Do we need acceptance from people

[Ben Collyer]

I find myself yearning for peoples acceptance, I feel the barrier to my happiness is a lack of having a group of friends that I like/ and belong. but I do not have a particular group of friends so much as some friends who are acquainted but not a group.

my question is this: I know that all humans at some point crave acceptance from their peers, but is this acceptance nessecary to happiness?

 

[Tolworth John]

but is this acceptance nessecary to happiness?

Can you be happy without it?
From your post I don't think you can.
What isit you want?
A close friendship is something that grows through shared experiences and time.
Acceptance and respect from others also grows from people who have spent time with you or seen you working through problems.

May i suggest getting involved in your church, finding areas where you can serve and just be with people, talking to them, helping and worshipping with them.
Friendships will slowly build as will acceptance and respect, as you give friendship, acceptance and respect to them.
Friendship[ is a two way process.

 

[Ben Collyer]

Can you be happy without it?
From your post I don't think you can.
What isit you want?
A close friendship is something that grows through shared experiences and time.
Acceptance and respect from others also grows from people who have spent time with you or seen you working through problems.

May i suggest getting involved in your church, finding areas where you can serve and just be with people, talking to them, helping and worshipping with them.
Friendships will slowly build as will acceptance and respect, as you give friendship, acceptance and respect to them.
Friendship[ is a two way process.

Im not lacking in friends, Im lacking a group of friends to which I belong.

 

[Monksailor]

This an excellent book on the subject, "When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man" it is about ten bucks on Amazon or your church library might have it.
Your craving to be accepted by others or peers is a normal desire. We must ask ourselves as Christians whose acceptance is most important to us. Jesus told us that if we are to be a follower of His we must do three things:

• deny ourselves- abandon selfishness or self-serving motives

• take up our cross- seek, find, and implement God's purpose for us in this life

• and follow Christ-study God's Word and practice emulating Christ's behavior in our own life. Lk 9:23

I would suggest that your best source for what you seek is a young adult Christian group. If your present church has none I suggest that you may volunteer to lead one or move on down the road. There a LOT of Christian young adults today gathering in churches. It is exciting to see. As a Christian, the peers who should be bringing joy to your heart are other Christians. No one is perfect but for the most part this will be the case as you worship and praise the God of the universe together through the One and Only way, Jesus.

Just remember that it is Scriptural, "bad company corrupts good character." 1 Cor 15:33

 

[Ben Collyer]

This an excellent book on the subject, "When People Are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man" it is about ten bucks on Amazon or your church library might have it.
Your craving to be accepted by others or peers is a normal desire. We must ask ourselves as Christians whose acceptance is most important to us. Jesus told us that if we are to be a follower of His we must do three things:

• deny ourselves- abandon selfishness or self-serving motives

• take up our cross- seek, find, and implement God's purpose for us in this life

• and follow Christ-study God's Word and practice emulating Christ's behavior in our own life. Lk 9:23

I would suggest that your best source for what you seek is a young adult Christian group. If your present church has none I suggest that you may volunteer to lead one or move on down the road. There a LOT of Christian young adults today gathering in churches. It is exciting to see. As a Christian, the peers who should be bringing joy to your heart are other Christians. No one is perfect but for the most part this will be the case as you worship and praise the God of the universe together through the One and Only way, Jesus.

Just remember that it is Scriptural, "bad company corrupts good character." 1 Cor 15:33

The book is already in the post I ordered it 11th november

I know intellectually that I should abandon selfishness but the thing is...what do I gain by not being selfish? I cant help but see things selfishly how will being selfless help me?

 

[Petros2015]

..what do I gain by not being selfish?

It's the difference between being a Producer and a Consumer. You'll get to be used by God.

 

[Halbhh]

I find myself yearning for peoples acceptance, I feel the barrier to my happiness is a lack of having a group of friends that I like/ and belong. but I do not have a particular group of friends so much as some friends who are acquainted but not a group.

my question is this: I know that all humans at some point crave acceptance from their peers, but is this acceptance nessecary to happiness?

I think I gave before a long post about my own experience and where that led, finally -- the very good outcome. But if you read that, here's something more. We don't get how true this verse is until we do it for a while, and our lives get better -- “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." I recommend reading the full passage, which is not long. Matthew 6:25 full. It is about necessities, but we gain more, essential things such as love become more available I think, or we become more able to connect. After you do read this, the next chapter is full of invaluable aid, such as Matthew ch 7, verses 7-12 and verses 24-27. He is the way, the truth and the life, and you can count on His instructions to make your life better in key ways even during this mortal life, even while we will all suffer also.

 

[com7fy8]

People who are young like you might not be able to connect well with you or even with ones they are involved with. We need to grow and mature so we can relate well. And I think it is good to spend time sharing with mature senior people.

 

[Monksailor]

Ben, Other than your posts on this thread there had been only ONE other post (#2) before mine and it did not mention the book. If you have another thread somewhere else on this web site I know not of it. I was obviously responding to your OP of this thread. Why are you so angry sticking your tongue out at me all red faced??? I was only trying to be helpful. You are an extremely difficult person to be around; very mean and angry. Are you really saved? Have you committed to being a follower of Christ? If not you will never understand what you need to as you will be blind to it till you see things from God's perspective.

