Christian Males...

[Sketcher]

YOu are not defined by how many guys want to date you. Please don't base your worth on if a guy likes you or not. You are worth immeasurably more than that!

Yes, thank you! So many women look good but never work on the inside.

 

[pegatha]

Just to prove my point, my best friend and me have never agreed with each other about girls, if I like someone and think they're beautiful, he thinks the opposite, and vice versa. So don't worry Living4Him, someone will come along that you will just connect with and nothing else will matter

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. Once, while mentioning one of my friends to my husband, I referred to her as the prettiest girl in the whole church (which was so obviously true in my eyes). His reaction was, "Her? But she's really plain!" And another time a group of ladies there were gushing over the new lady at church and saying how beautiful, how striking she was. When I met her, I couldn't understand what the fuss was about. I've also noticed that when I really like someone, male or female, I am more apt to find their appearance attractive. On the other hand, when I find out that a good-looking person is really shallow or rude, they actually become less physically beautiful in my eyes.

 

[sOuLifieD]

Thanks! You are really inspiring! What did you do to lose weight if you don't mind me asking? I wish I could get consistent with eating right and working out...I'll do really well for a few weeks, then I will go home and eat with my family and the proportions are outrageous! I end up eating them because it's such good food, even though I know better. Also, I really need a support system. My Dad just makes fun of my Mom and I when we say we are going to watch our weight and actually attempt to do so, and if we eat something we shouldn't we get hounded for it! I want to look my best and my main reason for wanting to look good is for professional reasons. I have noticed in my internship that women who dress professionally and really take good care of themselves end up having a bit more influence than those of us who tend to look a bit frumpy. I am thinking of running for city council someday, so I want to be ready for it! If that is what God has in His plans for me, I want to do what I can to prepare! Also, I need to fix my eyebrows. I mean, I am just a clutz with tweezers. Has anyone had their eyebrows waxed or plucked by a professional? I think I'm going to do that next time I go for a manicure.

If I was thin I'd still look at overweight guys. I just simply find something sexy about a big husky man lol. Like Shrek...hehe j/k but I like a tall guy with some build,even if it's not all muscle. It's nice to have a guy who can put his arms around you. Oh and you are right most guys DO need a mirror! I think they assume they are Tom Cruise lol and just don't look.

I have already been working on some things...one of them is my skin, I have had breakouts on my forehead for so long, and finally I got Proactiv solution and it is working wonders. I didn't think it would, but my skin is getting clearer. Also, I've been putting sunless tanner on my legs so I look sort of sun kissed lol. And I am going to work out with some friends from my internship 2 days a week. So if I can manage the other two days, that would be great. Now if I can just stay away from sweets, get my brows waxed, clear up this skin, get a haircut (my hair is soooooooo thick, ugh), get myself a manicure and pedicure, get contacts (I"m so tired of my glasses, even though people say they are my signature because they are "artsy"), and get some NEW CLOTHES whenever I lose this tummy.

Thanks for the encouragement and tips. I don't want to seem obsessed with my appearance but I do want to take the best care of myself I can because otherwise I get bogged down and I don't do as well in school or professionally or in my relationships. It boosts my confidence so much to feel pretty and feminine. It does take long to look good though. I guess from my perspective anyway. When I was younger until about high school I was expected to take as much time getting ready as my brother, which was like 10-15 minutes or so...lol.

I have a few bits of advice...which I hope you'll listen to, even though I'm younger than you, lol.

1. Focus on one thing at a time. You'll get overwhelmed if you try to do 10 things at once -- and you'll end up feeling like a faliure no matter what because it's near impossible to go from doing near nothing to trying to balance 10 things at once. Working out or dieting alone can take up more than enough of your energy, so wait on other things until you've worked one into your schedule enough where it's become natural to do it.

2. Strive to be doing it for unselfish reasons. It's really, really easy to get caught up in the idea of losing weight or looking better for yourself, or for men, or for other people (or your career) - but the most rewarding and encouraging thing is to strive to be doing it for God. To be doing it to honor God with your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit. It's hard, but it's worth it...lately I've been working out a lot, and it feels so great to just think that I'm taking care of the body God gave me, where His spirit resides.

And don't be so down on yourself, you are BEAUTIFUL inside and out no matter what you look like. You are God's creation, formed in His image.

 

[JPPT1974]

Ever heard of beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that the truth will set you free?? If God wants people to have mates, where that is his way and will. But if he doesn't where be content with it because God will work magic on people. Whether they are meant to have mates or not.

