K,
Your husband just might be a much more aware and astutely observant person then he might appear to be. He might be tuning into spiritual cues that are meant for him, alone, to see and understand certain nuances through.
I have given that thought, as I certainly considered it a possibility. He is in fact spiritually very sensitive, and has learned from the Holy Spirit independent of what his first church taught him.
I had a bit of a problem though. When we first met, he told me his church was non-denominational. Back then, I thought all non-denoms were the same, and I was in a non-denom too. When I found out after we'd been courting for a while, and well on our way to being engaged, that his church was actually a reformed baptist that had rejected a few of the baptist doctrines and so became a "non-denom" ... my heart sank. I had to hide my spirituality from my first husband, and I was unwilling to be in that position again. He was very set against Pentecostal ideas, but not quite to the degree that he is set against RC ones. Almost though. If I had simply dropped everything in his lap, I'm sure he would thought I was some kind of mad heretic and fled for his life. I had to very, very carefully explore his beliefs on the subject, and I found he had a very discerning spirit, and could sense some spiritual evil. That is in direct contrast to the teaching of his former church, so I just branched slowly out from there.
I don't mean to sound manipulative, and that possibly does. He just reserved his judgment, and gave me some benefit of the doubt, and saw that worship in my church was not so different from his (well, it was different, his had a symphony orchestra and a congregation of 20K+ and we had 1200 and a praise band) ... but there were no wild manifestations going on. They do allow dancing at the altar, but nothing "weird" happens, and he likened it to David dancing before the Lord. But he still has never spoken in tongues, and probably never will. I certainly don't press the issue. He does however, at least believe in gifts of the Holy Spirit.
Oh, too late to make long story short. My point is that, he had a great distrust against every segment of Christianity except his own church. He had had quite a bit of experience in "hearing God" as a child - coming from an Eastern culture such things were not so foreign to him. And yet under this pastor, who taught that any internal voices were probably demons, he doubted the experiences of his entire life. This pastor had him doubting
everything and everyone, including himself. I find that sad, really.
Basically, I've been down this road before, and I know that his own discernment can't operate while it's under the "spell" of what his former pastor taught. I do trust his discernment, but I know he's just "reacting".
As far as it goes, I know that we are both in the Lord. We are both being led by him, and I don't fear for either of us. While I would much rather be in a church I agreed on all the doctrine, right now I don't even have mine worked out, and I'm not so sure I will ever really fit anywhere, so I can accept it. I don't wish to injure his conscience, so I don't know, I'm thinking of backing off. I will pray for wisdom. He tends to throw up walls in many areas of life, and they are difficult to breach.
I do know that I need to go to a liturgical church, just to learn something. I don't even know if I will like it, and I don't know that I'm to stay there. All I know is that there is something I am supposed to find out. That doesn't mean he has to come with me.
I think I often somewhat "offend" people in all areas of Christianity here. I am following my own conscience ... I have very fruitful discussions with Pentecostals, with Orthodox, with Roman Catholics, and with many others. I feel in my spirit not to react against anything, though that is not to say that I agree with everything. But I know that I probably appear to drift too much, and embrace too much. I can't explain it beyond there is something God is teaching me right now, and it comes from understanding many churches. I don't know where this is leading. But I know I trust Him.
And yes, I know there are things to be discerned against. So often I want to reassure people that I do recognize that. But I do also see that not only my husband, but others too, sometimes react against things - whether they are reacting against "something Catholic" or "speaking in tongues" or whatever the case may be. The church as a whole can be very prejudiced, you know?
But yes, certainly, discernment in all things. Test all things. Hold fast to that which is true.
I appreciate your words, dear brother
, as I receive them as sincere concern.
