Do nice/good guys finish last?

[SarahsKnight]

20 Jobs That Will Be Replaced By Robots

1. Writers

I dunno. Somehow the very nature of being a writer seems antithetical to what a non-human entity like a robot would be able to accomplish.

 

[bèlla]

I dunno. Somehow the very nature of being a writer seems antithetical to what a non-human entity like a robot would be able to accomplish.

If you want to control the narrative it makes sense. You become the voice in their head. The information source. Their entertainment and so on. Everything they consume reinforces the ideal.

 

[linux.poet]

If you want to control the narrative it makes sense. You become the voice in their head. The information source. Their entertainment and so on. Everything they consume reinforces the ideal.

I think we are many years away from Orwell’s 1984. The human writers and creators of all stripes will fight back against robotic creations, and since art is based on appealing to the emotions of other human beings, human writers and creators will have an advantage for a long time.

 

[bèlla]

I think we are many years away from Orwell’s 1984. The human writers and creators of all stripes will fight back against robotic creations, and since art is based on appealing to the emotions of other human beings, human writers and creators will have an advantage for a long time.

Orwell wrote what he was told. My business mentor was on Shark Tank. Ninety percent of the people I know earn 7 figures or more and we all met through her. The remainder earn 6. When a publication desires insight on blogging they come to us.

 

[linux.poet]

Orwell wrote what he was told. My business mentor was on Shark Tank. Ninety percent of the people I know earn 7 figures or more and we all met through her. The remainder earn 6. When a publication desires insight on blogging they come to us.

And I spent time in a community college English department. We’re rebels and we’re fighters who don’t do what we’re told. We’re used to fighting human abusers, disabilities, and life circumstances out of horror movies. I don’t think that we will be easily defeated by content controllers from the 1% and a few robots.

Most often technology is co-opted by the bottom half and used against the rich. Take a look at YouTube and see how the masses have taken over a space that was previously only held by cable TV, for example. Or the self-publishing industry and ebooks chewing into the traditional publishing space. Technology is a disruptive influence from the bottom, not the top, and art is the voice of humanity.

Right now the publishing industry is looking for “diverse voices” - blacks, gays, women, the disadvantaged and marginalized. Anyone they can call a victim. And what do robots and rich people know about human pain? Zero. It’s going to take a long time for robots to understand us well enough to empathize on that level, if they ever do.

Blogging isn’t writing, it’s marketing. There’s a big difference between being able to sell me something and being able to empathize with me, and you know that. If you have a blog, you can sell high-value products to people with a lot of money and pull 7 figures. Good luck doing that with a book or anything mass market.

 

[bèlla]

Most often technology is co-opted by the bottom half and used against the rich. Take a look at YouTube and see how the masses have taken over a space that was previously only held by cable TV, for example. Or the self-publishing industry and ebooks chewing into the traditional publishing space.

You don’t own Youtube or any platform. You’re dependent on them for your distribution.

 

[bèlla]

And I spent time in a community college English department. We’re rebels and we’re fighters who don’t do what we’re told. We’re used to fighting human abusers, disabilities, and life circumstances out of horror movies.

Community college? I went to Northwestern. I did my time at the most prestigious investment bank that exists. They don’t recruit at that tier.

 

[rturner76]

Nice guys finish last when they are sooo nice that they aim to please others so much that they sacrifice their own needs for others needs. Women don't respect that. They do respect nice guys who know what they want and go after it. It's not the "niceness" that is in question. When you try to please others at the sacrifice of your own needs you seem spineless and that's a huge turn-off.

There are some women who like spineless men because they are predators and they take advantage of that kindness. Be kind but be a man about your business and don't accept mistreatment from anybody. That's how nice guys finish first IMO.

 

[linux.poet]

Community college? I went to Northwestern. I did my time at the most prestigious investment bank that exists. They don’t recruit at that tier.

Such snobbery. Most writers come from community colleges and state universities, and we tend to do better for all of that.

The key for any art selling is to know who you are selling to, and if you’re selling a book, you’re selling to the masses who want to read it. That would be people who are looking for little more emotional support in their lives, and those usually are the rest of us who went to community college. And state university, because we couldn’t afford Northwestern and training at prestigious investment banks. In fact, there is an entire genre of literature called Crunch Lit that actually is critical of investment banks and investment bankers.

