Codependency

[proverb31]

My mother is extremely codependent and I believe I am as well. I believe it was triggered with an alcoholic boyfriend I tried to "save" and I haven't shaken this nasty trait.

Just wondering if anyone can relate or has overcome it as a caregiver.

 

[If Not For Grace]

I got a pretty good grip on recovery through a 12-Step program called AL-Anon, I got no help from CODA, but recommend the 12-steps Highly. You have to go for awhile to "get it", it's like the layers of an oninon that have to be peeled away & then a light comes on. We have to get to the root of a problem in order to find a solution.

The root of most codependancy comes from a lack of self-esteem & some confused values (like thinking that taking care of yourself is somehow selfish; it's not, you are of no help to others if you let yourself become run-down & sick)

I also learned about expectations and setting myself up for disappointment. I also
learned about detachment and serenity, great tools for dealing with any situation.
Check em out on line if you fear going to a meeting. They have great books
like "One Day At a Time" & "The Courage to Change" which are kinda like devotionals of shared expereinces of members, to provide edification and insight.

They have what they call "slogans" See the other threads--Try it, what can it hurt?
My favorite slogan is "Take what you like & leave the rest". Which sort of means use what works for you. (Which encourages Choice, We are Big on choices)

There is hope & change if you want it.