Confirmed Bachelor: Why Good Men Stay Single

[Cosmic Charlie]

I hope you're joking.

Actually, no.

I think that's pretty much true

 

[WarriorAngel]

Only true in certain groups.

 

[WarriorAngel]

I was being facetious and yes it is used as a sarcastic euphemism. Got to love Carly Simon. The debate still rages, was she singing about Mick Jagger or warren Beatty? She is not telling.

LOL, and my mom was right... [ tho i repeated it]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]FAME - 1989 [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]For the record, Simon acknowledges the song is a little about Beatty; it's a composite of three men from her L.A. days. Warren, it seems, was not a particularly good boyfriend.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif] "And I never took him seriously," she says. "He was great fun and very, very, bright. But noooo ... as a boyfriend. [/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]A lot of women like somebody who's that smooth. In the beginning Warren was pretty good at pretending he was only smooth on the outside and a bowl of jelly on the inside. But he doesn't do that secondary act very well now." Carly Simon[/FONT]


Carly Simon Official Website - You're So Vain

Besides the above quote - she said it a few other times too.
I guess we highly suspected Warren because he was not the sort to stick with any relationship PLUS Warren was nice looking and Mick.... well... Fah-get-about-it.

 

[Cosmic Charlie]

Only true in certain groups.

Yeah, like the confirmed bachlor group.

 

[Needing_Grace]

I hope you're joking.

I'm perma-single because I've been cursed with same-sex attractions. I can't get married. I can't be a priest. I can't do...anything. It happens. C'est la vie.

 

[Needing_Grace]

BTW, I have serious issues relating to women. I certainly couldn't trust one with my life or my heart. I remember as a boy when my mom, aunt and grandma would get together, my mom and aunt would spend most of the time kvetching about their husbands. I go the message that if a woman gets that close to you, she'll stab you in the back first chance she gets.

 

[princess_ballet]

BTW, I have serious issues relating to women. I certainly couldn't trust one with my life or my heart. I remember as a boy when my mom, aunt and grandma would get together, my mom and aunt would spend most of the time kvetching about their husbands. I go the message that if a woman gets that close to you, she'll stab you in the back first chance she gets.

I see why you got that message, but it isn't true.

I think sometimes everyone (men included) just need a chance to vent. And what we're venting about isn't worth getting into a fight over. Right or wrong.

 

[Simon_Templar]

Actually, no.

I think that's pretty much true

Let me preface what I'm about to say with a comment about stereo-types. Stereo-types exist for a reason. This is obvious to anyone with their eyes open. However, as with any general statement, stereo-types are also often wrong in individual instances.

As a conservative, I don't necessarily object to the use of a stereo-type as long as it is used correctly and not prejudicially.

For example, to say 'all men are emotionally needy people who can't survive without a woman, thus the only reason a man would not be with a woman is because he is gay' is prejudicial usage. It doesn't recognize either the fact that there are exceptions, nor does it look at the conditions which create the stereo-type or contribute to it, but simply ascribes it to a fact of someone being male.

IF you were to say, our current culture has created a few generations of men who are grossly immature, self-indulgent, and self-centered and thus need a wife to be like a second mother. And our media culture continues to promote this stereo-type. As a result most men can't live without a woman, and thus in many cases the only reason they would not choose to live with a woman is because they are gay...

Then I would say this is not a prejudicial use of the stereo-type and it might even be true.

Moving on then I would say that Men are not inherently emotionally needy, over-grown children, who must be taken care of. Males in our society have often become that because of the ideas, philosophies, and images of manhood our society presents.

In fact, I would go so far as to say that such a 'male' is by definition, not a man. He is a boy that got old, but never 'grew up'.


I probably wouldn't be counted in the 'confirmed bachelor' group because I want to get married and have a family.
However, I do know from experience that some people are single because they just can't/haven't found a suitable candidate. Or other variations on that misfortune. I think this problem is only getting worse as our soceity gets more and more ignorant, pagan, and selfish.