 

[scham]

That's SO not true. I live near Dallas and I am not beautiful. I am humble enough to admit that and I don't expect a guy to ever find me beautiful.

In who's eyes are you not beautiful? don't go off the worlds looks! at the end of the day when you find someone which you will they ain't with you cuz you can cook!!!!

 

[Living4Him03]

Haha, sorry it's taken me so long to reply to that last post. I think it's funny. I can't even cook.

 

[Ginsu]

I remember awhile back, there was this traveling praise and worship singing group that came to our church. The vocalist was probably in her mid 20's she seemed shy and kept to herself and looked very plain and dressed very modestly. But when she got up on stage she exploded with confidence and you can see the love of God she had, and I found that very attractive. And there I was, standing there, with napalm red and black hair with noticebly large earings dressed in dance club wear. heh. I bet I looked like a real approachable character then huh?

 

[Jaegang72]

Blackninjapurse hit the jackpot.

btw losing weight can be extremely hard especially if one has been overweight for a long time.

I have lost a lot of body fat , put on muscle and my confidence grew. A pretty girl I knew for awhile once said to me "Look at you now... You have confidence"

Self worth is what God thinks of us not the world. Confidence in Boy girl relationship can be affected by one's weight. Tis is a fact of life for both christians and non christians.

L4H3, I believe what you need is exercise and diet program which works. When something works, you will stick to it.
My suggestion is pray for God to help you. Then research for techniques how to lose weight. And then form a plan of action. Then execute it.
Here is a good starting site to look at
http://forums.johnstonefitness.com/forumdisplay.php?f=12

You are studying to be a doctor? In that case, you are in good state. Apply yourself to understanding and researching about food, weight loss, fat absorption , exercise with the same finesse as studying creb cycle or physiology of the kidney.

Take care
J

 

[Living4Him03]

No I'm a social worker, far from a doctor! I'm getting my master's in social work not medicine hehe. Yah, I know what I need to do to lose weight I just don't do it because I let other areas of my life and my love of sweets take priority. I have yet to find a good substitute for sweets. I have tried just about everything. I do really like that Splenda stuff though...I need to learn to make baked goods with it instead of real sugar!

 

[Jaegang72]

Well, put it this way i work in medical field and I can tell you the processed sugar is the worse thing for diet.

The reason being the body will burn carbohydrate b4 reaching out to burn fat .. ie fat eaten or our fat stores. So if ppl eat too much carb from sugary stuff, bread, pasta, rice, potatoe etc etc, then they will never get a chance to burn fat.

The way to overcome sweet addiction is to a) combat comfort eating. so u need to employ a preset strategy to deal with stress. so that when stress comes, you already have a plan of action ready to kick in.
b) eat carbs with low glycemic index meaning food which releases sugar slowly into your system so you can avoid sugar cravings. So make you eat many times a day but smaller meals and eat whole meal bread instead white bread, bananas, pastas, fruits (no grapes). Just do a search of low glycemic index foods.
c) sugar replacements stuff may be unhealthy... i do have them tho

Lastly, I am sorry to say this but from an obesity workshop that I did, it is said that women have some sort of idea how to lose the weight ... but may actually have wrong concepts. If you still have not been able to execute your plan despite knowing how to do it, then I put it to you that your concept/plan is flawed because even though your motivation is strongish, you plan always seem to fail. Keep searching for answers. I researched and finally found what works for me.. and more importantly to maintain it too.

 

[klewlis]

Try out Dr Phil's weight loss program... It looks like it's very effective and it seems to be pretty balanced--ie, it deals with the issues *behind* weight problems and doesn't make you starve yourself or restrict whole food groups.

The other stuff... being "polished". I know for a fact that a lot of guys do not like high-maintenance girls. But at the same time, we don't want to be slobs. I do get my eyebrows done professionally every couple of months. It is fun, cheap, and makes me feel good. Just be sure to tell them if you don't want pencil thin brows because they seem to default that way (I personally don't like them so thin!). If you have them waxed every couple of months then keeping them up by plucking isn't so hard or time-consuming.

If you dress well, makeup isn't such an issue. I personally don't wear much (but then, I don't have guys falling at my door either! hmm....).

I've had one manicure and I didn't like it... I can do a better job than she did. So I probably won't do that again. Nevertheless, I keep my nails neat, even, and healthy--and that takes hardly any time at all.

