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Could use some prayers/advice for this GAD/OCD

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by Andben, Jul 5, 2017.

  1. Andben

    Andben New Member

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    Ever since I had a panic/anxiety attack over not sleeping one night (end of November 2016) my life has been near tourture. Or at least, that's how it feels. Full blown GAD and accompanying OCD (of the pure O type, sensorimotor). Meaning I fear that I must manually control breathing and such or that I will be always aware of it and never forget it. It feeds fear, which feeds anxiety and the cycle comes full circle.

    It's stuff like this, but 10 x every thing you can think of. This thing is a like a fire that feeds itself. One fear replaced by another and so on and so forth. Old fears brought to light again... rinse and repeat.

    I realize this is just GAD with OCD but going to a mental health professional and being diagnosed is a permanent thing, like I wish this would just go away so I could be "normal" again.

    It's just so irritating, it can be very difficult to sleep at times which is the main thing since mental wellbeing and health all tie into getting decent sleep. Metaphorically speaking, If I just had an "on/off switch" this entire issue would probably melt away. Half of this whole battle is just getting decent sleep which as many of you know, can be quite fleeting to those afflicted with GAD. I was given an antihistamine (hydroxine), nothing powerful, from my GP and it seems to help on bad nights. But ideally I'd need no help falling asleep.

    I don't know, I'm just really worn down I guess. I fervently pray every day for healing and hopefully that I'll just wake up one day and be my "normal" self again. People can say "it's all in your head" or "just stop worrying" but that just doesn't cut it... it's a way of life now for me, seemingly. It's a horrible thing, to live in near constant fear and have this OCD mess. Very difficult to enjoy things, though I do mange it rarely. I will say this has humbled me greatly. I feel so much sympathy for other people now that suffer from mental issues. I never really knew how bad it could be.

    I guess the purpose of this post is to get some advice on how I should handle this (and vent) . Sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest you know? It's difficult to be alone in something like this with friends and family that just don't understand mental issues. Its literally just me and me alone dealing with this, which makes it feel a good deal worse. I'm struggling between continuing to pray for healing (and hoping it goes away) and actually going to see a therapist over it. I feel like seeing a therapist regularly would help greatly but I also continue to string myself along and keep putting it off.

    I realize this was lengthy and I do apologize, but thanks for reading!
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2017
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  2. Solomons Porch

    Solomons Porch Solomon's Porch

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    Try playing the audio bible nonstop by going to thebiblegateway.com , even while sleeping let it play. The word of God is your weapon :oldthumbsup:

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. Aleksandros

    Aleksandros Active Member

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    I have around the same time - Dec or Jan 20 around, ruined my mind as well one night - odd similarity! It did more or less the same thing it did to you, only differently. I did not have such bad OCD, but I had some heavy issues especially with anxiety. I walked hours upon hours every day - I think there was a time I walked a 100 km either in a week or a month, all at home!

    I also prayed for healing every day, hoping I'd wake up normal again. But I have found that is not the way to go.

    So, is there hope? Yup! Draw closer to the Lord, and you can manage much more easily, and will also enjoy peace of mind, etc. Don't pray for sudden healing - pray for daily help instead and reduction of symptoms. Surrender yourself fully to Him, and focus on spiritual growth - be confident of help.

    I'm still healing, but it was sin and disobedience that hindered me. If you stick with it, you ought to be able to do better than me. Don't worry about the permanence of it too much - I've heard of people being cured of worse things. If it is permanent it will only be with reduced symptoms.

    Get help, but do so prayerfully. Let God guide you the whole way. I suspect this is meant to draw you to Him (that's how it was for me)
     
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  4. Andben

    Andben New Member

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    Thanks for the advice! My brother told me the same. I had recently fallen away from the church and God somewhat since I went to college and the few years after. I do agree that the best way to go about it is prayfully, just pray hard and hope that a door is opened or some path is shown.

    It really does feel like I ruined my mind since that one night. Looking back, I had these issues when I was 12-13 years old but I just didn't know it was anxiety/panic attacks at the time. Same breathing OCD mess as well. I got over it then after a long talk with my parents. That talk cured me for 11 years. Now, it's more of the fear that I'll never forget about my anxiety/OCD and thus it will stay alive and get worse. It seems a self fulfilling thing, and possibly a learned behavior at this point. Hopefully I can reverse this seemingly ingrained thought pattern.

    I think this happened to me because I let this stress build up in me. Stress over debt (more than a years salary), stress over addiction, stress over being single and 24 while literally everyone I know gets married. Now all that stress is made worse because I feel even less capable of those goals because of this anxiety/OCD. Feel like I'm just living for the next day.

    Man, it would be so nice to just lay down in bed and not worry about anything(or anything OCD related) . Just lay down and sleep deeply without a thought as I used to do.

    Oh well, I'll keep praying and believing!
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2017
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  5. Aleksandros

    Aleksandros Active Member

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    Bitter though it may seem to go through as a human, do trust that it is for your own good - it is our backsliding that caused us to have to go through this.

    I know what you mean about the sleep, man. My mind started being very odd during sleep, it made me averse to it. I'm healed of it now almost, though. That's the good news.. it gets better. I have I think, had slight sensorimotor OCD myself, and the fears you're mentioning are familiar to me - just with far less torment.

    I think the Lord spared me torment so that I could be of help to others concerning these things. He is always much, much better to us than we deserve.

    I will suggest reading up all you can about getting experientially closer to the Lord, especially about Bible reading and meditation under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It's amazing the help you can get - even with sleep.

    Hey, you'd said you take medication, right? If possible discuss with your doctor trying out natural herbal remedies - such as lavender, lemon balm, kava, aghwagandha, etc. There's more, and they can be as affective as pills without side effects. Always do your research and never take them with pharmaceutical pills unless it's proven safe to do so.

    Pray about these things - especially if you decide to get psychiatric help, as brain chemistry isn't a light matter to fiddle with.
     
  6. Levi Marshall

    Levi Marshall New Member

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    Ive been suffering since last October I haven't been out of my house since because my mind is just fixed on my breathing and sometimes it feels like I'm going to forget how to breath and feels like nothing is going in add me on Facebook if you have it Levi marshall from Cardiff it's a black and white picture of me and my son add both cause I recently made new profile
     
  7. Andben

    Andben New Member

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    Sure thing man.

    I tell yah, it was the breathing mess first and it snowballed bad on me. I think I've thought of about everything possible regarding this type of OCD. I think I could have stopped this from getting bad had I got CBT type help. But I guess you don't know it's bad till it's bad...

    It can be crippling but there is also hope. I went on a hiking trail in the appalacians where I live and hiked up a small mountain. I just talked and prayed to God about it and everything going on. While I was hiking I realized that though I may be aware of my breathing it is really not a huge deal. Yes, I am always aware of it but I am still here 7-8 months after it really affected me so clearly it's nothing to worry about.

    I still struggle with anxiety and invasive thoughts/OCD in general but I have found a sort of peace with this thing. It's still irritating but it's not as bad as it was. I hope this helps.
     
  8. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

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    I somewhat know how that feels like....its really hellish to deal with. I hope and pray for your healing.
     
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