Christian Males...

[blackpurseninja]

I'll tell you what. I was your same height and weight. I felt the same way. I kept getting passed over by these women I felt looked too good and probably spent too much time on themselves getting ready. I just felt I was above that, when in reality I was jealous of them. :o

Then I realized I was miserable because of what I was doing to myself. So, I worked VERY HARD for many months, lost my weight, fixed my hair, got fresh new makeup, did my nails at home, and guess what? I look GREAT, and I’m the same person, only happier. Not only that, my outlook immediately became more positive and I had a greater self esteem, which might be something causing guys look past you in the first place.

I realized I had the power to be who I wanted to be, and through Jesus I can do all things. Even loose all that weight! I will never look perfect, but you can be sure that I feel great about myself and have no problem meeting men or just new people in general now. Everything even through my professional life improved!

And yes, if you want to look good it takes some time to invest in your appearance. You will have to work out, take a shower every day, get your hair cut about once a month, buy some nail polish and do your nails each week, pluck your eyebrows, fix your hair, get some natural makeup (MAC is good), etc. But in reality, it doesn’t take as long as you think. And as an investment, do you think YOU are worth it? You don’t have to be tan to look good (Nicole Kidman?) but you will be surprised how good pampering yourself can make you feel.

It comes down to the simple fact that being healthy is attractive, and being unhealthy and overweight is not. Studies have shown people instinctively perceive overweight people as less intelligent and competent. I got a promotion when I lost my weight! If you were very thin I doubt you would be looking at the overweight boys in church, although women find an easier time getting past the physical. But men aren't built emotionally that way, and may I add, most need a mirror to see what they look like. Men have always felt they deserved more than they do. Probably because they continually get it through their personalities!

With confidence, positivity, and a healthy body, you can get just about anyone in my opinion. When you are overweight, you are invisible. Simple as that. I’ve been there. If health isn’t an issue for you, maybe a boost in your dating life will. Hit me up if you want to talk, I can be here for you.

 

[desi]

Living4Him03, I hear you. I've known devout Christians guys who like the pretty girls and believed God would deliver no less to them, such fellows usually met with disappointment. Women are not rewards God gives to swell guys, women have minds of their own which men must learn to work with before they can win them over.

 

[Sketcher]

It comes down to the simple fact that being healthy is attractive, and being unhealthy and overweight is not.

That is beauty that lasts, too. When I am old, I won't want a wife who is dumpy, depressed, and always moaning. After we've grown old together, I'd like her to still be healthy and vibrant for her age.

 

[Tuffguy]

I'm an educated guy, religious, smart, and keep myself in good shape. Why wouldn't I want to date someone that is the same? Personally, I would feel as though I was 'settling' if I dated a girl that was overweight and uneducated. I have about 4 or 5 things i consider important and i date whoever meets the most of my requirements. Obviously, if one of the characteristics of the girl just totally blows the other ones out of the water you make exceptions. Like if a girl is average in the looks departmen but shes the sweetest girl you have ever met, i would totally date her.
To me I feel as though, i've worked to get where I am and I want a girl who has done the same. There is nothing wrong with that at all.

I also feel as though its very disrespectful for a girl in a relationship to let herself go after you're together for a while. It is HER responsibility to keep me interested, not mine to stay interested in her. I treat her the same way I expect to be treated.

 

[blackpurseninja]

I don't think it's disrespectful, and when you look at the whole relationship in general people become relaxed and things slip. Men tend to get relaxed on romance and attention as time goes on in a relationship (often their weight can fall too), and you can also see a lot of women gain weight over time. It's not really disrespectful unless they deliberately do it on purpose, and I would say 99.999 percent do not.

Weight slips up easily on women, and it is VERY difficult to get it off. I will say that I don't think it's fair. Both the man and woman in a relationship should strive to stay (as much as you can) the same as when you were both initially attracted to each other. I used to not feel that way, but I realize that is truely only fair. And really, that goes for weight and beyond.

 

[jared101101]

but it seems even if a guy is not even that "hot" himself, he will think that he couldn't possibly date one of the less pretty girls because he "deserves" a really hot one.

LOL! This had me chuckling because it describes me perfectly. It's just that since I have been encouraged/forced by my parents to avoid girls, I feel I deserve to marry a gorgeous girl to "make up" for all my deprivation over the years.

 

[footballfanatic]

I think it's important to remember that God made us to be physically attracted to each other. We shouldn't dilute that or supress it.

At the same time, some people can appear more attractive after we've gotten to know them. I know that has happened to me.

Lee

 

[Sketcher]

Or less attractive. That's why I get to know someone before dating her.

