death

[renee09]

my friend's brother just died over the weekend. this was his one and only little brother. and i dont know how to show that i support him. he wasnt like a really close best friend, but he was a friend and one i talk to everyday about lots of things. i didnt know his brother.

so any ideas guys ?? i know he wouldnt be opening up to me anytime soon, but still i wanna be there for him.

im also questioning the fact of how can God let this happen to someone like him. someone who is so kind and funny and who helps out anyone who needs it. for example, just yesterday morning, me and a friend were out shopping for supplies to make a scrapbook later that night. we were shopping at multiple stores and we had many bags between the two of us. the plan was to call my dad to pick us up. but i thought it would be more fun to call him instead and this was about noon that morning. but he also told me he was sleeping in till as late as possible. i called anyways. and after much reluctance, did picked us up and even helped us make so food for the get together later that night. he is such a sweetheart.

so why should he had to experience death so young in his life and to someone so close to him too ?? why does God let that happen ??

im just a bundle of messes right now. someone help me please.

and please post answers to both questions.

 

[mrscplus]

Stop by and see how he is doing; if you are able, attend the funeral.

Remember the date, and in 1 month send a note to let him know that you are praying for him. So many people give all kinds of support during the time leading up to and including the funeral, but forget the times after...the firsts (christmas, birthday, mother's day, easter, anniversary of the death)

Let him know that you are there, give him permission to have bad days, and to talk about how he is feeling.

My nephew died at 23, 2 years ago, and the best gift was people to listen, just to be there.

 

[Zebra1552]

my friend's brother just died over the weekend. this was his one and only little brother. and i dont know how to show that i support him. he wasnt like a really close best friend, but he was a friend and one i talk to everyday about lots of things. i didnt know his brother.

so any ideas guys ?? i know he wouldnt be opening up to me anytime soon, but still i wanna be there for him.

im also questioning the fact of how can God let this happen to someone like him. someone who is so kind and funny and who helps out anyone who needs it. for example, just yesterday morning, me and a friend were out shopping for supplies to make a scrapbook later that night. we were shopping at multiple stores and we had many bags between the two of us. the plan was to call my dad to pick us up. but i thought it would be more fun to call him instead and this was about noon that morning. but he also told me he was sleeping in till as late as possible. i called anyways. and after much reluctance, did picked us up and even helped us make so food for the get together later that night. he is such a sweetheart.

so why should he had to experience death so young in his life and to someone so close to him too ?? why does God let that happen ??

im just a bundle of messes right now. someone help me please.

and please post answers to both questions.

Jas 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
Jas 1:3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Jas 1:4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

That's why.

Pray for him. Is he a Christian? If so, encourage him that God has all things worked out, and that God wants to make him more mature, not lacking in anything so his faith can be strong. I've been through a lot when I was a kid, and I can see how God has made my faith strong solely because of the tough stuff I went through.

 

[renee09]

Jas 1:2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,
Jas 1:3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.
Jas 1:4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

That's why.

Pray for him. Is he a Christian? If so, encourage him that God has all things worked out, and that God wants to make him more mature, not lacking in anything so his faith can be strong. I've been through a lot when I was a kid, and I can see how God has made my faith strong solely because of the tough stuff I went through.

he is a christian, i would only hope and help to make him stronger through this. thanks guys

 

[Solidlyhere]

One bit of advice for a person who is grieving: Don't make it any worse than it already is.

What you can do is, NOT ask for details.
What this person is getting from everyone else is: "Oh, how terrible."
Then they will pump him for all of the details.
So he is: Been there, done that.

You can prepare yourself to discuss anything in his Life EXCEPT the death.
Think of things to talk about, happy things.
Then, when he speaks to you, you will be the one person who isn't reminding him how awful he feels about his brother's death.

If he brings up the death, you can give your condolences.
But, instead of offering your perspective of it, ask him for his feelings.
And, if he cries, just quietly be there. Crying is good.
Your strength in this encounter can be a real Healing time.
God called him Home. God knows what He is doing. We don't.

About WHY God did what God did . . .
Ours is not to question what has happened in the past.
Our job, as Christians is to make the best of what we DO have.

Trying to fully understand WHY things happen is not something we can do right away.
Years from now, this man will have a clear-er picture of why.
In the mean-time, just be happy that another Christian has been called home to Heaven.

Life is hard.
The Afterlife is easy.
Someone's Life is easy now. We should be proud that God wanted him so soon.
It's something like that.

