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Does your church have anything for Singles, 40s-50s?

Discussion in 'Singles (Only*)' started by seekingmuch, Mar 15, 2019 at 12:11 AM.

  1. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I'm just wondering if churches in America have groups for singles, 40s/50s. I know they have things for teens/20s and many have things for single, retired. But, all of the articles I've read online said there is little for singles, 30s-50s. It seems like we are the forgotten bunch.

    In my city, I've found nothing but a few Sunday School groups at one Baptist Church. No singles ministry whatsoever in my city of 100,000 people.
     
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  2. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +2,045
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    Mine doesn't, but there aren't all that many singles over 30, and I think that could be a problem in for churches in general - often there just aren't the numbers in a single congregation to make an older singles ministry sustainable.
     
  3. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    The stats, and they are growing, I've read don't bare that out. The articles I've read all came to the same conclusion, it is an untapped market for churches to explore.
     
  4. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +2,045
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    What do those stats say about the average percentage of older singles group in an individual church? It may be a growing group, but it's spread across churches, so a given church may not have all that many. I would imagine that mega-churches should have enough to make it a viable option, but that may not necessarily be the case for small churches.
     
  5. Busryde

    Busryde New Member

    2
    +4
    United States
    Baptist
    Divorced
    I live in a metroplex of >million people and I've yet to find one. I did find one for awhile, but it was closer to 30-40s and it eventually fizzled out. My experience is people attend until they (re)marry, then they're back in the couples class. My experience with megachurches is that you have to just attend and eventually meet other likewise singles. I would guess if you're still single at this age, then you probably already have a core group of friends both single & married. For divorced people at this age, what I've witnessed is these become more of a divorce support group. I don't attend these because it just brings up painful memories of my divorce. I finally ended up in a group of people near my age some of whom are always single, some divorced, some married with children.

    True story, in the first few months of visiting my current church, I noticed in the bulletin a group, "Singles 35+". Being in my mid-40s, I visited one Sunday and I was the only one there under 70. Shortly thereafter, they renamed the group...HA!
     
  6. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    I hear you. Divorce is sad. Sorry you had that. :(

    I've just been looking for friendship for 25 years and found really none in the local church. It's like they have this group with a sign on the door that says, "no outsiders allowed unless you're married."

    One poster caught my eye on a singles article about churches: he had a daughter, went early to help set up, stayed late to volunteer and did so for years he said. Not one time did anybody in his church every ask him and his daughter, "hey, want to go for coffee somewhere?" He said he quit and never looked back. Sad.

    I had the same experience in the Catholic Church. If I wasn't working in the TV ministry, I went and sat alone for years and was totally invisible. I finally quit and haven't looked back. I was like another guy who said, "when I want to get close to God, I go to the mountains (where he lives)."

    Maybe the church in America is simply dying away, like some have said.

    Another wrote, "If you don’t have a spouse, you are not welcomed into God’s House” … SADLY, this is the culture of churches today. Singled Out: Does the Church Ignore Singles? - Modern Reject

    I totally agree with that one.
     
  7. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    It's not an untapped market if very few singles even attend church, which is what I'm often finding.

    I'll putt his link to the "Mature singles" section here

    Lack of Singles Ministry

    Apparently. not many churches cater to the matures singles as churches assume people that attend their congregation is inundated with those married with children.

    It's as if you're the invisible boy/gal in their church. I would try to single out a single lady...to see if she is standing alone out there in the crowd. When I would approach her, she'd always have a husband that doesn't go to church or works on Sundays.

    Single people are now relegated to meet people by secular means via just the general public events and venues. Gyms, college classes, Meetup groups, etc. Through friends and co-workers. Of course, if you meet someone this way you'd have to find out their belief system.

    Yeah, my church isn't into being sociable. It's more like "go to church and go home and prepare for work the next day".

    I'd sometime see housewives and husbands chatting a bit with each other after the service, but it's only for a few mins, then they go on with their lives in the secular world.

    The problem just perpetuates itself. Since a lot of singles are doing this, for any one single that tries to go to church, they'll be the solo one sitting there...alone.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2019 at 5:43 AM
  8. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single

    I work Sundays so it is hard for me to go anyway. I'm not looking for dates. I'm looking to connect with others.