 

[Living4Him03]

I'm an educated guy, religious, smart, and keep myself in good shape. Why wouldn't I want to date someone that is the same? Personally, I would feel as though I was 'settling' if I dated a girl that was overweight and uneducated. I have about 4 or 5 things i consider important and i date whoever meets the most of my requirements. Obviously, if one of the characteristics of the girl just totally blows the other ones out of the water you make exceptions. Like if a girl is average in the looks departmen but shes the sweetest girl you have ever met, i would totally date her.
To me I feel as though, i've worked to get where I am and I want a girl who has done the same. There is nothing wrong with that at all.

I also feel as though its very disrespectful for a girl in a relationship to let herself go after you're together for a while. It is HER responsibility to keep me interested, not mine to stay interested in her. I treat her the same way I expect to be treated.

Wow. I'm surprised you have even gotten a date with a woman at all. Sorry to be blunt, but your attitude towards women is skewed. God bless the poor woman who ends up with you!!!

 

[mina]

I'm thin, been told i was pretty (although I really don't think so), take care of myself and body, have long hair, try to follow God's word and serve others and have the attitude of Christ. BUT, NO ONE WANTS TO DATE ME!!! So I dunno, I guess it just happens to people. I feel like i've been passed over and ignored sooooo many times. Although I can look back now and truly thank God that he has protected me from a lot of the guys out there. I have a lot of high standards that I place on myself so I expect that any guy that I would be willing to date would be a high standard person as well. He doesn't have to look like a J.Crew model cause I sure don't. He doesn't have to be perfect. But I wouldn't want to be involved romantically with someone that isn't wonderful and respectful and running after Jesus. Because I try to do those things as well. i don't think God "owes me". I just would like to be in a relationship where the guy has initative to have standards for himself. Because I shouldn't have to be his momma or his crutch or his main sorce of happiness. God is in control and even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes, He will bring you to the one He has for you, and He will make you attractive to that person and that person to you. This lady at my church keeps telling me to give your desires completely up to God, die to them, and what God give back to you will be sooo much better than anything that humans could have forced or arrainged in their own human way. Soooo hard and almost hurtful to do, but there is much wisdom there. Not everyone is going to be attracted to me and I shouldn't expect that. But I should try to look my best and be in good shape, not for a guy but for myself. Anyways I hope all this made sense. I sorta got in a rambling mood, lol.

 

[pgmike]

hey living4 him, listen to what these ppl are saying. i for one am i fan of girls that are a bit husky. and realistically im sort of a good looking guy (thats waht my mommy tells me). dont get down on your appearance. i have a friend that is rather big but she doesnt get down bc of it and is confident and i think shes pretty hot.

 

[Living4Him03]

I'll tell you what. I was your same height and weight. I felt the same way. I kept getting passed over by these women I felt looked too good and probably spent too much time on themselves getting ready. I just felt I was above that, when in reality I was jealous of them.

Then I realized I was miserable because of what I was doing to myself. So, I worked VERY HARD for many months, lost my weight, fixed my hair, got fresh new makeup, did my nails at home, and guess what? I look GREAT, and I’m the same person, only happier. Not only that, my outlook immediately became more positive and I had a greater self esteem, which might be something causing guys look past you in the first place.

I realized I had the power to be who I wanted to be, and through Jesus I can do all things. Even loose all that weight! I will never look perfect, but you can be sure that I feel great about myself and have no problem meeting men or just new people in general now. Everything even through my professional life improved!

And yes, if you want to look good it takes some time to invest in your appearance. You will have to work out, take a shower every day, get your hair cut about once a month, buy some nail polish and do your nails each week, pluck your eyebrows, fix your hair, get some natural makeup (MAC is good), etc. But in reality, it doesn’t take as long as you think. And as an investment, do you think YOU are worth it? You don’t have to be tan to look good (Nicole Kidman?) but you will be surprised how good pampering yourself can make you feel.

It comes down to the simple fact that being healthy is attractive, and being unhealthy and overweight is not. Studies have shown people instinctively perceive overweight people as less intelligent and competent. I got a promotion when I lost my weight! If you were very thin I doubt you would be looking at the overweight boys in church, although women find an easier time getting past the physical. But men aren't built emotionally that way, and may I add, most need a mirror to see what they look like. Men have always felt they deserved more than they do. Probably because they continually get it through their personalities!

With confidence, positivity, and a healthy body, you can get just about anyone in my opinion. When you are overweight, you are invisible. Simple as that. I’ve been there. If health isn’t an issue for you, maybe a boost in your dating life will. Hit me up if you want to talk, I can be here for you.