I don’t know what rock you’ve been hiding under, but the poor aren’t really impressed with the rich these days. We’re not exactly conceding superiority to the rich at this point and we’d really like to burn things down. Either that or, like me, we just don’t care and just want to live our lives. And these are the people that writers write books and creators make YouTube videos for. Platform ownership is irrelevant - what matters is who buys, and that’s the difference between success and failure. And who is buying is not people who went to Northwestern. You have a YouTube presence and you should know this.

After spending 10 years in college studying writing, web design, print design, etc, and even working in academic publishing operations, I can tell you pretty firmly what publishing is all about. I could start an entire new publishing company right now with just me. Nobody else, no other employees. I could design the first book, the website to market it. I’d pick a trend in the industry that’s selling red-hot, build a cover, write the book, copy edit it (I have a book on that) and negotiate a loan for printing expenses and indie book selling deals, fight my way into Barnes and Noble, launch a social media marketing campaign, beg for book signings. And after learning all of that, I realized that I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to spend my life retelling my abuse story over and over, making myself a victim forever. I don’t want to inspire people with false hope when the only real hope is Christ. But don’t pretend I don’t know what’s on the inside.

 

[Saucy]

I dunno. Somehow the very nature of being a writer seems antithetical to what a non-human entity like a robot would be able to accomplish.

It's actually getting pretty close. There are AI programs that can write almost whatever you want for you. I've had clients that decided they would rather use AI (which isn't perfect yet, but improving) to write blogs and other material than pay me to do it because it was MUCH cheaper.

I'm trying to get out of the writing business. I used to make a ton from it, but that is changing rapidly. The economy has some to do with it. It is also difficult for me to catch up with how everything is changing rapidly.

 

[bèlla]

Such snobbery. Most writers come from community colleges and state universities, and we tend to do better for all of that.

If you knew what was coming you’d have chosen differently. That’s the point behind the comment. It’s not a question of education but your ability to pivot that makes the difference. And most people are going to be screwed. They don’t have a second option or a skill that won’t be automated.

You’re not going to burn things done. They’re instigating the revolt. That’s why they’re bleeding you dry. They want you to act out so they can implement the next part of the plan.

I have no interest in swaying your thoughts. Keep believing as you do. That’s the beautiful thing about life. It will show you the error of your ways eventually.

 

[bèlla]

It's actually getting pretty close. There are AI programs that can write almost whatever you want for you. I've had clients that decided they would rather use AI (which isn't perfect yet, but improving) to write blogs and other material than pay me to do it because it was MUCH cheaper.

That’s true. Copywriting was hot for a bit but given today’s attention span it needn’t be perfect.

I'm trying to get out of the writing business. I used to make a ton from it, but that is changing rapidly. The economy has some to do with it. It is also difficult for me to catch up with how everything is changing rapidly.

I’ve been self-employed for a long time. Survival is contingent on forecasting and an ability to shift. Ownership is key. It’s the difference between continuity and a contract.

You’ll be okay because you’re a doer and most people aren’t. They live with their head in the clouds and rely on rhetoric. There’s money to be made in writing but not working for others. You have to control the process and become the commodity.

The digital landscape is just like the corporate world. There’s a lot of back scratching. Who you know is the difference between mediocrity and a sizable living.

The old boys network exists in this medium. But most of them are women. Everyone I know who succeeded retired their husband. Be mindful of that when choosing a spouse if you move in that direction. Women are great communicators.

 

[bèlla]

@Vinter

Since we’re on the subject its a great time to address your question and this a better thread to do so. I mentioned dating with your goals in mind as a viable approach to securing a companion who supports your dreams from the start.

This is why you have to nail it down and get with the Lord first. You need to know what’s lacking and how her skills can fill the gap. She’s your helper after all.

All of the men I’ve considered since my calling possessed a skill I lacked for its attainment. He’s an asset too. I gauge their support early on. If they’re not in agreement or able to walk that road they’re not an option.

Irrespective of looks, success, etc. That’s my foremost consideration. Compatibility follows. You’re looking for a yin to your yang so to speak. Someone who offsets your weaknesses and complements your strengths.

Positioning is key. You don’t pursue a woman. You draw her through your person. So you need some insight. As you pinpoint her qualities a picture will emerge. That’s your starting point. The more disciplined you are in your search the greater the probability you’ll find her.

When I interacted with suitors need was a prevailing thought in our discourse. Did he need someone with my knowledge or skills or was its possession a nicety instead? A lot of people are collectors. That’s all the long-winded diatribes are.

They’re enamored with the idea of certain qualities. The majority they’ve never possessed. But they’ll never use them. Acquisition is the goal. Because anything you really want to accomplish you’ll do or work towards. Whether you’re partnered or not.

