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[Christgirl67]

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[EJ M]

Should a parent be very involved in their child's life once they reach their 20's? I am gonna present different scenarios.A child that lives with the parent,and a child who is currently in college(not living with the parent).Should parents have a say in decisions involving a child choosing what college to go to, what major to pick, how far they go? Should a parent be allowed to have a say in the decisions their children choose when they reach their 20's?

Honor Father and mother is the first commandment with promise.
It does not say honor parents until you are an adult, nor does it say only if they are honorable.
Although it also says we ought to obey God rather than man.
If one honors parents, it is likely your children will honor you.
If you dishonor parents, your children will dishonor you. (Galatians 6:7-8)
Most often the best way is to discuss differences with your parents and see if they can be resolved.
It is always better to proceed with the parents blessing on everything we do if possible.

 

[Christgirl67]

Honor Father and mother is the first commandment with promise.
It does not say honor parents until you are an adult, nor does it say only if they are honorable.
Although it also says we ought to obey God rather than man.
If one honors parents, it is likely your children will honor you.
If you dishonor parents, your children will dishonor you. (Galatians 6:7-8)
Most often the best way is to discuss differences with your parents and see if they can be resolved.
It is always better to proceed with the parents blessing on everything we do if possible.

I agree.I am asking because I was watching a show about people in their 20's who were overweight,and they could not take care of themselves.Their parents had to take care of them, and in turn, when them being so involved and never saying no to their kids,they ended up enabling them to turn out the way they did.So I was just wondering how does a parent guide their child without being too controlling, but not being a enabler and baby their children?

 

[EJ M]

I agree.I am asking because I was watching a show about people in their 20's who were overweight,and they could not take care of themselves.Their parents had to take care of them, and in turn, when them being so involved and never saying no to their kids,they ended up enabling them to turn out the way they did.So I was just wondering how does a parent guide their child without being too controlling, but not being a enabler and baby their children?

One of the signs of the end times is "disobedience to parents"
Christian parents should almost always advise and council, rarely demand.
Jesus' golden rule applies and when practiced, results in love, joy, peace and harmony.

 

[Sabertooth]

Once my children reach majority, the only limits that we place on them is what they may do or bring into our home. Those that contribute to upkeep and abide by our wishes are free to stay as long as they need to.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

I think there are some exceptions where parents need to be more involved with a child that’s reached majority. My son is Autistic and 3 years old. We don’t know how it will affect him as he gets older. While I want him to be as independent as he is able to be, I also want him to have a good, happy and secure life. If that involves a lot more of our input so be it. If he’s able to be completely independent then I’d apply the same rules as @Sabertooth

 

[Sabertooth]

My son is Autistic and 3 years old.

My 24yo daughter is my ward. She has a severe form of autism and a mental age of 18mos.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

My 24yo daughter is my ward. She has a severe form of autism and a mental age of 18mos.

That must be hard. But she has good parents to look after her.

 

[Sabertooth]

That must be hard.

We've gotten used to it over the years. Thankfully, she's pretty compliant.

Her 31yo brother (mental age 6-10yo) lives in a supervised apartment. His meltdowns tended to be more violent. We were at legal risk whenever we had to intervene. Even if we are found to be innocent, court is still a big hassle each time.

The program that he is in, now, has built-in protections against frivolous lawsuits.

 

[whereloveandmercymeet]

We've gotten used to it over the years. Thankfully, she's pretty compliant.

Her 31yo brother (mental age 6-10yo) lives in a supervised apartment. His meltdowns tended to be more violent. We were at legal risk whenever we had to intervene. Even if we are found to be innocent, court is still a big hassle each time.

The program that he is in, now, has built-in protections against frivolous lawsuits.

That’s something that came up when applying for school for my son. We wanted him in a mainstream school with specialist support and they said that only if he has no history of violent meltdowns will they attempt that because of the potential legal issues. The only thing they are prepared to use is ‘positive restraint’ if he goes to hurt himself (either deliberately or because of his complete lack of danger awareness). They define positive restraint as forced handholding and enforced hugging if more restraint is needed (in view of another adult) and they aren’t prepared to do anything else and I can understand why.