Anyway... all of that to say that it's not about looking like a certain thing, "the type of girl that guys want to date" because that changes from guy to guy and from fad to fad. It's about looking YOUR best--taking care of yourself and doing things that highlight your natural beauty.

And then if guys don't like that... they are stupid. We can only hope they grow out of it. And trust that God has everything in control. Essentially, we only need ONE guy to take notice, and that's the one we marry.

 

[klewlis]

oops my last sentence there kinda sounds like I mean we should settle for the first guy who comes along... that's not what I meant. I meant that you can only marry one person so it doesn't matter if a hundred guys find you beautiful--there is only one whose opinion matters.

 

[wheels4Christ]

Okay, I will bite.

So, my question is, why do the not as pretty women get overlooked?

Define pretty. Seriously, what I find pretty is not the same as what you find. You are generalizing here too much.

What can women who don't have the whole package like these other women do to get guys to notice them that is not outrageous?
/quote]

start with self-esteem

lol I'm not saying that you should go for a girl you aren't attracted to,

are you sure that is not what you are saying?

but it seems even if a guy is not even that "hot" himself, he will think that he couldn't possibly date one of the less pretty girls because he "deserves" a really hot one.

Oh my - now look at who is NOW judging by look. You just did a complete reversal on yourself. Maybe I understood what you are really implying here.

Who is to say these guys do or do not deserve a really hot one - you?? him??? the hottie???? my take would be him and hottie

Sorry if this sounds rude but IMO you have a huge case of envy here.

My brother and I have had this conversation ..... He has this certain look he likes and he would NEVER date an overweight woman.

his lost... but then again, never say never

That's SO not true. I live near Dallas and I am not beautiful. I am humble enough to admit that and I don't expect a guy to ever find me beautiful.

There's your problem right there. If you can't find yourself beautiful - you will have a hard press time convincing others. And I dont mean all outside beauty... since true beauty starts inside.

Personally, if I have to convince my SO constantly how beautiful she is I would go crazy. Not to say I don't do gentle reminder. I just don't do evidence collection to booste her ego.

On the flip side, if a gal carry herself respectable and God-loving... the glow of it would over-come anything beauty-passe. Know what i mean?

 

[Katty]

I have to agree with wheels.

My thing is that we as women, we ARE critical of our own appearance and of ourselves in general. Guys will pick a girl who can hold her own over a girl who needs verbal affirmation ALL the time. Hehe, like the other night, my roommate was talking about how she hates it when her guy grabs her "love handles" and says it's cute Stuff like that, we hate it, but guys dig it. I think sometimes, we're too hard on guys. We always say that they go for looks and thats it, but to credit the many who don't, guys see the beauty that radiates from within. They're not blind to the beauty that is from within.

:o just my 2 cents... not sure if it made any sense....

~Katty

 

[Katty]

*Sigh*. I just want a guy who genuinely likes me for who I am who won't mind if I called him late at night just to talk, who will be interested in getting to know me and just me enough that he will actually plan dates for us and LOOK FORWARD to them.

Sweetie... those guys exist.... I promise

There's a guy who picks up when its 4am and I'm bawling my eyes out, who knows me beyond my "physical realm" and listens to my heart, who sits quietly while I piece my cluttered thoughts together... he won't admit it, but he speaks highly of me to his friends... he calls me at random times just to let me know that he's thinking about me... he goes out of his way to let me know that I hold a special place in his heart whether it makes sense in his head or not... he smiles when he hears my laugh... and all this happens with no strings attached.

*grin*
Guys aren't THAT superficial.

~Katty

 

[Living4Him03]

You know God has been working with me on this lately, and tonight as I was getting ready for this press conference thing I thought I looked pretty. Then I was thinking about these girls in class I've envied because they seem so pretty and are so thin. I was thinking about how it doesn't take me very long to put on my makeup and how the less makeup I wear the better I look. Then I was thinking about how those girls from class wear a lot of makeup and one of them could be runing her skin by wearing so much foundation. It's as if these girls are preparing to be on camera sometimes.

Anyway, I am not trying to be vain in this post, just pointing out that I have realized the grass isn't always greener on the other side and I should appreciate the talents and natural beauty God has given me. It could be far worse!

Wheels, I'm sorry if what I said in my original post was offensive to you. I didn't mean to say that a guy who isn't considered attractive (average joe or whatever) does not deserve someone he finds beautiful. It's just that I think if he wants a hottie he should not just sit around and not do anything to work on himself, both outwardly and inwardly.