You can’t be misled by that. Since women communicate well it sounds convincing but is best ignored. Zero in on what a person does. Not their wants or thoughts. That’s how you see the real person.

Fleshing out a typical day or how they spend their down time is worth the effort. You’re getting a snapshot of life with them up close. One of the ways he demonstrated it was through pictures. He took me on his rides and travels. I had images of his family and things that mattered early on.

I viewed it as an invitation of sorts. He showed me his world and I liked what I saw. But that was after the preliminaries. He complemented my calling and worked in the industry. He knew his way around a shoot and could put one together with ease. There was no competition either.

Whatever you do or desire to accomplish must be within the mental range of your companion. They must embrace the vision and support its accomplishment or you’ll work at odds.

This is the number one threat to a person with promise. They marry a thorn instead of a blessing.

You’ll encounter people who believe you’re what they’re looking for but you can’t say the same. That shouldn’t be overlooked. Don’t allow acceptance or niceness to derail you. One of the ways I averted the same (beyond my calling) was examining their life.

Do I want that life or what comes with them? It’s a powerful question that forces you to face nitty gritty truths often ignored and lamented later on. You have to consider where they’ve been, where they’re heading, and who’s in the boat.

One of the biggest impediments I had was autonomy. It was a blessing of course. But my freedom frequently led some to envision me in ways I’d never agree to. I didn’t have the responsibilities or demands most have at my age. Or familial expectations. I was wholly free.

I was mindful of that in my interactions. There’s a lot I won’t take on and everyone should know the same. We should be clear about our boundaries and the things that derail us so we don’t get sidetracked.

Deservedness is part of your scrutiny. When you understand what you bring to another you can’t ignore worthiness. Because oftentimes goodness is taken for granted. And if you’re wise you’ll see evidence of the pattern in other areas of their life.

Enamoring is the other side of it. Sometimes a person is wowed by your presence. But I’m not impressed. I’m wondering why he hasn’t had the same before. Don’t ignore the quality of previous suitors or companions. If they’ve had a string of fools proceed with care.

We’re creatures of habit. Oftentimes people who are mistreated expect it or head it off in their interactions. There’s an emotional fallout. You pay the price for their mistakes and the wrongs they’ve endured. You’re not responsible but you’re left with the mess.

You have to know their story and whether they’ve healed or not. Don’t take on a project. Letting go is a choice. As is forgiveness. A lot of people relive their pain and you’re part of the saga. It usually results in conflict.

I’m no nonsense when it comes to baggage. I’m not a parent or therapist and have no interest in fixing anyone. That’s our domain and God’s. That’s how I’ve avoided abusers and head cases. I don’t have a story to tell. Because the signs are there and they’re drawn to certain things.

That’s why I focus on weaknesses. You need to know where you fall short and what trips you up so its not exploited by others. You can’t date from pain or insecurity or plug a hole through others. You’re inviting a problem.

You engage from a place of strength and humility with self-love firmly established. Broken people usually find one another. They’re wooed by the one who understands. But that’s disarming. Because some things are crazy and dysfunctional and you have to call it like it is.

People who are accustomed to chaos usually draw it or create it. You have to recognize stormy personalities and avoid them. Don’t allow the spiel about previous hurts or trauma to wear you down. Because you’re in for a ride. A lifetime of outbursts, meltdowns, and knee jerk reactions.

Healthy people don’t regurgitate their pain. They’re not talking about abuse or former abusers either. They’ve moved on. You don’t want to mate with someone who spends their life punishing you for another’s wrongs. That’s commonplace.

I looked for someone with a similar upbringing who was reared by good parents. Most relational problems have their root in mom and dad. He spoke well about his parents and childhood and acknowledged he wanted a similar bond with his wife. We’re a lot like them.

I have zero tolerance for arguments and fits of temper. Everyone knows how to control themselves and if you don’t there’s medication to help you. I expect my partner to contain himself. You do it at work, in public, and with authorities. I don’t permit otherwise.

That’s how you establish an atmosphere of respect and admiration. You don’t take the gloves off with one another. You hold them in high esteem and accord the treatment they deserve. Whether you’re upset or hurt.

Some people are unable to do so. They allow their words to overrule their commonsense. Then you’re met with apologies later. But it will happen again. Save yourself the grief and leave them alone. It’s difficult to love a woman who doesn’t respect you.

The omission of conflict was a huge selling point. We don’t argue. It’s not my thing or his. We believe the other has our best interests at heart even when we err. You can’t lose sight of that if you want a happy union. People spend years repairing careless words and actions. Because they keep reliving it or haven’t forgiven.