Thanks! You are really inspiring! What did you do to lose weight if you don't mind me asking? I wish I could get consistent with eating right and working out...I'll do really well for a few weeks, then I will go home and eat with my family and the proportions are outrageous! I end up eating them because it's such good food, even though I know better. Also, I really need a support system. My Dad just makes fun of my Mom and I when we say we are going to watch our weight and actually attempt to do so, and if we eat something we shouldn't we get hounded for it! I want to look my best and my main reason for wanting to look good is for professional reasons. I have noticed in my internship that women who dress professionally and really take good care of themselves end up having a bit more influence than those of us who tend to look a bit frumpy. I am thinking of running for city council someday, so I want to be ready for it! If that is what God has in His plans for me, I want to do what I can to prepare! Also, I need to fix my eyebrows. I mean, I am just a clutz with tweezers. Has anyone had their eyebrows waxed or plucked by a professional? I think I'm going to do that next time I go for a manicure.

If I was thin I'd still look at overweight guys. I just simply find something sexy about a big husky man lol. Like Shrek...hehe j/k but I like a tall guy with some build,even if it's not all muscle. It's nice to have a guy who can put his arms around you. Oh and you are right most guys DO need a mirror! I think they assume they are Tom Cruise lol and just don't look.

I have already been working on some things...one of them is my skin, I have had breakouts on my forehead for so long, and finally I got Proactiv solution and it is working wonders. I didn't think it would, but my skin is getting clearer. Also, I've been putting sunless tanner on my legs so I look sort of sun kissed lol. And I am going to work out with some friends from my internship 2 days a week. So if I can manage the other two days, that would be great. Now if I can just stay away from sweets, get my brows waxed, clear up this skin, get a haircut (my hair is soooooooo thick, ugh), get myself a manicure and pedicure, get contacts (I"m so tired of my glasses, even though people say they are my signature because they are "artsy"), and get some NEW CLOTHES whenever I lose this tummy.

Thanks for the encouragement and tips. I don't want to seem obsessed with my appearance but I do want to take the best care of myself I can because otherwise I get bogged down and I don't do as well in school or professionally or in my relationships. It boosts my confidence so much to feel pretty and feminine. It does take long to look good though. I guess from my perspective anyway. When I was younger until about high school I was expected to take as much time getting ready as my brother, which was like 10-15 minutes or so...lol.

 

[Buskanaka]

I think it's a bit unfair to label this is a problem with 'Christian males', not everyone thinks that way and it definitely goes both ways. I think the ways it happens in are a bit different for guys and girls, girls get passed over because a guy doesnt perceive them as beautiful first glance, but I think guys get passed over because the girl doesn't perceive them as having an outgoing personality. I know for myself that sometimes I feel like people don't want to get to know me because I'm generally quiet and introverted, especially in large groups.

I generally don't go for girls solely on looks, when I meet somone I really only have a general impression of ok-looking or not. As I get to know someone, if I'm attracted to their personality then my impression of their looks goes up. I wouldn't date a girl just because they were good looking, and I wouldnt not date a girl because they weren't so good looking. However, I don't generally like overweight people romantically because of my lifestyle and interests, I'm a very sporty person and like being active, so I like people who share those interests who I can be active with.

Just to prove my point, my best friend and me have never agreed with each other about girls, if I like someone and think they're beautiful, he thinks the opposite, and vice versa. So don't worry Living4Him, someone will come along that you will just connect with and nothing else will matter

 

[Living4Him03]

You mean someone will come along that will like fat girls? Yah I know how guys work Gimme a break hon.

 

[pgmike]

you talking to me? not all guys have the same opinions. i know plenty of guys that dont like skinny girls. dont think all guys like the same thing. just like i know some guys liek large breasts others small, some large butts some small, some brunettes some blondes and some redheads, etc etc.

 

[Living4Him03]

I was talking to busk. I know but the consensus is still that ya gotta be really pretty and always look sooooo polished. How am I supposed to be polished if I just finished fishing or cleaning my parent's house or mowing for my Dad? I just feel like I'm going in circles. I try everything I can to improve myself and to be the kind of girl guys want to date and it just doesn't happen. Or a guy comes along and he seems great at first, then he gets lazy and stops treating me right and by that time I'm in love with him, so that's a big mess. *Sigh*. I just want a guy who genuinely likes me for who I am who won't mind if I called him late at night just to talk, who will be interested in getting to know me and just me enough that he will actually plan dates for us and LOOK FORWARD to them.

 

[mina]

NO ONE is polished all the time. We all have to clean, mow the lawn, get dirty, etc. sometimes. I don't think it's so important that girls look perfect at all times as we don't purposely try to look like a slob during nice occassions. There are some occasions where you are going to be in sweats , hair falling down, sweaty, dirty, etc. It's just unrealistic to expect that a girl is always going to look perfectly made up. This isn't Stepford. Impressing a guy shouldn't be the only reason you try to look good/be in shape/ make an effort, etc. NO ONE can be perfect at all times. Set small goals and work towards them in terms of working out and losing weight. Try not to obsess over this too much. Do what you can with what you have. Work on making what you have better (in terms of weight loss and toning up). And let God do the rest. Your life will not end if you don't have a guy to date everyday of the week. You are not any less of a person if you don't have guys eyeing you and knocking down your door to date you. Work on those things about yourself that you are unhappy with, develop your personality and good traits. God has everything in his own perfect time. Trust that and trust Him. If that's in His plan for you, He will NOT let you miss it. I know it's hard. It's very hard for me. But maybe God is giving you this time to work on yourself- to work on becomeing the right person. Maybe he's preparing you to meet someone. or He's prepairing that someone to meet you. Trust.


