choosing abstinence??

[zerbetron]

rppearso,

I don't think Kol meant that sexual sin is the only sin people fall victim to. I think he was just using it as an example of a sin most people in our peer group sctruggle with.

Also, the whole men from boys thing: Thats just a way of saying it seperates people who will allow temptation to rule them, from people who dont. Making an active decesion to remain physically pure is not an easy one. I feel like Kol was just trying to illustrate that those who triumph in that struggle have something to be proud of. And those who dont should ask for God's forgiveness, and for His guidence to avoid those same temptations in the future.

 

[Gam3rG1rl4Chr1st]

I think zerbetron is right. I don't think Kol is being insensitive or condescending. I read it as him just saying that it's something to be proud of. Zerbetron likened it to acing an exam. And that's true! It's something to be proud of. Following God is always the right choice whether you chose to follow Him from the beginning or whether you are just now choosing to follow Him. We are all washed clean when we accept Christ as Savior. And when we go to heaven we will be blameless in His sight, regardless of the sins we have committed.

Luther I also agree with you. As a virgin myself, I sometimes wonder if my husband will also be a virgin. If he is, that would be the ultimate gift that we could give one another. If he isn't, then I would probably have the same fear that you do. What if I don't measure up to the other woman or women that he had been with before? That said, I'm going to let God decide for me whether or not my husband is a virgin when I marry him. If God gives me a virgin, then I won't have anything to worry about. And if God gives me a man who is not a virgin, then I believe He will give me the strength and the peace and the love for my husband to deal with that fact and that He will give my husband the patience and the tenderness and love for me to help me not be intimidated.

I would prefer a virgin because of my own fears and because I would like to know that my husband suffered the same pressure and temptation and also conquered it same as me. But I would never turn a good Christian man that I loved away just because he wasn't a virgin.

 

[Luther073082]

I think zerbetron is right. I don't think Kol is being insensitive or condescending. I read it as him just saying that it's something to be proud of. Zerbetron likened it to acing an exam. And that's true! It's something to be proud of. Following God is always the right choice whether you chose to follow Him from the beginning or whether you are just now choosing to follow Him. We are all washed clean when we accept Christ as Savior. And when we go to heaven we will be blameless in His sight, regardless of the sins we have committed.

Luther I also agree with you. As a virgin myself, I sometimes wonder if my husband will also be a virgin. If he is, that would be the ultimate gift that we could give one another. If he isn't, then I would probably have the same fear that you do. What if I don't measure up to the other woman or women that he had been with before? That said, I'm going to let God decide for me whether or not my husband is a virgin when I marry him. If God gives me a virgin, then I won't have anything to worry about. And if God gives me a man who is not a virgin, then I believe He will give me the strength and the peace and the love for my husband to deal with that fact and that He will give my husband the patience and the tenderness and love for me to help me not be intimidated.

I would prefer a virgin because of my own fears and because I would like to know that my husband suffered the same pressure and temptation and also conquered it same as me. But I would never turn a good Christian man that I loved away just because he wasn't a virgin.

Yeah and I'm afraid that a girl that I like and I want to ask out soon here is a C&E christian and not really a good christian woman. Belief unfortnutly doesn't equal committment.

You want to know another fear of mine though. Its that I myself might try to hold it over her head somehow in the future. Its not right and not fair but I wouldn't put it past me in a fight or something to say something to the effect of "Your the only woman I've ever been with but yet you've been with 5 other men." or something like that.

And I think my other fear is that if she is in any way open to pre-martial sex the temptation may be too great. Thus far I've existed partially because the only girls I've been even interested in are girls that are waiting til marriage. This is the first time I may be stepping out side of that. (Although I can't say I know for sure, we havn't discussed the issue yet.)

 

[rppearso]

rppearso,

I don't think Kol meant that sexual sin is the only sin people fall victim to. I think he was just using it as an example of a sin most people in our peer group sctruggle with.

Also, the whole men from boys thing: Thats just a way of saying it seperates people who will allow temptation to rule them, from people who dont. Making an active decesion to remain physically pure is not an easy one. I feel like Kol was just trying to illustrate that those who triumph in that struggle have something to be proud of. And those who dont should ask for God's forgiveness, and for His guidence to avoid those same temptations in the future.

