Close to suicide.

[ladodgers6]

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

Dear Jordan,

I have dealt with a lot of pain in life. And I know what you are feeling right now. And I know your heart aches with so much pain. I remember my first true love. My first girl friend. I was head over heels in love with her. I still remember her name, Alice. She was a cheer leader, so beautiful! I couldn't believe she wanted to be with me. She made me feel so special. We love spending all day together, laughing, joking, sight seeing, going to the movies, we were inseparable.

Anyway, I gathered all her friends together to secretly plan her a surprise birthday party at her Dad's house. I was very close to her father, so he basically paid for most of the expenses. We went all out. Birthday flyers, a DJ, we decorated the backyard with flowers, lights, tables & chairs, and a buffet. A giant cake was special ordered with Koala bears on it.

I was running around making sure everything was perfect for this special night. I wanted this night to be special so that she would never forget it. Over 200 people showed up, mostly friends, and people from the school we attended. I was glad it was a great turn out. I definitely didn't want this night to be a flop. Anyways, her father asked her if she could come over his house, to pick him up, because his car did not want to start. Because she thought the plan was, to go out for dinner with the Family and me to celebrate. She was going to pick me in her car, and we were going to meet her parents at the restaurant.

So she picked me up, and we drove to her parents house. When we got there, the father was acting as if he was working on the car. He asked me to get his tools from the back yard, and told Alice to help me. So we walked to the back yard and Alice got the biggest surprise, over 200 people yelling surprise, Happy Birthday!! The look on her face was priceless! She had a smile from cheek to cheek, and gave me a big hug & a kiss! Her best friend told her that I slaved over this secret surprise for over a month!

The DJ played a slow song and we danced cheek to cheek, while everyone watched us! Everyone cheered when the song was over. I was in charge to make sure everyone had a seat, food, drinks, making sure everyone was enjoying the party. Alice was dancing with her friends enjoying the party. I was running allover the place; ensuring there was ice, cups, plates, napkins, etc. But later in the evening I did not see Alice anywhere. So I asked around, and nobody knew where she was. I looked everywhere in the back yard, in the house, but nowhere to be found. I even ask her father, because I became worried. So I walked out the back yard, down the driveway to find her hugging & kissing another guy!

I could not believe it. I was literally in shock. I could not move or say anything. Her father came from the opposite direction and saw what was happening. I started to cry and the pain engulfed me, that I started to shake. I never experienced that type of pain before. It really crush me and destroy my soul. Her father drove me home. He said nothing to me. Maybe because he knew there were no words that could comfort me. He did thanked me for helping putting this party together. The next day she called me, not to apologize, but to dump me, and be with that other guy. They made fun of me at school. I was in a comma (figuratively speaking) that I did not go to school for month.

Sorry for the long post. So I know what you are feeling and thinking! I know how much the pain is clouding your mind. The pain blinds you with all kinds of emotions. You want to yell as loud as you can, but you feel that no one will hear you or cares about you. Look Jordan, you will get pass this. The pain will subside with time, trust me on that. You will also learn and grow from it. I have, praise be to God!

Psalm 34:18
The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it.

This in particular I cannot stand by and watch without feeling sympathy. To see suffering to the point of tears. I don't know what to really say to you, Jordan, that life seems to be so hopeless and going nowhere right now that it feels like a living hell daily for you.

But please, do not resort to suicide. And I do not tell you that out of fear that you'll "go to hell" if you do. I don't agree with it and I do not see how that kind of approach is useful, anyway. I tell you that because it is your life, and no mater how miserable it may seem right now, it is more precious to God and to others who care about you than to just end it yourself. Even if you may see suicide as an end to your own pain, what of the pain it will bring to others who love you? Did they want to lose you?

Surely the Lord will bring you out of this eventually.

