Confused - in the "friend zone"

[ThisIsMe123]

Take the hint, my friend.

Yep...I've become more of a chat buddy. lol

Kid gloves off: When a woman is interested, there will be no "lets just be friends first" and she will make time. The other stuff is only if she isn't really interested but is giving you a shot to change her mind. That is how it is now and has always been.

Right, I mean honestly, if you think about it Biblicly, God didn't create Eve to be just friends with Eve.

The other stuff is only if she isn't really interested but is giving you a shot to change her mind.

Yeah, I have always been on the fence when they start stating the conditions on how you should "date" them.

 

[Radagast]

Anyways, if you think about it Biblicly, did God create Eve just so he could be friends with Adam?

Yeah, but God may have intended this particular Eve for a different Adam than you.

The Adam/Eve argument really only works if you're the last two people left alone on the planet.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Yeah, but God may have intended this particular Eve for a different Adam than you.

The Adam/Eve argument really only works if you're the last two people left alone on the planet.

Well, the analogy still kind of works. The intent is still there. Thus the drive for men and women to couple up in the same fashion. The only difference is they had no options. If Adam was 5'7", she was stuck. lol

 

[redblue22]

"Friends" means "no."

And you don't want to be friends.

 

[Radagast]

Well, the analogy still kind of works. The intent is still there.

It's an argument for a woman to get a man. But not an argument for her to get you (or me).

And it's an argument for you to get a woman. But not to get the one that says she's not interested.

 

[blackribbon]

Well, the analogy still kind of works. The intent is still there. Thus the drive for men and women to couple up in the same fashion. The only difference is they had no options. If Adam was 5'7", she was stuck. lol

I doubt it is a height issue alone. Who we are attracted to isn't a choice. I have dated, by choice, men who are 5'7" and didn't think twice about it.

 

[blackribbon]

Thank you! Yes definately.

I have a 42 year old empty-nester pulling this junk on me. The thing is, she still can't find time to "hang out", apparently the umbillicle cord is still tied to her adult daughters out of town, so she just HAS to travel to see them (several hours)...but it's really the beach front venue she's into.

Every time I talk to her, she's never available, regardless. In a sense, I'm not even in the "friend zone" because she never wants to meet me in person anyway.

I recall taking a walk with a woman I went on a "date" with, when at the end of our walk I said, "Well, I had a nice walking date" and she goes, not joking..."What made you think this was a date?"

Launch!! lol

Okay...42 is sort of young for an empty-nest. Are all her kids really living away from home and completely financially independent? (or are they at college and still consider her house "home"...that is not an empty nest...I am finding out that I am still very much needed as a mother to my college kids).

And what made you think the walk was a "date"? Intention on both parties has a huge part of what is and what isn't a date.

 

[blackribbon]

Yep...I've become more of a chat buddy. lol



Right, I mean honestly, if you think about it Biblicly, God didn't create Eve to be just friends with Eve.



Yeah, I have always been on the fence when they start stating the conditions on how you should "date" them.

Don't be on the fence unless you are okay just being friends. Move on to someone actually interested. Otherwise, you don't really have the right to complain about them because they already told you that they weren't really interested. And interested woman can't wait to be asked out and rearranges her schedule if need be. If she isn't actively trying to find time, she isn't actively interested and is a low bet.

 

[Wookiee]

I was sort of in your position a few months ago. I became really good friends with one of my co-workers, and it seemed like there was some attraction. I went to see a movie with her and then asked her out and she said she'd considered it, but was hesitant. Then we talked about it a little more and she said she'd rather not for a couple of good reasons.

I backed off a little but still kept talking to her and stuff. Now I'm completely over her and moving on. If you are genuinely interested in being friends - as hard and awkward as it can be initially - it will work out.

And as much as you'll hate hearing this (I hated hearing it too) - you're young and you are going to meet far more women like her (and better); don't get hung up on this one lady.

