Christian Males...

[Living4Him03]

Since I was in high school I've noticed some attitudes or behaviors I should say of Christian men, especially in the churches I've gone to and I would like you guys to explain what is going on. Thanks.

First, when the guys I've known choose a woman they want to date, they most often go for the really pretty women. The thing about these women is that there are many of them who are Godly women. You know the ones I'm talking about... "those girls"...the ones who are thin, pretty, tanned, long hair, etc. Almost EVERY guy in the church thinks they are gorgeous,and they also happen to have all the other great qualities. Then, there are women like me who are overweight, not as good looking as these women, but are still Godly women. So, my question is, why do the not as pretty women get overlooked? What can women who don't have the whole package like these other women do to get guys to notice them that is not outrageous? lol I'm not saying that you should go for a girl you aren't attracted to, but it seems even if a guy is not even that "hot" himself, he will think that he couldn't possibly date one of the less pretty girls because he "deserves" a really hot one.


Also, I've noticed that these guys seem to talk the talk but they don't walk the walk. They will tell you how they are such a romantic guy and they always come up with creative dates, etc. But then they are constantly looking for someone who appears more "worthy" of their affections. What if you guys miss out on an opportunity to get to know a wonderful woman who may not be gorgeous (according to the majority opinion) because you've assumed that God couldn't possibly have you end up with someone who isn't gorgeous. I think ya'll should understand what I"m talking about.

My brother and I have had this conversation and he just says that people tend to date people who are close to them in looks. I don't think so! He has this certain look he likes and he would NEVER date an overweight woman. I think that's sad. I mean just because a Godly woman who really loves Christ with all her heart is not gorgeous does not mean she couldn't be the woman you'll marry.

Maybe some of you know this, but it seems even those who say they know all this, don't put it into practice. Thoughts on this?

 

[stormgade4]

I admit I once thought exactly as you describe. Fortunately, I grew up a little (but i'm a still a toys 'r us kid!). For me, character qualities, the intagibles mean the most to me.

Unfortunately, I live in Dallas, Texas. There are no unbeautiful women here, Christian or not. That's my problem.

 

[looksgood]

Since I was in high school I've noticed some attitudes or behaviors I should say of Christian men, especially in the churches I've gone to and I would like you guys to explain what is going on. Thanks.

First, when the guys I've known choose a woman they want to date, they most often go for the really pretty women. The thing about these women is that there are many of them who are Godly women. You know the ones I'm talking about... "those girls"...the ones who are thin, pretty, tanned, long hair, etc. Almost EVERY guy in the church thinks they are gorgeous,and they also happen to have all the other great qualities. Then, there are women like me who are overweight, not as good looking as these women, but are still Godly women. So, my question is, why do the not as pretty women get overlooked? What can women who don't have the whole package like these other women do to get guys to notice them that is not outrageous? lol I'm not saying that you should go for a girl you aren't attracted to, but it seems even if a guy is not even that "hot" himself, he will think that he couldn't possibly date one of the less pretty girls because he "deserves" a really hot one.


Also, I've noticed that these guys seem to talk the talk but they don't walk the walk. They will tell you how they are such a romantic guy and they always come up with creative dates, etc. But then they are constantly looking for someone who appears more "worthy" of their affections. What if you guys miss out on an opportunity to get to know a wonderful woman who may not be gorgeous (according to the majority opinion) because you've assumed that God couldn't possibly have you end up with someone who isn't gorgeous. I think ya'll should understand what I"m talking about.

My brother and I have had this conversation and he just says that people tend to date people who are close to them in looks. I don't think so! He has this certain look he likes and he would NEVER date an overweight woman. I think that's sad. I mean just because a Godly woman who really loves Christ with all her heart is not gorgeous does not mean she couldn't be the woman you'll marry.

Maybe some of you know this, but it seems even those who say they know all this, don't put it into practice. Thoughts on this?

Well first I should let you know it ISN'T what it seems! True enough there are A LOT of guys out there who become interested in looks before personality. But guess what...a real christian man may be interested in a "certain" body type...BUT his intrests CAN change.

Let me tell you what I am talking about. I know someone online. This girl and I have been talking for a little bit as friends. Soon I have come to find out we share an intrest in almost everything. Now I am not saying I am going to be dateing her (though I wouldnt mind ). But I seen a pic of her after we started talking. She is not what most people call amazing. But I tell you what...she looks great to me. The reason isn't because of the body...but the personality.

