hello everyone, I have became born again a couple months ago. I want to start off saying that I know God will never leave me and that his spirit dwells within me. However sometimes I have days when I feel far from him and like our connection is hindered in a way. I know sin, not reading the Bible and not praying play a part.
Some days I feel loving towards others and light, other days I feel bitter dark and heavy (spiritually)
However some days I try my best but still feel far. It's weird. What is this? Also I have been praying to God about it.
I use to, but I dont anymore. This is how, I'll give an example.
Have you ever had a best friend? Someone who you use to spend time with all the time and talk to everyday. But then life happens and all of a sudden you're not talking as much, but when you do, even if its years later, it feels like you never left them? Why is that?
Because that type of friendship is at a point where:
1. You know the person so well that anytime you're in their presence its a warm familiar place.
2. You've established such deep trust that even if something pops up, it doesn't affect the friendship and
3. You love them that much that you treasure anytime you spend with them, you would make time for them.
So what would make a person worry that they are far from a friend is either 1. you don't know them that well and you feel estranged when they are around 2. You have a lack of trust in them that makes room for any sort of doubt and 3. You don't love them that much to want to spend time with them. And vice versa.
So questions to ask yourself:
1. Do I really know God? Do I feel like God knows me?
2. Do I trust God? Do I feel worthy of being a child of God?
3. Do I love God? Do I feel that God loves me?
If any of those questions is a no, then that's why you are feeling far from Him. What I find with those that end up leaving the faith, is that instead of examining the relationship with God, they put doubts in it through the anxiety of feeling far away, to the point where their doubts end up having their heart really is far from Him. They have a demeanor of someone that has felt defeated or given up. And even one step further, they either resent or attack those that do find a close relationship with God. So work on building that relationship, trust, and intimacy with Him to the point where you don't even have to question, those anxieties and questions will clear up on its own.