In short: if you do want to be friends and think you can emotionally cope and move on - definitely keep hanging out, just back it off a little. If you don't think you can handle that, back off altogether, because you're only going to hurt yourself and frustrate her.
That doesn't necessarily mean never talk to her again, but you are definitely going to have to distance yourself.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I was sort of in your position a few months ago. I became really good friends with one of my co-workers, and it seemed like there was some attraction. I went to see a movie with her and then asked her out and she said she'd considered it, but was hesitant. Then we talked about it a little more and she said she'd rather not for a couple of good reasons.

I backed off a little but still kept talking to her and stuff. Now I'm completely over her and moving on. If you are genuinely interested in being friends - as hard and awkward as it can be initially - it will work out.

And as much as you'll hate hearing this (I hated hearing it too) - you're young and you are going to meet far more women like her (and better); don't get hung up on this one lady.

In short: if you do want to be friends and think you can emotionally cope and move on - definitely keep hanging out, just back it off a little. If you don't think you can handle that, back off altogether, because you're only going to hurt yourself and frustrate her.
That doesn't necessarily mean never talk to her again, but you are definitely going to have to distance yourself.

Thing is though, if you try to be friends with a woman, she may still want to stay away...as they don't want to take that change of YOU changing your mind later down the road...so a friendship never really gets started.

I recall asking for a woman's # for not a date, but for a social gathering coming up, with a group of people..in general. She still wouldn't do it. lol

 

[Wookiee]

Thing is though, if you try to be friends with a woman, she may still want to stay away...as they don't want to take that change of YOU changing your mind later down the road...so a friendship never really gets started.

I recall asking for a woman's # for not a date, but for a social gathering coming up, with a group of people..in general. She still wouldn't do it. lol

Well I mean, yes, there is that possibility, but there's no point just assuming she doesn't want anything to do with you altogether.

 

[timewerx]

And interested woman can't wait to be asked out and rearranges her schedule if need be. If she isn't actively trying to find time, she isn't actively interested and is a low bet.

I think even us men would do that.

I often did just to spend time with loved ones even if I am quite busy and many important things to do. I would also do the same to anyone I'm mutually interested.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

but there's no point just assuming she doesn't want anything to do with you altogether.

Well, it's not really an assumption, as I typically can figure it out by the fact they stop returning texts or phone calls. Esp. if I'm trying to make plans to "hang out" with them...even in a platonic fashion.

Usually women use the "friends" schtick just to get you off their back. Don't get me wrong, some women actually HAVE stuck around as friends...but they are few.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

. I went to see a movie with her and then asked her out and she said she'd considered it, but was hesitant.

I was sort of in your position a few months ago. I became really good friends with one of my co-workers, and it seemed like there was some attraction. I went to see a movie with her and then asked her out and she said she'd consider...

I had to do a double take here. You went to a movie together and THEN asked her out? You're doing it wrong order, man. LOL

I'm curious, did you pay her way?

 

[Wookiee]

I had to do a double take here. You went to a movie together and THEN asked her out? You're doing it wrong order, man. LOL

Well I mean, I wanted to hang out with her either way, and it was something we both really wanted to see. I live in a separate place to where we both work, and the cinema there takes ages to get movies, so it was a win-win.

I'm curious, did you pay her way?

Yeah, but she paid for lunch. I mean, the movie cost more, but that's okay.

Like I've been trying to say: if you genuinely want to be friends with someone you like, it doesn't have to be weird when you ask them out, even if they reject you. It's been a few months, but we haven't really lost any stride in both our personal and professional relationships.

 

[Wookiee]

I had to do a double take here. You went to a movie together and THEN asked her out? You're doing it wrong order, man. LOL

Well I mean, I wanted to hang out with her either way, and it was something we both really wanted to see. I live in a separate place to where we both work, and the cinema there takes ages to get movies, so it was a win-win.

I'm curious, did you pay her way?

Yeah, but she paid for lunch. I mean, the movie cost more, but that's okay.

Like I've been trying to say: if you genuinely want to be friends with someone you like, it doesn't have to be weird when you ask them out, even if they reject you. It's been a few months, but we haven't really lost any stride in both our personal and professional relationships.