Choose the person who forgives fast when possible. You’ll spend less time in jail. Women recount stuff all the time. And you’ll think its recent at first. Then you discover it happened years ago. It’s a quality I abhor in my sex and never befriend people who do it.

They pollute my ears with a litany of wrongs and justifications. You can’t keep company with people who run down the other or opposite sex. After awhile their words rub off and steal your joy.

That’s the primary reason I don’t have single friends. Few Christians thrive in that season. They’re miserable and you hear it eventually. Again and again and again. My friends are happily married believers who love and respect their husbands. Our discourse is edifying.

What Jim Rohn said is true. The people you hang around have an effect for good or bad. You need the right company and to be the same. That aids your search. You’ll receive sound advice and encouragement.

Finding a good partner goes beyond the search. What you’ve done beforehand plays a part. The way you feel about yourself, your experiences and connections influences your decisions.

Choosing a partner based on looks or materialism is foolish because they’re expendable. They won’t look that way forever and fortunes are won and lost. You have to find someone you can love no matter what. That’s a weighty question to ask but you know the answer within.

Standards notwithstanding, you’ll compromise for the right one. All the men I dated were 6 feet and above save him. But he’s a phenom. His cv puts most to shame. I value that more than height. His exceptional abilities outweighs the other. We can go far together.

That’s why you can’t get distracted. How will your lives be bettered by the other’s presence? That’s the bottom line. You should spell it out early. There should be no ambiguity about your needs or desires or her role and she ought to share the same. Whatever they tell you should be visible to some degree.

It’s in process, in the research phase, or they’re ready to pull the trigger. They shouldn’t have a laundry list of wants and no action. That’s a pipe dream. Don’t sign on for it. Anyone waiting on a man or woman to accomplish anything should be avoided. They don’t have the will to start and you can’t give it to them.

The most important decision you’ll ever make beyond God is who you marry. It can be bliss or a headache. You can’t allow the desire for companionship to influence you. A lot of people tie the knot because they don’t want to be alone and they’re complaining later.

When it comes to beauty I’ll be honest. You can make her look however you want if you get the right one. Most women won’t admit that and more than a few would revolt. But they’re not the ones I’m referencing.

You should articulate what’s physically appealing. If she’s sensible she’ll listen. If she’s not she’ll argue. I had the dumbest conversations with women railing about men who weren’t attracted to them. They expected them to change and were angry when they wouldn’t.

Impediments aren’t barriers to companionship. If you fill the bill in other places they’ll overlook it or work with you. But attitude is key. That’s what held them back. They bought into the ra-ra and turned him off.

Pliability is an unsung quality few mention but all happy unions have it. You can’t have a power struggle. You have to be equally invested in one another. You should encourage her to take pride in her appearance through a healthy diet, exercise, and modest attire. If she has difficulty hearing your suggestions or believes a man can’t tell her xyz leave her alone.

She’s ignorant of her power and the importance of agreeability. That’s why men stray. They usually choose a woman who does what the other won’t. Women assume its physical. But emotion is usually the draw. She has the softness, domesticity and support he lacks elsewhere. And respects him too.

That’s why a lot of women are single or unhappily paired. They don’t know how to minster to their man. They allow society and their friends too much room in their head. They don’t understand the rules of engagement. They wound his pride and confidence when it should be fed methodically.

When he chooses another over them they’re hurt. She gets the ring and they spend too much time comparing themselves to her instead of discovering where she went awry. Men aren’t complicated. It doesn’t a long time to find one or seal the deal if you’re sensible.

Many people are single because they’re chasing ideals that will never consider them. He wants a 10 but fails to recognize what she requires in return or the reality of having an asset the majority lacks. She wants a wealthy guy but she’s a feminist or has little regard for her appearance or femininity.

People don’t bend that much. The more a person brings to the table the less willing they are to compromise. If you’re chasing beauty or cash you need equitable qualities. They’re not going to see your potential when other options exist that meet them.

There must be rationality in your selections. Don’t assume faith nullifies the rest. It doesn’t. They’re choosing a person and getting everything that comes along. Mating strategically requires honesty. You don’t waste your time on dead ends.

Or put someone on a pedestal based on appearance or financial comfort. Admiration is earned on the strength of their character. They must be and do things worthy of respect and notice. Regard shouldn’t be easily acquired. The process fosters mutuality.

