Donna, I was there once, wanting my husband to lead, hoping he would take his place in the Lord. But when he didn't, I decided that I had better not get ahead of him--so we both backslid
I was so wrong. It would have been better for both of us if I had just kept on growing, no matter what he did. Because eventually my growth would have touched him, and made him hungry to go back and take his place.
And eventually that is what happened. I got sick of backsliding and waiting for him. I decided that this had been the wrong decision. Instead, I decided to get back to the Lord.
At first it was tough. I'm convinced that reading the Word and praying every day is similar to working out. In both spheres, physical and spiritual, it is better to take little steps than to expect so much of yourself that you are overwhelmed.
What would happen if you got up tomorrow and, after months of not working out, you decided to go out for a five-mile run? Well, you wouldn't do it the next day, right? It would seem overwhelmingly difficult to you.
Instead, take little steps. Just begin reading the Word again. May I suggest the book of John? Read just one chapter a day. Take it slowly. This is God's love letter to you, so pray through it as you read, just thanking the Lord for His Word, and thanking Him that He promised to teach you, and thanking Him for every blessing you find as you read.
So you will start talking to Him again. The fastest way into prayer I've found is just to thank Him for every thing He's given you. It makes sense, because Psalm 100 says, "Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise, be thankful to Him, and bless His name" (Ps. 100:4). Just be thankful, and bless His name.
Remember that any sin you confess is forgiven the moment you confess it, for 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness." As you confess, He cleanses. I went through a period in my life where I didn't think I was clean. One night I heard Him say, "You are clean because I made you so." I finally saw it. I confessed, He cleansed. By thinking I wasn't clean, was I saying that the blood of Jesus that cleanses me wasn't good enough? Of course it was!
When you are coming back to the Father, he doesn't say, no, you don't have the right robes on, or no, you're not doing it right. He aches for you to come back. His heart hurts for you. Go back. He loves you so tenderly and so much. He will help you. As you cry out to Him, He is there, and He will lift you up and help you overcome every enemy.
One more thing. I later found the reason I was right to go back to the Lord, whether my husband did or not. It's in 1 Corinthians 7:14 where it says, "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy." According to this, it only takes one person to sanctify their spouse and make their children holy. And that's for the extreme when one of the spouses is not a believer! So how much more this verse will work for you, whose husband is a believer! So go back. Find the sweetness of loving your God again, and don't worry about your husband. You don't even have to speak to him about it, in fact, it's better that you don't--look at 1 Peter 3:1-6. God pours out His love in believers, Rom. 5:5. When you walk in that love, and pour it out on your husband, he will be won without your even saying a word--just by your conduct, your "gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."
Be blessed, my sweet, beloved sister. Remember that you are God's jewel, Malachi 3:17.