 

[rejectreality]

When I went through the loss of my very close cousin, the best thing for me was for people just to be there. I didn't want them to ask questions or make remarks, I just appreciated them being present. That way, if I felt like opening up, there was someone there to listen. I'd suggest just to listen.

As for why, only God knows. I agree with Solidlyhere on this one. Rejoice that God has called another one of His flock home. It's ok to miss him, but you should be happy for him too. There is some rhyme and reason to our lives, but it is not for us to know yet.

God bless

 

[Elijah2]

Go to friends's brother's funeral.

Just by being there is enough to tell your friend that you care.

You say that you are not close friends, just a daily chat, let it remain the same.

If he is a Christian then allow the Holy Spirit to comfort him through his time of grief.

Alway remember men are men, and there is nothing more you can do, but just by being his friend.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I agree with the above posters, just being there for him is the best you can do.

As for your second question, God doesn't cause the bad things that happen, it's the sinfulness of this world. Unfortunately, everyone is a sinner, so if God were to remove all sin, He would have to destroy us all. But instead God sent His only son to die for us, so that we could be saved from sin, and not be destroyed. One day all evil will be destroyed, but I don't think that will happen until there are no souls left to be saved.

 

[renee09]

i just went to the viewing today. the person who came out of it was a totally different person who went in. im thankful for that. now i have happy memories to take with me of brian.

brian is the decreased. decreased is such an ugly word. the one is heaven now. thats better.

im getting better too. im getting to understand how this all works.

but im still worry about my friend. he's just been acting normal if not a little more reserved and quiet. his behavior still scares me. but i have to learn to just give him room and just be supportive of him.

the service is tomorrow. i cant say im looking forward to it but i will be there for support.

 

[madison1101]

i just went to the viewing today. the person who came out of it was a totally different person who went in. im thankful for that. now i have happy memories to take with me of brian.

brian is the decreased. decreased is such an ugly word. the one is heaven now. thats better.

im getting better too. im getting to understand how this all works.

but im still worry about my friend. he's just been acting normal if not a little more reserved and quiet. his behavior still scares me. but i have to learn to just give him room and just be supportive of him.

the service is tomorrow. i cant say im looking forward to it but i will be there for support.

When my 40 year old brother died last year, I was comforted by all of the people who came to offer their condolences. We had a line of people that lasted for 2 solid hours with no break. It is such a comfort even now.

Give this friend a call in a week or so, and just say "Hi" and ask how he is doing. See if he wants to get togethr for coffee/soda, and be available if he wants to talk. If he is not available, then just let him know that you are praying for him and his family. The Holy Spirit will do the rest.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[renee09]

its been a week since the death. and i cant say everything been back to normal. that might take a while if ever. he has his friends there for him. and im glad for that. but for the last week, ive also been calling him every night, just to talk. about anything really. and i hope its helping but im never sure.

he still scares me with the way he's acting. i know he's been expecting it, because brian has been treated for cancer before. he beat it once but it attacked him again. and until recently the chemo hasnt been working for him. but still, it just scares me how normal he's trying to act. in school and everything.

its really hard on him and im just trying to help. im dont know if im doing anything right, but im going to be there for him.

 

[Solidlyhere]

Renee seems to be hoping for gnashing of teeth, and beating of breast: "it just scares me how normal he's trying to act. in school and everything."

What you see as a negative, I see as a positive.
I think you have your reasoning backwards.
It's been a week, and I can imagine that Scott has had a few cry-times already.

The fact that he's been battling Cancer has given him ample time to consider his own mortality.
This fact alone has probably been a HUGE help -- in the mortality of his bro.

Incidently, now that his Cancer is back, he's probably assuming that he will "join" his bro pretty soon.

This can give a person a powerful calmness.
So, Renee, acting normal in public is a good thing.
And, if you don't agree with me, at LEAST don't tell Scott about it.
Why would you want him to start acting like a "damaged" Human Being out in public?

Scott has enough on his mind, without you piling guilt on him for under-acting his feelings.

 

[renee09]

okey, maybe it would help if i post the situation here :

Brian is Scott's 12 year-old little brother. Scott is 16 now, turning 17. Brian recently, just a little over a week ago passed away. from cancer, his chemo treatments werent working for him anymore. Scott is the one trying to act normal. they were really close. Scott is the one im worry about.

that might help everyone. shouldve done this sooner.