    Since your church isn't sociable, why do you go? Like you said, everyone comes to church and scatters the minute it is over. How do you relate to someone new? Aren't they going to feel, oh, this church is just for them, I'm not important.

    At the Catholic Church I attended, people either came in packs, especially women, and the "single" adults had kids, or they sat with friends they already knew. After church, they had a breakfast thing in the dining. I went a few times and sat alone at my own table as others all cobbled together at their own tables. If you tried to sit with groups, oh, that seat is taken.
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2019 at 11:32 AM
  9. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Outside of going to services, my social connections is by other means. I have friends I've met outside of church.

    This is not uncommon among singles. They do their obligatory Sunday mass, and then do social events outside of that.

    If you've heard of Meetup.com, that's a great place to meet others.
     
  10. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Oh, yeah, in my experience, the worst friends, they didn't last long, were Christians (two tried to get me fired from two companies I worked at because I'm Bipolar). The best ones I had have been all heathens (LOL). Gay friends were some of the best I ever talked to. Gay men love to talk.

    I've tried Meetup and found a Beer Bible Study group, and went and found it was all people about 25-30. We really had nothing in common. They were Christian and all the women there said they were dating men outside the church, and the guys were definitely into beer. I don't drink and really don't care much for sports bars so I only went once.

    The other meetup groups are mostly ads for Yoga and geared towards women. I tried starting a Meetup group for fellow erotic writers and found no interest. And, Meetup is kinda expensive to do that.

    If you want to meet people in my town, you have to be into bars. That's where everyone goes to meet anyone. I'm just not into drinking.
     
  11. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Do you like to go see live music at establishments. There are usually restaurants in my area, some small business restaurants that have live music. Not strictly bars, but full restaurants.

    You don't have to order alcohol though.

    Also, how is Meetup expensive? I've found free events to do myself. Went on a hiking meetup the other day...didn't cost me a thing.

    Would you date a man that drinks on occasion?
     
  12. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +2,045
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    I think seekingmuch is referring to the cost of being an organiser. I'm not sure of the exact cost, but while I think it's not a prohibitive one, if there's very little interest in the group/events that you're organising then it may feel that it's not worth it.
     
  13. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single

    I suppose so. Since the 10 years I've been with the Meetup site, it's really become saturated with Meetups that are similar in nature. I mean, you can have as many hiking and outdoors groups in the same region.

    I would sometimes see individuals joining over 100 meetups, but rarely attend events. I recall this one woman that was a member of our outdoors group. One of the organizers had a party at his house...a non-outdoor specific event. Just a gathering.

    People that had never been to a single event for a hike or kayak, came out of the wood work to his place. I talked to this one woman, as I recognized her via other friends, I asked her if she was new to the group. She said she'd been a member for 2 years, but just now decided to go THIS event.

    Never saw her again after that.

    I think Meetup tends to be one of those things where people join it in case their current social circle of friends are too busy to do anything with that specific person.

    Basically, they go to Meetup in case they have nothing else better to do.
     
  14. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    Also, I'm noticing an uptick of married people, mostly women, going to Meetups because their husbands are either:

    1. Couch potatoes
    2. Completely unsociable. Don't care to socialize.

    This can lead to an inevitable marital demise, especially when they routinely show up without their spouse or sig other. (I've seen it happen) So I am hopeful. lol j/k.
     
  15. seekingmuch

    seekingmuch Active Member

    333
    +213
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Single
    Live music here is at bars. LOL Honestly, I care nothing for bars (and they are bars not sports bars). You've probably heard of our bars. Spinnaker and La Vela, the latter, of which, is a den of drugs....and rape. Single women shouldn't go to either unless they want to get their drink spiked and maybe get raped. It happens a lot at La Vela. I wouldn't let my daughter go to Panama City Beach for spring break. It is wild and full of drunken college kids, and rape happens a lot, but goes unreported in the news. I have no interest in the beach from mid-February to the end of March. Foxnews came here and the news lady couldn't believe how wild it was, and how drunk everyone was. It was really sad. She was hit on so much by drunk college kids she couldn't wait to fly outta here. Yeah, it really is that bad out there. And, car break-ins are commonplace on Thomas drive, where the "bars" are.