You need concrete reasons for esteem. That’s why I’m not impressed with flattery or fawning. I find both repulsive. They’re responding to the idea not the person. And that shouldn’t be encouraged.

Sober mindedness is an important facet of interactions. Don’t fall over anyone. Because you don’t know them yet. You have to unwrap them first and that takes awhile. Your priority is securing the must-haves that contribute to tomorrow. The shell is adaptable.

 

[bèlla]

@Vinter

I’ll touch on submission and share some things to look out for. Surrender is a mindset and way of being. You can’t be surrendered and a feminist. The rhetoric opposes lowering and raises her instead. There’s always an internal battle. Because she’s fighting two philosophies.

One that emphasizes lessening and the other which champions empowerment. There can only be one driver. Practically and spiritually. You want a woman who wants you at the helm and delights in her role. She’s not after yours or trying to do your job.

Unfortunately, many women don’t understand womanliness in relation to the opposite sex. They’re too masculine and that’s off-putting for a man unless he’s effeminate.

You need opposing energies for harmony. Everyone has a place and its important to occupy that position wholeheartedly. You’ll save yourself a lot of stress, mental wearing and health problems too if you select someone who embraces her womanhood in a godly fashion.

You’re fighting the world and the devil. You shouldn’t have to do the same with her. This was the one thing I missed when I returned to God. I was surrounded by surrendered women and rarely found the same at church.

They challenged me and deepened my understanding about men and womanliness. My Christian interactions were nice but troubling in some aspects. They lacked a similar mindset and I saw traces of their influence. That’s one of the reasons I went back to my old haunt for a time. I needed a reset. Now there’s a barrier. I protect my head and heart.

I mention this for a couple of reasons. A lot of worldliness is reinforced in Christian settings. It can be challenging for a woman to remain soft and malleable in that environment. Because most of the things she hears opposes it. She’s getting the same from the world.

The conversations I used to have rarely happen. You hear more complaints and problems. That isn’t conducive for nurturing that part of her. It’s important for a woman to have a circle or resource she can glean from that nourishes her.

She needs the questions and stretching. You hear a lot about biblical womanhood. I’ve been to the classes, studies and conferences. You’re in a room full of hellcats. Oftentimes the filter is lacking. They talk too much and share too much as well.

There’s not a lot of teaching on silence but its something I address when mentoring. You don’t compromise his dignity or say too much either. You have to learn to be still and sit with things. A lot stuff falls away.

We spend a lot of energy airing our woes and grievances and wonder why we’re anxious or require a pill. Sometimes you need to shut up. Getting someone who knows and practices the same enhances your person and home.

When you address your femininity and womanliness you encounter the lesson. Pay attention to the fruit she consumes. Ask about her friendships and pay attention to the things she shares. If she discusses them with you she’s doing the same where you’re concerned.

Look for reticence when things go awry. Most people jump on the phone or online to air the problem. They want to talk about it. Sometimes its necessary but it shouldn’t be a pattern. When you get in the habit of turning to God most things aren’t worth recounting. Especially when you’ve prayed.

Privacy falls in this area. Establish parameters during your acquaintance on what’s acceptable and shouldn’t be disclosed. Trusted couples are best. No one should lay another out in their entirety. But it happens often.

Friends are less forgiving of your partner’s shortcomings than you. Be mindful of your disclosures. You kiss and make up but they remember. I like couples because you get a balanced perspective.

Hard truths aren’t always delivered through friends. Some people tell you what you want to hear or they’re unable to see the other’s viewpoint due to bias, blindness, inexperience or they’re wrestling with the same.

You should be vigilant about her influences and she should be the same. When you know what they’re consuming and hearing you can pinpoint the source. That’s an element in a marriage. Protecting one another and the relationship.

At the end of the day its not about us. It’s what God’s accomplishing in us and the other through the union. She isn’t hard to spot when you know what you’re looking for. When you do don’t be afraid to act. Don’t sit on the sidelines or waste your time imagining. Say hello and get to know her.

We met in a place like this years ago. I was sharing a tip with the ladies on where to meet eligible suitors. And no, I won’t share it here.

He was reading my comments but never posted. But he sent me a message based on the things I said. He wanted to know how to find the woman I described.

I was teaching then and instructing them on the rudiments of loveliness. I was a little surprised by his request and inquired about his experiences and ideals. The woman he was searching for was the one he wrote. I recognized it but I didn’t admit it. He asked the same and I answered honestly.

We marveled at the other’s response and kept conversing. It was evident pretty soon that we clicked. Our discussions were rich and deep. I like to make a man comfortable with being himself. When he’s relaxed the discourse flows.

