whatsoever if I needed anything. Churches want us to work, and that's it, as long as leadership isn't involved. Singles have struggles, too, and need other people in their lives.

You can't work 24/7 non-stop. Jesus didn't. He spent most of his time hanging out with the disciples, ya know, his friends, and traveling with them.

I hear church people say, "I have an accountability partner..." Well, that's nice, but if nobody invites you into their cliques and groups, you're shut-out of all that stuff.

Church shouldn't be all about married people and their issues. Singles are dumping church in record numbers because they aren't welcome, leadership in churches is closed to them and friendships are offered far and few in-between. I've seen it and lived it.

I would agree with you in certain circumstances. What you described happens all the time. But you just gotta be proactive and jump in somewhere. Take the chance on getting hurt. But eventually you'll find your way with people that are likeminded. By the way, you might want to save the whole erotic writing thing until later. At least until you find other oddballs out there

 

[AdoptedPrince]

There's incest, Solomon's wives, etc.

Yes, but none of it is ever depicted in a titillating way. The closest it gets to that sort of thing is Song of Solomon - and that's a lot more like romantic poetry than erotic fiction.

 

[seekingmuch]

I would agree with you in certain circumstances. What you described happens all the time. But you just gotta be proactive and jump in somewhere. Take the chance on getting hurt. But eventually you'll find your way with people that are likeminded. By the way, you might want to save the whole erotic writing thing until later. At least until you find other oddballs out there

I did get involved at churches. I was in the TV ministry for years. They did things together and never once invited me. They were all married, I was single. Churches where I live are like that. Marrieds want nothing to do with singles, period. For twenty years, I've looked in churches for friends. It has been a waste of time. In the Catholic Church, you really don't know who is what. I'm looking for a new church. But, I would really like it to be a foursome. Just a group that meets and has similar ideas and supports one another.

 

[AdoptedPrince]

They did things together and never once invited me. They were all married, I was single.

The home study I belong to is 4 married couples...and me. But they always invite to anything the group is doing. I sometimes feel like a fifth wheel, but I go. What else do I have to do? haha

Churches where I live are like that. Marrieds want nothing to do with singles, period.

That is so weird. I would think most people would be more kind than that.

For twenty years, I've looked in churches for friends. It has been a waste of time.

I can tell you that the couples in my home study tend to be self-confessed homebodies or they just do things alone as a married couple. So, they aren't leaving me out because I'm single. They're leaving everyone out unless it is an activity specifically taking place as a part of the study group (going out to dinner, etc.).

In the Catholic Church, you really don't know who is what.

There are no markers of singleness in Protestant churches either. I can't count the number of times I've been checking out a woman who is alone and I find attractive...and then I catch the glint of her wedding ring or her husband finally shows up.

 

[seekingmuch]

The home study I belong to is 4 married couples...and me. But they always invite to anything the group is doing. I sometimes feel like a fifth wheel, but I go. What else do I have to do? haha


That is so weird. I would think most people would be more kind than that.


I can tell you that the couples in my home study tend to be self-confessed homebodies or they just do things alone as a married couple. So, they aren't leaving me out because I'm single. They're leaving everyone out unless it is an activity specifically taking place as a part of the study group (going out to dinner, etc.).


There are no markers of singleness in Protestant churches either. I can't count the number of times I've been checking out a woman who is alone and I find attractive...and then I catch the glint of her wedding ring or her husband finally shows up.

roflmao!!!!

No, really, that's how they are. Churches here and full of cliques and clubs. I think a lot of it is the family thing. Certain families attend certain churches, it's been that way for 50 years and they don't let anyone in usually. I tried in multiple churches over 25 years. Unless you are married or married with kids (and middle class or higher), they don't let anyone in.

The Catholics don't have sunday school so you never know who is single and who is not. In protestant churches, you have small groups that clue you in. I'm not trying to pick up girls at church. Honestly, most women that are single in churches locally have been burned so badly (they went for a bad boy) they are bitter as heck, or they want to marry someone like the pastor, or they are so married to Jesus you feel like you are intruding. LOL

I got burned so badly by a Catholic church staffer recently I want nothing to do with the catholics. I told the church why I left them. They claimed they had "connect groups", which turned out to be nothing more than married folk, which I have nothing in common with. So, the lady asked me about my life, I wrote her a long email about my life...and she never responded. I asked why and she had more excuses than a guy cheating on his wife.