I think part of it comes down to how lucky you are in getting married at a young age to the right person, someone who gets married at 18 is going to have that many less years of struggle but is equally credible in Gods eyes than the person who gets married at 30. The longer the years go on the greater the chance of stumbling because it is not natural to not have sex, God designed us that way so what we are really fighting agaist is God (who do you think is going to win that one) unless you are selected by God to remain celebate for his cause, if that is the case however he will take that burden from you to accomplish the special task he has for you, but if you burn with desire the bible tells you to marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion and fornicate. So if you are burning with passion you should be looking for a wife as if your life depended on it not touting your virginity and saying hey look at me im resisting. I have news for you everyone is human and if the bible tells me to marry if im burning, im going to do that.

 

[Luther073082]

I think part of it comes down to how lucky you are in getting married at a young age to the right person, someone who gets married at 18 is going to have that many less years of struggle but is equally credible in Gods eyes than the person who gets married at 30. The longer the years go on the greater the chance of stumbling because it is not natural to not have sex, God designed us that way so what we are really fighting agaist is God (who do you think is going to win that one) unless you are selected by God to remain celebate for his cause, if that is the case however he will take that burden from you to accomplish the special task he has for you, but if you burn with desire the bible tells you to marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion and fornicate. So if you are burning with passion you should be looking for a wife as if your life depended on it not touting your virginity and saying hey look at me im resisting. I have news for you everyone is human and if the bible tells me to marry if im burning, im going to do that.

I'm going to look for a wife as if having sex anytime in my life depended on it.

But I think you are making a lot of judgements upon us that are not married though. I think its really unfair for you to say that we should be looking for a spouse instead of going around touting our virginity. Well I'm sure most of us are in fact looking for a spouse. But also I think its something for us to all be proud of that we can last this long which is like I said before considered extreme self control in western culture. Self control is a good thing!

I'm not trying to tout my virginity anyways, what I'm trying to do is keep it until I get married. Between my own sinful lust, society, and my own parents trying to discourage me from doing this I think I have my hands full. Look no one in here can help me find a wife (Unless they are a girl that wants to date me or has a friend that wants to date me) but what everyone in here can do is to encourage eachother in remaining celibate if they are not married. Use their own exerperience to remind me its the best thing in the end. Because we know avoiding fornication is the best but it a difficult thing to do and its enhanced in difficulty by the culture we live in. A culture that is trying to tell me that it doesn't matter if I go out and have casual sex. People need encouragement because the minute I step away from this computer or leave these forums there is lots of things and people to encourage me to fornicate.

As far as the ages are concerned yes I agree with you. Guess what, life isn't fair! Amoung my friends I'm the only first generation college student. My parents stopped understanding my math homework when I was in 8th grade. I'm also the only one of my college friends that isn't married right now. Now part of that may be my fault and perhaps its just not in God's plan who knows, but life isn't fair. However what I do know is that you have to make the best with what God hands you. And that is what I and everyone here is just trying to do. Sure waiting til marriage might be easier if you get married at 19. But I'll tell you what, I wasn't ready to get married at 19, I don't know many people who where. But I did have a friend who was. My friends I doubt respect me less because I'm the only one of them that hasn't gotten married.

Yes I want to get married, sooner rather then later. And I'm going to look as hard as I can for a wife. I'd like to experience sex ASAP. But I don't think you can help me with that. What you can help me with is encouraging me not to go out and do something stupid that my body wants me to do.

Like I told you before, my fears, my lust, my desire to be respected have in the past lead me so close to hiring a prostitute that I actually had the phone in my hand and was contenplating dialing the number. Encouraging words can only help me to decide better and put the phone down like I did. Because if I do it in the end I will have nothing but guilt and shame that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Despite the fact that Christ forgives me.

And I think one has to be careful about being in too much of a hurry to get married. Its tough for me to say this but I'd much rather you fornicate then get married too fast and end up getting divorced soon after. Fornication may be bad but I think divorce is worse. So don't rush into a marriage you arn't sure you can make last.

 

[rppearso]

I'm going to look for a wife as if having sex anytime in my life depended on it.

But I think you are making a lot of judgements upon us that are not married though. I think its really unfair for you to say that we should be looking for a spouse instead of going around touting our virginity. Well I'm sure most of us are in fact looking for a spouse. But also I think its something for us to all be proud of that we can last this long which is like I said before considered extreme self control in western culture. Self control is a good thing!