Luckily, if you can call it that, my sons meltdowns are rarely violent, they usually are more akin to a horrendous panic attack instead. He also self injures in meltdowns but the injuries I get are collateral damage rather than deliberate. Where I stopped him hurting himself usually. And the headbutts. He thrashes and tries to hit his head against walls and floors and sometimes trying to stop him mine gets in the way.

It rather upsets me that you couldn’t have the same protections as the program as his parents! But I imagine the supervised apartment might make him feel like he has a bit more freedom and independence which is quite nice. And a lot less stressful when you aren’t constantly worrying about doing the right thing for him versus the fall out every time. Means you can enjoy time spent with him instead

 

[Sabertooth]

The only thing they are prepared to use is ‘positive restraint’ if he goes to hurt himself (either deliberately or because of his complete lack of danger awareness). They define positive restraint as forced handholding and enforced hugging if more restraint is needed (in view of another adult) and they aren’t prepared to do anything else and I can understand why.

My daughter BIT teachers & aides regularly throughout her school career. Around 12, I used light slaps to get her to release her bite from me. After a while, she stopped trying to bite me and I didn't need to use them anymore.

Her teachers could not do that (even with our blessing) and kept getting bit. Her bus driver wasn't afraid to go there, though.

 

[Tolworth John]

.Should parents have a say in decisions involving a child choosing what college to go to, what major to pick, how far they go?

There is a big difference between the vote choice and your question.
If the parrents are paying for the cost of college then yes they have a large say in which college is chosen.
The student has to make a case for why a more expencive college is wanted or why a different course is being selected.

Growing up involves learning to negotiate with parrents and parrents have to learn to compromise.

 

[Sabertooth]

If the parrents are paying for the cost of college then yes they have a large say in which college is chosen.
The student has to make a case for why a more expencive college is wanted or why a different course is being selected.

At that point, the parents' will arises from their capacity as investors. Even my rule about conduct within my house stems from my capacity as landlord. Majority doesn't absolve anyone from those responsibilities.

 

[Tolworth John]

At that point, the parents' will arises from their position as investors. Even my rule about conduct within my house stems from my position as landlord. Majority doesn't absolve anyone from those responsibilities.

Conduct is not being duscussed. The examples is of parrents dictating which college to attend.

 

[Sabertooth]

The examples is of parrents dictating which college to attend.

A non-parental investor would weigh in on that, too.

They could have stipulations like,

• schools from this list,
• majors from this list, &
• some minimum GPA.

If you can't agree to our terms, you will have to find your funding somewhere else.

 

[Christgirl67]

There is a big difference between the vote choice and your question.
If the parrents are paying for the cost of college then yes they have a large say in which college is chosen.
The student has to make a case for why a more expencive college is wanted or why a different course is being selected.

Growing up involves learning to negotiate with parrents and parrents have to learn to compromise.

Sorry I didn't know how to phrase the poll

 

[eleos1954]

Should a parent be very involved in their child's life once they reach their 20's? I am gonna present different scenarios.A child that lives with the parent,and a child who is currently in college(not living with the parent).Should parents have a say in decisions involving a child choosing what college to go to, what major to pick, how far they go? Should a parent be allowed to have a say in the decisions their children choose when they reach their 20's?

Who's paying for it?

 

[Christgirl67]

Who's paying for it?

The parents

 

[eleos1954]

The parents

ok ... because of that do you think it reasonable for them to have a say so?

 

[Christgirl67]

ok ... because of that do you think it reasonable for them to have a say so?

Somewhat.I think its ok for a parent to have a say in what college their child goes to,but I do think that the major should be up to the student.For example,if the student wants to pursue a healthcare career,but the parent says they would rather they study business,I do not think that is fair.But I do not see anything wrong with a parent guiding their child to pick a major that will have good career opportunities.