I am a FIRM believer that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And you know what is going to attract a good guy? It's going to be someone that they talk with and share intrests with. And soon enough if u let him know in suddle ways your intrest is more than friends...he is going to start considering it. And quikly even if you are not his "taste" he will get to looking at you in a different light.

Put simply if you open up to the right guy who you can conect with on a deeper lvl than looks (even as friends first) then things change. What once was HUGE becomes cuddly and cute, what once was pale becomes clean as snow and just as pure and good.

 

[Living4Him03]

I admit I once thought exactly as you describe. Fortunately, I grew up a little (but i'm a still a toys 'r us kid!). For me, character qualities, the intagibles mean the most to me.

Unfortunately, I live in Dallas, Texas. There are no unbeautiful women here, Christian or not. That's my problem.

That's SO not true. I live near Dallas and I am not beautiful. I am humble enough to admit that and I don't expect a guy to ever find me beautiful.

 

[Sketcher]

You've got a boyfriend! At least ONE guy thinks you're beautiful or he wouldn't be dating you in the first place.

One thing you need to understand about us men is that our tastes vary. I am attracted to women with nice legs, other guys might prefer women with big butts (remember Sir Mix-A-Lot!) and yet another guy may prefer the superthin women. Fact is, not all of us like the same things and most of the women out there look good to at least some guys. If one guy doesn't like you, chances are another will.

 

[pegatha]

1. As guys get a little older, they tend to become less shallow in this regard.

2. Same for girls, who are also shallow but in different ways. I think there are a lot of really nice, kind, intelligent guys who get overlooked because they aren't cute, aren't jocks, or don't have money or expensive "toys" with which to impress girls.

3. You say you're not beautiful, but most girls your age are prettier than they realize. The problem is that they're usually their own worst critics in that area. I bet you're better-looking than you know.

4. You said your weight is an issue. I know from personal experience what that's like, so don't feel upset at what I'm about to say. Your weight is one part of your appearance you usually can control, unless there's a valid medical reason that's keeping you overweight.

5. Read this again:

And you know what is going to attract a good guy? It's going to be someone that they talk with and share intrests with.

That is so true. Guys appreciate it when girls take a personal interest in them. And vice versa.

 

[Sketcher]

You said your weight is an issue. I know from personal experience what that's like, so don't feel upset at what I'm about to say. Your weight is one part of your appearance you usually can control, unless there's a valid medical reason that's keeping you overweight.

Yes. But don't try to control it with an eating disorder. If you're going to control your wieght, do it the healthy way and see a doctor, whether you're 50 pounbds overwieght or 500. It frustrates me to see so many young women, Christians included with eating disorders. And you know what? You're probably not even fat. I have had to tell this over and over again to female aquaintences of years past. They think they are fat cows, and I certainly don't share that sentiment.

 

[stormgade4]

That's SO not true. I live near Dallas and I am not beautiful. I am humble enough to admit that and I don't expect a guy to ever find me beautiful.

Whatever. I saw a picture of you one time on another post. You are most attractive. Stop thinking like me. I too, am like you. I'm quite overweight (being unemployed for a year will do that). I beride myself all day long. It's wasn't until a had a friend tell me "Dude, if i were as big as you, i wouldn't worry about anyone messing with me. I mean, i'm just a twig compared to you." Sounds corny, I agree. You sometimes have to look beyond yourself for what you can do for others. In my job, I see alot of older women who are divorced or whatever and feeing down when they come to my desk. Just commenting they have a pretty driver's license picture seems to lift their spirits. Its simple but it makes my day better to make someone else feel better. I have a very thankless job most of the time. Its making people smile and making them laugh that separates myself from thinking badly about my outward appearance. One customer asked if I was a Christian. She said Jesus just seemed to shine from me as I was taking her information. That's the highest compliment I have ever received. For me, serving others takes the focus away from me. Sure, when i'm at home alone eating a pizza, the negative thoughts come back ("you're just getting older and uglier everyday"). Sure, my job is stressful, but I try to find ways to make people smile and laugh. I'm not saying you don't do this Living4Him03. I guess this is a rant and as well as an encouragement. Suffering through depression for most of my college years; that is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

[pegatha]

Yes. But don't try to control it with an eating disorder. If you're going to control your wieght, do it the healthy way and see a doctor, whether you're 50 pounbds overwieght or 500. It frustrates me to see so many young women, Christians included with eating disorders. And you know what? You're probably not even fat. I have had to tell this over and over again to female aquaintences of years past. They think they are fat cows, and I certainly don't share that sentiment.

