Do ladies only like guys with "cheating leverage"?

[CCHIPSS]

Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.

We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)

The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.

Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.

The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.

So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.

And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.

And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.

Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.

Conclusion:

Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.

Thoughts? =)

 

[MiniEmu]

You make some interesting observations.
I need to sleep before replying to this, but I'm replying now to remind myself to reply .

 

[LoveDivine]

Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.

We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)

The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.

Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.

The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.

So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.

And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.

And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.

Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.

Conclusion:

Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.

Thoughts? =)

I realize that good looking men (I'd add women) can have more opportunities to cheat. The more handsome a man is the greater the chance that many women will find him attractive. My agreement with your post stops there though. I do not think that we can automatically equate good looks to bad moral character. What I mean by that, is that any guy who professes Christ (I'm assuming this post is about Christian women looking for a spouse) and is a serial cheater has a bad moral character. Plain and simple. Outward appearance has nothing to do with inward morality. As Christians we usually stress this for those that have a plain outward appearance but a good heart. It works in the reverse too. There is a tendency to equate good looks to shallowness/womanizing etc. This isn't factual. Sure, a good looking person may have to deal with more temptations than an average person does. That doesn't mean that all good looking guys end up succumbing to temptation more though. I'd also add that a less attractive man who doesn't cheat because he doesn't have the opportunity to do it, isn't really a great catch, lol.

I do agree that some women are only consumed with looks/status. I'd agree that these women develop a pattern of choosing partners that are not faithful. This isn't necessarily because they choose good looking guys. It is because they don't exercise wisdom and seek out guys who demonstrate Christian qualities. I don't like any line of reasoning or thinking that says that good looking people tend to be shallow and plain looking people tend to be honest and faithful.

I think we need to be careful not to project our dislike of shallow good looking people on to all good looking people we meet. Women are notoriously bad for doing this to other women. Many men also pass over kind and sweet women, because they aren't pretty or flashy enough for their tastes. That doesn't give women the right to bash other more beautiful women. I read into this post (perhaps you don't intend it to be that way) as being too similar to the "nice guys finish last complaint." I have met many decent guys who were good looking and were faithful in their marriages and they avoided compromising situations. So in reality, I think a guy's appearance has very little bearing on how faithful he will be in the marriage.

 

[Tom Mix]

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16 (NKJV)

 

[blackribbon]

Men who cheat come in all personalities and looks (same goes for women)... homely men or intraverts are not immune from affairs...a lot depends on the reason they cheat. If the spouse rejects his/her mate on a regular basis, I would suspect that the chances of an affair increase substantially. However, if you are saying that a person has a problem staying true while dating, then yes, I'd expect the chances of them being loyal in marriage are substantially lower.

I don't believe this is a single sex issue. If a person is dating someone who is out-going and a flirt and they overlook that their dating partner doesn't always understand where loyalty boundaries exist, then maybe this is true. I also would kind of expect that they are not being honest and believe they are "dating up" and are willing to make compromises in order to keep this beautiful outgoing partner....thinking that for some reason, the behavior will stop once they are married...while the partner assumes that their behavior is acceptable to you or maybe doesn't even own the filters to be aware of what might be perceived as inappropriate behavior.

If someone continually finds that they are dating men (or women) who cheat or lie, I would suggest that they look at their dating criteria and what it is that attracts them to this kind of man and what makes the men think they can use them this way? There are very few adjectives that can be applied to ALL men or ALL women...and if you are making those kinds of statements, it is time to find a different social circle and maybe do some real deep self-examination.

 

[KandiJo]

Well to base things off your question in the title.

As a lady I do see myself liking some guys with "cheating leverage". You stated that "womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active" are all cheating leverage. I like guys who can woo (not the typical hey sexy kind. The guys who woo by being gentlemen). I like guys who are funny, as I think humor is important and can keep a couple together. However, I like more than that. I like a guy who takes care of his lady (and yes, I would return the favor by caring for him). I like guys who read their bibles, volunteer their time, and devote their lives to God. So not all traits I like are cheating leverage. I think that secular ladies like secular guys. I also think society has basically told guys it is okay to sleep around and for girls to just deal with it.

I don't expect any guy to be better than my exes. I never compare(or try not to. Which is why I typically wait a while between dating before I start dating again). My exes are exes for a reason. I think that people who do that are typically looking for revenge on their exes by using someone "better" to prove that they don't need their ex.

 

[EazyMack]

Well, I learned a new term today.

 

[KitKatMatt]

All of the underline/bold makes me feel like I'm reading a rant on Facebook by an angry mom. It gives the impression that one is being yelled at, or talked down to like a child (with special EMPHASIS on THESE THINGS like I have no ability to READ THEM MYSELF).

Like, you hit that style just right. It's not a good style.

I also have no idea what the OP even means. I've read it over and over and it makes no sense to me. What does "cheating leverage" even mean? "Leverage to cheat" doesn't explain the term. Does that mean they're cheating in the "dating game" by getting ahead of others, or does it mean that they are more capable of cheating on their girlfriends/wives?

