Confused - in the "friend zone"

[TheGirlOnFire]

She said she doesn't like you. End of story.

Why do men think this means... keep on trying..work at it...or we will suddenly change our minds.

No means NO....

Let it go...

The end

 

[blackribbon]

She isn't romantically attracted to you. This isn't likely to change no matter how much she enjoys your company or admires you. And eventually, she is going to be romantically involved with someone else. If you can't handle that, then it is time to focus on distancing yourself and not building a friendship that you really don't want (you want a romantic relationship).

I know it is hard to accept but I believe that she is honest...you are a great guy but because romance is not an intellectual decision, she just can't pretend that she feels romantic feelings for you.

 

[Paulie079]

Thing is...we were never going out and there never really was any 'romantic feelings'. We both just liked each other & thought there was potential for being more than friends but we just decided to start hanging out more as friends. Although we hung out together and did stuff we never called it a 'date' or anything. Even when we had our ultimatum, we were like "we were only friends all along anyway...not much should change, right?". Just another side of my confusion. :/

By romantic feelings I think she just means the feelings that you have for her. It is difficult to be just friends with someone you have those feelings towards. When you do have those feelings, it does change things.

 

[Paulie079]

She said she doesn't like you. End of story.

Why do men think this means... keep on trying..work at it...or we will suddenly change our minds.

No means NO....

Let it go...

The end

Women aren’t always that direct or explicit, and it’s confusing when a woman says things like “You are everything I look for in a guy.” That combined with strong feelings/emotions would make it hard for a guy to shrug his shoulders, say “Okay,” and walk away.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Women aren’t always that direct or explicit, and it’s confusing when a woman says things like “You are everything I look for in a guy.” That combined with strong feelings/emotions would make it hard for a guy to shrug his shoulders, say “Okay,” and walk away.

We are allowed to change our mind you know. In the moment people men and women think things because they get caught up.

Actually, they should walk away when anyone on both sides, say no thanks but you know what this isn't what i want i just don't feel it.

I have friends who i think ticks the boxes in what i look for in a guy, but the thing isn't there. Just because we have the boxes ticks doesn't mean romantic involvement.

 

[blanksora]

We are allowed to change our mind you know. In the moment people men and women think things because they get caught up.

Actually, they should walk away when anyone on both sides, say no thanks but you know what this isn't what i want i just don't feel it.

I have friends who i think ticks the boxes in what i look for in a guy, but the thing isn't there. Just because we have the boxes ticks doesn't mean romantic involvement.

See that's the thing. I feel like girls just change their mind like that. One part I didn't mention was that she said she did feel attracted & had a crush on me about 1-2 years ago when we were in our last year of youth group. I didn't think of her in that way then & didn't really show any signs of reciprocating so she just "un-liked" me in that way over time. And then this popped up and we 'like' each other and then the tables turn again. I understand what you're saying though and I understand the situation right now is that I should just take her word that she just sees me as a 'friend'...

 

[blanksora]

Women aren’t always that direct or explicit, and it’s confusing when a woman says things like “You are everything I look for in a guy.” That combined with strong feelings/emotions would make it hard for a guy to shrug his shoulders, say “Okay,” and walk away.

Thanks for your input so far Paulie, I appreciate it.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

See that's the thing. I feel like girls just change their mind like that. One part I didn't mention was that she said she did feel attracted & had a crush on me about 1-2 years ago when we were in our last year of youth group. I didn't think of her in that way then & didn't really show any signs of reciprocating so she just "un-liked" me in that way over time. And then this popped up and we 'like' each other and then the tables turn again. I understand what you're saying though and I understand the situation right now is that I should just take her word that she just sees me as a 'friend'...

I WILL repeat this over and over.

WE CAN CHANGE OUR MINDS.... Things change... life changes... we find out more about a person and go oohh wait actually this isn't working....

Also with her liking you in the past, maybe she thought she could get that back because you are a nice guy and who doesn't want to date someone who ticks there boxes but she's realised that it isn't there any more.

We can also fancy people one month and bang it is not there anymore.

This is just limited to Girls.

I've been around 32 years and i've heard it all from guys... Jez the lines they come up with and stories....

Go and find someone who actually is into you and digs you.. there are people out there who will want to date you

 

[Travelers.Soul]

Thing is...we were never going out and there never really was any 'romantic feelings'. We both just liked each other & thought there was potential for being more than friends but we just decided to start hanging out more as friends. Although we hung out together and did stuff we never called it a 'date' or anything. Even when we had our ultimatum, we were like "we were only friends all along anyway...not much should change, right?". Just another side of my confusion. :/

I mean no offense but I am now completely confused by your entire original post. I read it through and somehow still missed the fact that you weren't actually interested in dating her or possibly building a life with her. From what I read, I apologize for my misunderstanding, it seemed like you were interested in the possibility of something more than friendship. However either we are working from two different definitions of "romantic feelings" or the world, even for Christians, has changed drastically in the last few years.

