Christian Dating#4: Bad Christian Dates

[CCHIPSS]

I made a thread earlier on the topic of Christian dating. Many users correctly point out to me that post was way too long. So I am breaking it down piece by piece for discussions.

Original post here:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7831915/

For Christians that have problems dating another Christian, there are generally 4 types:

1) Couldn’t find a Christian date
2) Bad dates (disappointing Christian dates)
3) Had sex before marriage.
4) Divorced

This post is about the second type: Bad Christian dates. That is Christian dates who either doesn't demonstrate Christian values, or are worst than non-Christians.

Results: Extreme bitterness, hate the opposite sex, generalization (this is the big one), distrust in other Christians

Views: Many men see feminism in church as a big problem.

Many men say those Christian girls they dated do not cherish Christian men at all. They rate men just like the world does. Many complained that their Christian girlfriend eventually left them for a non-Christian guy.

(Generalization: Christian women rate men based on the highly secular 6/6/6/ criteria. 6 feet tall/ 6 packs/ makes 6 figure. They have no idea how else to rate Christian men because the church never taught them to rate men based on Christian values instead of secular values.)

Women say Christian men also have zero Christian values. Many are addicted to inappropriate content. Others openly want sexual engagements before marriage.

Some men say they can only try to limit their inappropriate content addictions. It is “literally impossible” for them to completely stop without some kind of serious psychological help. Most men say prayers rarely help here. Some call inappropriate content and lust the “Thorn of the Flesh” for Christian men that God put there to keep men humble. They say women should stop judging men based on the standards of the year 1,500, when inappropriate content wasn’t nearly as widely and easily accessible. They say it is simply easier for women to avoid inappropriate content than men do.

Some men also blame the current media and culture. They also say many Christian women would dress in “highly inappropriate” clothing to reveal their bodies to men. They do it everywhere; work, school, shopping and even in church. Men say these Christian Women are causing their brothers in Christ to stumble.

Women say they can wear whatever they want. The men should control themselves.

About 50% of the Christian men admitted that they watched inappropriate content recently and is addicted, compared to 20% of Christian women. See link below:

Why are so many Christians addicted to inappropriate content? | Covenant Eyes

There has been cases of "nuclear breakup", similar to "nuclear rejections". In the break up case, the girl would tell the whole church about everything that went wrong in the relationship. The guys find it hard to stay in that church afterwards.

Question for discussion: Did you personally, or heard from someone you know, about bad Christian dates that didn't live up to the "expectations"? In those cases, did you (or that person) feels it is better off to date a non-Christian?

 

[Mariya116]

Dunno... I had a date with a Christian guy. The date did not lead to anything but he was a great guy and I have nothing bad to say about him. There were no expectations other than both of us being polite.

 

[dmpeace]

Well throughout church history and according to scripture itself, majority of people that profess to be Christian are not even true Christians especially now days. A lot of what you just explained I would highly doubt those people had any real faith at all.

 

[SnowyMacie]

I have never heard of this problem. Most people I know who have that high of expectations are single, and are told that if they ever want to actually get married should probably lower their standards. I remember something a chapel speaker said something to this degree "Women, you aren't going to find men that look like A&F models and have never looked any inappropriate contentographic material. Men, you aren't going to find women who look like or do things like inappropriate content stars."

The point: NOBODY'S PERFECT. You have to realize that and lower your standards in order to have successful relationships and marriages. The perfect spouse doesn't actually exist, everyone has flaws.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Dunno... I had a date with a Christian guy. The date did not lead to anything but he was a great guy and I have nothing bad to say about him. There were no expectations other than both of us being polite.

That's great. That's how brothers and sisters in Christ should date: Mutual respect and honour.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Well throughout church history and according to scripture itself, majority of people that profess to be Christian are not even true Christians especially now days. A lot of what you just explained I would highly doubt those people had any real faith at all.

I used to believe that these Christians acting like that were hypocrites. However further research and thinking has me concluded that these people were misguided or ignorant. Like I had been saying that 18-30 year old generation are mostly forgotten by the church.

 

[CCHIPSS]

I have never heard of this problem. Most people I know who have that high of expectations are single, and are told that if they ever want to actually get married should probably lower their standards. I remember something a chapel speaker said something to this degree "Women, you aren't going to find men that look like A&F models and have never looked any inappropriate contentographic material. Men, you aren't going to find women who look like or do things like inappropriate content stars."

