Christianity and Pickup Artists?

[nb408]

I haven't found much information about the topic so I figured I'd ask you guys. I understand that a lot of pickup artists aren't good because some say it is ok to sleep with girls just for fun. Which I don't believe in, But if I'm in a cofee shop or any other place and I see a pretty girl and I think to myself "WOW she is beautiful and I love the fact that she has this type of style or this book that she is holding" Is there anything wrong with going up and talking to her? If you have no intentions of sleeping or manipulating her but just going up and talking to her to see if she is as cool as you think she is.. A lot of the philosophy in pickup is about getting over your own fears and going after what you want, it teaches you that it is okay to say what's on your mind and that most people are very friendly. If you are very shy and you want a girlfriend it's very unlikely that you will find one if your just wishing you had one all the time. If you go out a lot and talk to people you find interesting it can get you new insights, build your confidence, make you way better at socializing, and you have a way better chance at finding yourself a girlfriend who is truly compatible with you. I don't want to go on a rant here but I believe you can use the principles of pickup for good, and still be a Christian. I wanted to get some other insights on it though, is there anything Biblicaly wrong with Pickup if you are only using it to ultimately better yourself as a person?

 

[Eyesee]

I'll let Zeener field this one.

 

[Spunkn]

Pick-up artists are just using the thing that attracts women the most. Confidence. But they're doing it in a manipulative way, and they're only doing it for their own selfish purposes. Most of the time just to sleep with someone.

Going up to a girl and talking to her with confidence doesn't mean you're a pick-up artist. It just means you're confident in who you are.

The kind of girls pick-up artists get, are not people you want to be dating. Any intelligent Christian girl will see right through it.

Pick-up artists are all about making yourself appear to be the "alpha dog". They're all about putting women down, to make yourself look important. They're all about "playing a game".

I don't think God is laughing when you play games with women's hearts.

So throw away all this pick-up artist garbage and just be yourself. Find confidence in yourself through you faith in Christ and you'll find an easier time approaching girls and you will do it in a way that treats them with love and respect.

 

[Coire]

I haven't found much information about the topic so I figured I'd ask you guys. I understand that a lot of pickup artists aren't good because some say it is ok to sleep with girls just for fun. Which I don't believe in, But if I'm in a cofee shop or any other place and I see a pretty girl and I think to myself "WOW she is beautiful and I love the fact that she has this type of style or this book that she is holding" Is there anything wrong with going up and talking to her? If you have no intentions of sleeping or manipulating her but just going up and talking to her to see if she is as cool as you think she is.. A lot of the philosophy in pickup is about getting over your own fears and going after what you want, it teaches you that it is okay to say what's on your mind and that most people are very friendly. If you are very shy and you want a girlfriend it's very unlikely that you will find one if your just wishing you had one all the time. If you go out a lot and talk to people you find interesting it can get you new insights, build your confidence, make you way better at socializing, and you have a way better chance at finding yourself a girlfriend who is truly compatible with you. I don't want to go on a rant here but I believe you can use the principles of pickup for good, and still be a Christian. I wanted to get some other insights on it though, is there anything Biblicaly wrong with Pickup if you are only using it to ultimately better yourself as a person?

i don't think it's bad....if it's not done to manipulate and better yourself. i think if you see someone you think is attractive, you should try to talk to her for sure. but not thinking of yourself but of her. know what i mean? if it's for selfish reasons its wrong, if its not (say to get to know her a bit or something) then its ok

 

[znr]

zeener doesn't live here anymore. I'll leave it to you to read between the lines:

(and...the real problem is, ahem, elsewhere, ahem, ahem. Cough cough hint hint.)

The Stepford Wives (8/8) Movie CLIP - The Supermarket (2004) HD - YouTube

I'll let Zeener field this one.

 

[sams]

@ zeener

I don't know if you read this. I got your PM but can't reply cause I dont have enough posts yet.

 

[Rhamiel]

seems like you are just being friendly
nothing wrong with that

 

[samarinka]

If a woman is alone in a coffeshop, odds are she doesn't want to chat....

Just go up and say that she is beautiful and that you get a great feeling about her and would love to be able to get to know her if she doesn't mind. Ask if you may please have her phone number and call her later. Leave. Wait until the next day, then call and try to set up an unpretentious meeting somewhere. Be a perfect gentleman and don't be pushy. If she backs off at some point in this process there is no point continuing. Not all women like to be approached by strangers and frankly get suspicious. A good looking woman may be a very nice person, but fed up with unwanted attention and just avoid your calls because she is tired of brushing off men. In this situation, don't take it personally.