I blame the whole "let's hang out" phenomenon. It seems to have muddied things terribly between ladies and gents. lol. If you were only ever interested in being her friend then there is no reason in not being able to remain friends. If however you ever considered trying for something more than my advice to you is unchanged. I would also point out the fact that she told you she was certain about her decision. Now if you can honestly be her friend ONLY with no expectation or interest in anything more and can happily cheer her on when she dates someone else then certainly stay friends. If however that is not true, my advice remains the same.

 

[redblue22]

Yeah, although love can be tough when your young. The older you get the more you realize that there are plenty of other people out there. Perhaps the more heart break you face the tougher more desensitized you are? Lol.

I crushed pretty hard on a woman at my youth group for years. These days I find it a little funny that I wasted so much emotional grief on one woman.

I hate to say it, but if she sees the choice between him as a boyfriend or nothing at all, she might make a choice. "We're friends" sucks for him but might be best of both worlds for her. He doesn't want another friend no matter what he says.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Perhaps the more heart break you face the tougher more desensitized you are?

I'm wondering, esp. at my middle-age, if this keeps happening, eventually you'll wind up incapable of having feelings for another member of the opposite sex...at least...in the traditional way.

I mean no offense but I am now completely confused by your entire original post. I read it through and somehow still missed the fact that you weren't actually interested in dating her or possibly building a life with her.

Yeah, I noticed a hint of back peddling.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I blame the whole "let's hang out" phenomenon.

Sorry to say, this is the NEW normal of dating...pretty sad. Call me old-fashioned, but it's interesting how even women in my age prefer to "hang out as friends first", seems even my generation is jumping on this ambiguous band wagon.

No offense to women, but I find it's that women who tend to do this. Men of course have to go along with it, otherwise they'll get NO face-time with the woman of interest.

I really feel like I was born in the wrong time period...a date was a DATE..and..women looked forward to it.

Of course he can be "friends" with a woman, but more on an acquaintance level.

 

[Niels]

If she isn't interested, then respect her wishes and move along.

 

[Radagast]

She said she doesn't like you. End of story.

Quoted for truth.

 

[Travelers.Soul]

Sorry to say, this is the NEW normal of dating...pretty sad. Call me old-fashioned, but it's interesting how even women in my age prefer to "hang out as friends first", seems even my generation is jumping on this ambiguous band wagon.

No offense to women, but I find it's that women who tend to do this. Men of course have to go along with it, otherwise they'll get NO face-time with the woman of interest.

I really feel like I was born in the wrong time period...a date was a DATE..and..women looked forward to it.

Of course he can be "friends" with a woman, but more on an acquaintance level.

Being "old fashioned straight forward" is actually what really attracted me to my boyfriend. He was very straightforward and there was no beating around the bush or "let's hang out" or "let's be friends first" sort of stuff. The whole hangout stuff tends to muddy and blur the lines and everyone is left confused. I know that phenomenon drove me crazy. The guys were very rarely clear. I never knew what their intentions were, etc. I hated it! On my end it was the guys who were usually the first to say "let's hang out."

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Being "old fashioned straight forward" is actually what really attracted me to my boyfriend. He was very straightforward and there was no beating around the bush or "let's hang out" or "let's be friends first" sort of stuff. The whole hangout stuff tends to muddy and blur the lines and everyone is left confused. I know that phenomenon drove me crazy. The guys were very rarely clear. I never knew what their intentions were, etc. I hated it! On my end it was the guys who were usually the first to say "let's hang out."

Thank you! Yes definately.

I have a 42 year old empty-nester pulling this junk on me. The thing is, she still can't find time to "hang out", apparently the umbillicle cord is still tied to her adult daughters out of town, so she just HAS to travel to see them (several hours)...but it's really the beach front venue she's into.

Every time I talk to her, she's never available, regardless. In a sense, I'm not even in the "friend zone" because she never wants to meet me in person anyway.

I recall taking a walk with a woman I went on a "date" with, when at the end of our walk I said, "Well, I had a nice walking date" and she goes, not joking..."What made you think this was a date?"

Launch!! lol

 

[Travelers.Soul]

Thank you! Yes definately.

I have a 42 year old empty-nester pulling this junk on me. The thing is, she still can't find time to "hang out", apparently the umbillicle cord is still tied to her adult daughters out of town, so she just HAS to travel to see them (several hours)...but it's really the beach front venue she's into.

Every time I talk to her, she's never available, regardless. In a sense, I'm not even in the "friend zone" because she never wants to meet me in person anyway.

I recall taking a walk with a woman I went on a "date" with, when at the end of our walk I said, "Well, I had a nice walking date" and she goes, not joking..."What made you think this was a date?"

Launch!! lol

Yikes! Sounds like you need to cut the one woman off.
As for the other lady, why didn't she know it was a date? lol. I mean if you asked her out on a date and she said yes....I have no idea how she could have misunderstood that.

 

[blackribbon]

Kid gloves off: When a woman is interested, there will be no "lets just be friends first" and she will make time. The other stuff is only if she isn't really interested but is giving you a shot to change her mind. That is how it is now and has always been.

 

[Radagast]

Every time I talk to her, she's never available, regardless.

Take the hint, my friend.

 

[timewerx]

Why do men think this means... keep on trying..work at it...or we will suddenly change our minds.

No means NO....

Let it go...

The end

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