A lot has changed since that day. We’ve grown individually and as a pair and reached a point where life without the other isn’t worth it. We’re bettered by the other’s presence.

I’m notoriously swift in my scrutiny. I don’t spend months talking to anyone or give them a lot of attention unless we’re pursuing something.

We click or we don’t. I wasn’t conversing with a group of men long-term or entertaining several simultaneously. If there’s something worth pursuing we do or wish the other well.

I don’t have hanger-ons. Men I like or who desire me but we’re not together. They’re not in my circle. You have to be in a place of welcoming receptivity if you want to settle down. That requires getting your house in order inside and out.

I wasn’t merely marriage-minded. I was marriageable too. I had nothing to clean up when he arrived. That’s probably why he laid things out fairly soon. He knew I was ready.

While there’s value in togetherness don’t tie yourself to someone who’ll never marry you. There’s too many right now pairings. But I don’t date that way. If forever isn’t a possibility he’s not an option.

Many spend years on the shelf because of that. They’re waiting on the other to agree or ask the question and its unwise. Because you already know. If you can’t imagine yourself with them until death let them go. You’re delaying the inevitable and depriving you both of the one you want.

You can do it. You’re heading the right direction. If you remain committed to the things we discussed you’ll find her. And sometimes she falls in your lap or spots you first. Be open to both.

 

[Vinter]

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[bèlla]

@bèlla Thank you for your posts. It's solid advice. I will reply soon. There is alot to take in. I can ofcourse agree with alot of it and in some parts I went, oh! I got to work on that.

You’re welcome but I can’t take credit. I’ve never written that much on here. But the words kept flowing. It was a springboard for further revelations that followed. I’ve had a busy morning!

I know its a lot and you’re learning. Consider it a cliff notes of sorts. I laid out the landmines to help you avert a lot of hurt and disappointment. When you’re inexperienced you make mistakes.

You’re investing a lot time and effort in your improvement and relationship with God. You don’t want it thwarted. That’s where the warfare is. If I can you assist you preventing the attack or guarding against it I’m happy to do so.

 

[linux.poet]

If you knew what was coming you’d have chosen differently. That’s the point behind the comment. It’s not a question of education but your ability to pivot that makes the difference. And most people are going to be screwed. They don’t have a second option or a skill that won’t be automated.

Given that I have about 17 different skills at this point in various stages of development, big whoop, I guess. I only have about 236 different options with my skill set, and I suppose that won’t be enough and I need another 739 more. But I suppose I wouldn’t change any aspects of my healing journey, even though I wish it could have been faster. I took what I needed. Now it’s time to move on to something else.

But don’t tell me what that comment wasn’t about. You were flexing your connections to millionaires and bloggers, your education, and your work at investment banks to reinforce your point - that’s what that comment reflects.

One of those 17 skills is programming and web design, so you’d think I’d have an idea about what computers can and can’t do. I’m not surprised about the blog entries. Yeast SEO has been a thing for years, so I’m not surprised that the programmers have taken it a step further, though it will be an interesting development. After all, the best way to appease an algorithm (Google) is to write another algorithm, right?

I even have the option of writing a novel A.I. and joining the Evil Empire. Sell a few copies to the publishing houses and I can spend the rest of my life playing chess with my robot servants on my yacht. But I’m not interested.

You make it sound like I had a choice in my painful meanderings, living out both my parents’ dreams. My road was chosen for me, just like yours was. I just don’t think computers will be wasting their time writing and designing books. They have better things to do.

At any rate, people still need the Gospel, and it’s people that God wants to save, not computers. So if the computers want to do economics, that will free me up for more ministry work, provided that I don’t starve and die. Why would an A.I. proclaim the Gospel? I’m pretty sure that’s up to humans.

And that’s the real thing that I’ve gained from my past that you still have to learn - all I need is God and me, in the end. I can work with any situation and I’m not helpless. Maybe that’s why I play chess. Sure, it helps to have a few simple tools, but the rest is matchsticks that will change with the tide. In order to present the Gospel, one must be willing to work with and be in the presence of imperfect people instead of throwing them out like so much trash. To weather the emotional convulsions that a new relationship came sometimes bring, and to know the subtle differences between a person out to destroy you and a forest of misunderstandings. In the face of conflict, stay the course, apply the Scripture, and fight it out. Don’t quit.

All of the men I’ve considered since my calling possessed a skill I lacked for its attainment.

I would say that my life also follows this pattern, though given that the skills were debate, poetry, and chess lol, I’m a bit baffled as to what that calling might be.

