conversion in marriage

[sparkle123]

Hi. I am wondering if anyone in the marriage forums has converted to Christianity within their marriage, without their spouse. When I married neither my husband or I were Christian. I am now in a process of conversion and attending different church services and prayer groups. My husband has no interest in Christianity, but he supports me in whatever I do spiritually/religiously. I don't have any Christian friends right now, and I am somewhat shy and introverted anyway, so he is my biggest support. I can't share in a lot of what I'm going through (the good and the difficult of conversion, I am also stepping away from another faith to come back to Christianity so that poses difficulties) and feel lonely and frustrated that he isn't with me on this journey, because he has been with me in everything else... just wondering how others have dealt with this, if they have. Any sharing would be helpful. Thank you.

 

[KWCrazy]

My grandmother was a Christian. My grandfather was not until late in life. Eventually he decided that he had something lacking in his life, and he wanted to spend eternity with his wife. He said many, many times that she saved him from Hell. Please don't get frustrated. If he see's God's love in you he'll want to feel it for himself. It may take decades, but it will be worth it.

 

[rivulet]

My husband and I were both Christians when we married.

However, I have a good friend who got married and then became a Christian. Every Saturday night for 18 years she prayed in the sanctuary for him. Then one day she asked him to go to church with him and he said, yes. He didn't convert right away but she said she felt like they were dating all over again. He'd hold her hand and talk about the sermon at home with their two young sons. Then, about a year after he started to come to church he converted to Christianity. I had the honor of seeing him convert and be baptised.

So, don't lose hope. Your husband might not have any interest in Christianity, but he's watching how you handle tough times, and how Christ is changing you. He obviously sees the joy that it's bringing as well.

 

[sparkle123]

My husband and I were both Christians when we married.

However, I have a good friend who got married and then became a Christian. Every Saturday night for 18 years she prayed in the sanctuary for him. Then one day she asked him to go to church with him and he said, yes. He didn't convert right away but she said she felt like they were dating all over again. He'd hold her hand and talk about the sermon at home with their two young sons. Then, about a year after he started to come to church he converted to Christianity. I had the honor of seeing him convert and be baptised.

So, don't lose hope. Your husband might not have any interest in Christianity, but he's watching how you handle tough times, and how Christ is changing you. He obviously sees the joy that it's bringing as well.

He has gone to church with me twice, because I was nervous going alone. We talk about Christianity and sometimes he seems interested. For example, he bought books on medieval Christian philosophy and Saint Francis from a Catholic bookstore we were in the other day, and he has expressed interest in some of the conversations we have about what I'm reading. Ultimately it seems like this is an intellectual interest and he gets a bit irritated if I try to suggest that this is something he/we could explore in the same way we explored Buddhism (which I was practicing when we first got together, which he followed me into because I was so involved). I will keep praying for him and for us because we have other problems as well. Also praying for the strength to follow this call without him. I am already going on retreat in October without him.. it is sad because we have done everything together up to this point, and now it looks like we are going to have to learn to be more separate. I know I have to trust that this is unfolding the way it should, and thank you for your encouragement

 

[rivulet]

It just takes time, my friend. Keep hoping and praying.

 

[Velvetyrabbit]

I can speak from the other side. I joined this looking for advice and info for my situation and ours are the opposites. He is finding religion and I have always seen myself as being more spiritual than specifically religious. I have a lot of intellectual issues when it comes to religion and organized religion as a hole. When we met he wasn't religious, he was raised strictly Christian and had resentment due it to. He was going towards as bad path but I managed to pull him out. However now that he is out he is rediscovering his faith. But he wants me to as well and says it won't be right if we both can't be equally yoked.
Now I feel pressure, our future is now hinging on my finding Jesus. I feel resentment and as if it's an order instead of feeling like his partner.
So I ask you to please not force him. All the questions I am having within myself are now keeping my relationship in freeze. I'm sure he feels confused and maybe even slightly betrayed, you are changing who you are and now you want him to change with the measure of your hsppiness on the line. Either he converts or you will never be truly happy. It is not fair to him either. You can ask him to go to church with you, you can discuss religion but force causes nothing but resentment, fear or hate

 

[sparkle123]

Thanks velvetyrabbit. I do think he is feeling betrayed. He talked about having a dream recently where I took him on a long trip to a new place and then left him there on arrival, running off with someone else. When we first got together he was not on any spiritual path at all and I was studying/practicing Buddhist meditation. He joined up with me in that. Then I kind of switched it up on him... after he was considering making a commitment to Buddhism I was leaving it.. so yes. I'm sure he does feel betrayed in some way...

I havent made any ultimatum because we are married and this really doesn't warrant a divorce. I've always idealized a high degree of intimacy in a relationship, so not sharing a faith or faith community will be a challenge. So I can empathize with your boyfriend but also understand where you are coming from in not wanting to be forced. It seems like compromise might mean allowing for differences and some greater intellectual (and maybe social if he goes to church) independence. It sounds like a really tough situation and I hope that your love will find a way to make it work. Thank you for sharing and showing me the other point of view.

 

[Velvetyrabbit]

I wanted to help and you've shown a little of what he is feeling. It's a very tough situation for all around

 

[mkgal1]

I can speak from the other side. I joined this looking for advice and info for my situation and ours are the opposites. He is finding religion and I have always seen myself as being more spiritual than specifically religious. I have a lot of intellectual issues when it comes to religion and organized religion as a hole. When we met he wasn't religious, he was raised strictly Christian and had resentment due it to. He was going towards as bad path but I managed to pull him out. However now that he is out he is rediscovering his faith. But he wants me to as well and says it won't be right if we both can't be equally yoked.
Now I feel pressure, our future is now hinging on my finding Jesus. I feel resentment and as if it's an order instead of feeling like his partner.

So I ask you to please not force him. All the questions I am having within myself are now keeping my relationship in freeze. I'm sure he feels confused and maybe even slightly betrayed, you are changing who you are and now you want him to change with the measure of your hsppiness on the line. Either he converts or you will never be truly happy. It is not fair to him either. You can ask him to go to church with you, you can discuss religion but force causes nothing but resentment, fear or hate

I think this is valuable advice. Sparkle.....since the two of you seemed like you were on the same page spiritually when it came to exploring the Buddhist faith---what about that did you agree on specifically? Was it what "love" looked like from that perspective? I'm just presuming and using that and sort of running with it, but if that's it......maybe that will remain your foundation of agreement. That's a vital part of how *all* faiths see God (and we know He is love).....so maybe you two aren't that far apart?

Faith is something very personal....and I'm willing to bet that a lot of long-term marriages eventually go through this at some point--to some degree (and maybe having the expectation that if we marry the "right" person we won't is what throws a lot of us off?). I don't think that a couple has to be in full agreement in order for their marriage to be flourishing---I think it's more important to respect/hear/accept the other person's beliefs and give them the room to work out what they believe on their own (but....that doesn't mean there's no discussion--in fact, I think knowing how to discuss even when there's disagreement is a huge and important part).

Maybe something the two of you could do is read a book together and have discussion on that? This may be a good one for both of you (one that won't bring up differences---I don't think--but, instead, agreement):