Sometimes the weight problem itself is caused by an eating disorder, compulsive overeating, used to compensate for loneliness, sadness, and anger. If that's the case, a good Christian counselor or support group who understands the issue would be just as important as sound advice on food and exercise. You (twistedsketch) may also be right about not really being overweight. That's part of #3, being your own worst critic. We're getting a little off-topic here, but it's a good point to bring up.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks ya'll Well, I know that I am chubby and need to lose weight, even if only for health reasons. I'm 5'7" and weight around 175, which is not the healthiest weight for a female. I'm not embarassed to admit what I weigh, it's a fact. It's hard to go to church and be around all these pretty, thin women who always have manicures and always have a tan and then you end up paling in comparison to them and it's kind of discouraging. It's so much easier to think about losing weight than to take action on it. Pegatha is right, it's less about eating right and exercising, and more about dealing with other issues that cause overeating. I didn't think I had been overeating that much, but when I went home this past weekend I realized that my family eats huge proportions and that I tend to bring those portion sizes back with me when I return to my apartment. I guess I never really thought guys worried as much about weight. I've always found guys with a tummy attractive and I actually prefer it to stone hard abs (not good for cuddling lol) and I guess I've always thought other women think the same way I do.

It's great that someone sees Christ in you by your actions storm, that is awesome Keep being encouraging and being a witness to those around you! You never know when you will really make someone's day. I know I have those days where I just need some encouragement because I get so much negativity from family, friends, boyfriend, etc. I'm sure it's the same for others.

I wish our society would stop telling us you need to look like a movie star to be "normal" ...so many women go out and make themselves over and work so hard to look pretty. I can't imagine how long it takes them to get ready. It has to be hours...by the time you pluck your eyebrows, go get a manicure or pedicure or do one yourself, do sunless tanning or go tanning, curl your hair, etc. Sheesh. lol.

 

[pegatha]

I wish our society would stop telling us you need to look like a movie star to be "normal" ...so many women go out and make themselves over and work so hard to look pretty. I can't imagine how long it takes them to get ready. It has to be hours...by the time you pluck your eyebrows, go get a manicure or pedicure or do one yourself, do sunless tanning or go tanning, curl your hair, etc. Sheesh. lol.

That's a whole thread all by itself! I could go on and on... but I guess this isn't the place. Have you ever heard a song called "Picture Perfect" by Michael W. Smith? It's about the kind of things you said in the quote above, and I love the attitude it expresses.

 

[Anduron]

Every woman is beautiful (physically), for it is true. You are no exception Living4Him03.

Remember, when you start to feel discouraged, pray.

God bless.

 

[Paul 888]

I personally massively struggle on this issue

but you know what...... I am the one that misses out because of it

I can only date an attractive women, because my ex's have been super-bombs, this is a problem for me, because i miss out on knowing some nice girls, i wish it wasn't this way but i just have to be attracted physically to a girl....... will i end up alone? maybe.... who knows, i hope not, but yes i have this problem

 

[StPeter]

I don't think every girl needs to look like a movie-star, but the diversity it creates is a must. Obviously God did not intend for everyone to look the same or else we would! The issue with weight I believe is this, as a guy I like a girl who takes care of herself, both spiritually and physically. I'm not saying she has to be drop-dead gorgeous, but for most situations (I said most) weight is something that is controllable. I think that if a girl (or guy) allows themselves to become significantly overweight, it is a turn-off because it seems as though she doesn't care about taking care of herself. If she can't take care of herself, then perhaps she is not ready to try to take care of a relationship, therefore the attraction I might have had to her just took a hit. Hope this helps a little on what guys think about it, at least it is how I do!

 

[sOuLifieD]

That's SO not true. I live near Dallas and I am not beautiful. I am humble enough to admit that and I don't expect a guy to ever find me beautiful.

