Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

[SnowyMacie]

I agree. But I think it goes further. For example two identical twins courting a woman, all things are the same but one guy doesnt date as much and stays away from certain social spots due to his beliefs. The other has been seen by the woman being courted in the constant company of females. 9 of 10 times who will that woman choose? I put my money on the cassanova.

You are right, I wish I had the time to explain why, but I'm about to leave for work so I'll just go with the short answer. Have you ever had a crush on a girl and then saw her with another guy, who wasn't her boyfriend, but suddenly became more attracted and felt like you had to "win her" or on the other hand met a cute girl and realized she never hangs around other guys and thought "that's strange" and thought something was weird with her? It's the same reason you care so much what your friends think of your bf/gf, we like our tribe and want to be like our tribe. "This guy is obviously a good mate if other women think so as well, so something must be weird about his twin if other women don't think so."

 

[buzuxi02]

"This guy is obviously a good mate if other women think so as well, so something must be weird about his twin if other women don't think so."

The first part of your post has never been a problem for me. But the above hits the nail on the head. Modern Women are hypergamous. They think they are trading up by marrying sloppy seconds. But this is what society promotes so we must deal with it

 

[MiniEmu]

Is this going to turn into a "what women want" thread, as told by men? I mean, you lovely gentlemen have a host of experience which is always enlightening, but sometimes I wish I could be a fly on the wall of your lives so I can see the things you do.

 

[redblue22]

Cheating leverage is not a good way to build a relationship. I myself don't want someone to want me because I have game on. I'm a real person with all sorts of wants, needs, emotions, thoughts. I want to be wanted as the real person I am. That means my confidence is not always on high. Can you imagine marrying someone and you have to wear a mask every day for the rest of your life for them to want you?

 

[LoveDivine]

Women are attracted to CONFIDENCE. I'm 5'7", have an average build, and probably a 6.5 out of 10 on the looks. I can name plenty of reasons why women wouldn't date me, but I don't, I focus on the things that I have going for me: humor, intelligence, CONFIDENCE. Douchebags are great at showing confidence.

Totally agree. Almost everyone has something they feel self-conscious about. The quickest way to turn a girl off is to complain about how women never give you a chance and have unfair standards. It seems like some guys shoot themselves in the foot. Most women respond well to a guy who is secure and somewhat confident.

 

[LoveDivine]

I agree. But I think it goes further. For example two identical twins courting a woman, all things are the same but one guy doesnt date as much and stays away from certain social spots due to his beliefs. The other has been seen by the woman being courted in the constant company of females. 9 of 10 times who will that woman choose? I put my money on the cassanova.

I disagree. I have gone out with guys that told me they had little dating experience. I never saw that as a negative. In many ways, I saw that as a positive and I preferred that. I don't value a person based on what other people think of that person. I am sure that many other women would feel the same. The key here though is what type of women are these guys approaching. Nice women with values are going to appreciate nice guys who are gentlemen. Sure, there may be lots of women who don't or despise more sincere guys, but are they really the type that a decent Christian man would want to marry anyway?

 

[buzuxi02]

I am talking about nice women with values! If anything the immoral woman will get the pious nice guy after she goes through the carousel and she tricks him into thinking an angel out of heaven fell in his lap.

 

[Sketcher]

I disagree. I have gone out with guys that told me they had little dating experience. I never saw that as a negative. In many ways, I saw that as a positive and I preferred that. I don't value a person based on what other people think of that person. I am sure that many other women would feel the same. The key here though is what type of women are these guys approaching. Nice women with values are going to appreciate nice guys who are gentlemen. Sure, there may be lots of women who don't or despise more sincere guys, but are they really the type that a decent Christian man would want to marry anyway?

Right, but at what point in the relationship did they come clean with that?

 

[Hawthorne]

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[RickyRecumbant]

God created me the way he did.
I am grateful to him.
He has a plan for me.
He has a mate for me.
He made my mate.
When I find her I will be faithful until I die.
I will make her every day like heaven and please her with all my soul and mind and strength and action.
She will be the Queen of the house.
My every thought will center on her.
God made her for me.
I will thank him every day for his gift.