 

[Inkachu]

Instead of focusing entirely on actions, you need to be focused on your motives. That is what can mean the difference between "OK" and "not OK". What is your motive for wanting to practice pick up tactics on girls? Is it because you care about these girls and want to uplift them or bless them in some way? Nope. It's all about you. You want to boost your ego, you want to use girls to beef up your confidence in yourself, you want to use these interactions for YOU and you alone. That's selfish, and that's not cool, IMO. If you approach a girl, it should be with readiness for a possible relationship. Girls aren't toys you pick up and play with as long as it's fun, and then toss them aside when you're done. Don't treat us that way.

 

[samarinka]

Don't treat us that way.

Second that. I've been on IT forums (I work in IT) where there are massive threads about "techniques" to pick up girls, and you can imagine what the end objective is. How flattering (NOT!). Luckily these "techniques" are pretty rubbish for the most part, and would not work on any self respecting woman. Unfortunately probably only on vulnerable women who'd end up feeling or actually getting exploited.

There is a lot to be said for Christian dating and courtship to be honest. It forces men to behave with integrity rather than be lead by their ________. Which is what sinful nature does when left to its own devices I guess.

Frankly, leave these idiotic pickup techniques for unsaved guys! You can do much better by simply being a godly man of integrity.

People say the Bible is oppressive towards women. I'd say quite the opposite. It doesn't stop me from doing anything I want, but living a more biblical lifestyle at a younger age would have saved me a lot of suffering.

As a result of this culture we live in, and me ignoring God, I have some scars that I don't think God would have wanted me to have. Caused by my own stupidity of course, but also by men who were not acting with integrity.

 

[Inkachu]

Well said, Samarinka!

 

[Aibrean]

As if all women in coffee shops aren't Christian...

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

I haven't found much information about the topic so I figured I'd ask you guys. I understand that a lot of pickup artists aren't good because some say it is ok to sleep with girls just for fun. Which I don't believe in, But if I'm in a cofee shop or any other place and I see a pretty girl and I think to myself "WOW she is beautiful and I love the fact that she has this type of style or this book that she is holding" Is there anything wrong with going up and talking to her? If you have no intentions of sleeping or manipulating her but just going up and talking to her to see if she is as cool as you think she is.. A lot of the philosophy in pickup is about getting over your own fears and going after what you want, it teaches you that it is okay to say what's on your mind and that most people are very friendly. If you are very shy and you want a girlfriend it's very unlikely that you will find one if your just wishing you had one all the time. If you go out a lot and talk to people you find interesting it can get you new insights, build your confidence, make you way better at socializing, and you have a way better chance at finding yourself a girlfriend who is truly compatible with you. I don't want to go on a rant here but I believe you can use the principles of pickup for good, and still be a Christian. I wanted to get some other insights on it though, is there anything Biblicaly wrong with Pickup if you are only using it to ultimately better yourself as a person?

Its all about motive. Its not considered 'a pickup' attempt to approach someone of the opposite sex and talking to them about a common interest such as a book or someone you both know , etc... And there is nothing wrong, morally or biblically, if that initial conversation leads to a further interest on your behalf (or both) ; in fact, it is a good low-keyed way to get an acquaintence started providing both people are in agreement to such a thing . God wants us to have friendships and acquaintences -- its just a matter of which , and with whom.

So, I would encourage you to proceed as you will not be breaking any ethical or spiritual rules . And i admire your courage for your desires are quite normal and natural as a guy. I believe nearly every female would appreciate such an endeavor coming from a guy.

 

[DreyDay]

I know this is an old thread and I might be beating a dead horse...

This is a very interesting thread that I actually did not expect to come up on a Christian forum.

The term "Pickup" has such a bad rap to it, having the majority assume it's a band of sleazy guys learning how to manipulate women and get them in bed.

But let me ask you all this: how does a guy learn how to be confident around women, start conversations, learn how to be funny, attractive, outgoing, etc. when all his life he was told he wasn't good enough or too shy, or too unattractive, that he should just settle and take what he can get?" What is a Christian guy supposed to do when all his life he was told by other Christians that he shouldn't learn how to have better charisma, shouldn't learn how to start conversations, or be more outgoing, because God supposedly made him quiet, introverted, shy, timid?

Well, maybe you guys are right: the OP shouldn't approach the cute girl in the coffee shop because it's manipulative, God is somehow magically going to provide a way, and that any effort to learn how to improve yourself socially is evil and against God's will.