    Now, in town has a lot of issues because of the Hurricane. A lot of places were damaged. It is starting to get back, but the problem is most apartment complexes were severely damaged so there is no where to rent. So, there's a dearth of people. My employer is only at 70%. I bet a third of our employees don't live in Panama City. We can't find people to even apply for the jobs. There is no where to live. And, if there is a vacancy, rent has doubled since before the hurricane, and only professionals can afford it. After I get my surgery, I'm moving to Tallahassee. Rent is cheaper and better jobs.

    Surprisingly, Meetup is sparse in Panama City. Unless you love yoga! But, the yoga groups are put up by Yoga places and you have to pay to play.
     
  16. ThisIsMe123

    ThisIsMe123 Not sure

    +278
    United States
    Christian
    Single

    I think you're confusing that with night clubs, which is what I think what you're referring to. There are small town establishments where I live where it's family friendly. Typically they only have one singer playing an instrument, and middle-aged folks to families joining up. I live in Florida,too. So it's a lot of retirees going to these events put on by the city.

    There's even Tijuana Flats that has live music on certain days.

    On the weekends, the streets open up for festival-like stuff with vendors. Food trucks, and of course beer tents. I'm talking more that. It's laid back. Sometimes there wine walks type of Meetups or just wine walks in general.

    There are seafood fests and chili cook-offs and yeah, alcohol is served there too. Don't tell me avoid all venues that serve alcohol when you have the option to not drink it?
     
  17. THE W

    THE W AFRIKANB0T Supporter

    +2,113
    United States
    Presbyterian
    Single
    when I attended a vineyard church they had events where people met up and socially interacted. stuff would happen during these meetings naturally. when I started going to reformed churches, we had fellowship lunches after service. seldomly there would be outings where we would go out to eat or would just have a social over someone's house where everyone was invited.

    there was never anything designated for singles as much there were simply opportunities for people to get together and mix it up socially. you just have to get yourself out there and take advantage of whatever opportunity there is to mingle.
     
  18. Miles

    Miles Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,373
    United States
    Christian
    Private
    Not specifically.

    What I find interesting is that something like 40% of the age group you mentioned is single. This isn't an insignificant number, yet it's often taken for granted that older Christians are married. Singles over college age are sometimes treated like oddities, and driven away by shortsightedness. If churches want to fill the pews again, they should start by making singles feel every bit as welcome and worthy as marrieds. Including them in as many activities, positions of leadership, and holding them in similar esteem.

    Etid: This isn't a big problem where I go, but I've seen it at other churches.
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2019 at 1:43 PM
  19. Citanul

    Citanul Well, when exactly do you mean?

    +2,045
    South Africa
    Methodist
    Single
    Having given this some more thought, I think one thing we need to be careful about is not turning it into an "us and them" situation. Yes, people's lifestyles, priorities, and needs do change when they get married and even more so when they have kids, but it's not as though either of those happening means that they suddenly have absolutely nothing in common with single people and that it's absolutely necessary for single and married people to be separated.

    Just going by my personal experience, I've been part of home groups that comprised both singles and couples and there have never been any issues there. My church does have a men's fellowship group, but I don't attend, not because I would feel unwelcome because I'm not married, but rather because nearly everyone there is 20-30 years older than me and I know I would feel a bit out of place, even if I also know that they would be very happy to see me there.

    Obviously, that's what I've experienced, and others are going to have had different experiences, where not being married is an issue, but there are going to be churches where it isn't. My church does occasionally run marriage courses and they do often try things to make it more family friendly, but I've never felt excluded because I'm not married and don't have children - occasionally marriage and children might get touched upon in sermons, but it's always to illustrate a point, and it's one that you don't have experience of either in order to understand.

    So perhaps it needs to be evaluated on an individual church basis. In some churches singles are going to feel left out because they're single, but in others it might not be the case, and it would be perhaps be a little unfair to classify the latter as failing single people.
     
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