 

[redblue22]

Just because I am a good-looking guy does not mean I am more likely to cheat. However, people grow up in a family system and they tend to repeat the roles of that system.

 

[ReesePiece23]

You learn not to care in the end. If a woman wants to continuously throw herself at some Jack the Lad then it's not my problem. There's only twenty four hours in the day, and I can't afford to waste even one of them, so, *shrugs.*

 

[TheOliveSeed]

What an interesting...uhmm... theory.

This is my first time hearing about "cheating leverage".

 

[Catherineanne]

Ok guys grab a coffee and settle in. This will be slightly long.

We have all heard this story many many times. The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

I do not want to offend anyone here. But I am putting forward a thesis that these ladies bring it upon themselves. Now I know this sounds very bad and very biased. But please listen for a second. =)

The problem is that most attractive ladies are only attracted to a certain type of guys. And those guys have the leverage to cheat, or cheating leverage. Those leverage includes womanising (wooing) skills, having a lot of money, being funny, handsome, tall, healthy and active. Basically any positive yet secular traits that the ladies sees in a guy. (Remember the word "secular". This is very important.)

The logic here is very simple really. It should go without saying that a guy with more cheating leverage will cheat more often on average. It is all probability. It is all statistics.

The pretty lady might think that she is special. The ladies might think that this guy (with cheating leverage) is special. However thinking that this relationship is special does not mean it is actually special. Usually it all end up being a statistic median somewhere. An apples doesn't fall far from the tree, so to speak.

Of course there are plenty of guys with huge cheating leverage but yet will stay faithful to their wife. But I am sorry to say that it is more difficult (not sure how much more exactly, but it is harder) to find one such person.

The problem is once the ladies dated a guy with cheating leverage, they want their next BF to have at least the same level of cheating leverage. Some might even want their next BF to have even more cheating leverage, just to prove a point (this is important). And they refuse to date any guy who are more honest/Godly/serious but has less cheating leverage. To these ladies those honest guys just doesn't bring them excitement. These honest guys simply aren't as good as those guys with huge cheating leverage. They don't want to settle for less.

So they end up chain-dating guys with huge cheating leverage. And so they date players, liars and cheaters one after another.

And eventually these ladies will grow older and will be forced to settle for less. And these ladies are never happy with their marriage because they keep remembering all of their "better" EXs with "better" cheating leverage. I feel very sorry for those guys who marry one such ladies.

And this is the biggest harm that our "dating culture" is bringing to our sociality.

Guys with more cheating leverage are better boyfriends, yet not better husbands. However our sociality have taught the ladies that a relationship is all about cheating leverage. Meanwhile Godly traits like honesty, patiences, kindness, integrity and character are often overlooked.

Conclusion:

Some attractive ladies keep on dating one cheater after another simply because they keep on dating guys with huge cheating leverage.

Thoughts? =)

I don't think it is a good idea to categorise people so much. People are individuals; some good, some less good, some really terrible.

Find people you like and spend time with them. Treat them with respect, and make it clear you expect the same in return. And choose carefully.

 

[Tess]

So that was a really really long thing to read.

And if I understand correctly, all you're saying is that more attractive people (guys specifically) are more likely to cheat because they'll have more opportunity because they're attractive. And that girls want attractive guys.

Not sure what your point is..?

 

[dayhiker]

With so many qualification listed in the 1st post, I tend to think there are few people that actually meet all those qualities.
No doubt there are a few and so it made for a fun read.

 

[Messy]

So that was a really really long thing to read.

And if I understand correctly, all you're saying is that more attractive people (guys specifically) are more likely to cheat because they'll have more opportunity because they're attractive. And that girls want attractive guys.

Not sure what your point is..?

Oh thanks for the summary.

 

[Gadarene]

I read into this post (perhaps you don't intend it to be that way) as being too similar to the "nice guys finish last complaint."

It's certainly related. The traits the OP mentions are common to the guys the nice guys are being passed over for.

I don't think the nice guys complaint is particularly inaccurate though. Though not universal, obviously. The defences against it also come across as rather disingenuous. Ok, so the nice guy complaining isn't nice, he's manipulative. How is that different then to the guys the girl he's complaining about do often go for? The problem isn't that his behaviour makes him unpleasant, it's that he's seen as unattractive.

 

[LoveDivine]

It's certainly related. The traits the OP mentions are common to the guys the nice guys are being passed over for.

I don't think the nice guys complaint is particularly inaccurate though. Though not universal, obviously. The defences against it also come across as rather disingenuous. Ok, so the nice guy complaining isn't nice, he's manipulative. How is that different then to the guys the girl he's complaining about do often go for? The problem isn't that his behaviour makes him unpleasant, it's that he's seen as unattractive.

