Daily Cheer... (5)

davedajobauk

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That was 'the year'
that I took a dive, off of the front garden steps
Knocked all my front teeth out (of my dentures)

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Feat. Rolo, some two years before his passing _Aged 19 years



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We thought we would 'start-out-early' for "Thanksgiving 2018"
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davedajobauk

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'Self-Esteem'



A guy had been feeling down for so long
that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.

He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then
waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist
to make him feel better.

The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took
some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes
with a puzzled look on his face.

Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight
and said, “Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem.
It is very common among losers.”

 
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davedajobauk

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**



A Welsh farmer drove to a neighbours farmhouse and knocked at the door.
A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your dad or your mum home?” said the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,
and mumbling to himself.

“I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one,
or I can give dad a message.” said the boy.

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter Susie pregnant”.

The boy thought for a moment…

“You would have to talk to Dad about that.
I know he charges £500 for the bull and £50 for the pig,
but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”


WHAT DO YOU THINK?
 
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davedajobauk

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rebornfree

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davedajobauk

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:) Thank you Sue Sis'


Profane Polly Tweet

A man goes to a pet store in order to buy himself an exotic bird.
He tells the clerk, “You know I’ve had a number of pet birds in my life and now
I’m looking for something really special. Have anything I might like?”

“Yes sir, I do.

I have a South American parrot rumored to have a vocabulary of over 400 words.

He can talk about the weather, about sports, and about politics.

But I might add, he is very expensive.”

“Well, he sounds just perfect.

Why don’t you bring him out here?”

The clerk goes into the back room
and brings out an exquisite green bird
with bright feathers and a dark, golden beak.

He sets the bird on a perch and excuses himself
to take care of another customer in another part of the shop.

The man looks at the bird and starts talking to it in the usual way,
“Pretty bird, pretty bird, Polly want a cracker?”

The bird replies in such beautiful English the man can hardly believe his ears.
They have a conversation about the recent rains, they talk about the latest bills in Congress,
and even talk about the latest Super Bowl.

The man is dumbfounded.

“I’ll take him,” he calls out to the clerk,
“take him home with me today.”

“Very good, sir,” says the clerk.

They conclude the transaction and the man walks out with the parrot on his shoulder.

As soon as they get to the man’s home,
the bird goes into a loud tirade of profanity.

One four-letter word after another.

On and on without end. The man can’t believe it.

“Look, bird, you didn’t do any of this in the shop.

I have guests coming over tonight.

Don’t you dare embarrass me with this kind of language.”

The bird continues on and on with the profane cursing.

The man gets fed up and throws the parrot into his freezer.

That will quiet him down, thinks the man.

Sure enough, within a minute or two, the bird has gone completely silent.

The man opens the freezer and the bird takes a deep bow.

“Forgive me sir, I will never talk like that again.

I just do not know what got it to me.”

The man is satisfied and motions for the bird to perch on his shoulder
and the man goes about his business.

A few minutes later the bird leans over to his ear
and asks quietly, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Uh, what exactly did the chicken do?”

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
 
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