The point: NOBODY'S PERFECT. You have to realize that and lower your standards in order to have successful relationships and marriages. The perfect spouse doesn't actually exist, everyone has flaws.

The problem is when these people say they want to date a Christian, they don't mean that they are willing to lower their standards for a Christian. They want to find a Christian who ALSO fulfil all their requirements of a secular person.

And when it comes to the conclusion, they rather date and marry a non-Christian who fulfil all their requirements.

Now, I am not saying go out and date and marry the ugliest and dumbest Christian man or woman out there (and they need loving, perhaps more loving than "regular" people). But Christian singles should learn to find a middle ground somewhere between Godly traits and secular traits. Learn to view Godly traits as attractive.

Andy Stanley was right when he said "It isn't about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person. Then the person who you are looking for will be looking for you."

 

[dmpeace]

I used to believe that these Christians acting like that were hypocrites. However further research and thinking has me concluded that these people were misguided or ignorant. Like I had been saying that 18-30 year old generation are mostly forgotten by the church.

Their are hypocrites and the bibles says their end is hell. Their are new Christians growing, Christians that fall into sin but majority of professing Christians are false converts and there are just to many verses to try and search right now.

 

[CCHIPSS]

Their are hypocrites and the bibles says their end is hell. Their are new Christians growing, Christians that fall into sin but majority of professing Christians are false converts and there are just to many verses to try and search right now.

Well anyone who believe Jesus died for their sins are forgiven. They are not going to hell.

How they act after believing has nothing to do with salvation. But that's important because we Christians are called to be a city on a hill, light in the darkness. Important, but nothing to do with salvation.

Matthew 5:14-16 English Standard Version (ESV)

14 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that[a] they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

And let's be fair. 50% of the Christian men and 20% of the Christian women admitted that they watch inappropriate content on a regular basis. And this is talking about an addiction, not like they watched them a few times and then never again. Many of us Christians aren't pure or perfect

The only saving grace is that we are in a different era. Our temptations are much stronger than when they were in the year 1,500. But this isn't really an excuse, and we must struggle on (more on this in a different topic).

 

[dmpeace]

Well anyone who believe Jesus died for their sins are forgiven. They are not going to hell.

How they act after believing has nothing to do with salvation. But that's important because we Christians are called to be a city on a hill, light in the darkness. Important, but nothing to do with salvation.



And let's be fair. 50% of the Christian men and 20% of the Christian women admitted that they watch inappropriate content on a regular basis. And this is talking about an addiction, not like they watched them a few times and then never again. Many of us Christians aren't pure or perfect

The only saving grace is that we are in a different era. Our temptations are much stronger than when they were in the year 1,500. But this isn't really an excuse, and we must struggle on (more on this in a different topic).

I know how we act doesn't save us. But we are commanded to repent-which means turn from ours sins. If we are truly saved we are being sanctified which means we are growing in holiness. If any man be in Christ he is a new creation. If you confess to be Christian and no change takes place in you, you probably was never truly saved. False conversion is mentioned through out scripture. In 2 Corinthians the Christians kept on in their sins and Paul warns them to examine themselves to so if they are truly in the faith. If we continue to act lost after confessing to be saved then your still lost, Jesus changes your heart.

 

[SnowyMacie]

The problem is when these people say they want to date a Christian, they don't mean that they are willing to lower their standards for a Christian. They want to find a Christian who ALSO fulfil all their requirements of a secular person.

And when it comes to the conclusion, they rather date and marry a non-Christian who fulfil all their requirements.

Now, I am not saying go out and date and marry the ugliest and dumbest Christian man or woman out there (and they need loving, perhaps more loving than "regular" people). But Christian singles should learn to find a middle ground somewhere between Godly traits and secular traits. Learn to view Godly traits as attractive.

Andy Stanley was right when he said "It isn't about finding the right person. It is about becoming the right person. Then the person who you are looking for will be looking for you."

My point was that you can't have everything you are looking for in a spouse, and that people need to realize this. They're aren't very many Christian men who have never looked at inappropriate content, or won't be strongly tempted to have premarital sex. If you are going to break-up with the guy because of that, then the issue lies within yourself, and not him. Likewise, if you're a Christian man and break up with your girlfriend because she's not dressing modestly, and you are not man enough to actually talk to her about it, or isn't caterng to your every need than it's your fault.
I think we're saying the same thing in two different ways.