I understand your point. I am not disagreeing that women often make poor choices in their selection of boyfriends/husbands. It is true that many women discount genuinely decent men, simply because they are not as successful, handsome, or exciting. This type of women often repeatedly choose men that will disappoint them in the relationship. However, I find that it is a very common tendency for those who get rejected (women do this too) to resent anyone of their sex that they feel or view as being more datable. To make the blanket statements that men who have qualities more appealing to the majority of women will end up being more likely to cheat isn't necessarily true. If he had limited his opinion to guys who were very flirtatious and "smooth" then I would have agreed. A guy that always has the perfect thing to say to please a woman probably isn't the most sincere. However, he added to that trait, good looks and success. I can't agree there. I think that looks/appearance are not the same as a personality or character trait. To state that good looking guys are more likely to cheat is to ascribe to these guys negative traits based solely on their appearance. You can argue that they also have more opportunities because of their looks. Still, that doesn't prove that person who has more opportunities to do something actually does it. These type of complaints from men or women just seem to me to arise from frustration and resentment instead of hard core facts.

 

[Gadarene]

I understand your point. I am not disagreeing that women often make poor choices in their selection of boyfriends/husbands. It is true that many women discount genuinely decent men, simply because they are not as successful, handsome, or exciting. This type of women often repeatedly choose men that will disappoint them in the relationship. However, I find that it is a very common tendency for those who get rejected (women do this too) to resent anyone of their sex that they feel or view as being more datable. To make the blanket statements that men who have qualities more appealing to the majority of women will end up being more likely to cheat isn't necessarily true. If he had limited his opinion to guys who were very flirtatious and "smooth" then I would have agreed. A guy that always has the perfect thing to say to please a woman probably isn't the most sincere. However, he added to that trait, good looks and success. I can't agree there. I think that looks/appearance are not the same as a personality or character trait. To state that good looking guys are more likely to cheat is to ascribe to these guys negative traits based solely on their appearance. You can argue that they also have more opportunities because of their looks. Still, that doesn't prove that person who has more opportunities to do something actually does it. These type of complaints from men or women just seem to me to arise from frustration and resentment instead of hard core facts.

I didn't get that from it at all. Saying cheaters have a particular level of attractiveness doesn't imply that all people of that level of attractiveness are cheaters. I made the link to the niceguys argument because usually when that's discussed people say they're attracted to the somewhat more neutral traits of guys who behave like jerks in other respects. Conventional attractiveness is often one of those traits.

My other remark was about how poorly the niceguys issue is discussed generally. It is usually blamed entirely on those men being entitled, while completely ignoring other factors - like those women being shallow, perhaps?

 

[LoveDivine]

I didn't get that from it at all. Saying cheaters have a particular level of attractiveness doesn't imply that all people of that level of attractiveness are cheaters. I made the link to the niceguys argument because usually when that's discussed people say they're attracted to the somewhat more neutral traits of guys who behave like jerks in other respects. Conventional attractiveness is often one of those traits.

My other remark was about how poorly the niceguys issue is discussed generally. It is usually blamed entirely on those men being entitled, while completely ignoring other factors - like those women being shallow, perhaps?

I definitely agree with you that women can be shallow. It's true that many average looking guys can be at a disadvantage when it comes to dating. I'm not saying that's right or fair. I would however make the point that many of these guys who complain about the unfairness of this often themselves are guilty of the same thing. How many of these guys are asking out very beautiful women instead of more average girls? Even in the example given in this post, the OP refers to this (maybe inadvertently). He states that most attractive ladies are only interested in guys who have "cheating leverage." Right there, I would say his argument loses credibility. That was actually the very first thing in his post that grabbed my attention. He starts off by saying this is a problem that most attractive ladies are only interested in a certain type of guy. He doesn't say that most women only want certain types of guys. So, the OP is making the distinction right there between attractive and unattractive ladies. Obviously, the interest is in attractive ladies. There is nothing wrong in that. I agree that a guy should pursue someone he finds attractive. I think we need to be fair though. I am all for discussing the shallowness of women in dating, but, we have to recognize that the guys complaining in these cases are probably guilty of some of the same things.

The truth is the more attractive a woman is the more options she has in the dating pool. Same thing for guys. It seems a little hypocritical to approach someone you consider very attractive and than condemn that individual for being shallow when they turn you down or point out that they will only date other attractive individuals. If looks were important enough for the guy to approach her, he can't really complain that she uses the same criteria in her selection. The OP's example seem more like the typical frustration or complaint that average looking guys can't connect with or win over beautiful women. I don't think this complaint is justified.

 

[Messy]

Lol and he's good looking himself.

The ladies often complains that every single guy they end up dating are players, liars and cheaters. And often times it is indeed the truth. The ladies weren't lying. And they go on to say that all guys (or most guys) are pigs.

If you date only cheaters and guys that treat you bad it's just because something's wrong with you or your standards or you're very naive or shallow or you just (believe you) can't get anyone decent or you're so desperate you take one with red flags and are so stupid to believe he will change.