Have you struggled with letting go of what is behind you? Regrets that have lasted many years?
What do you do when you catch yourself thinking on past mistakes?
Have you repented and asked for forgiveness? Have you forgiven yourself??
What things could you give your time and energy to that would help you become a better Christian and person?
I think that unfortunately, we do tend to live in the past. It's so much harder to look forward after we've made a mistake than it is to keep looking behind us. One story that comes to mind when I think of the past is the story of Lot and his wife.
With the coming of dawn,the angels urged Lot, saying, " Hurry! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, or you will be swept away when the city is punished."
When he hesitated, the men grasped his hand and the hands of his wife and of his two daughters and led them safely out of the city, for the Lord was merciful to them. As soon as they had brought them out, one of them said, " Flee for your lives! Don't look back, and don't stop anywhere in the plain! Flee to the mountains or you will be swept away."
But Lot said to them, " No, my lords, please! Your servant has found favor in your eyes, and you have shown great kindness to me in sparing my life. But I can't flee to the mountains; this disaster will overtake me, and I'll die. Look, here is a town near enough to run to, and it is small. Let me flee to it it is very small, isn't it? Then my life will be spared."
He said to him," Very well, I will grant this request too; I will not overthrow the town you speak of. But flee there quickly, because I cannot do anything unil you reach it."
By the time Lot reached Zoar, the sun had risen over the land. Then the Lord rained down burning sulfer on Sondom and Gomorrah from the Lord of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot's wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
I look that this verse, and it speaks to me of the past. Lot and his family, though the city of Sodom and Gomorrah was wicked (our past) was full of evil, it still held them. They hesitated. The angels had to literally take their hands and physically move them from the city. God does that to us. He forgives us our sins, and takes our hands, moving us into the future. Yet we hesitate, we keep searching the past, keep looking behind us, instead of before us. When Lot's wife looked back, it wasn't out of curiousity, it was out of regret. She regretted leaving her 'old' life, and her reward was she became a pillar of salt. We too, when we look behind us become weighed down with burdens, we become heavy with guilt and with regret.
When I look behind me, that's what I see, I regret. If I had done this, if I had done that, I become so fixated with the past, that I loose my footing. God has forgiven me, yet for some reason, I can't grasp that concept. For some reason, it's too great, it's too much, I can't just say ' forgive me' and have it happen, can I? Yet that is exactly what happens. I sometimes forget just how complete, how perfect God's Forgiveness is, because I look at the way man forgives, I look at the way I forgive, and it just defies belief that God is willing to forgive me for a past that was my fault. Yet He does. I can't say it enough, I can't speak it enough, because it is truely amazing.
Another thing that I believe, is that guilt is a stronghold that the enemy uses. He attacks us in our weakness, and what better way than to constantly remind us of our mistakes? O and isn't he sneaky? The way that those thoughts just seem to come out of nowhere. The way that the 'forgiven' becomes 'unforgiveable'. I've dealt with that so much. It is hard to understand that I can forgive myself. I can understand God forgiving me, He's perfect, but how do I forgive myself? I think that is why there are so many stories devoted in the bible of sinners. People, just like us, who makes mistakes. Abraham, Moses, David, Paul, Peter, ect, ect, ect. You know, that when Jesus rose from the dead, the angels told the women, " Don't be alarmed. You are looking for Jesus the Nazarene, who was crucified. He has risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid him. But go, tell his disciples and Peter, " He is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him, just as he told you."
Now, don't miss the grace that pours from those words. I've read them millions of times, and I've missed it. But when you truely see the words, You'll never forget them. "
tell his disciples and Peter."
And Peter. Jesus, already forgave Peter for denying him, Jesus told him he would do it. But Peter hadn't forgiven himself. The angel speaks the words that we all long to here.... " and Peter"... " and Gina" ... and " Cristianna".... " and Jennifer".. and ... and... and. Your name is there. There is no condemnation. There is nothing that can seperate us from the Father. There's nothing in our past that God didn't know BEFORE he died for our sins. He isn't surprised by anything.. He Knows Everything... He didn't die for the righteous, but for the sinners. Though it is hard, we must become more like the Father, insomuch, that we forgive ourselves when we sin, when we stumble, when we sin. Instead of looking behind us, we must take heed of the voice that says, keep looking ahead. Trust me and don't look behind. I'm leading you away from the past, and into the future.
for your sister and for you. I'm glad you were able to get at least some resolution. I'm proud of you for remaining obedient as hard as it may be. Take care & God bless. 
I'm at work and have to go, but I just wanted to let you all know what's been going on and tell you all the things God has been doing, and I know if you pray for me that would help a lot too. Thank you for the invitation and for listening. 