I'm not trying to tout my virginity anyways, what I'm trying to do is keep it until I get married. Between my own sinful lust, society, and my own parents trying to discourage me from doing this I think I have my hands full. Look no one in here can help me find a wife (Unless they are a girl that wants to date me or has a friend that wants to date me) but what everyone in here can do is to encourage eachother in remaining celibate if they are not married. Use their own exerperience to remind me its the best thing in the end. Because we know avoiding fornication is the best but it a difficult thing to do and its enhanced in difficulty by the culture we live in. A culture that is trying to tell me that it doesn't matter if I go out and have casual sex. People need encouragement because the minute I step away from this computer or leave these forums there is lots of things and people to encourage me to fornicate.

As far as the ages are concerned yes I agree with you. Guess what, life isn't fair! Amoung my friends I'm the only first generation college student. My parents stopped understanding my math homework when I was in 8th grade. I'm also the only one of my college friends that isn't married right now. Now part of that may be my fault and perhaps its just not in God's plan who knows, but life isn't fair. However what I do know is that you have to make the best with what God hands you. And that is what I and everyone here is just trying to do. Sure waiting til marriage might be easier if you get married at 19. But I'll tell you what, I wasn't ready to get married at 19, I don't know many people who where. But I did have a friend who was. My friends I doubt respect me less because I'm the only one of them that hasn't gotten married.

Yes I want to get married, sooner rather then later. And I'm going to look as hard as I can for a wife. I'd like to experience sex ASAP. But I don't think you can help me with that. What you can help me with is encouraging me not to go out and do something stupid that my body wants me to do.

Like I told you before, my fears, my lust, my desire to be respected have in the past lead me so close to hiring a prostitute that I actually had the phone in my hand and was contenplating dialing the number. Encouraging words can only help me to decide better and put the phone down like I did. Because if I do it in the end I will have nothing but guilt and shame that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Despite the fact that Christ forgives me.

And I think one has to be careful about being in too much of a hurry to get married. Its tough for me to say this but I'd much rather you fornicate then get married too fast and end up getting divorced soon after. Fornication may be bad but I think divorce is worse. So don't rush into a marriage you arn't sure you can make last.

I would agree its a tough balance, and some of my commets were directed towards some of the other posters. Fornication and divorce are equal sin, but God always leaves a way out for thoes that struggle to serve him and are just barely cutting the mustard so to speak, if you are in a marriage situation that is leading to divorce infidelidy is not the only thing that abrogates the marriage, abandonment also qualifies, that could be sexual, emotional or literal abandonment so if someone is getting divorced and infidelidy was not part of the equation you might want to hold off on throwing that stone less it comes back and hits you in the face.

 

[Kol]

We are all sinners, we all fall short of God's will for us. But that is what makes us human. Its our repentence, and our DESIRE for change, to be better...that makes us Christians.

In response to the point of this thread. Sex is something we will ALL struggle with.

Its not an easy choice, the right ones seldom are. But if we can 'die to self' and conquer our desires, than we are living up the standard that GOD sets for us. Of course its easy to bring faith down to a level we are comfortable with. In my short journey with God I've found people only believe as much of the bible as they follow.

heres a good analogy.

You know how when you have a really REALLY tough exam, and to study you tale off and when you take it, you ace it....you know how amazing that feels.

Its the same with celibacy, ESPECIALLY for those who are not virgins. God forgives us. And when we abstain from those things we desire....its like acing that exam. It truly does bring joy. Because you know in your heart you are STRONGER than your desires. You know nothing can steal your faith, not even your body. And you know that you right with the Lord. The joy in life is not in what comes easy, its in what we earn through blood, sweat and tears. The joy in life are the rules. They put us on a higher playing feild.

I've stubbled, I've messed up, and I'll continue to do so. I'll never be perfect no matter how hard I try. But thats whats so great about being a Christian. If we really try, God forgives us for our mistakes, and he ALWAYS picks us up when we fall. And next time we take that test...it might not be so hard.

<3
z

I like this, this is exactly how I feel.

When I first left home, I slept with my gf whenever I wanted to because I just didn't care. I hated the fact that I had a sex drive, hated anything so animalistic. To shut that instinct up, I just gave into it. When I became a Christian, I soon found that Christ gave me the ability to be the one in charge, and not my body. The fact that I can now fight with, and subdue what once I could not subdue, thrills me. The joy is in the fact that I've now returned to the things which once ruled over me, but now I rule over *them*.

