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Did a traumatic experience make you unchurched?

Wizzer

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Rick Otto said:
I mean y'all sound like survivors at least.
Atlas, you seem to take in stride what might floor others.
Seekin', you seem to be coping well in spite of the junk.
Jesse seems to draw more on strength from within him than from others...
:cool:

Wizzer gets the "Soul of Wit" award.^_^


Thank you for that award! I just wish it weren't true (that reading the bible is what caused me to split with most churches). But each person must go work out their own salvation (go to the bible and read it for yourself). The scripture is there for all to read. If you can read it apart from doctrinal influences, you will probably make some different deductions. This is what I believe happened to me. Then you will question some of the various doctrinal stances when they are put before you, and then you will find out that those in power don't like to have their doctrines questioned. It quickly comes down to you either accepting what they say as truth, or you disagree in silence - for they generally allow no other alternative. So I have no "home" church, although I attend one particular church vary regularly - but I wish there was a better alternative.

Wizzer
 
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illudium_phosdex

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Wizzer said:
Thank you for that award! I just wish it weren't true (that reading the bible is what caused me to split with most churches). But each person must go work out their own salvation (go to the bible and read it for yourself). The scripture is there for all to read. If you can read it apart from doctrinal influences, you will probably make some different deductions. This is what I believe happened to me. Then you will question some of the various doctrinal stances when they are put before you, and then you will find out that those in power don't like to have their doctrines questioned. It quickly comes down to you either accepting what they say as truth, or you disagree in silence - for they generally allow no other alternative. So I have no "home" church, although I attend one particular church vary regularly - but I wish there was a better alternative.

Wizzer

Won't hear any arguments from me there. That's pretty much why I'm not attending a church now. While reading the Word and working out my salvation, I came to some very different conclusions than many of the church leaders have.
 
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Wizzer

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atlasshrugged said:
Won't hear any arguments from me there. That's pretty much why I'm not attending a church now. While reading the Word and working out my salvation, I came to some very different conclusions than many of the church leaders have.

Yea, I wish it wasn't so, though. And I'm sure you and I would probably disagree on some issues, but each of us is ultimately accountable to God, so we each need to take a careful look at what we believe. There are a few certain things, like the deity of Christ, that are nonnegotiable. But having said that, a church should be willing to entertain that question when asked, and it should be able to openly and biblically defend that doctrine. But it seems that so many pastors/teachers are so ill-equipped to handle such a question, that they would rather avoid such questions in the first place. I could offer several ‘for instances’ of actual examples I have had. One of the latest was over end-time views. A lot of churches push the pre-trib rapture theory - and the church I attend is really big into it - but I believe something else. Well, one time I was in a bible study and a question was directed at me concerning some passage in 1st Thessalonians. My initial response was that since I had a different end-time view, I would have a different understanding than most in the group. This generated a mixed response from others in the group (as I assumed it would). There were some who wanted to know what I believed, but there were others who said that I was not allowed to mention anything contrary to the denomination's official position. And since it was such a contentious issue in the group, I decided to wait and ask the pastor directly if I was allowed to respond openly when questioned during the bible study. His answer was, "Absolutely not." He said I could privately hold to another end-time view, but I was not allowed to say anything about what I believed. On any issue, if I did not agree with the church’s official position (if it had one), I was to be totally silent. His concern was for the "unity" of the body, and he didn’t want people getting confused. What a crock! I know from talking with him and others that they don’t want to have to defend their teaching, and they know it might have problem areas, which, if exposed, might not stand up to scrutiny. So their only defense is to silence anyone who believes differently. And so that was the last bible study I ever attended there - and I doubt I will ever attend another. (I had seen some other things in some other bible studies, and this was simply the last straw.)

Anyway, even though I feel this way about organized religion, I still read and study the bible frequently. And I can come to places like this and question and discuss with others. So I find places such as this much more conducive to biblical study and interaction than any church I have ever been in. But I do believe there may be some good churches out there, it is just that I’m not going to hold my breath until I find one. And I still do go to church, I’m just not involved in any way - but then again, I’m banned from any kind of leadership position because of what I believe (and the pastor told me this), so I guess you could say I’m about as involved as they will allow - which is fine with me. But I do encourage you to find like-minded Christians to keep you strong in the faith. Just because we are not involved in a church doesn’t mean we shouldn’t find those with whom we can fellowship with. So if you ever have a question or need to talk, just drop a note.