A more probable theory is that each of the men contained a skill that I needed for my healing journey, a kind of push forward to help me learn things, dissolve illusions, and heal up. It was important to follow the Scriptures in each of these interactions, to realize that these were not viable relationships, and keep my distance. When someone is carrying a skill, the skill is what you want and not the person. Take the skill and go, it’s yours. Learn it.

We’re creatures of habit. Oftentimes people who are mistreated expect it or head it off in their interactions. There’s an emotional fallout. You pay the price for their mistakes and the wrongs they’ve endured. You’re not responsible but you’re left with the mess.

You have to know their story and whether they’ve healed or not. Don’t take on a project. Letting go is a choice. As is forgiveness. A lot of people relive their pain and you’re part of the saga. It usually results in conflict.

This is true, unfortunately. Also unfortunately, you can choose to forgive and move on, but the psychological anchors will still hang on unless you go through and root them out.

Going through abuse changes your view of the world. You see shadows and danger in every corner. You’ve seen the depths of how bad sin can be and you don’t want to trust anyone again.

Yes, it’s important to be wary. We live in a fallen world. But at the same time, when the darkness closes in I’ve found that the danger is much bigger than what I thought it was. It’s a matter of correcting your mind’s errors and to realize that you’re not in as much danger as you think you are. Most people don’t know how to hurt you the way your abuser did, and most people don’t want to. If they actually are, there are signs to see, and you’ll know.

People who are accustomed to chaos usually draw it or create it. You have to recognize stormy personalities and avoid them. Don’t allow the spiel about previous hurts or trauma to wear you down. Because you’re in for a ride. A lifetime of outbursts, meltdowns, and knee jerk reactions.

Yep. I had to deal with someone like that not too long ago. Some teenage girls tend to be like this - it’s part of their stage of life.

Healthy people don’t regurgitate their pain. They’re not talking about abuse or former abusers either.

I try not to.

Unfortunately, it still comes out. It’s hard to avoid talking about your family. In the context of a marriage, eventually he would have to know. There would be no avoiding it. Might as well not false-advertise. I think my relationship with my parents is patched up enough to get through the wedding, but then he has to deal with these people. For the rest of his life. He might as well know what he’s up against. If he favors my parents’ opinion of me, he could become an abuser himself or resist me if I need to protect my kids.

You don’t want to mate with someone who spends their life punishing you for another’s wrongs.

I would never do that. At least, not willingly or intentionally. My future husband, should he exist, isn’t responsible for what my dad did in the past.

I have zero tolerance for arguments and fits of temper. Everyone knows how to control themselves and if you don’t there’s medication to help you.

While I agree that temper fits and shouting are terrifying and scary, medication (?!) is not the answer. Family relationships are intimate, soft, and delicate and cannot withstand the force of such anger without damage. The key is uprooting the lies that make you want to hurt people, not drugging your emotions away. Because they always come back. You have to look to the beliefs behind your emotions in order to change them.

The same remedy for out-of-control anger works for out of control pain or fear. In the later stages of recovery, merely acknowledging the psychological cause of the emotion diffuses its power. You can move on then.

That’s the primary reason I don’t have single friends. Few Christians thrive in that season. They’re miserable and you hear it eventually. Again and again and again.

I think this is an unfair generalization. Out of all of the miseries I have suffered, few have come from being single. As a matter of fact, more of them have come from looking at marriage like one might look at a pit filled with evil hissing snakes below.

Do I thrive? Perhaps it is better to look at the fruit. An experience of mine corrected my church from going on a deadly theological course. My poems have stood as witness to unbelievers at school, and another terrible abuse case was impacted by said poems. Internally, the results are more obvious: lack of emotional pain, more mental clarity, a better friend group, a few more digits in my bank account. But in other ways, I don’t know how God has used me or my witness. Such is life, isn’t it? Aside from my past, I am content.

I suppose that my contentment comes from knowing that there is much worse things than a guy ghosting you or not being offered a date. But I don’t have to firm things up with my will. I think I might have suffered more from people who assume I’m miserable for being alone or somehow inferior for all that than the actually being alone itself. Because when the kids get hurt by Grandpa, we will all suffer together. Marriage looks less like a blessing and more like a crushing weight.

In view of everything, perhaps it is better to consider myself disqualified from marriage. But that’s my decision. Isn’t it? And the past has taught me that’s easy enough to say until the next romantic attraction hits me like a ton of bricks.