I've had lots of crushes as a kid etc, but in my adult life I've 'been in love' or had strong feelings for two girls. In both cases my feelings were simply not returned. They both paid attention to me when they needed me but when they didn't, it was see ya later.

I also admit, however, that I'm shallow in that the chances of me pursuing a woman romantically without being physically attracted to her are very small. I know that once you get passed that initial phase when you are really in love, things like that change. Physical appearance doesn't matter by comparison to real love for a person. But, I also am at a point where, though I would like to get married and have a family, and I hold out hope for it.. I don't need a relationship to be content and to enjoy life. As a result, knowing that relationships are a lot of work, and require sacrifice, I really need to feel some kind of attraction in order to motivate me to pursue a relationship.

I am sure that if I met and got to know someone I could develop that attraction to personality if it was the right person etc.. but there I also worry that if I put myself in that kind of circumstance that I won't develop those feelings and the other person will and then I'll end up hurting them etc.

I've also seen enough friends and aquaintences rush in, or make poor choices and get themselves into marriages that I would NEVER want to be in.

So, as a result, its just easier to not do anything until I am compelled to by some fairy tale, romantic, bolt of thunder from the sky. Or of course good old physical attraction.

 

[Simon_Templar]

I'm perma-single because I've been cursed with same-sex attractions. I can't get married. I can't be a priest. I can't do...anything. It happens. C'est la vie.

I am 36 and single because I can't seem to find a woman that I like that also likes me

I must admit I have wondered many times if I would end up an old bachelor. I have an uncle who got his heart broken as a young man and essentially never pursued another woman. I have been afraid at times that I would end up like him. However, I must admit that a lot of what I fear in being single is the perception of other people. Its probably pride, but I don't want to be perceived as the pathetic lonely single guy.

The other thing which is sometimes annoying about being single is that all my friends my age are married and so its hard to do stuff with friends and it can be awkward at times in social settings because your not a couple like everyone else.

I've felt convicted, at times, of doubt because I have sometimes adopted the attitude that its inevitable that I won't marry and used the phrase "It'd take a miracle" to mean "its never going to happen".

But for both of us, perhaps, we need to remember that God is in the business of doing miracles.

 

[BabyChristian22]

I think "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is the #1 reason. Another reason might be the growing number of homosexual men and lesbian women due to the increasing popularity of being "gay".

 

[Eastern Drifter]

I think "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is the #1 reason. Another reason might be the growing number of homosexual men and lesbian women due to the increasing popularity of being "gay".

Are you and Cosmic Charlie really making the "most single people are gay" claim, or is there just a misunderstanding?

 

[princess_ballet]

I think "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is the #1 reason. Another reason might be the growing number of homosexual men and lesbian women due to the increasing popularity of being "gay".

This, of course, presupposed that people can choose whether or not to be gay. I do not think it is a choice, nor do most rational people. Therefore, that would not be a reason most people stay single.

And please do not suggest that people that are single are either gay or lesbian. Thanks.

However, let's not derail this thread.

 

[princess_ballet]

Are you and Cosmic Charlie really making the "most single people are gay" claim, or is there just a misunderstanding?

Apparently.

 

[Cosmic Charlie]

Apparently.

I am NOT saying most single people are gay

I'm saying most "confirmed Bachelor" are gay.

I will reiterate :

Men are incredibly emotionally needy.

They come to women for everything: live, nurturing, love, sex.

The only thing that would keep a man from establishing a long term relationship of some kind with a women is that they are batting for the other team.

 

[Gwendolyn]

lol, and now the homosexuality accusations start flying.

You know, when I was single for the longest time, people accused me of being a lesbian.

In reality, I just hadn't found a decent man.

 

[BabyChristian22]

I think "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is the #1 reason. Another reason might be the growing number of homosexual men and lesbian women due to the increasing popularity of being "gay".