Wizzer
 
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JesseRaymondBassett

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Here's a question for y'all:

Would you consider one unchurched if they only go to the men's prayer meetings once a week and not sunday service?


:help:
 
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illudium_phosdex

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Wizzer said:
Anyway, even though I feel this way about organized religion, I still read and study the bible frequently. And I can come to places like this and question and discuss with others. So I find places such as this much more conducive to biblical study and interaction than any church I have ever been in. But I do believe there may be some good churches out there, it is just that I’m not going to hold my breath until I find one. And I still do go to church, I’m just not involved in any way - but then again, I’m banned from any kind of leadership position because of what I believe (and the pastor told me this), so I guess you could say I’m about as involved as they will allow - which is fine with me. But I do encourage you to find like-minded Christians to keep you strong in the faith. Just because we are not involved in a church doesn’t mean we shouldn’t find those with whom we can fellowship with. So if you ever have a question or need to talk, just drop a note.

Wizzer

Yes, I'm really not looking for a church right now because not only are we between churches so to speak, but we are also between houses. My husband just got a new job and as soon as finances permit, we will be moving. I just don't see the point of getting involved with a group at this exact moment when we are only going to be here another month or two. As soon as we get somewhere more permanent, I do want to search out either a home church or a nondenominational church.
 
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christandisrael

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atlasshrugged said:
Yes, I'm really not looking for a church right now because not only are we between churches so to speak, but we are also between houses. My husband just got a new job and as soon as finances permit, we will be moving. I just don't see the point of getting involved with a group at this exact moment when we are only going to be here another month or two. As soon as we get somewhere more permanent, I do want to search out either a home church or a nondenominational church.
Pray about it.
 
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Wizzer

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atlasshrugged said:
Yes, I'm really not looking for a church right now because not only are we between churches so to speak, but we are also between houses. My husband just got a new job and as soon as finances permit, we will be moving. I just don't see the point of getting involved with a group at this exact moment when we are only going to be here another month or two. As soon as we get somewhere more permanent, I do want to search out either a home church or a nondenominational church.

Good luck on your move. Also realize that many "non-denominational" churches are anything but non-denominational. What they mean by the term is that they are a new denomination - as opposed to some of the traditional denominations like baptist or methodist. Also some of the home churches are not all that they are cracked up to be. You can run into some really whacky stuff, so please be careful.
 
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ChrisCountryGirl

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Wizzer said:
Good luck on your move. Also realize that many "non-denominational" churches are anything but non-denominational. What they mean by the term is that they are a new denomination - as opposed to some of the traditional denominations like baptist or methodist. Also some of the home churches are not all that they are cracked up to be. You can run into some really whacky stuff, so please be careful.

I totally agree. I rarely go to Church because of my work schedule and I'm comfortable being by myself. I just don't feel comfortable around people because of my social phobia. However, I do feel that I have a strong, personal relationship with God.
 
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illudium_phosdex

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Wizzer said:
Good luck on your move. Also realize that many "non-denominational" churches are anything but non-denominational. What they mean by the term is that they are a new denomination - as opposed to some of the traditional denominations like baptist or methodist. Also some of the home churches are not all that they are cracked up to be. You can run into some really whacky stuff, so please be careful.

I will definately be careful because I understand that there are cults out their that have some really different ideas. I have a pretty good idea of what my belief system is and if I find something that goes against that in a major way, I'll back away.

edit: I have my husband as well. I'm sure that he won't let us be swayed in the wrong way.
 
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TheAJKMan

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I generally avoid the institutionalised churches these days cos I know I won't feel comfy there. I also know that I'm bound to disagree on certain things and am not likely to shut up. Unfortunately most churches seem to talk the talk in terms of being open to correction, but the walking the walk bit seems to elude them. Besides, I'm a tough SOB and can survive on my own in the time it takes me to find a feloowship that I feel I can be a prt of.