You're wrong, you are beautiful. And I don't have to see pictures of you to tell you that. And I'm not even just talking about on the INSIDE, I'm talking about on the outside -- physical beauty.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I KNOW how hard it is to believe it, but look around you -- it's true. Everyone has different tastes. Everyone percieves different things as beautiful. Even a few years ago, there are certain girls and guys who I just thought were EXTREMELY good looking...now as I've grown older, my tastes and my perception of beauty has drastically changed, and those same people I now see as average or less than average, and people I never thought were beautiful I see as beautiful now. Everyone percieves different things to be beautiful. I can't stress that enough.

God designed attraction, and when He did, He didn't leave anyone out of the plan. I GUARUNTEE you there are plenty of people in the world who would/do think you're gorgeous. Because personal tastes are subjective, they're different with everybody.

 

[songz777]

Well try and turn it around this way Living:o) Im not attactive, so what do I do to try and make my self more attractive, well for one, I exserise, watch my weight, and make an effort to be as slim as I can. There are some men and woman who have an attitude of "they will have to accept me as I am, and I aint gonna change, I will eat what i want when I want" and so may be thats why some ore slightly larger ? But the thing is, some men are not attracted to large woman, just as some men cant stand slim twig woman lol. We are all different, Im in between, I dont expect perfection, but I would want want to know that my woman has made an effort for me, just as I have for her (denying greasy yommy fish&chips soemtimes)
My moto is "Do all you can on your part and then God will do the rest" .
I beleive that God makes people to like certain types of people.
I also belioeve that attarctivenss has a good habit of growing, you meet someone have no feelings and then they grow and pow ur in love,
We should respect each other and not expect perfection :o) If you are a bit larger than the average and you make all the effort you can be a little more slim for health sake as well, and for your beloved, THEN I beleive God will do the rest.
I m doing all I can on my part, and cant make my self have a wonderful chine and face deep blue eyes, a slim nose :o( all I can do is my best, and then leave the rst to my God who designed me.
Hope this helps, and I humbly say Im sorry if Ive said nay thing that offends ;O(
Take care John

 

[JPPT1974]

Anxeria was not introduced into the world until the late Karen Carpenter died from it on February 4th 1983 and also people not just women but men worry about their weight problems but it isn't as popular as women but it is there whether people acknowledge it or not. People get anerexia/bullemia and people don't know what they are doing to their bodies. Then it becomes way, way, too late and they die.

 

[Sketcher]

And once they get it, it is very hard to stop. I have a dear sister in the Lord who still struggles with it from time to time, even though she "got over it" and the worst years by far were in high school.

 

[goat37]

This is really a two-way street... and it is unfortunate.

Too many guys look for a girl based solely on looks, and women too have the same tendency. For every guy that you see that drools over the likes of Britney Spears, there is also a girl out there that is drooling over Brad Pitt.

For men who only look at the physical attributes in a woman, take note of this passage:

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised" Proverbs 31:30

For me, I feel as though the one that has captured my heart, is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I could spend all day with other women, and I couldn't even look at them 'in that way'. If you asked me if any of them were pretty or cute, I probably couldn't even tell you because I've only got eyes for one... and no one else could compare to her.

So Living4Him... unfortunately a lot of men are products of the society that we live in. What we are taught to think is beautiful, and what actually is beautiful... are often two completely seperate ideas. Some men will always be that way, others will realize through a maturing process that they need to change their thinking... and there are a few (believe it or not) that have the right idea from the get-go.
The one thing I cannot stress enough though... is that the one that loves you, WILL think you're beautiful. The one who will love you will never say "I love her... even though she's not that hot"... in their minds, you will be the one that has their heart and their eyes.

I would like to tell the men that refuse to give any girl a chance unless she's a supermodel... After the sands of time takes it's toll on our bodies... you're once supermodel girlfriend will no longer look the same, and neither will you. What will you do when what you had was built on a foundation of superficial vanity?
I am not saying you shouldn't go after those whom you are attracted to, but you should be looking for other qualities that will accentuate their beauty to even higher levels.

 

[kermit the toad]

The basic answer to the OP is that, until we get to know someone, looks are what are going to attract us. However, if you get to know a "non-attractive" person, you might well fall in love with them and suddenly find them physically attractive as well as mentally. It's just that, if you don't know the person yet, looks are what will attract you. It's rather shallow, I suppose, but that's the best answer I can think of.