 

[Truthfrees]

@JordanL103

when we love someone with all our heart it does leave us open to serious devastation when the relationship breaks up

the pain may seem unbearably raw right now

it is one of the most difficult experiences we go through in life

we don't know the future but if you give this some time and treat yourself well things will become clearer and less painful in the future

this relationship may be restored or God may give you an even better relationship with someone else

please be kind to yourself and take some time to heal

we care about you

God loves you and so do we

praying for you my dear brother

 

[Truthfrees]

@JordanL103

also please know that if anyone in this thread gives you unhelpful / unkind / unsuitable advice you can left click on their avatar and choose "ignore"

this will cause all their posts to disappear from your view

that way the only posts left in this thread for you will be the posts that you find helpful

it's an easy way to make your thread consist of only the best posts that bless you

love and prayers my dear brother

 

[Strong in Him]

Hi Jordan,
I hope you're ok.

<staff edit>

It is awful when it feels as though God has deserted you. It's doubly awful when it feels like your prayers aren't being answered and you begin to wonder what you have done wrong, or why others are being blessed and not you.

I won't say "I know how you feel", because I don't; I don't know you nor the pain you are feeling.
All I do know is that God has been with me in, and seen me through, the bad times; dealt with the questions I've thrown at him, the doubts, the anger and hatred.
He HAS promised that he will never leave us, and the Bible does say that NOTHING can ever separate us from his love. I know we sometimes measure his love by getting an easy ride/our prayers answered and everything working out for us now, but his love is far deeper than we know or understand. We may not be able to see what he is doing, and indeed, it may seem like nothing at all; but he is with you and will never let you go.
Whether it is with this girl, someone else, or no one at all, he will always be with you.

Take care x

 

[Dynamaniac]

Hi Jordan. I'm sorry you're feeling so sad right now. Please don't take a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Suicide is so devastating to those who are left behind.

<staff edit>

I pray that you'll find peace and comfort.

 

[Basil the Great]

Life is full of much pain and suffering. Some have more of it, some have less, but we all experience it at times. There is no easy answer to many of life's struggles. All I can tell you is that life is a gift from God and we are called upon to live as best as we can in this fallen world. Some say that the best answer to depression is to find ways to help other people who are even worse of than yourself. I like this suggestion. However, if does not work for everyone.

Whatever you do, please remember that in the final analysis, the most important thing in life is our relationship with God. Peace be with you. I will pray for you tonight.

 

[Strong in Him]

@JordanL103: Are you ok?

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

Ladies & Gentlemen

Recovery works very differently than the rest of the forum. If you want to share something with the OP, do it gently. How you say it many times determines if a post stays or is removed. Regarding OCD and spiritual issues. Some people have spiritual issues and OCD. Some have spiritual issues, and others have chemical/behavioral issues. We can NOT diagnose that on the internet and recovery will not permit posts that insinuate that the only way to fix OCD with spiritual related thoughts will be removed. If you have issues with a post being removed in recovery, take it to Support. This is not the time or place, nor the thread to discuss this in.

Posts that are off topic to the OP have been removed.

Thank you for being a support here.​

 

[Pleaserespond]

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

I’m sorry you feel this way. But you are not alone. Please reach out to people. Someone that loves you and cares about you. I was sucidal at one point in my life. But I reached out to people that loved me and helped me solve that problem. Yes I know about your girlfriend breaking up with you. It is heartbreaking. But there is always someone else. Don’t give up your life to someone you won’t get back. Remember God loves you and I we all love you. You might not feel it now but god is healing you right now. Just never give up.

 

[Strong in Him]

@JordanL103: Are you ok? Could you post something here, maybe?

 

[SarahsKnight]

Are you ok? Could you post something here, maybe?

I really hope he is. Of course, if he does not, we should not jump to conclusions right away. It may be that he just saw little help from here and moved on to another community.

 

[Strong in Him]

I really hope he is. Of course, if he does not, we should not jump to conclusions right away. It may be that he just saw little help from here and moved on to another community.

I just hope he's ok.
It's fine with me if he says, "I need time to think about this," or if he says "you've been no use at all, I'll find another group to help."
I know it's none of my business and I have no right to know. But, as a Samaritan, I'm concerned.

