Krystal,
I will offer you this. This is a lot of personal experience on my part, some victory, some places where I failed, other places where I am firm, and others where I am struggling and weak. You can filter it all out yourself, and you may very well understand some of it in your own life. This is more a "conversation" between you and I than "advice" or "Biblical teachings".
I still love my wife. The way the love manifests has transformed and adjusted to the situation(s) she has put me in over the last months. She is still my wife, although that is coming to an end quickly. My love has shifted from a "this is my wife, she is my queen, my angel, my everything" to something along the lines of "I pray that she find You, my Father, and that she not be required to hurt so much as I have to get where You are taking me." This is an honest prayer, also. Her feeling pain, getting slammed by life, or hitting a wall head on will NOT edify me or cause me any sort of jubilation or feeling I was "right". It will be a woman I love/loved getting hurt.
The process you are going through is going to create a lot of shifting sand in your emotional, spiritual, and mental walks. Some days are better than others, and you will make "mistakes". You will be one day angry, one day weepy, one day forgiving, and so forth. Just be ready for that stuff, and be ready to pray it all through. He will likely try to make you believe it is all your fault (assuming narcissistic, as you originally stated), and you will know it is not, but will still question yourself to some degree anyhow. Again, pray and pray and pray. Open yourself up to Him and the Holy Spirit. Pray to God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit interchangeably and often. If you somehow "pray to the wrong one" for a specific need, understand that they sort the mail in Heaven. Just pray as the Spirit leads you in that.
The victory in all of this is His. Not yours. But, He will be glorified and His name vindicated. As you are His child, His glory and His vindication will include you in this. Let Him fight the battles, and you just be a soldier. Listen for His direction and just follow it.
God does not beat His children. You are not being punished. He is not angry at you. You may very well be in a place of learning, discipline, teaching, or correction. I don't know. But I know I was/am. I was not always the best husband or man. Not a terrible one, but I learned a LOT about my sins against God in all of this. Still am. It is making me a better servant for Him by knowing and growing. But separate the shortcomings and sins that God is exposing in your life from "fault".
Pray to become a good wife in this. For your husband now, as long as you are still his wife. The relationship has changed, obviously, and what being a "good wife" calls for now is different than it was last year or whatever. But pray for that. God will sort it out, direct, and show you what that means for today. It probably doesn't mean gingham dresses and aprons right now. Also, in the future, should you re-marry, the training you get NOW in being a Godly wife will easily and blessedly transfer over to the new marriage. In the same measure, learn what you need to do today and every day from now on to NOT get into the same situation again. A mistake was made on your part somewhere. Don't make it again. I pray the same for me, as a husband.
Immerse yourself in His word and teaching. Spend your free time listening to sermons, teachings, expositional teaching, and so on. Not losing your mind in music, but learning His word and His purpose for you. Youtube, apps, downloads, whatever. Just do it.
If he argues, comes at you aggressive, or whatever, just pray. Sometimes "Praise You Jesus" over and over in my head has saved me from fighting back.
I will pray for you on my walk today. Promise.