 

[miss-a]

Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.

We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)

The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.

Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.

The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.

So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.

And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.

And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.

Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.

Conclusion:

Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.

Thoughts? =)

I haven't read all your replies and I'm wondering if you've been slapped a few times. However, I have to admit you've got some truth and logic in some of your points that would actually apply to both genders. We all have to re-think the apprearance thing. We have gotten sucked in to the world's secular opinions, again both genders. And there's nothing wrong with desiring a healthy, attractive mate with an enjoyable personality, who can balance his/her checkbook. However, we can take it too far. Waaaaaay to far, and I think we often do. Having said that, I think we all should as Charles Stanley prescribes, "Look your best, do your best, be your best." And from my vantage that's where the guys are slacking a bit.

Here's what I mean. A guy who's perfectly capable of working out but has never done a crunch, but crunches potato chips for breakfast, and it shows, thinks he should be able to score the girl who's drinking green drinks and hitting the gym 5 times a week. Comprende? Now this goes beyond his appearance. This guy cannot live much of a life if he keeps this up. He's going to have chronic disease and chronic pain and be very limited and probably very cranky in a few years. He won't cheat because, if for no other reason, he doesn't feel well enough to. So what kind of life is he really offering a potential mate? And the fact that he doesn't care about himself or what he has to offer is a huge red flag.

I agree it is silly for us women to go after the playboy with the good abs and shiny car if that's all he has going for him. No arguments there. On the other hand, where's the middle ground. The playboy or the guy who's falling apart. Not much of a choice. I'll stick with hanging out with my cat and working out alone. But that's the thing. (Not the cat, who does work out, btw.) Just because a guy looks in the mirror and has to admit that his raw material will never be Brad Pitt doesn't mean he can't work out and drink green drinks and toss the chips in the compost pile. We all need to be putting our best foot forward, and forgive me, but I think much of the time guys don't necessarily think they do have to. I had a guy interested in me not long ago, and I think he coincidentally lost interest when he found out I'm a health nut. He wanted the benefits that produced, but he didn't want to participate or reciprocate. Not cool.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Totally agree. Almost everyone has something they feel self-conscious about. The quickest way to turn a girl off is to complain about how women never give you a chance and have unfair standards. It seems like some guys shoot themselves in the foot. Most women respond well to a guy who is secure and somewhat confident.

Exactly, either directly complain about it or act in such a way where it's obvious you are not confident. The latter of which, I think many guys don't realize how obvious it actually is. Speaking from my own experience, there was a drastic change in even my platonic friendships with women after I became more self-confident and comfortable talking to women.

I haven't read all your replies and I'm wondering if you've been slapped a few times. However, I have to admit you've got some truth and logic in some of your points that would actually apply to both genders. We all have to re-think the apprearance thing. We have gotten sucked in to the world's secular opinions, again both genders. And there's nothing wrong with desiring a healthy, attractive mate with an enjoyable personality, who can balance his/her checkbook. However, we can take it too far. Waaaaaay to far, and I think we often do. Having said that, I think we all should as Charles Stanley prescribes, "Look your best, do your best, be your best." And from my vantage that's where the guys are slacking a bit.

Here's what I mean. A guy who's perfectly capable of working out but has never done a crunch, but crunches potato chips for breakfast, and it shows, thinks he should be able to score the girl who's drinking green drinks and hitting the gym 5 times a week. Comprende? Now this goes beyond his appearance. This guy cannot live much of a life if he keeps this up. He's going to have chronic disease and chronic pain and be very limited and probably very cranky in a few years. He won't cheat because, if for no other reason, he doesn't feel well enough to. So what kind of life is he really offering a potential mate? And the fact that he doesn't care about himself or what he has to offer is a huge red flag.