 

[well hey]

If you know shes the one, then make peace with it. I am not saying you are doing this but God is a jelaous God and if you love something more than God he will remove it from you. Or this could be a trial and a loss and trauma that we all face. im sorry you got that low to want to end your life.

 

[Dr Bruce Atkinson]

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

Real love can let go if it is likely to be in the best interests of the beloved. What you have is more like an addiction than love. It is selfishness (YOUR needs) that have become paramount. This is not love but dependence and obsession. You are dependent (like a child) on attention from this other person. You are obsessed and have virtually idolized this person. BIG mistake. That is idolatry. You've got your priorities all mixed up.

The truth is, when you put someone on this pedestal such that they must meet your needs, you will go into withdrawal when they are not around, and you will become manipulative and controlling-- ultimately pushing them away. You become a burden for them to carry, not a partner.

Again, this is NOT LOVE. And the other person knows it.
You must put your relationship with God first ... and let Him mature you ... until you are ready for a real love relationship. It will take awhile.

 

[lsume]

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

There is no coming back from suicide. If you think it’s tough in this life, I can assure you that after suicide you will know a much greater experience of tough. Count it all joy when you are tried in this life. Know that the trying of your faith is how you grow. Christ will not allow more to be put on you than what you can endure. Perhaps your being prepared for the rebirth. You must experience the rebirth to understand it. Try praying and fasting. Get away from everything in this world that pulls you away from living “in the way”.

 

[lsume]

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

Please don’t blame God The Father for your current predicament in this life. Perhaps you are suffering greatly in this life but I can assure you that God The Father and God The Son and God The Holy Spirit are very real and also very well aware of your breaking point. There is only one place in The KJV Bible where suicide is mentioned that I am aware of. From my memory, the man who was considering that way out did not do it because of the fear of it. The Fear of The Lord is mentioned 51 times if you include The Apocrapha as I recall. Proverbs 1:7 “The Fear of The Lord is the beginning of knowledge” as I recall. I can, with absolutecertai

Hello everyone,
I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.

2Cor.5

1. [11] Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.

I can absolutely tell you from a firsthand perspective that The Fear of The Lord is very real. In the day of your Visitation, you will know the Holy Terror of God The Father. The term “The Fear of The Lord” is mentioned 51 times in The KJV Bible if you include the Apocrapha as I recall. Just based on that large number of times that The Fear of The Lord is used should Speak to you. The only possession that you have that is of any value when compared to anything else in your life is your eternal soul. The first use of the word “visitation” in The KJV is Numbers 16:29. Please read the aforementioned verse and the entire story that follows It’s use. Moses was very well acquainted with Visitation and the number of souls that were swallowed up in fire were significant. You do not want to anger God The Father or put Him to the test. Please be patient and continue in prayer. Again, there is nothing in this entire universe that compares in importance to your soul. You have stated as I recall that you have been a professing Christian from a young age. When you consider that when Christ Himself was called good, He responded by saying that there Is only One Good and That is God The Father. If Christ Said That, where does that leave me? I must say way down the ladder and in desperate need of Christ to direct me in all of my ways. As to where that leaves you, I cannot say but I can say without hesitation that you are not ready for suicide!!! It is highly unlikely that you have ever heard a truly born again Christian Speak. Please pray for Christ to help put you into a fast and focus all of your attention to reading The Word of God. Please pray for Christ to open your eyes and open your ears so that you can both see and hear The Truth contained in The Word of God. Please pray immediately for God The Father to forgive you in The Name of Jesus The Christ and Messiah and Only Begotten Son of God The Father. I am positive by reading what I’ve read in your post that you are currently lost and need to be set on the very narrow path before you. Only through Christ can you hope to be put on that path that leads to salvation. Each of us has a breaking point and The Godhead Knows exactly where that point is. You will never be placed at the point where you can no longer live by The Godhead. That is a promise by God The Father. Christ Himself was made of quick understanding in The Fear of The Lord. Christ also

Rev.2 Verses 27 to 28

1. 
   [27] And he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of a potter shall they be broken to shivers: even as I received of my Father.
   [28] And I will give him the morning star.