 

[texastig]

my friend's brother just died over the weekend. this was his one and only little brother. and i dont know how to show that i support him. he wasnt like a really close best friend, but he was a friend and one i talk to everyday about lots of things. i didnt know his brother.

so any ideas guys ?? i know he wouldnt be opening up to me anytime soon, but still i wanna be there for him.

im also questioning the fact of how can God let this happen to someone like him. someone who is so kind and funny and who helps out anyone who needs it. for example, just yesterday morning, me and a friend were out shopping for supplies to make a scrapbook later that night. we were shopping at multiple stores and we had many bags between the two of us. the plan was to call my dad to pick us up. but i thought it would be more fun to call him instead and this was about noon that morning. but he also told me he was sleeping in till as late as possible. i called anyways. and after much reluctance, did picked us up and even helped us make so food for the get together later that night. he is such a sweetheart.

so why should he had to experience death so young in his life and to someone so close to him too ?? why does God let that happen ??

im just a bundle of messes right now. someone help me please.

and please post answers to both questions.

Hi Renee. I know how you and your friend feels. My nephew killed himself a little more than a month ago. It was tragic and heart wrenching. We sometimes cannot see the "BIG PICTURE" in God's plan for man. But I know that "all things work for the good".
These tragedies mean that we must trust in God even more. Cast all of your cares upon Him for He cares for you and your friend. Tell your friend that he will see his brother again. Tell him not to get bitter against God. I've made the decision in my mind that death must come and that is a fact of life and that I will experience it many more times in my journey through this life. For me, it just pushes me more to tell people about Christ and His Love.
God has you there as His representative to comfort him with God's Words. Let God use you and listen to His Spirit for the Words that your friend needs. You are blessed being used by God for such a time as this.
Thanks,
TexasTig

 

[renee09]

okey, thanks for the advice everyone. my friend is doing well. but well, im still worry about him. maybe its just me. and i know i need to give him time.

thanksgiving is here. and its the first year without brian, my friend's brother. its gonna be hard on him. im gonna call him on the weekend sometime. is there any other more not-so-obvious ways to do this ?? i dont want to seem like im pitying him or overstepping any boundaries or anything.

 

[jsimms615]

my friend's brother just died over the weekend. this was his one and only little brother. and i dont know how to show that i support him. he wasnt like a really close best friend, but he was a friend and one i talk to everyday about lots of things. i didnt know his brother.

so any ideas guys ?? i know he wouldnt be opening up to me anytime soon, but still i wanna be there for him.

im also questioning the fact of how can God let this happen to someone like him. someone who is so kind and funny and who helps out anyone who needs it. for example, just yesterday morning, me and a friend were out shopping for supplies to make a scrapbook later that night. we were shopping at multiple stores and we had many bags between the two of us. the plan was to call my dad to pick us up. but i thought it would be more fun to call him instead and this was about noon that morning. but he also told me he was sleeping in till as late as possible. i called anyways. and after much reluctance, did picked us up and even helped us make so food for the get together later that night. he is such a sweetheart.

so why should he had to experience death so young in his life and to someone so close to him too ?? why does God let that happen ??

im just a bundle of messes right now. someone help me please.

and please post answers to both questions.

I think you start by thinking about how you would want to be treated and what would help you if you were in your friend's shoes. That is what I usually think about before I try and show my support to someone who has experienced a loss.
Less is often more in situations like that. A kind word or a hug or just a nice card or phone call.

 

[Zebra1552]

its been a week since the death. and i cant say everything been back to normal. that might take a while if ever. he has his friends there for him. and im glad for that. but for the last week, ive also been calling him every night, just to talk. about anything really. and i hope its helping but im never sure.

he still scares me with the way he's acting. i know he's been expecting it, because brian has been treated for cancer before. he beat it once but it attacked him again. and until recently the chemo hasnt been working for him. but still, it just scares me how normal he's trying to act. in school and everything.

its really hard on him and im just trying to help. im dont know if im doing anything right, but im going to be there for him.

You say you can talk with him. Here's the thing. It's not healthy to bottle up emotions. I'd suggest an anonymous note, if possible, telling him (gently) to let it out. Cry, kick, scream, do whatever. Death is hard to take, especially at such a young age. I work with kids around that age. I'm 20, and I cannot imagine what I would do or how I would act if one were to die. Encourage him to let it out however you can. He's taking the toughguy stance, and needs to realize that he can't do it all.