 

[Ben Collyer]

Ben, Other than your posts on this thread there had been only ONE other post (#2) before mine and it did not mention the book. If you have another thread somewhere else on this web site I know not of it. I was obviously responding to your OP of this thread. Why are you so angry sticking your tongue out at me all red faced??? I was only trying to be helpful. You are an extremely difficult person to be around; very mean and angry. Are you really saved? Have you committed to being a follower of Christ? If not you will never understand what you need to as you will be blind to it till you see things from God's perspective.

I was glad that you recommended the book, since I already ordered it I thought it was funny that you also mentioned it

2. the tongue face is usually seen as a display of playful affection, i've never known it to be seen as angry.

3. I dont know how you misconstrued what I said

 

[GodIsGood22]

@Ben Collyer hey brother! It is 100% normal for us to desire acceptance and to feel belonging. The issue is we have tried to fill that desire with the wrong things. We are created with that desire to belong to the church (the body of Christ) and to be accepted and loved by Him first and foremost. Yes, it is great and a blessing to find fellowship and important to commune with other believers, but I have found that if we continue filling that void with other humans, especially those who do not know Christ, it is a very dangerous game and it can really hinder our spiritual growth. I would remain active on this forum, get involved in a local church, and continue to stay in the word and consistently pray for the Lord to give you rest in your relationship with Him, and to know in your soul that He is enough, and you DO NOT need to be accepted by people to find happiness. To be honest, sometimes my deepest joy comes from when I isolate myself a bit and focus on the Lord and the Spirit and leaning into Christ! God bless man.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

I find myself yearning for peoples acceptance, I feel the barrier to my happiness is a lack of having a group of friends that I like/ and belong. but I do not have a particular group of friends so much as some friends who are acquainted but not a group.

my question is this: I know that all humans at some point crave acceptance from their peers, but is this acceptance nessecary to happiness?

I didn't find it's necessary to happiness, happiness, I found it to be a choice.

Long ago, I was like a bee going from flower to flower...trying to find a group, gain their approval, be accepted.
I found a group, they accepted me but I wasn't happy, what I became was miserable.
You see, I was looking for their acceptance/approval...I found that in order to be accepted by them and maintain their approval, it meant approving and doing things that were ungodly...like:
Attending all the weekend parties(drinking, using the social drug of choice), socializing with only the "in crowd", putting down others they deemed
"unworthy; wearing clothes, shoes, getting my hair done in styles they considered
fashionable etc...that's what it was like for me, a black girl trying to belong/be accepted.

Believers belong to a large group of friends...those of us who make up the
body of Christ, where believers are to be supported.
1 Corinthians 12:12-27.

 

[Ben Collyer]

@Ben Collyer hey brother! It is 100% normal for us to desire acceptance and to feel belonging. The issue is we have tried to fill that desire with the wrong things. We are created with that desire to belong to the church (the body of Christ) and to be accepted and loved by Him first and foremost. Yes, it is great and a blessing to find fellowship and important to commune with other believers, but I have found that if we continue filling that void with other humans, especially those who do not know Christ, it is a very dangerous game and it can really hinder our spiritual growth. I would remain active on this forum, get involved in a local church, and continue to stay in the word and consistently pray for the Lord to give you rest in your relationship with Him, and to know in your soul that He is enough, and you DO NOT need to be accepted by people to find happiness. To be honest, sometimes my deepest joy comes from when I isolate myself a bit and focus on the Lord and the Spirit and leaning into Christ! God bless man.

does it take time to rest in that acceptance from God? I find I tend to give up seeking God when I dont see immediate results

 

[GodIsGood22]

@Ben Collyer it certainly can man! A lot of times God wants to change our hearts before He changes our circumstances. Everyone has a different walk and a different journey. It could happen in a moment or it could happen over a few weeks or months. The important thing is learning to trust and obey the Lord even in the seasons when He seems quiet or distant! But yes, patience is a virtue and it may take some time for you to "pass the test" of faith in Him even when He seems distant!

 

[trailmovin]

I find myself yearning for peoples acceptance, I feel the barrier to my happiness is a lack of having a group of friends that I like/ and belong. but I do not have a particular group of friends so much as some friends who are acquainted but not a group.

my question is this: I know that all humans at some point crave acceptance from their peers, but is this acceptance nessecary to happiness?

If you would yearn and long to know God, for that holy unbroken fellowship in deep meditation and prayer, everything will follow that, including your friends...

 

[joshcorn]

Acceptance is not a bad thing.Do not make it a desire of your heart.It will take you down a long road of hardship. Make Jesus the desire of you heart and all things will be added unto you.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Acceptance is a good thing. When acceptance becomes an idol and the biochemical reaction it produces becomes an addiction, then its a bad thing.
.
Addictions and Idols are not necessary for happiness. But acceptance can contribute to happiness.