 

[Inkachu]

Again. Motive. You don't use girls or women as some sort of socialization tool to make YOU more confident, funny, outgoing, etc. If you want to learn "people skills" (not "pick up a girl" skills) then take a class on public speaking or leadership skills or how to interact with others, etc. The purpose of a Christian man isn't to be "confident around women", they exist to honor God and do His will. Things like charisma and learning to have conversations aren't exclusive to interacting with girls that you want to date. Those skills can (and should) be learned and practiced in ALL walks of life; on the job, with friends, at school, etc.

Maybe when Christian guys stop looking at girls as this "thing" to achieve or gain, like a trophy or a milestone... we'll actually get somewhere. We're not here to make you guys feel good about yourselves. That's YOUR job. Find confidence for yourselves.

 

[GeorgiaGuyinAtlanta]

If a woman is alone in a coffeshop, odds are she doesn't want to chat....

Just go up and say that she is beautiful and that you get a great feeling about her and would love to be able to get to know her if she doesn't mind. Ask if you may please have her phone number and call her later. Leave. Wait until the next day, then call and try to set up an unpretentious meeting somewhere. Be a perfect gentleman and don't be pushy. If she backs off at some point in this process there is no point continuing. Not all women like to be approached by strangers and frankly get suspicious. A good looking woman may be a very nice person, but fed up with unwanted attention and just avoid your calls because she is tired of brushing off men. In this situation, don't take it personally.

The sign of a young, immature woman, say twenty-five or under.

Young women are approached a lot by young men, but women need to understand that much of the time it isn't to pick them up. Often it is friendly chat. Since some young men do want to chat up with women with the intent to date them, of which there is nothing wrong with, young women receive a lot of attention, much of it unwanted. When a friendly guy comes by wanting to simply talk, they sometimes arrogantly brush the guy off, perceiving his good nature as something else.

Hormones drive young men. God made them that way. It doesn't make them wrong for doing so. Many generations ago, most of these men would have been married by such an age which rendered such feelings moot. This is what you get when the average age of first marriage for men has increased to nearly thirty years of age. Lots of men desperate for attention, guided by their hormones, and lots of conceited, arrogant women who tend to look down on the men for all the attention they are given. After about thirty years of age, however, it all evens out.

 

[GeorgiaGuyinAtlanta]

Maybe when Christian guys stop looking at girls as this "thing" to achieve or gain, like a trophy or a milestone... we'll actually get somewhere. We're not here to make you guys feel good about yourselves. That's YOUR job. Find confidence for yourselves.

Honey, it's all hormones. A man's libido is astronomical in his teens and early twenties. I'm not saying that it can't be resisted, but it's extremely tough and intense.

Women who have taken a similar amount of testosterone to that of the typical young adult male in order to increase intimacy with their husbands have found that they have increased libido.

Men experience considerable decreases in their libido by their late twenties and by their thirties, it's comparable or less than that of women. This is your "CONFIDENCE FACTOR". It's not feeling sexually aroused all the time due to a lower level of hormones.

 

[BFine]

Old thread... Pick-up artist techniques?
It's that 70's Show all over again--NOOOOO!

 

[Goodbook]

Yeah. Weird. I thought it was going to be about hitch hiking. If a girl needs a ride to church, sure. I pick up and drop people off all the time..doesnt matter what gender they are.

On the other topic.

Dont you guys have any sisters? Sheesh. Girls and women are human, just like you. If you love God, then you will love your neighbour. Do you try to 'pick up' God? What are we, groceries? Its not about you. If you want to talk to another person, male or female, do it because you care about the other person not because you want to better yourself.

 

[GeorgiaGuyinAtlanta]

Yeah. Weird. I thought it was going to be about hitch hiking. If a girl needs a ride to church, sure. I pick up and drop people off all the time..doesnt matter what gender they are.

On the other topic.

Dont you guys have any sisters? Sheesh. Girls and women are human, just like you. If you love God, then you will love your neighbour. Do you try to 'pick up' God? What are we, groceries? Its not about you. If you want to talk to another person, male or female, do it because you care about the other person not because you want to better yourself.

I assume that you believe that males are thinking only about acquiring women for the sake of saying, "look what I have". In most cases, this is inaccurate. Most men simply want female companionship. It is as God made. In young men, those who are not to be single their entire lives, the hormones were put there to incentivize men to find a woman and settle down with them. That is, these chemicals make men desire companionship in a woman. That's not to say that a man can't enjoy a relationship without these natural chemicals, but it definitely plays a role in leading a man to marriage and thus procreation, as God commanded. Why? It's because God set it up that way.

The framework that God designed is normal. What isn't normal are the few men, relative to the whole, who burn with lust and seek women for nothing more than a release of sexual energy, only to then discard such women. Seeking a woman is normal. Seeking premarital sex is not.