Thank you for elaborating a bit more on your perspective, I have gained some insight into your views. I would like more, if you are willing to share.
Do you mind giving a bit more background about yourself.
Like how long you have been a Christian, and how You honestly feel about the Bible.
I get the feeling you don't entirely believe scripture, but I could be just mis understanding you.
I have seen things too, though, I am more skeptical, about who, and what they actually were, than you.
As for those attacking you, keep in mind the scripture, and Jesus words, that We will be hated of all men for his name sake. And if the world hated him, how much more will it hate those who follow him.
And the "tell" verse Ye shall know them by their fruit.
I honestly want to know how you view these things, I may not agree, But We won't know unless you share.
Sure.
I was raised by a christian mom who loves God and is big on doing His Will, which usually consists of helping the poor, helping the homeless, helping those in need, helping children, helping the sick, helping the dying, etc. etc.
I was born on 10-24-85. I was pretty much a christian since birth, and on 2-14-93 I was baptised (I was 7 if I calculate that right, lol) and I grew up rather Pharisee-like, thinking only I had the truth and everyone else was wrong. I began looking into the Qur'an and was like, "This seems to be as true as the Bible." especially because it supported my belief that Jesus wasn't God. I didn't believe in the Trinity. I thought that was ridiculous. I believed Jesus was God's Son, but not God Himself. I debated this furiously with others who believed in the trinity, but would debate the other side (atheists/agnostics) on how God is real. So I was the "only one" with the truth. Literally. Not even other evangelists or people shared my beliefs. Even if they did, I'd disagree with them, LOL.
Throughout my life I had few friends, all which rather never became real friends (more like good acquiantances with hobbies together) or they backstabbed me constantly. Girls would date me for 1 week, 2 weeks, or a month, and then for no reason dump me. This left me completely alone, feeling absolutely rejected, with a heart that was, by the time I was 18, so torn up I was on the verge of emotionally death. I dated another girl who dumped me for some drug dealer and my self-esteem plummited. No one loved me, no one wanted me, no one cared about me, and I was just rejected and horrible. Not because of my arrogance, self-righteousness, or emotional problems, but just because all my friends were complete jerks. (That's what you get when you don't have Christ in your friendships and lack Him in your own life as well.)
[I exclude my parents because I felt as if parents
have to love you, so I didn't feel that their love was the love I wanted. It's different when you
have to love someone because they're your child and loving that person
for who they are as an individual.]
I knew Jesus, I even had communion with Him a few times during my teenage years. He'd even enter my room and I'd spiritually feel Him and spiritually see Him there. He'd be there and accept me and love me. This was only rarely though. I prayed constantly to God to help me, as I had always had a relationship with God, but I didn't know God, and I wasn't His friend. I knew
about Him, I had some special moments with Him, but I was far from knowing Him. I knew only theology, religion, my own views, my interpretation of the Bible, etc.
During highschool, when things were getting worse and worse and worse, more and more pain just stacking on top of my already torn to pieces heart, I met a few people I hung out with in some of my classes. In my sophomore year I met one guy who invited me to his church, but I was like, "Church is for losers. They don't know God. They're strange, speaking in tongues is fricken weirdos, they don't know anything." despite the fact that I didn't know God either. I figured that nobody if I God was knowable, then I'd know Him. So knowing God must'nt go beyond what I experienced. I'd say that is a good idea of where my perspective and belief was.
I met two more friends in my junior year in highschool. They invited me to their youth group and I was like "I'll think about it." but never went. I also had, the same year, a friend in a different class who did the same. Then one day, when walking with one of these friends, the 3 others come over, and I found out
they all went to the same church and knew each other. They all, seperately, and unknowingly, invited the same person to the same church. I felt this was God, and I was very desperate for friends. One of my friends said he'd drive me, and I agreed to go with him if he showed me a picture of this girl I talked with online. LOL. So yea, I went to the youth group.
People accepted me there, and actually cared about me. They liked me and were nice to me. I actually felt the Love of God, and wasn't rejected. From the first day I helped set up for the service, and from that day on I would be a servant in that church, for 2 years working my butt off like crazy with zeal and committment that were unmatched by the rest of the youth leaders.
I was so incredibly grateful for my new friends. I also began to date one of the girls in leadership, and was SO happy. I went to band banquet with her and my life was so great. But my heart was still torn to pieces, because anything anyone would say that was even close to me thinking it was negative, would hurt my feelings. I was hypersensitive as one would say, but for good reason because I had been hurt and rejected all my life.
3 days before youth camp my g/f broke up with me. I was crush yet again. Still in incredible pain. I went to youth camp, and that's when my life changed forever. On monday, the evangelist gave his testimony of how he was molested but found God. He told everyone to give up their emotional pain, their hurting hearts, to God. So I did that. And tuesday did the same. Wednesday came and I was sitting in the isles, still thinking speaking in tongues was really weird. For crazy people. Still thinking Jesus wasn't God, and the trinity was a false belief. Sitting there in the aisle, the evangelist asked if anyone wanted the baptism of the Holy Spirit, to come up to the altar. I had no idea what it was, so I assumed I probably already had it, although I wasn't sure, because I had no idea what it was. I stayed in my seat.
