Hello everyone.
I'm a 35 yr old man who has been married for 13years. 2-kids 10&8. We both have 9-5's. 12/13 years of marriage we were landlords with 8 properties. Which we recently sold off last year. We live in a really nice house and drive nice cars. We travel anywhere between 4-5 times a year both as couples & a family. The classic American story (some would say)
So on Nov 8 of this year my wife filed for a divorce because she claims she miserable.
(Some history)
We got married at the age of 22/21 and I cheated between 23-25 right before my first son was born. I seat my wife down told her about everything she decided at the time she wanted to make the marriage work.
During the 13years of marriage she has tried to leave me 3 different times and I've always been able to get my family back. But she's never taking it to divorce. 6 years ago we moved to a suburban home but were separated 6 months prior to her coming to stay with me at one of our apartments. We sat down and discussed the lifestyle we would have and the "do's and dont's of our lifestyle as we looked for a house. We finally found the house. Fast forwarding...
July 2,2016
I booked for my family to go to a picnic at a lake and noticed my wife talking to my oldest son. Saying "I don't want to go to this F_cking picnic your father has us going too"
I was sleep as it was morning called her in the room and asked her where the honor as her husband had gone & the respect. Her response was since April Idk something just snapped.
August-sept 2016
I noticed my wife who was never a drinker started coming home tipsy. So my first ? Was when did you start to drink? Her response would be "leave me alone your giving me a headache"
Each week 3-4 nights she was out w/gfs which I don't care about but I had been asking for 6 weeks to go somewhere with me.
sept 21,2016
I was at a Boy Scout camping trip with my boys and I couldn't sleep I went to the middle of the woods and started pouring out my heart to GOD. Go back in the tent and a peace came over me and it was the presence of GOD. We pack up to go back home the next AM my wife turns to me and states as I'm driving "when we get home I'm F_ucking packing my bags & leaving to my moms" Still moved by GODS presence I turned around with a smile and said "ok" we get home she didn't go anywhere.
Oct 31,2016
My wife comes trick or treating with my boys and more of my family members. Afterwards comes to me and says your right you deserve to have someone who wants to seat across the table from you, who wants to enjoy a drink and food and laugh. But I don't want to do that wit you I don't want to invest in you anymore. It crushed me!
I moved to my moms
Since then I have been fighting crazy hard to keep my family. Since sept 21 but I have also been seeking GOD like never before.
Now that we are separated I've noticed every time we talk she makes it a point to mention we are never getting back together, this is over. Hurt people hurt people.
I'm asking for those that have been through this before. Is there any chance my wife and I will reconcile?
Since I've been apart 2 1/2 months now I've realized I've never been in a marriage where I was shown unconditional love & loved for my flaws like I have loved her. I also realize until my wife can forgive and get rid of the bottled up anger, resentment and Unforgiveness she will never be able to progress in her life as it's now rooted in her soul.
The reasons for her wanting divorce has been the following:
1. We operate out of manipulation & control
2. You cheated on me 11 years ago
3. I'm miserable when asked why (I don't know)
4. I just don't want to do this anymore I'm done
5. We should be able to have a balance of going out & being together as lone as I'm not violating the marriage
6. I'm just not in love with you anymore
7. (Recent) your mean to me
Since all of this has kicked off the seeking for GOD has been amazing for both me and my children. But my wife stayed to my parents who are pastors. "I'll go back to GOD when I'm done leaving him" which clearly lets me know she knows what she's doing is wrong.
She stepped away from GOD 8-10 months ago so she could do this.
She has put the importance of having our with her divorced gfs and driving ALOT more important (she's masking)
I can say even though I knew better I lived a lifestyle of not seeking GOD first. I allowed my family to go to church without me for years!
I smoked marijuana since the day I meet my wife but stopped as GOD showed me how during the tent visit.
But anyone who knows me knows I've always loved my wife first and foremost. My mother in law even states she's not in agreement but will support her daughter.
My wife never clubbed in her 20's she never really dated like she said a real man until she meet me.
Is this a phase?
Will my marriage be restored?