 

[ChristianMilitaryWife]

if you want to experence getting ripped into go to army basic as an E-4 sometime, if I ever saw my drill sgt again I would feel like a concentration camp survivor forgiving there guards, drills are the most sadistic twisted people I know, to be able to abuse people and then 2 min later go through the mcdonalds line and smile and converse LIKE a normal human being (which they are not)

And this needed to be brought up here why exactlly? It isn't bad enough that you spew your anti military veiws on the Military forums now you're dragging it over here too? This has NOTHING to do with the topic at hand.

 

[ChristianMilitaryWife]

Since some here are basically trying to force your opinion that he just needs to run out and get married and that ihe is basically disobeying God.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe for this person that God's plan doesn't include getting married and having sex right now and that God just hasn't brought the right person into his life at this point?

That maybe just maybe that God has a different plan for his life that might not include getting married until a much later time? Maybe God's plan is for him to do many things before being with family. There could be a multitde of reasons as to why God hasn't given him a wife yet.

All in God's time and plan Luther is my point. Stay your course if that is what the Lord is bringing to your heart. Don't worry about what others say and what they think you should do and do what your heart and the Lord tells you to do. It will happen when it's in God's plan not in someone else's.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

 

[Luther073082]

Since some here are basically trying to force your opinion that he just needs to run out and get married and that ihe is basically disobeying God.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe for this person that God's plan doesn't include getting married and having sex right now and that God just hasn't brought the right person into his life at this point?

That maybe just maybe that God has a different plan for his life that might not include getting married until a much later time? Maybe God's plan is for him to do many things before being with family. There could be a multitde of reasons as to why God hasn't given him a wife yet.

All in God's time and plan Luther is my point. Stay your course if that is what the Lord is bringing to your heart. Don't worry about what others say and what they think you should do and do what your heart and the Lord tells you to do. It will happen when it's in God's plan not in someone else's.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile." Jeremiah 29:11-14

Yeah I know thing are all in the Lords time. But do you think it would be wrong for me to ask God to make it sooner rather then later?

 

[ChristianMilitaryWife]

No, there is nothing wrong with asking but don't turn your back if you don't get what you're asking for. Just because He doesn't always answer it the way or in the time you want doesn't mean that He isn't listening.

 

[Luther073082]

No, there is nothing wrong with asking but don't turn your back if you don't get what you're asking for. Just because He doesn't always answer it the way or in the time you want doesn't mean that He isn't listening.

I can't turn my back on him. I don't know how to say this but I can hear God speaking and I can feel his presence no matter if I want to or not. This is what led me to Christinaity in the first place. I never went to church as a child. Until suddenly at about 20 God told me to get up and start going and I went and it was sort of an uncomfortable feeling at first considering I was publically an atheist for a long time.

I've been selfishly angry in the past to where I tried to ignore God, pretend he wasn't there, even tell him that I quit. I've found that I can't pretend he's not there and I can't ignore him for long. And for some reason he won't let me quit.

 

[ChristianMilitaryWife]

That tells me that He has great plans for you and that you will not be lead down the wrong path. Just keep listening and don't sweat the little things. All things come to those who wait. I know it's hard but from what I've read on here you're doing what you're suppose to. Don't let others opinions of what you should do stray you from what God wants you to do.

 

[Peculiarone]

At this time in my life I am choosing abstinence. Even though the flesh may roar sometimes, this is the route I have chosen to take.

 

[rppearso]

No, there is nothing wrong with asking but don't turn your back if you don't get what you're asking for. Just because He doesn't always answer it the way or in the time you want doesn't mean that He isn't listening.

I would agree with that statement. But you also have to look at 1 corinthians 7:9, praying for a wife is not like praying for a new sports car or a raise at work. If you truley burn with passion God will give you a wife but you will have to do the leg work.

 

[Luther073082]

I would agree with that statement. But you also have to look at 1 corinthians 7:9, praying for a wife is not like praying for a new sports car or a raise at work. If you truley burn with passion God will give you a wife but you will have to do the leg work.