I agree it is silly for us women to go after the playboy with the good abs and shiny car if that's all he has going for him. No arguments there. On the other hand, where's the middle ground. The playboy or the guy who's falling apart. Not much of a choice. I'll stick with hanging out with my cat and working out alone. But that's the thing. (Not the cat, who does work out, btw.) Just because a guy looks in the mirror and has to admit that his raw material will never be Brad Pitt doesn't mean he can't work out and drink green drinks and toss the chips in the compost pile. We all need to be putting our best foot forward, and forgive me, but I think much of the time guys don't necessarily think they do have to. I had a guy interested in me not long ago, and I think he coincidentally lost interest when he found out I'm a health nut. He wanted the benefits that produced, but he didn't want to participate or reciprocate. Not cool.

This is an excellent point, I don't describe myself as a health nut, but I take care of myself. I've mentioned the point to CCHIPPS several times about the fact there's nothing wrong with desiring a healthy, attractive spouse. If I'm just chilling around, or even just going to be hanging out with close friends at their place, I'm not nearly as concerned with personal appearance as say, going out for drinks.


I'll also add this: You can be the most gentlemanly man in the world and treat women all the right ways, but that doesn't make you entitled to be with a woman. Yes, women do what to be treated the right way, but they want more from their potential mate as well.

 

[Messy]

I had a guy interested in me not long ago, and I think he coincidentally lost interest when he found out I'm a health nut. He wanted the benefits that produced, but he didn't want to participate or reciprocate. Not cool.

Lol yes my ex brother in law was so fat and only ate junk food but he had to have someone who was thin. Being fat yourself and judging a woman for being overweight, lol. He found a girlfriend who was really thin and ate super healthy and she did nothing but nag that he had to eat healthy too, she really put him on a diet. No you may not have this, no you may not have that. Oh my. One guy in church also had such a woman. When he was from home with us he'd go to a restaurant and eat something without her knowing it and told us: Don't tell her!

 

[LoveDivine]

Right, but at what point in the relationship did they come clean with that?

I have had a few guys tell me this right from the beginning. In my opinion, it is okay for a guy to be a little nervous or shy. I can be shy at times too. That is not the same thing as being insecure. It all really depends on how a guy presents himself. Being honest and admitting that you don't have a lot of dating experience or that you can be a little shy is not the same thing as complaining that women don't like you. A guy can matter of factly state that he hasn't dated a lot or he can say it full of angst and complaints. I think a guy who is comfortable just being himself and doesn't feel the need to put on a facade, demonstrates confidence. I don't ever see the point in bringing up past failed relationship experiences when you are getting to know someone. It just makes everything negative. It takes the focus away from being interested in getting to know the new girl and enjoying her company. If I was in that situation, I would come away thinking the guy wasn't really interested and was still emotionally invested in his past. That's not really attractive in my opinion.

 

[com7fy8]

I think I get what is being said . . . that a guy who is desirable to worldly women can get away with using more than one woman, at once. Because he has what worldly women want, he can find another if any cheated woman dumps him.

And because he has people who accept him and even approve him, he thinks he must be an ok person so that what he does must be ok. I read how a serial pedophile predator cleric had a sister who was so sure he is such a kind person . . . because of how he treated her. A horrible person can suppose that because one person praises him or her, that horrible person must be great and therefore ok to do even serial psycho stuff. And, like this, a cheater or abuser can think he or she is fine, but only because of fooling certain people into thinking they are great people.

Now, yes I have heard ones claim that "women are vain". But being vain includes being overly concerned about how you look and what things look like. Well, don't men make a big thing about what a woman looks like? This is vain, too!! Spending hundreds or even thousands on sports tickets, or hours and hours on fishing or TV . . . is not vain?? We all were born in sin!

So - - if you are truly an honest person, you do not need to be upset that cute and socially accepted girls are not interested in you. Possibly, they want someone who looks great, has money, charms them, and talks smart. So, why would you want to be accepted by a girl who does not know how to love? Even church woman can be a problem; so if I get upset and downcast about not being accepted by a church culture charmer and smart talker, this is my fault > I need to get real with God in love, so I can tell the difference and find a real one.

