Dating A Divorced Man???

[Reborn Again]

I am very stuck in a current relationship. I am trying to make it work before just giving up. This man has helped me remove myself from my own sin, and helped me draw closer to the Lord.

I am having trouble getting past the fact he has been married twice, and in a relationship for 7 years after that, but not married. I pray he has not been married more then twice, but I know he has dated. He is older in his late 40's, but why can't I look past the divorce(s)
he works so much, we hardly see each other, and I know that was a issue in prior relationship as well, but he does try at times, and puts work aside. He also has a big family and I have zero family, and I feel like there is not enough of him to go around. his family lives in another state, but still, I know it needs to be discussed.

I was a single mom for years before him, and had sex out side of marriage
He has 3 children from his first wife, but they are grown up now. I have never been married or even fallen in love with some one before, like he already has so many times. I just need honest advice. Please. I can answer more questions, but he seems a bit uneasy about talking to me about it.

Could God have placed me in his life to help save him? From his destructive patterns and such. He has helped me in my walk with the Lord, and could I get past the prior marriages and allow this relationship to be pleasing to God? Just saying thinking about it is very depressing, and I am sure he has to have some shame or sadness over it. I was so loving and supportive until this, now we are hitting a brick wall.

 

[fm107]

Dear Friend,

This is what God tells us:

Luke 16:18
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Matthew 5:32
But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

I believe that God doesn't want you going into another marriage. Rather you should go and be reconciled to your husband and him his wife if this is at all possible.

To add to this, you look like someone in their mid-late twenties and he is in his late forties - don't you think the age gap is a but too wide?

 

[Reborn Again]

I found this scripture from a online christian quiz :

If you are thirty and your friend is forty, you may marry them even with the age gap.
True - 1 Corinthians 7:2

Yes I am in early mid 20's. I am not sure, that is the problem. This man has helped me overcome so much sin, that I believe age is not important, but then I go back and thikn of his history and pray to God for help. What would Jesus do? Should I move on, or try and make this work?

 

[Reborn Again]

Also, if he repented and became a new creature in Jesus, would that allow for him to have a fresh start, as I did from my sin?

 

[fm107]

Ok, I've read your post over again.

He has been in a relationship for seven years - unmarried? He isn't a Christian then? You seem to say this yourself when you say your trying to save him.

God does not permit a Christian to marry someone who is not a Christian:

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

Do you know that God says:

Matthew 12:30
He who is not with me is against me

You do not want to get into such a close relationship with someone who rejects God. As he is an enemy of God and I wouldn't think you would want to aline yourself with an enemy of God.

 

[Jeffwhosoever]

What do you mean when you say he helped you draw closer to the Lord?

 

[fm107]

Did you quote 1 Corinthains 7:2 out of the bible? Or from memory because this is 1 Corinthians 7:2

1 Corinthians 7:2
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.


Well, ok let's leave age out of this for the time being because it is a secondary issue. Agreed?

 

[Reborn Again]

No, he was married young, then divorced twice, then years later got in a relationship for 7 years and was not married in that relationship.

I do not want to be with some one who is not going to heaven with me, that is why I thought maybe God placed me in his life for a reason, to help him love ad go to heaven

 

[Reborn Again]

I agree. I am young and I have one child from a bad relationship that started at youth, now I am a bit older and I know what I want. Is it wrong to date some one for months and let their past come between things. the more i find out, them ore I pull back

 

[Reborn Again]

I mean he helped me get my life back together after I back slide. I was being 21 and was praying for God to help me, then I meet this man who has helped me learn so much about life. I am now reading a great christian book which I have owned for years but never read till a few days ago. He refers me back to God, but then I look at his past and get hurt and upset. he has not really informed me on it, but talked down mine, however his was not perfect either. I have sinned, and became reborn again.

 

[fm107]

In a situation whereby none of you had been in past relationships, it may have been ok for you to first save the person and once you were sure he was saved then marry. But until he gets saved and your sure he is saved, both of you should refrain from entering a relationship.

However, the circumstance is way different and this cannot apply in this instance. You as a Christian are obliged to do as God says. This man has been in a relationship for seven years without being married. Has children resulted from this relationship?

If I were you I would not even go beyond friendship with this man. For you to get married to him would result in further sin. He has already lived a life of gross sin, he will be dragging you down with him if you were to get into another relationship with him.

My advice is this, leave this man alone, let him go back to his wife and reconcile with her.

As for you, I would stay out of a relationship for the time being. If you are willing, could you possibly post a little about your relationship which resulted in you becoming a single mum? Is there a possibility of reconciliation with this man?

 

[Reborn Again]

they are not together, and have nothing to do with each other. they have moved on completely. My child's father was very abusive and hit me, and is now in prison for many years, so no. I do not think he is my future husband.

I know that his former lifestyle was gross and sinful ,but who am i to judge? I use to sin and lived a gross life as well. I am reborn again, and if he is, then shouldn't we be okay?

There was no children, but if a man does not want to be with a woman, then why should they be forced together? he does not want his ex, and even though I know that, I still am very stuck with accepting him being married twice, and dating numerous times. Like I said, I am not perfect, I use to dance, and now I am trying to live a righteous life. I do not want any uncleanness. He works so much and does not give me the attention I want, but is that selfish to complain about?

 

[Reborn Again]

he was married 10 years ago, and his most recent ex was not his wife.

 

[UnionJack]

This man is not a Christian. I don't see how he can draw you closer to a God he does not believe.

God does not want Christians such as yourself marrying non believers.

The Bible tells you to avoid marrying divorced people.


So how can he be a sign from God? Would God not send someone more....suitable?

I don't think it would be a good idea to stick with him. I think you are telling yourself a bunch of stuff to convince yourself it's ok, but deep down you know it would be wrong.

 

[Reborn Again]

If I meet him as a sinner, would that make a difference? I am now reborn again, with him and love covers a multitude of sins, so may it work if I could get over the prior relationships...which seem s impossible at this time

 

[Reborn Again]

I know. that is why I am here. I use to dance, and that is a very ungodly life. This man helped me become reborn again and when I felt like giving up, helped me to not give up and go to church. We all make mistakes, so could he be forgiven for his prior relationship history? I just know I was a sinner and God forgave me, is there hope for him? he came from family, friends, etc, I came from nothing and worked my way out, we are different in many ways, and I never have been married and want to marry properly

 

[Reborn Again]

Maybe he believes now? He got married a long time ago, but then dated for 7 years with one woman , and women in between

 

[Reborn Again]

I am not sure exactly of his dating history, as he has been very light with me as far as that goes

 

[UnionJack]

Sorry to be blunt but no. Nothing would make a difference.

He is a divorced man, nothing can change that.

Fm107 posted:
1 Corinthians 7:10-11
To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

I've never been in a relationship so i can't imagine what you're going through but it is in black and white (the underlined part). God says no.

 

[Reborn Again]

I know. I ave never been in a real relationship either, that is the problem. I may have sinned, but always lived alone, got by on my own, and took care of my little boy on my own. Can't God forgive him?