Are you and Cosmic Charlie really making the "most single people are gay" claim, or is there just a misunderstanding?

Not at all. I believe the "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" is the biggest reason. The growing popularity of being "gay" isn't nearly as big a reason, but it doesn't help either.

 

[Simon_Templar]

This, of course, presupposed that people can choose whether or not to be gay. I do not think it is a choice, nor do most rational people. Therefore, that would not be a reason most people stay single.

And please do not suggest that people that are single are either gay or lesbian. Thanks.

However, let's not derail this thread.

a couple of points

#1 - Not all rational people believe this.

#2 - Assuming that there are people who are born with same-sex attraction as a genetic predetermination, this in no way means that all people who engage in the homosexual lifestyle, or homosexual sex, were in fact born with same-sex attraction. I have known at least one person who 'became' gay after having a very bad emotional break up, engaged in a few same-sex relationships, and then after a couple years decided that they really weren't gay and went back to dating the opposite sex. (this person was not religious and their peer group was primarily progressive-liberal, so peer preasure was not the reason they 'converted' back to heterosexual relationships).

#3 - lastly and probably most importantly, it is pretty well known fact that people can develop or aquire all sorts of different sexual attractions or fetishes based on psychological factors but also sometimes simply based on what you indulge yourself in.

For example, no one is born with sexual attraction to balloons, yet people do develop fetishes where they are sexually aroused by balloons. No one I know of believes that people are born with sexual attraction to animals, yet people do develop that attraction. The list goes on and on.

In fact, if you can think of it, its out there some where, and the majority of it is all developed behavior.

The point being that whether homosexual attraction is genetic in some people is irrelevant to the fact that people who are 'born' heterosexual can develop homosexual attraction.

Being a student of history, ancient Greece comes readily to mind. The ancient Greeks held up male homosexuality as a virtue and an ideal. Though their version and practice was different than homosexuality today. They idealized love between mature men and young men, but they denigrated effiminacy in men.
The point being that in the Greek city states homosexuality was common practice far, far above the level of a recessive gene trait. In fact, in Sparta for example, there was near 100% homosexual practice among the male population. They actually had to make it a law that every man had to marry and had to legislate that a man had to have sex with his wife in order to produce children.
In Sparta homosexuality was institutionalized in the military training structure of the state.

The point being, that a culture accepting and promoting homosexuality absolutely can and has in the past increased the incidence of homosexuality.

 

[Simon_Templar]

I guess, I really only know one guy who for a long time claimed to be a confirmed bachelor.. he has since recanted.

However, he used to say that he never wanted to marry and he never wanted to have kids. His reason, and he readily admitted it, was pure selfishness. He always wanted his life to be about him and he didn't want a wife or kids to get in the way of him having fun, being free to do what he wanted, spending all his money on himself etc.

 

[SpiritualAntiseptic]

Confirmed Bachelor: Why Good Men Stay Single

The obvious answer here is being avoided for a bunch to Christo-poltically correct reasons that likely have nothing to do with the situation.

Why do good men stay single:

They're gay.

Men are the most emotional dependent things in the world. Without a partner they are worthless.

There is only on reason that they would marry or at least semi-permenantly hook up with a women.

They like guys.

A lot of men are easily intimidated by women. They may have a variety of sexual issues to work through, due to the difficulty of successfully navigating sexuality in modern times.

They may look to the internet and various other impersonal means to satisfy their need for intimacy, but that does not mean they are gay.

 

[SpiritualAntiseptic]

I am NOT saying most single people are gay

I'm saying most "confirmed Bachelor" are gay.

I will reiterate :

Men are incredibly emotionally needy.

They come to women for everything: live, nurturing, love, sex.

The only thing that would keep a man from establishing a long term relationship of some kind with a women is that they are batting for the other team.

There are a number of psycho-sexual issues that would keep them from that as well.