TheAJKMan
 
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ShulamiteBride

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Hisrosebud said:
Yes,

We left our church after 7 years of extreme faithfullness. During the last year or so we started seeing changes in the church and started asking questions...


We are now recovering from what we call "spiritual abuse". We have come to see that we were in a very abusive, controlling church. The wounds are very deep. We have tried to visit other churches... one we even attending for a while and there was some interesting things that happened there.


So for now, we are home, resting, spending time with my immediate family and making up for some lost time.


We are not sure if we even believe in "church" anymore. A lot of church stuff seems to contradict the bible. If I heard anyone print what I just said a few years ago I would have thought them a heretic.

I am tired now, but I will most more details about what we endured.

Jane

Hi, I'm new. I have been through the something similar. I have trouble sitting in a church congregation because of what I see. I once was very involved in ministry, considered one of the leadership. I've been trying to find a place where I can fellowship, but because I live in such a small rural community, there just isn't any place to go :( . That's kind of how I happened upon this site. When Jesus ministered he sat in the middle of the people and it was fellowship, as all were able to participate. That is what my heart is drawn to. Thanks for listening, I look forward to getting to know you all more.
 
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stelow

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I have done quite a bit of church hopping and found there was none I could trust. They all seem to have there own self serving agendas. I have felt lead to find fellowship, but you have to be so carefull of all the false teachings being promoted. The whole church institution thing seems no different in its dealings with people, than the rest of the world. Money, power, and prestige seem to be there main motivating factors.
 
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GreatBigAl

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I would not say so much of a traumatic experience as a hypocritical one. Or actually several.
I posted a few days ago asking "what is meant by authority of the church" ? I have heard people in traditional churches use that term to the point that it makes me sick to hear it. And No, I do not recognize "church authority" in any way shape or form.

Hisrosebud points out in post 10
My husband and I were afraid of being "lone rangers". We were taught that if you weren't "plugged in" to a body (they meant, their church) that it was only a matter of time before you became "shipwrecked"--that is you would be decieved by Satan and walk away from your faith and make a disaster of your "walk".

Certainly the congregations want to discourage "lone rangers" why? because they don't make any money off lone rangers

Spiritually, many of the "lone rangers" I have met are more secure with themselves than most church members.....I think if you took a psych survey and tested lone rangers vs church members you would find a greater degree of health and functioning in the lone ranger group.

As a kid I was forced into a Baptist Church in a smaller town. There were about 12 different Baptist churches in the town. On any given day the people from one had something derogatory to say about certain members of the other. In a course of about 5 years, we found out that of the 12 pastors in these churches, two were tax evaders (both sent to prison);one abruptly resigned one Sunday when stories of his daughter running away due to sexual abuse surfaced; one had highly suspected ties to organized crime, and one, bless him, was the biggest Racist in the town. I wonder how Jesus liked that !

Later, after leaving the church formally (I sent a letter in to the church I belonged to and let it be known that I would no longer be formally associated with any organized religionm though I might start back when I turn 65 and retire) I was married for a brief time to a woman who grew up in the church of christ, which is about the most destructive thing being overlooked and excused in religion today. Other than Al Qieda

She was working on her grad degree and one of her practicums uncluded running a psych support group for incest survivors. There were 12 adult women survivors of incest, 8 of the twelve had been molested as kids by an adult make family member who was either clergy as in uncle or father) or in one case, an active Baptist deacon.
Kind of makes me sick to walk into a church and look around and wonder if 66% of the deacons and the pastor two are home abusing their kids......

Let me reiterate......4 of the twelve were NOT abused by clergy, 8 of the twleve WERE...Yes it can happen anywhere, but it seems to be more prevalent in the clergy....Hmmmmm
Does Jesus advocate that ?

When I was 16 the local Jaycees sponsored a haunted house. It was open to anyone the cost was $3 and it was a fundraiser. The baptist church we beonged to "banned" anyone in the congregation from attending.

I went anyway

After all, the church has no authority to keep me from going.

It got back to the youth director and several people in the church that I went anyway. They claimed that I had know right to go, I claimed that I did and would again.