One thing I keep noticing is how a really Christian lady never makes me feel like I am less than she is, plus with a real woman I don't have to act like a beggar for her attention. But she will use discernment, about if we belong together and how much time she should spend with me . . . since Jesus has her loving any and all people > Matthew 5:46. We need to humble ourselves with real ladies, because there are all the others who they are good for, too. We love others as ourselves, by encouraging our real women to love any and all others, and not only us.

 

[buzuxi02]

This has nothing to do with good looking fellas or ugly ones. The good looking individual will attract like to like. And beauty in a woman covers a multitude of sins. Nothing to debate there.

But the question is why are modern day women attracted to ex-cons, alcoholic night owls and tattooed up freaks. What makes a guy with a criminal record more desireable than one without. What makes a guy with a tattoo sleave who spends most of his money on night life more interesting. The sad answer is because douchebags are more interesting than a christian on friday night studying scripture.

 

[Messy]

.

 

[LoveDivine]

This has nothing to do with good looking fellas or ugly ones. The good looking individual will attract like to like. And beauty in a woman covers a multitude of sins. Nothing to debate there.

But the question is why are modern day women attracted to ex-cons, alcoholic night owls and tattooed up freaks. What makes a guy with a criminal record more desireable than one without. What makes a guy with a tattoo sleave who spends most of his money on night life more interesting. The sad answer is because douchebags are more interesting than a christian on friday night studying scripture.

I'm sure this is the case for some women, but definitely not all. My issue with this thread is that it generalizes women into one stereotype. A douchebag is never going to be appealing to a woman that is genuinely following Christ. If someone would prefer to be with a guy that is more interested in clubbing and misusing other women, what does that say about that woman? I wouldn't consider that type of woman to be taking her own faith all that seriously. Like attracts like, in many cases. This brings me back to my original point: what type of girls are these guys who are complaing, pursuing?

 

[SnowyMacie]

But the question is why are modern day women attracted to ex-cons, alcoholic night owls and tattooed up freaks. What makes a guy with a criminal record more desireable than one without. What makes a guy with a tattoo sleave who spends most of his money on night life more interesting. The sad answer is because douchebags are more interesting than a christian on friday night studying scripture.

First off, the idea that you are either out getting wasted, having promiscuous sex, etc. or are the dullest person on Earth is a false dichotomy.

You answered your own question. I've never met a woman, and frankly not many men who find their ideal Friday night is sitting around reading or just talking. Sure, staying in to just have a movie night or game night is fine once in a while, and spending "alone" time together is always great, but people want to do stuff. If you want to a meet someone who is content staying at home most Friday nights to read, join a book club or start looking at your bookstore. Most people are not that type of person, however, and want to do other stuff. That doesn't mean go out and get drunk, it could mean go to the movies, dancing, sports game, see a play, see a concert, go out to eat, go shopping, play mini golf, have a game night, DO SOMETHING. People are attracted to interesting people who have interests they like or have themselves, if you are only attracted to women who aren't attracted to you, I would suggest re-thinking who you are interested in dating. The reason that women are attracted to those guys is because they are fun and interesting.
Relationships are just like friendships, how many friendships do you have where you never go out do anything together? Part of getting closer to another someone by doing stuff with them as you do talking to them, if anything, you probably get to know them better.

 

[timewerx]

I like guys who can woo (not the typical hey sexy kind. The guys who woo by being gentlemen). I like guys who are funny, as I think humor is important and can keep a couple together. However, I like more than that. I like a guy who takes care of his lady (and yes, I would return the favor by caring for him). I like guys who read their bibles, volunteer their time, and devote their lives to God.

Eeek! Red flag!!!

I do know a guy who fits that description and guess what?? Turned out to be a cheater and player!! In fact, he already had two abandoned children in two different women! What an evil guy!

Perhaps, it's a good idea for me to open a new thread about this because I know a really good cheater and manipulator and I have come to learn ways to discern very crafty cheaters like him. They literally act/pretend to be something they are not even for long periods of time just to get what they want...and are very good at it. I know the red flags!!