The truth is that single folk aren’t inferior to married people, and in terms of Christ, we have numerous advantages. Our bodies tell us otherwise, but we don’t have to listen.

But if that is what you actually believe, what are you doing here? Why are you talking to us, the inferior single creatures? You’ve won your prize and your escape, the man of your dreams. We’ll only drag you down. The rest of us don’t need someone looking down on us and telling us what to do. If you wish to advise us, remember that we are all equal before God.

 

[bèlla]

You make it sound like I had a choice in my painful meanderings, living out both my parents’ dreams.

I don’t know what happened in your home. What you did or didn’t experience. And I don’t know you or your parents. Whatever did or didn’t occur has no bearing on my comment.

As for my remarks to @Vinter. It has nothing to with you, your pain or your experiences. I’m speaking to him. If others can glean from what was said that’s fine. And if they don’t that’s okay.

But I’m not going to apologize or modify anything I said. If it touches a nerve its not my fault. We’re responsible for our reactions. If certain things push a button or resurrect former hurts perhaps they’re best avoided.

You’re projecting a lot and seem to be bothered when my thoughts oppose your experiences. You’re not the only one here that’s been through something.

The rest of us don’t need someone looking down on us and telling us what to do. If you wish to advise us, remember that we are all equal before God.

If you truly feel that way stop engaging with my posts. The remedy is easy. You don’t have to like them or comment. You choose to do so. If I’m all the things you say why do you bother? If I felt the same I’d leave them alone.

I’m not responsible for your hurt or the consequences from the things you experienced. I’m not your whipping post. You can’t lash out me because of the past or something I said caused a negative reaction.

If you had responded differently I would have addressed your remarks and tried to give an encouraging word and assurance. But I don’t have time for blame.

You’ve said your peace and I’ve done the same. There’s nothing more to be said.

 

[Sketcher]

One of those 17 skills is programming and web design, so you’d think I’d have an idea about what computers can and can’t do. I’m not surprised about the blog entries. Yeast SEO has been a thing for years, so I’m not surprised that the programmers have taken it a step further, though it will be an interesting development. After all, the best way to appease an algorithm (Google) is to write another algorithm, right?

Ugh, I am not a fan of Yoast SEO. If you want your site to run faster, turn it off.

 

[linux.poet]

As for my remarks to @Vinter. It has nothing to with you, your pain or your experiences. I’m speaking to him. If others can glean from what was said that’s fine. And if they don’t that’s okay.

If you don’t want other people to respond, why do you post these where other people can read them? Take them to private message. It’s rude.


I just took the opportunity to provide an bit more information about the topics you were addressing. You’re not the only valid perspective on that subject any more than I am.

If I’m all the things you say why do you bother? If I felt the same I’d leave them alone.

I don’t stand idly by and watch people get hurt and misinformation get spread when I can do something about it.


Condescending behavior corrodes a forum and it hurts. I have came across this before in someone else, but that was from 11-6 years ago, and so I don’t mark it on hair-trigger. But I listened to his victims. Unfortunately, I ended up doing it myself at one point later on, using people’s pain as a mark to ignore what they were saying and consider them inferiors, and I regretted that mistake and turned away from it when they pointed it out. Thus, I am not superior to you.


But I learned from that. If someone is coming at me with pain I’ve dragged up, I take it and help them through it, not blame them for bringing it to me and telling them their behavior is unacceptable. Because I could be in the wrong. This doesn’t require being a therapist. It requires listening instead of dismissing and grading. That’s it.

If you had responded differently I would have addressed your remarks and tried to give an encouraging word and assurance. But I don’t have time for blame.

It is not your place to grade my behavior or the tone of my comments. You have no authority over me, and complaining about how I speak is a form of caretaker codependency.

Remind them of this, and warn them before the Lord that they are to avoid wrangling over words, which does no good but only ruins those who are listening.

Whoever teaches otherwise and does not agree with the sound words of our Lord Jesus Christ and the teaching that is in accordance with godliness is conceited, understanding nothing, and has a morbid craving for controversy and for disputes about words. From these come envy, dissension, slander, base suspicions, and wrangling among those who are depraved in mind and bereft of the truth, imagining that godliness is a means of gain.

I grew up with parents locked in the codependency cycle, and whenever you complain about my words it tempts me to close the circuit, take on the change codependent role and throw my rage at you in an attempt to change you. So far I have resisted this urge without the use of medication, but you’re provoking me. Only God will change you, I know, and any of that anger avails nothing. I’m responsible for my anger, too.


Have an excellent day in the Lord.