About a year later, we moved to a big city when my dad got a job transfer. My parents insisted that we had to find a baptist church and had to get involved. It took them two weeks to find an even bigger crook running a church. This guy was a total loser...ultimately resigned (or was fired) when it came out that he was having multiple affairs with married women in his congregation. I guess Jesus excuses clergy from adultry.

I was long gone from there by the time that happened. I actually quit the week after we joined...or rather I was forced by my parents to join.
The great crooked pastor seemed to forget who I was the week after I "joined" his church. I was offended.
He was a loser anyway.

re: the church of christ (COC) She and her fam,ily wanted us to go to a local COC as that was their faith. We were soon told that we were not to have any contact with any other congregation. Yeah like that happened.
The COC seeks to isolate it's members, kind of like scientology or The Way international, by driving home the concept of "We are the one and only true chruch" CoC congregations rarely, if ever, egt involved in ecumenical or communtiy based faith groups, because, as I was told. "We don't recognize those 'churches' --we are the only TRUE church"

In both the COC I encountered more hypocrisy than I would even care to comment on. The isolationism, the phoniness, I can see where they prey on people's fears and insecuities.
One common theme is the degrading of other faiths. I heard all sorts of things about other religions, from Islam to the New age movement. I have taken time over the years, to study these faiths and talk difrectly to members of them. I have yet to find any shred of truth to anything I heard from these two groups. WEither they are speaking in ignorance, or they are blatantly lying to scare members in order to isolate people away from other faiths.

What we have to remember is that ALL religions, and I mean ALL religions are creations of man. Some people would like to say "Oh no Jesus was God and He started Christianity" All religions were started by humans. Maybe they were following that one whom they percieved as a god, but all religions are a creation of man. and as such, all have human flaws.
Now the COC and the Baptist movement are not the only problem faiths I have encounter. the United Methodist Movement is THE fastest declining faith in terms of membership. Look at the organization structure and the corruption of the leadership there. No wonder it is failing...from the top dwn in fact.

Now I am not all against churches. For those who desire some social intereaction, the church may be a good place. If I found like minded people there, I 'd probably go a little more but clearly people "like me" don't go much.
the inherant beauty of certain religious rituals can be , in and of themselves, eternally beautiful and inspiring. Call me shallow (I have been many times) but if I go to a service, it is to be inspired by teh beauty of the service, not to socialize or meet people. There is nothing more mystical than a Latin Mass, or an Episcopal high Mass. The sights and sounds can be as a work of art. That would be one reason I would go.

As soon as it ends, I am gone without a trace.
That is a good thing

I have seen charitable works by community groups which are supported heavily by various congregations. For example, we might see a community kitchen or a community relase shop that is administered by 12 different churches. People's lives are helped by these efforts. I have no issue with tossing money in for something like that.

Jsut don't ask me to tithe for a child abuser's salary.
Then again, I wouldn;t be tehre anyway
 
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discernomatic

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I wouldn't put the organized churches off entirely. But no matter whether you are looking for an established church (with buildings and everything) to attend or an informal gathering, I think that it is a good idea to put what they teach to the test, like testing the water before getting in. Even if you are already in, you can always get out if the water gets too cold.
 
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New_Wineskin

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I wouldn't put the organized churches off entirely. But no matter whether you are looking for an established church (with buildings and everything) to attend or an informal gathering, I think that it is a good idea to put what they teach to the test, like testing the water before getting in. Even if you are already in, you can always get out if the water gets too cold.

It is a very good idea to test what they teach . Yet , so many of them *teach* this very thing and many people say the same thing . But ...... THEY ..... DON'T .... There are quite a few doctrines accepted *as is* without testing . "Tithing" is one of them . In another forum , it was brought up that a lot of "pastors" taught that a shepherd would break the leg(s) of a sheep that would go astray habitually . People would take this as truth . The person starting the thread said that they did some research and found the teaching to be false .

Oh ... in *my* experience , the informal gatherings don't "teach" anything . Each person shares what the Lord is teaching them individually . So , there is no reason to worry about someone leading eeryone else down the wrong way . :)
 
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