Then the evangelist said, "There is someone still here that is suppose to be up here." and he said that if anyone needs him to walk with to the altar with them, to just raise their hands. I was the only one who raised their hand. I needed an evangelist to help me go to an altar. So the evangelist came and said, "Come on!!! I'll come with you!!!" and he led me up there. I began to pray to God with all I had, giving up my entire heart to Him, and I told Him that He can have all of me. I felt hundreds of hands on me, I was loved by others praying for me. Then the Holy Spirit came to me and said, "You have to believe in the Trinity. Jesus is Lord." and I didn't want to, and I said I don't believe that. He said Jesus is Lord, and then I surrendered to Him and said "Yes, Jesus is God. My Lord and My God!" and the evangelist put his hands on me, and the moment he did the Holy Spirit came upon me with Power and I started speaking in tongues. My heart was completely renewed, God gave me a new heart, completely healed, I no longer had the hypersensitive broken and torn heart, because I gave it up to God, and He gave me a brand new one. A brand new everything.
From that day on, I had a boldness where before I was shy. Before I couldn't speak infront of a class, but then I was ready to speak infront of thousands upon thousands without any fear. Later my mom entered my room and said, "God wants you to read this." and gave me a book,
Good Morning Holy Spirit, by Benny Hinn. I learned about the Holy Spirit. I read the book in one or day nights, devouring it alive. From then on, I began talking to the Holy Spirit and spending time with Him.
I went into a radical change in my life. I threw out my TV, my computer [which was my life], everything I owned except my bed and a lamp. The only thing in my entire room was a bed, a small lamp, the Bible, and a few books.
I stayed like this for about 2 years, doing nothing but prayer.
I'd wake up, pray, go to school, pray, leave school, and pray until I went to sleep. I spent
all my free time in the Presence of God. Learning, chilling, hanging out, feeling, etc.
I'd get off school at 3pm and spend time with God until midnight-3am every single night. The only time I wasn't spending time with God in His Presence, worshipping, praying, hanging out, talking, or feeling Him, I was at Church helping to set up or at school spreading the Gospel.
Out of my entire 2 years of going to that youth group, I only missed 2 wednesday services, and those were because I was forced to go to Iowa with my family.
Never missed a single wednesday service, youth rally, youth camp, or ANYTHING we did. Every wednesday I'd get home from school, go to the church, work until service at 7pm, then stay and work until 9pm cleaning up and tearing down the equipment and spending time with everyone. I also went to Sunday church every single sunday. I became an intern youth pastor for more than a year. I practically became the assistant youth pastor, more than just an intern. They layed me off (stopped paying me and said I wasn't an intern anymore) after 3 months in the summer, but I ignored the fact I wasn't getting paid anymore and did the exact same thing I always did, worked just as hard, and devoted myself fully to the church. Everyone loved me in the church because of how much God's Presence rubbed off on me during my intimate times with Him. The old people and adults in sunday church knew me incredibly well and absolutely adored me. The youth was obsessed with me. What they thought was me. It was actually ALL God. People praise me, but they don't realize that everything good about me is solely God, and only God is good.
I already had read the Bible A LOT before the Holy Spirit came into my life, and I read the Bible a ton more. I know it pretty well. I believe the Bible is the very Word of God, but
only the Holy Spirit can interpret it. So you can't read it yourself, but must spend time alone with the Holy Spirit (not necessarily alone, you can do it in a group, but preferably alone to be more intimate) to understand it. Afterall, the only person that can read God's Word is God Himself. Only God knows what God means about what God wrote.
I never missed a service because I was so grateful that God had given me friends and I sought God with all of my heart at every single service. Every youth rally, every wednesday night, almost every sunday morning, I'd be there running after God, a lot of the time at the altar for the sole reason of wanting more of God. After youth camp I jumped around so much in worship that I had blisters on every one of my toes and was covered in sweat, LOL. 2 years after I went to that church, God told me to leave to go to another church. This was shortly ago. I was rather heartbroken and still miss the place. I practically lived there.
I studied intensly and read books by Benny Hinn and Smith Wigglesworth, and I listened to sermons by Todd Bentley for hours. I'd read entire books in one or two nights. I read the Bible constantly, and had worship music going for hours. I'd spend 3, 5, 8, 12 hours with God each day, all alone, just me and Him. Depending on the day, if there was school, church, or hanging out with friends.
That season of my life casually came to a change later when I entered into college. I learned to "pray continuously" and I am always, constantly, talking to God- Holy Spirit, Jesus, or Father. Not a day goes by that I don't say something to God and try to listen for Him. Although recently He has been rather quiet, I am learning a lot. Every day of my life I've been changed. God told me that the season in my life of living radical [not having anything in my room but the Bible, a stereo for worship music, and books about God, my bed and a lamp] was over and that God wanted me to be with Him
in all things. He wanted me to know Him and spend time with Him in everything I did, whether it's tv, computer, games, going out to the movies, or whatever.
I have changed from a low self-esteem, shy, self-righteous, pharisee, emotionally-hurt, hypersensitive, heartbroken, unloved, uncared for individiual to someone with high self-esteem, incredibly outgoing and friendly, knowing I'm a sinner [as opposed to thinking I don't sin], hating religion but loving relationship, emotionally-strong, incredibly healthy psychologically, healed heart, loved by God, cared forby God, child and soldier in the Army of the Living God.
I've encountered countless of amazing things God has done for me and others.
God has answered every single prayer I've ever prayed, except for a few which He is fulfilling right now as we speak.
Everything from "I want to be with these specific people for my birthday." to "I want to dress nice" to "Please, heal this person."
I know I'm still rather arrogant, but nowhere near as much as I used to be. I also know I am not the only one with the truth. There are MANY others who have the truth. And many others who believe in an intimate and personal God. Also some others who know God thousands of times more than I know God. More intimate with Him than I am, BY FAR. They are great men/women of God, and there are some out there. If you want to count by number, it would be a lot, but compared to population of the world [billions] it would be nearly none, LOL. Even 1 million is really really insignificant compared to 7 billion. But I'm sure there's plenty more than just 1 million. But a million is still a lot.
So yea, that's about me. Pretty much my life story.