From Revelations 2:27 Above, Christ was broken to shivers by God The Father.

Isa.11

1. [3] And shall make him of quick understanding in the fear of the LORD: and he shall not judge after the sight of his eyes, neither reprove after the hearing of his ears:

From Isaiah 11:3, Christ was Made of Quick understanding in The Fear of The Lord.

Where, after reading the aforementioned Scriptures, does that leave us. For me, not ready to commit suicide to be sure. Where do you feel that you fall after reading The Word of God Above?

Please consider praying for a fast and illumination to God’s Word.

 

[paul becke]

The thing is, never to lose hope, no matter how slow you think God is in rescuing you from unimaginably heavy trials and crosses. He will do so, and in the meantime you will actually become more joyful, not less ; and it will ensue directly from your ever closer relationship with God and his heavenly court. As Paul, I believe, says in Romans 5:5 :

'.... and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.' Just hang on in, and try to occupy your mind in your spare time with a subject that fascinates you and enable you to forget your troubles and woes. Not forgetting prayer of course.

I have torn my hamstring and probably other ligaments or muscles, becaus when I wake up early in the morning, I'm in a lot of pain, whichever way I lie in bed, and when I get up, or whether I stand or sit down. The only way out for me - I can't concentrate on the Breviary or Little Office, I've found, is to intermittently pray a Catholic devotion called the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary repeatedly thoughout the day, and go online. It gets easier to sit at my computer as the day progresses. But the point I'm making is that there is no analgesic like an enjoyable distraction, which can take your mind off otherwise quite persistent pain. It also works with the despondency that can afflict us all at times.

Anyway, best wishes, and keep your chin up.
Paul

 

[JordanL103]

I just want to say a big thank you for everyone that took the time and effort to try and help me. Yes I’m fine. Some of the replies really really helped. I appreciate you!

 

[LovesOurLord]

Real love can let go if it is likely to be in the best interests of the beloved. What you have is more like an addiction than love. It is selfishness (YOUR needs) that have become paramount. This is not love but dependence and obsession. You are dependent (like a child) on attention from this other person. You are obsessed and have virtually idolized this person. BIG mistake. That is idolatry. You've got your priorities all mixed up.

The truth is, when you put someone on this pedestal such that they must meet your needs, you will go into withdrawal when they are not around, and you will become manipulative and controlling-- ultimately pushing them away. You become a burden for them to carry, not a partner.

I had a friend that committed suicide at the end of May of this year over reasons of impending divorce and a coming short stint in jail over a DUI. By her description of her marriage and her feelings of it, she had this problem. She told me that she didn't think she could live without her husband and I thought it was just a figure of speech. She wasn't kidding.

She was a quite pretty and thin woman and always got men looking at her, but she was convinced that her husband - who she admitted made her "miserable" - was the only one for her. In my opinion, I think it partly sprang from that she was married to him for 17 years - from age 20 to her suicide, so she had no concept of life without someone else and didn't understand what was there, so her view of things was warped and inaccurate and she was prone to the worst type of thinking.

But she wasn't a Christian either, so she had no relationship with God to center herself onto. In my experience, when one feels abandoned by God, it is a signal that we have gotten off track in our faith lives (I'm sure we can all admit that when we have this feeling we are not focused on God, prayer, and Bible study to maintain our connection to Him and not get caught up in worldly issues to where they become the center of our thoughts) and need to re-center on Christ. It's a symptom of our own worldliness, rather than an actual perception that God has abandoned us, for He would never do such a thing. The solution is as you said, to get one's priorities straight.

Also, I think just being young is part of it. I'm nearly 50 and have decades of life experience which have helped me understand that God is all there ultimately is on this earth as everything including ourselves is corrupt and will be dust in the wind. That's very cliche but it's a very true statement. Without Christ, we are nothing and there is ultimately no value to this world as it's all ultimately fruitless, as Ecclesiastes says. What is crooked cannot be straightened without God.