Confused please help it make sence

[pockleberry]

My brothers getting married on saturday and I'm a bridesmaid I was fine with what I had to where when we bought it a couple of months ago. I tried it on yesterday cause I wanted to see what it looked like before i had to where it at the wedding. I was completly horrified at what I looked like I looked so fat almost as if I was pregnant or something. And then I started to get confused cause if what ppl are saying is true i'm thinner than when we bought the stuff and i didn't have a problem with it then so how come when i looked at it now i saw someone fatter. Are ppl lying to me about being thinner? Is it possible to lose weight and become fatter at the same time? Please someone answer this cause I'm so confused...

 

[convinced101]

no they r not lyin 2 u... the fact is the dress still fits u so u can't hav changed.... if tht makes sense... hav a great time at the wedding....

 

[Annoula]

dear friend,

i don't know if what i'll say is the case for you but it is real.

eating disorders can cause bloating.(i don't know if you have eating disorders though)
bloating makes our belly look bigger than normal . it has the shape of a pregnant belly.

or maybe you are having constipation?

don't stress yourself... take it easy.

 

[pockleberry]

I'm not bloated and i don't have constipation I'm just fat too fat to wanna wear these clothes...yh they still fit me but they look different to me I don't know what other ppl would say...ppl have got to be lying to me cause i look so much fatter and i wldnt say that if i didnt think it was true...how can ppl see something different to what i see? why are ppl lying to me about looking slimer when i look fatter how stupid do they think i am?

 

[bumblebee62331]

I'm not bloated and i don't have constipation I'm just fat too fat to wanna wear these clothes...yh they still fit me but they look different to me I don't know what other ppl would say...ppl have got to be lying to me cause i look so much fatter and i wldnt say that if i didnt think it was true...how can ppl see something different to what i see? why are ppl lying to me about looking slimer when i look fatter how stupid do they think i am?

They aren't lying. As you get deeper into an ED your vision and view of yourself gets warped. You see yourself differently to them. Instead of seeing a beautiful person, you see your flaws and make them ten times worse than they really are. Instead of seeing lovely skin, you see a big belly.

You are getting help...right?

 

[pockleberry]

Sort of but I don't understand how I can see something that others can't I'm still sticking with the fact that I don't have an ED I have some bad eating habbits that I need to sort out but I'm not ill how can I be? All the diagnoses stuff says things like refusing to maintain an normal weight well i have a normal weight I'm not anywhere near being underweight and I don't intend to be I want to lose another stone but then I'll be happy with how much I weight or at the most a stone and a half...

 

[bumblebee62331]

Sort of but I don't understand how I can see something that others can't I'm still sticking with the fact that I don't have an ED I have some bad eating habbits that I need to sort out but I'm not ill how can I be? All the diagnoses stuff says things like refusing to maintain an normal weight well i have a normal weight I'm not anywhere near being underweight and I don't intend to be I want to lose another stone but then I'll be happy with how much I weight or at the most a stone and a half...

Good. That's really good to hear.

It's hard to explain about how you see yourself. It's not like you morph into something else - it's just that when you look at yourself, you focus on different things, you're more critical of yourself.

You might want to talk to someone about figuring out why you see yourself in such a bad light. Are you very critical of yourself? Do you set goals that are too hard to achieve - do you challenge yourself too much? Don't be so harsh on yourself. You seem like a lovely girl.

 

[pockleberry]

I seem like a lovely girl? I don't think I am I don't think anything about me is lovely I hate the way I look and who I am I think that maybe I would be better off if I was ultra skinny cause then at least I couldn't feel bad about the way I look I'm not even sure that losing a stone and a half will get me the way I wanna look so I probably won't stop at that if i'm being honest that's if I ever get to losing that much weight I wish I could lose it faster than I'm losing right now...

 

[bumblebee62331]

I seem like a lovely girl? I don't think I am I don't think anything about me is lovely I hate the way I look and who I am I think that maybe I would be better off if I was ultra skinny cause then at least I couldn't feel bad about the way I look I'm not even sure that losing a stone and a half will get me the way I wanna look so I probably won't stop at that if i'm being honest that's if I ever get to losing that much weight I wish I could lose it faster than I'm losing right now...

Yes, you do seem like a lovely girl. And this is another example of how you are struggling with an ED - you are saying that you aren't lovely because you don't consider yourself as skinny...

I think the way you talk, the way you communicate ... you are lovely and that's so sad to see you struggling with an ED.

You've sort of avoided the question - are you still seeking help with an ED?

If you aren't, then doing it alone is very dangerous. You seem to be getting deeper into it each time you post and you need someone who can help you. Trust me, it might seem appealing to lose a lot of weight now, but if you do achieve it, it's not that wonderful, there are so many health, physical and mental problems, you'll be struggling.....an ED is not a lifestyle, it's an illness and it's a terrible one that claims so many lives and so many parts of your life.

 

[pockleberry]

I made the first step I did what you guys told me to do I've talked to my youth leader and to my councellor...my youth leader doesn't know how to deal with it so shes gonna get some advice and my councellor and me are gonna talk about wats going on...i don't know what else to do. I don't even feel like I want to eat anymore it just makes me feel sick and guilty its simpler when I don't eat...that's not saying I have an ED because I don't think I do...I've looked at all the diagnosis stuff and I don't fit any of the criteria cause i've checked I'm not anorexic cause I binge eat and I'm not blumimic cause I can't make myself be sick...I'm not a compulsive over eater either because I starve myself I'm not any of the things I can find a diagnosis for I'm just weird

 

[bumblebee62331]

You did well to take those steps and I am glad your counsellor is going to someone else for help.

You can be a bit of both - you don't have to completely fit the diagnosis or symptoms because it can be a very individual illness. If you throw up your food - you are bulimic. You may not be anorexic but you do show signs of disordered eating, which needs to be healed.

 

[pockleberry]

Whats the next step?

 

[bumblebee62331]

Whats the next step?

You need to receive ongoing help with a therapist. You need to be aware of your eating habits and you must stop throwing up your food. You need to work on your body image and tackling the underlying issues.

This is a hard time you are about to go through. You need to try really hard to conquer this and don't be afraid to ask for more help.

 

[pockleberry]

I've never thrown up food I've thought about sure but I've never actually done it I just can't. I have alot of self esteem issuses anyway that I am trying to deal with I guess this is just another thing that I have to get over. I never realised just how much it can take over your life every time I eat or even go near food now I start thinking is it ok for me eat. I'm dreading christmas now all that food around and ppl at home all the time so if i skip meals ppl will notice it's taken me so long to get down to this weight and if i have to eat then all that effort will have been wasted

 

[bumblebee62331]

You are avoiding the subject.

Are you seeing someone for some help?

If you aren't, then you can't expect to get better by yourself. You have acknowledged that you have an issue with food and that Christmastime is going to be especially hard for you. So do something about it while you're still in the phase where you can and will ask for help, just like you are talking to us about it now.

You need to go and see someone or you will find yourself ruled by this.

 

[pockleberry]

I have already answered the question i see a councellor anyway and have told her about this so yes i am seeing someone for help tho i dont no if she knows how to deal with this but i guess im just gonna have to find out.