I've been convicted lately about what am *I* doing to be the woman God wants me to be ...and what am I doing to prepare to meet mr. right...would I be a good wife? Am I preparing to be a good wife someday? I think those are the things I have to ask myself and the one for me should find me beautiful all around, even if I don't conform to the world's standards.

As for Dr. Phil's plan, I have been wanting to get that book and I may get it. My mom signed me up for a diet plan at jenny craig, which is actually a good diet, it's just very strenuous and doesn't really deal with how to cope better with stress and stuff like that, plus it's very expensive because you must buy their food to participate. I think a lot of what Dr. Phil says about weight loss is very true and those who have followed his diet have lost and gotten in better shape.

 

[mina]

I think it's key that we don't compare ourselfs with other women. Just because some girl is skinny and pretty and wears makeup, it doesn't make her a bad person. Just like a girl that is skinny or fat, ugly or pretty, natural or not, the physical isn't something you can judge someone by. No matter what we look like , we are going to have things we don't like about ourselfs. Getting pleasure from thinking about all the flaws other women have isn't very good either. You are unique, and each person is unique. There is no comparison. Heck, we could even say that there is beauty in each person if you look closely enough. What I'm trying to do lately is not compare, but focus on myself. Not in a vain way but just in a I'm worrying about myself not anyone else's looks. It's hard, because I think girls are programmed by the world to compare ourselfs to each other (look at rachel and leah). but really God created you to be you, with your genes and intricate pattern. And believe me I know how hard this is, this is a daily stuggle for me. I have been at the lowest of low points regarding self esteem. Those are scary scary feelings that I would not wish on my worst enemy's dog. It got so bad I could not even look in a mirror except to put in my contacts. I felt so rejected by even God and I literally hid from people b/c I thought they were just thinking about how ugly I was and pitiying me. It's a thing I have to overcome and I can only do that through the power of Christ in my life, not on what a guy thinks of me or how many guys have asked me out. Jesus has helped me so much. I have a long way to go, but I know that as I trust in Him I will be filled to overflowing with hope. Praise God that our worth as a girl, a woman , even as a wife someday does not/will not depend on if we are the most beautiful girl in the room. If this is a weakness in your life, satan knows it and will try everything he can to tear us down. The only way to fight is to 1. be the best you can be, and 2 and most important fight it with the strongest thing : the power of Christ.

 

[Tenorvoice]

In regards to the OP......I know that from my own experiance that I used to be one of those types of guys that always looked (drooled) over the "pretty" girls that I met. Even if they were not "godly" woemn/girls. I was just a pig, there is no other way to say it. I only looked on the outside and never on the inside. I was just going with the flow of society. In todays society they tell all the young women the you can eat anything that you want as long as you spend the next 15 min. in the bathroom looking at is again. Then they tell you that if you are not anything under a size 2 then you are out of shape. BOLOGNA!!!! **just a side not from my personal opinion here~~ for some reason I have blamed Mcdolands for their happy meals because of the looks of todays young ladies. take a look at it. The Happy meal is 25 years old this year and most of the women that we are speaking of are under 25 ??? ~~

But all that was before I was saved by the Grace of God / Now I look at things totally differently. I no longer look fer the young lady that is 5'6 size 5 and under. Looks make no difference to me at all!!!!! I look for the Love of The Lord in her eyes, in her actions, and how she Praises the Lord with the song that He places in our hearts. Nothing warms my heart more than a woman that is deeply invloved with STUDING the Lords Word (not being in a Bible study, but studying the Bible, and learning from it).

Peace



PS 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks Tenor you are always encouraging. Yah, MICKEY D'S!! You made us all fat! Hehe, nah, but that stuff is bad for your heart. Strangely enough happy meals used to be a rare treat, but sweets were often.

 

[TheDatelessLoserX2]

While guys may be Christians, they are still guys. They are going to desire girls they find attractive over ones that they do not. (Their definition of attractive may vary). Even the most in tuned with God are not going to over-spiritualize and date someone they aren't the least bit attracted to. While physical attraction isn't to be emphasized, it is still desired. Personally, beauty is nice, but what happens when they hit 70? Its gonna disappear. (unless your like raquel welch.....) Thats why it is just as important to choose a girl of character, and inner beauty, as one with outer beauty.