I'm a 35 yr old man who has been married for 13years. 2-kids 10&8. We both have 9-5's. 12/13 years of marriage we were landlords with 8 properties. Which we recently sold off last year. We live in a really nice house and drive nice cars. We travel anywhere between 4-5 times a year both as couples & a family. The classic American story (some would say)
So on Nov 8 of this year my wife filed for a divorce because she claims she miserable.
(Some history)
We got married at the age of 22/21 and I cheated between 23-25 right before my first son was born. I seat my wife down told her about everything she decided at the time she wanted to make the marriage work.
During the 13years of marriage she has tried to leave me 3 different times and I've always been able to get my family back. But she's never taking it to divorce. 6 years ago we moved to a suburban home but were separated 6 months prior to her coming to stay with me at one of our apartments. We sat down and discussed the lifestyle we would have and the "do's and dont's of our lifestyle as we looked for a house. We finally found the house. Fast forwarding...
July 2,2016
I booked for my family to go to a picnic at a lake and noticed my wife talking to my oldest son. Saying "I don't want to go to this F_cking picnic your father has us going too"
I was sleep as it was morning called her in the room and asked her where the honor as her husband had gone & the respect. Her response was since April Idk something just snapped.
August-sept 2016
I noticed my wife who was never a drinker started coming home tipsy. So my first ? Was when did you start to drink? Her response would be "leave me alone your giving me a headache"
Each week 3-4 nights she was out w/gfs which I don't care about but I had been asking for 6 weeks to go somewhere with me.
sept 21,2016
I was at a Boy Scout camping trip with my boys and I couldn't sleep I went to the middle of the woods and started pouring out my heart to GOD. Go back in the tent and a peace came over me and it was the presence of GOD. We pack up to go back home the next AM my wife turns to me and states as I'm driving "when we get home I'm F_ucking packing my bags & leaving to my moms" Still moved by GODS presence I turned around with a smile and said "ok" we get home she didn't go anywhere.
Oct 31,2016
My wife comes trick or treating with my boys and more of my family members. Afterwards comes to me and says your right you deserve to have someone who wants to seat across the table from you, who wants to enjoy a drink and food and laugh. But I don't want to do that wit you I don't want to invest in you anymore. It crushed me!
I moved to my moms
Since then I have been fighting crazy hard to keep my family. Since sept 21 but I have also been seeking GOD like never before.
Now that we are separated I've noticed every time we talk she makes it a point to mention we are never getting back together, this is over. Hurt people hurt people.
I'm asking for those that have been through this before. Is there any chance my wife and I will reconcile?
Since I've been apart 2 1/2 months now I've realized I've never been in a marriage where I was shown unconditional love & loved for my flaws like I have loved her. I also realize until my wife can forgive and get rid of the bottled up anger, resentment and Unforgiveness she will never be able to progress in her life as it's now rooted in her soul.
The reasons for her wanting divorce has been the following:
1. We operate out of manipulation & control
2. You cheated on me 11 years ago
3. I'm miserable when asked why (I don't know)
4. I just don't want to do this anymore I'm done
5. We should be able to have a balance of going out & being together as lone as I'm not violating the marriage
6. I'm just not in love with you anymore
7. (Recent) your mean to me
Since all of this has kicked off the seeking for GOD has been amazing for both me and my children. But my wife stayed to my parents who are pastors. "I'll go back to GOD when I'm done leaving him" which clearly lets me know she knows what she's doing is wrong.
She stepped away from GOD 8-10 months ago so she could do this.
She has put the importance of having our with her divorced gfs and driving ALOT more important (she's masking)
I can say even though I knew better I lived a lifestyle of not seeking GOD first. I allowed my family to go to church without me for years!
I smoked marijuana since the day I meet my wife but stopped as GOD showed me how during the tent visit.
But anyone who knows me knows I've always loved my wife first and foremost. My mother in law even states she's not in agreement but will support her daughter.
My wife never clubbed in her 20's she never really dated like she said a real man until she meet me.
Is this a phase?
Will my marriage be restored?