Handling Visitation as a senior pastor (possible people-pleasing tendencies)

[Rev_DC]

Heya!

This is one that's came up and I'm just seeking pastoral advice here because I really don't want to go blabbing in the limited clergy circles I'm a part of locally.

There's a woman at our church who is loosely related to our congregation (she's not a member, but a relative of members). She's had health issues and been in and out of the hospital lately. The first few times she's been in, I've been able to break away and as a favor for her relatives pop in to see her. Got a call this morning that she's back in and really wants a visit ASAP, but my margin this week is absolutely gone.

I explained, gently, to her relative asking for a visit, that I am booked solid at the moment, but if margin opens, I can make it. I also advised her she may want to have the chaplain visit in my stead. This week was already derailed by other visitations, planning a new member's class, conference meetings tonight, a funeral tomorrow (which involves meeting the family again today), and a 'day apart' Saturday where church leadership is planning all events for 2025.

The person, who is otherwise very nice, seemed incensed that I couldn't break away and visit her cousin at the drop of a hat. How do you generally deal with things like this when you have an absolute lack of margin in your calendar? It's not like I can even sacrifice a day off and make it up later... all of my days off are booked solid this week.

For what it's worth, our church is around 120 folks on an average sunday, I'm the only staff person, and it's pulling teeth to get a visitation team together.

 

[Paidiske]

Usually I try to prioritise hospital visits, but sometimes you just can't. It is perfectly okay, especially if she's not part of your church, to ask the hospital chaplain to drop in instead.

And yes, sometimes you won't be able to do what people expect, and they will be incensed/hurt/whatever. I'm afraid I haven't found any good answer to that yet. Very few of our congregation members understand what we really do, or what the demands on our time really look like!

 

[Rev_DC]

And yes, sometimes you won't be able to do what people expect, and they will be incensed/hurt/whatever. I'm afraid I haven't found any good answer to that yet. Very few of our congregation members understand what we really do, or what the demands on our time really look like!

That's the point I hit today. I already punted sermon prep two days this week because of other visitations, and on top of classes/funerals/etc, it's been nonstop. Also, FWIW, it's not an emergency visit. She has been in and out of the hospital, but it's an issue with her leg.

 

[com7fy8]

One thing I think of is you already have shared with her. So, possibly you already can have a feel for how you two can relate. And you can develop your decision from from however you already know her and have some rapport with her . . . not being pressured and steered by how the relative is dealing with you.

And may be get her phone number and catch her for at least a moment to alert her that she is on your radar. And maybe negotiate with her herself about maybe the chaplain or someone else seeing her.

And perhaps get that relative as "middleman" out of the situation . . . so you could save time by only contacting the person with the leg problem. Let her speak for herself, even about how much she wants you to visit.

If you are a married pastor . . . how about your spouse sharing with her? And have your spouse help you only at times so your spouse does not get a loaded schedule, like you. And/or > instead of having a "team" who can get known and used up . . . have a pool of people who are your go-to's, *at times*, and nobody else can know about them and put demands on them.