Also it might be good to find an older Godly woman to mentor y ou. Do you have an older woman in your church that you could go to? Your pastor's wife or youth pastor's wife? There is much to be learned as a young christian woman from an older christian lady about how to pray for your future husband and how to pray for yourself as God gets you ready for the one he has for you. Also it's good for young women to have someone safe to share our insecurities with, and learn from someone more experienced about how to combat the lies that satan will throw at us about self image. I've struggled with poor self image for years and it can cripple you and render you ineffective for God and all He has for you. All these negative and hurtful feelings about yourself and past relationships are direct lies and attacks from the enemy. satan wants us to go in circles and feel beaten down and feel like there is no way out. I believe that we really do have to retrain our thinking and combat this through prayer and standing firmly on the word of God. An excellent book I want to recommend to you is "Do you think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas. It really helped and encouraged me so I hope it will help and encourage you as well. YOu are not defined by how many guys want to date you. Please don't base your worth on if a guy likes you or not. You are worth immeasurably more than that!

 

[Buskanaka]

^

what mina said.

Ignore the stereotypical view that all guys only care about getting a supermodel girlfriend. It's not true! Not all guys are as shallow as you seem to think, I've seen plenty of fat girls with partners. Guys will care less about looks the more they get to know you.

 

[Tuffguy]

Wow. I'm surprised you have even gotten a date with a woman at all. Sorry to be blunt, but your attitude towards women is skewed. God bless the poor woman who ends up with you!!!

I have absolutely no issues getting great dates. I'm very confident and know what i want and how to get it. I'm also positive that if you and I where to meet we would get along just fine (i don't mean dating).
I think you fail at being introspective. You're looking at men as having a problem when you yourself are clearly battling self esteem issues. Figure yourself out before you go around saying that "all christian males" just go for the hottest girl. Talk about a huge generalization. I'm biting my toungue cause there are alot of other things i could say to you, but i'll just be quiet.
Figure out who you are, what you want to be, and go for it. Don't play some silly blame game.

 

[Tuffguy]

NO ONE is polished all the time. We all have to clean, mow the lawn, get dirty, etc. sometimes. I don't think it's so important that girls look perfect at all times as we don't purposely try to look like a slob during nice occassions. There are some occasions where you are going to be in sweats , hair falling down, sweaty, dirty, etc. It's just unrealistic to expect that a girl is always going to look perfectly made up. This isn't Stepford. Impressing a guy shouldn't be the only reason you try to look good/be in shape/ make an effort, etc. NO ONE can be perfect at all times. Set small goals and work towards them in terms of working out and losing weight. Try not to obsess over this too much. Do what you can with what you have. Work on making what you have better (in terms of weight loss and toning up). And let God do the rest. Your life will not end if you don't have a guy to date everyday of the week. You are not any less of a person if you don't have guys eyeing you and knocking down your door to date you. Work on those things about yourself that you are unhappy with, develop your personality and good traits. God has everything in his own perfect time. Trust that and trust Him. If that's in His plan for you, He will NOT let you miss it. I know it's hard. It's very hard for me. But maybe God is giving you this time to work on yourself- to work on becomeing the right person. Maybe he's preparing you to meet someone. or He's prepairing that someone to meet you. Trust.


Also it might be good to find an older Godly woman to mentor y ou. Do you have an older woman in your church that you could go to? Your pastor's wife or youth pastor's wife? There is much to be learned as a young christian woman from an older christian lady about how to pray for your future husband and how to pray for yourself as God gets you ready for the one he has for you. Also it's good for young women to have someone safe to share our insecurities with, and learn from someone more experienced about how to combat the lies that satan will throw at us about self image. I've struggled with poor self image for years and it can cripple you and render you ineffective for God and all He has for you. All these negative and hurtful feelings about yourself and past relationships are direct lies and attacks from the enemy. satan wants us to go in circles and feel beaten down and feel like there is no way out. I believe that we really do have to retrain our thinking and combat this through prayer and standing firmly on the word of God. An excellent book I want to recommend to you is "Do you think I'm Beautiful" by Angela Thomas. It really helped and encouraged me so I hope it will help and encourage you as well. YOu are not defined by how many guys want to date you. Please don't base your worth on if a guy likes you or not. You are worth immeasurably more than that!

You have a good head on your shoulders. Very very well put.