Yeah I know, I don't like to pray for myself, even for things that I need. I'll accept someone praying for me but if I recall the only time Jesus ever prayed for himself was when he asked God if it was in his will for him to avoid cruxifixtion.

 

[zerbetron]

Wow,

All this talk about running out and just getting married to satisify a burning desire to have sex is alittle silly. I mean, let me make something really clear. Being abstiant is NOT an easy choice. But just because it's something we struggle with, doesn't mean we should rush the process of finding someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

Be realistic. Its NOT easy to find the right someone. I'm engaged, in an unequally yoked relationship, and fairly certain if my Man cant come to Christ that I can't marry him. I'd be a lair if I said my desire for him sometimes doesn't compound those facts. But I'm not going to rush my wedding, and possibily make a horrible decesion I'm stuck with for the rest of my life because I feel a human desire.

I just pray. I ask God to give me strength. I ask the holy spirit to guide me, and when I lust I ask for forgiveness.

God KNOWS we are going to mess up. Thats the whole reason he sent his son to die for us. But I really believe in my heart God would rather us struggle with our desire, and ask for forgiveness, then rush a marriage for the sake of having sex. Which seems more Godly to you? To hurry up and marry the first person you kind of get along with just to have sex, than to struggle alittle bit...but wait it out and find the one who you connect with...who you feel you can raise a strong Chirstian family with...the one who loves you and honors God.

But thats just my two cents. I can tell you, watching so many of my CHRISTIAN friends struggle in quick marriages that you have to live for the line...not for the dot. You have to think about the long term affect of your decesions.

Marriage is a life long commitment.

 

[zerbetron]

P.S.

By stuggle, I dont mean have sex...I mean simply struggling with lustful thoughts and desires. But the good news is....if you DO give in...if you do fall weak and you do have sex.

God STILL loves you. And if you really ask for forgiveness, and strength, you will have it. God loves us inspite of every mistake and wrong turn...God loves us for our human-ness and our desire to change.

 

[rppearso]

Wow,

All this talk about running out and just getting married to satisify a burning desire to have sex is alittle silly. I mean, let me make something really clear. Being abstiant is NOT an easy choice. But just because it's something we struggle with, doesn't mean we should rush the process of finding someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with.

Be realistic. Its NOT easy to find the right someone. I'm engaged, in an unequally yoked relationship, and fairly certain if my Man cant come to Christ that I can't marry him. I'd be a lair if I said my desire for him sometimes doesn't compound those facts. But I'm not going to rush my wedding, and possibily make a horrible decesion I'm stuck with for the rest of my life because I feel a human desire.

I just pray. I ask God to give me strength. I ask the holy spirit to guide me, and when I lust I ask for forgiveness.

God KNOWS we are going to mess up. Thats the whole reason he sent his son to die for us. But I really believe in my heart God would rather us struggle with our desire, and ask for forgiveness, then rush a marriage for the sake of having sex. Which seems more Godly to you? To hurry up and marry the first person you kind of get along with just to have sex, than to struggle alittle bit...but wait it out and find the one who you connect with...who you feel you can raise a strong Chirstian family with...the one who loves you and honors God.

But thats just my two cents. I can tell you, watching so many of my CHRISTIAN friends struggle in quick marriages that you have to live for the line...not for the dot. You have to think about the long term affect of your decesions.

Marriage is a life long commitment.

I completely agree, my advice was from the standpoint of remaining absenatate for long periods of time, I dont agree that you should rush marriage either but at the same time understanding the reality that im going to fall into lust and have to repent, I think that is the disconnect that some on here are having, they dont want to rush marriage but at the same time are putting alot of pressure on themselves to remain absinate, if you can do it thats great, if you slip up its not the end of the world, and thats where others stated I had a lasi fair outlook on fornication when im really just in touch with the fact that im human. It is unnatural to live until you are 30 or even early 20's and not have sex, and the urges God put in you are going to take over. It is only in recent time that people have waited this long to marry so when you abstain until you are in your early 20's you are going against your own biological clock that God programed into you.

 

[zerbetron]

yeah thats very true. I think the difference is our society gives us an out in marriages...I mean its something ridiculous....like 50% of couples that get married, also get divorced. Ouch.

I think you have a super realistic view on your sexuality, its an instinct. I'm glad you understand lust is not enough reason to marry, and that if you cannot maintain abstiance 100%, that you have forgiveness if you ask for it.