completely lost here

[Blessed-one]

praying for you, "you're not" forsaken. Sometimes it's necessary to hold onto God with only the little amount of trust we have due to current difficult circumstances. Since God's calling you again, He must have a plan.... i wouldn't know what, i don't even know what plan He has for me yet, but the best thing to do in uncertain situation is to follow Him. He alone will open and close the doors, but at the end, there remains the best road he's chosen for you. I think that's why trust walks in.

here're some threads that detail the change in a member of CF, who had lost his wife (divorced) and was feeling really desperate...
hope this may help you.

http://www.christianforums.com/threads/31628.html
http://www.christianforums.com/threads/38264.html
http://www.christianforums.com/threads/37065.html

 

[werzdalight]

Today at 06:07 AM psycmajor said this in Post #20

werzdalight

What do you fear most?

 

i fear getting married at a late age, not having a destiny, never becoming anything, sitting in church watching how others will get married and move on to be somethign in God's kingdom, but i will sit there as a steel chair warmer. i am afraid to take risks now, cuz everytime i stuck my neck out it got chopped off. sometimes i feel like going to church, but thinking about how much it has changed since i have been gone as well as having to start from square one stop me from going. i know i am only 24, but i dont want to get married at 30. i dont mean to offend anyone, but to me that is too old to be getting married. considering that hispanic men only live to see their late 40s-50s, that means i will have lived at least half my life single, and all that time has been wasted. i fear that everything has been for nothing. i also fear that i will become a pastor but get sent to a3rd world country. i dont want that either. i want a nice house, nice car good job and a beautiful wife. as for anger, i just get real mad and grunt, sometimes i curse out loud, but i dont hit anyone, althought it would be nice to feed some of the people who [angered] me a knuckle sandwich. i work in a place that i have to deal with the public, and these ignoramouses expect me to speak spanish. and then when i tell them i dont they demand to know why i dont. i feel like throwing them a fist and yelling at them we live in the united states, your the visitor why dont you speak english? i am fusterated because i fear going to college and am stuck at a convience store. i barely made it through high school, and had to battle a.d.d through out it, and still do at times. i was furious back in 1999, my mom revealed to me that i had a.d.d., and she told me she didnt want me to have retalin. i was furious beyond belief. she basically made the descion for me for the difference between where i am now, or having the opportunity to go to a college and getting a degree and having a real future. now where do i stand? i am scared of going to college, i have friends in there and they say it sucks. its going to take me forever to get any kind of degree, and all that time i will be suffering to make ends meet, right now i can barely make it. my car is in the shop and i owe 1800.00 to get it back. i miss my car, it was one of my venting points. i would get in and just drive (speed limit of course) and it would calm me down like nothing else out there. but now i go home to mom, have no girlfriend, all my friends are married, have no idea of where my life is heading, work at a loser job (which getting shot is actually by no means a fear of mine). i dont know how to get motivated. half of the things i used to know are missing, i seem to be losing my memory on certain thigns. i forget words and passwords and other thigns. and the whole time i feel God convicting me to go back, and soemtimes i ask him why have you allowed me down this road? didnt you know i wouldnt be able to handle it? didnt you know that i wouldnt want to come back? did you honestly think that four years of failures would give me the courage to find victory? heck no, it is gonna make me run like a bat out of hell form you. that is why i am confused, i know i made some bad descions, but i even prayed that God would show me how to stop that! i asked him to show me how to love him, get rid of my horrid bitterness and anger, the emptiness i feel all the time, take away the rejection i felt all the time, just make me a whole perosn. i prayed that for a long time before i got sick of waiting. i dont have an eternity to wait on God, these things i lack are conflicting each day that i live. they are causing problems for me everyday and i was getting sick and tired of messing up and facing failure after failure while trying to be a real christian. not to mention i was sick of everyone else falling in love while i was single. i was also [angry] cuase someone told me God makes us and our features as he sees fit, so i was very [angry] about that and wondered if he had any intention of getting me a wife. looks count you know. i still have my ex-fiance but its mor eof a sexual relationship than anything else, and i know its wrong, but its the only love i feel in my life, so its not like i want to get rid of her to jump into a big risk. i honestly wish i was a robot that God controlled, becuase at least i would not have found myself here instead of where i was 5 years ago, and would have a honest chance at heaven. i havent been to the church since june 2000, and i wonder if i truly belong because right after i left, the church endured one last trial and then it was and still is blessed like crazy, but whilei was there it was trial after trial after trail, and i just got sick of it. how many failures must you endure before victory is given to you? i could only tak so much and then i said forget this mess. the worst thing is some of my old friends form the church that see me tell me dood you ran out right when he was about to bless you. jeez, if he knows everythign then why did he wait that long? he knew i would have gotten fed up and left, why not bless me early, i would still be there! hearing that it makes me wonder if there really are second chances in Gods kingdom. i am worried if i go back, i will never have anything to look foward to, that everythign has passed me and its just sitting in church amounting to nothing form here onout. i wanted to be a pastor and a father and a husband, but now i wonder if any of that is really worth it. like i said, i am completely lost here.

 

[werzdalight]

kinda had a feeling i was nuts. guess i am in this mess by myself.

 

[Simcha]

Just keep calling on God, he will never forsake you!