I guess that is the best thing that I can say at this time. I don't feel I can say I am a full-blown, committed, die-hard Universalist, but I do have a great hope in God's abundant and overflowing mercy.
One thing that understanding the Universalist writings has done (and is still doing) for me is that I see our Father in a new light - one of His immense love for mankind. It was kind of hard to see Him in that light as one understanding Western punitive and retributive eschatology. This gives me hope and more love for Him.
I have to agree.
I would NOT call myself a universalist. In fact, I certainly fear and suspect there will almost surely be those in torment.
I can't explain the mindset it would seem to take to reject a loving God so utterly, which I hope will be the level of hardness required to end up that way. But I have known some frighteningly bitter and hard people who did all they could to convince me of their absolute hatred for and/or rejection of God.
I kind of understand the idea of those who receive poor efforts at evangelization rejecting God - especially the one epitomized by the meme showing Jesus knocking at the door saying, "let me in, so I can save you" and the person asking "save me from what?" and Jesus answering "save you from what I'm going to do to you if you don't let me in!"
I remember when I first came to CF and used the word "saved" and someone asked me what I was saved from. That really took me aback. I was afraid to answer, as I recall, but I came to see that my Theology wasn't all that different from the meme. (It's kind of ironic - I better knew the "real" Jesus as a small child and loved Him ... it got difficult for me when I tried to reconcile that Person with God the Father as presented in my Old Testament children's Bible book.)
But if that's the Jesus someone is presented with, no wonder they refuse to believe in Him! (I don't believe in that Jesus either!)
But God is good, and loving, and will do what is right. I hope that people who have received only that presentation of the Gospel will find mercy. Many of them have hearts inclined to goodness and mercy. I think that must be something put there by the Divine, if only in that man was originally created in His image and likeness.
Sorry, I'm rambling.
My real point was that, I agree with you. I can't call myself a universalist. But I fervently, fervently hope for the salvation of every person. And I believe we can and should pray for them all, though I think we need to be careful not to have expectations of what God will do with those prayers.
And like you, the idea of hell presented in the River of Fire makes SO much sense. Finally, I can reconcile all the words of Scripture - all of them - with a God Who TRULY IS love, just as He said, without having to invent some framework or story on which to hang all the incompatible interpretations that go with my background.
And I thank God for letting me see things a bit clearly, and helping me to be honest with myself about what I saw. Matters of faith are no small thing, and there is a very real tendency to draw back like a turtle into a protective shell and hold fast to what one was taught, and refuse to dissect and examine it, for fear of breaking it (or one's faith). While I value spiritual honesty, I think that reaction is usually motivated by at least some degree of desire for faithfulness, so I try to look kindly on anyone who does respond that way, and respect that as a virtue in them. Again, God is good and loving, and will do what is right.
I think there is cause for much hope. Glory to God!