Child abuse

[Catherineanne]

I have to say that. although I fully agree that it should be illegal in the UK and anywhere else, there is in fact no legislation in place in the UK to prevent a parent from 'spanking' a child.
Regards,
Ros

This is true. However social services can prosecute if any mark whatever is left on the child, whether caused by an implement or the hand, and whether temporary or not.

Prosecution is a bit of a sledgehammer, though. Personally, I would like to see people who cannot control their tempers being offered anger management. That is far more likely to benefit the children concerned.

 

[Catherineanne]

I would get involved if I knew for a fact that the children were being abused. If I saw a pretty bad bruise on the child I would try to find out more information before I assume it's because of abuse. Emotional Abuse is just as painful but is harder to detect.

Seen it happen in front of me. Maybe 20 times in the past ten years or so. Three children. Two parents.

This is a family thing. In my family, it is normal behaviour. It is very difficult to break out of that world view and recognise that it is not right, and that the family needs to be betrayed. And now it has happened, that is the reaction I have. Not that they have done anything wrong, but that I am malevolent and no longer part of the family.

 

[Catherineanne]

How can a home be happy if the children are being abused? The two do not compute for me.

That probably is because you do not come from an abusive home.

Children within an abusive home don't know what 'normal' is, and so their measure of normal is whatever they have. Happy some of the time, less good some of the time but lets just forget about that and pretend it never happened.

And from the outside, all you see is the image. And social services bought it.

 

[Catherineanne]

If I strike an adult, except in self-defense, it is battery, an offense under the law. So, why should it be OK to strike a child?

I agree 100%. I use the same argument myself, and can see no way round it. Assault is assault. Why is it ok for me to be able to hit my own defenceless child, when there is nobody else on earth I am allowed to hit and get away with it?

 

[Catherineanne]

I'm gonna say this again:

Because I notice that so many people hesitate to report anything. I wonder how many people when I was a kid wondered if I was being abused then didnt report it thinking "oh...I'm probably wrong and I dont want to risk hurting the family. what if there isnt any abuse? its probably just my imagination"

if one person, just ONE had actually reported anything then I would have gotten out of that hell-hole alot sooner

This is a very important point. Perhaps the most important one of all.

At present I am still feeling my own pain because of this situation. But if in the long run it makes life easier for the children concerned, then that has to be worth it. At least they know that the person/people concerned is no longer the biggest and the strongest. They are not above the law, and the children now know what is allowed, and what is not allowed.

And a lot of other people know to look out for the fire hidden beneath the smokescreen.

 

[Catherineanne]

Children emotionally and physically beaten regularly, yet the home is happy.

Another case where I would have to beat the writer.

No need to beat the writer. Just try walking around in my shoes for a while, and you will understand.

 

[Spinrad]

Don't give me that. You want me to take things in context? PROVIDE it. Otherwise assume I will read everything at face value.

 

[Catherineanne]

Are there degrees of acceptable abuse?

Yes. Both parents admitted hitting the kids (but did not say how much!). Social services is not taking any action.

They are now claiming exoneration. It is not actually that, but they are claiming that it is, and that I am malicious for being involved in this.

All the poison has been projected onto me, and I am now the scapegoat for all their ills. Which makes a change from the children being used that way, I suppose.

 

[Catherineanne]

Don't give me that. You want me to take things in context? PROVIDE it. Otherwise assume I will read everything at face value.

No need to be so aggressive. All I meant is, read some of my other posts, and find out more about what I am saying, and then perhaps you will not need to use the words you did.

If you still choose to use those words, then that is your concern, not mine. Interesting that you use words suggesting physical violence, though.

 

[Spinrad]

No need to be so aggressive. All I meant is, read some of my other posts, and find out more about what I am saying, and then perhaps you will not need to use the words you did.

If you still choose to use those words, then that is your concern, not mine. Interesting that you use words suggesting physical violence, though.

Of course it is. Stupidity makes me want to hit people.

As far as the other, that is on me. But the original statement, made when it was, was valid. Your OP was ridiculous on it's face.

 

[Gracchus]

Yes. Both parents admitted hitting the kids (but did not say how much!). Social services is not taking any action.

They are now claiming exoneration. It is not actually that, but they are claiming that it is, and that I am malicious for being involved in this.

All the poison has been projected onto me, and I am now the scapegoat for all their ills. Which makes a change from the children being used that way, I suppose.

If doing the right thing were easy, if it had no unpleasant consequences, more people would do the right thing.

 

[Catherineanne]

But I love and respect them just the same.

Abused children love their parents. Respect, well, perhaps not so much. But love, certainly.

To be honest, that is a great deal of the problem when you grow into an adult, and see the same thing happening again to the next generation as happened to you and your siblings. That is when you learn that this is not about evil people and good people. This is about damaged people, and about stopping the damage being passed on any further.

 

[sethad]

Abused children love their parents. Respect, well, perhaps not so much. But love, certainly.

not always. thats a general statement and a big one.

 

[Catherineanne]

If doing the right thing were easy, if it had no unpleasant consequences, more people would do the right thing.

I wish people could at least just see what is in front of them. Let alone do anything.

But thanks. I did very little, in fact. All I did was to say, 'my daughter is telling the truth; these things did happen, and we have both seen it.'

 

[Catherineanne]

not always. thats a general statement and a big one.

I think you will find that it is difficult for any child not to love their parents, however much they might want to. That is part of the reason why child abuse is so devastating; it is a total betrayal of the child's love.

 

[sethad]

I think you will find that it is difficult for any child not to love their parents, however much they might want to. That is part of the reason why child abuse is so devastating; it is a total betrayal of the child's love.

I was abused. as much as I wanted them to love me I knew they didnt and as a result I just started not loving them. I was confused for a long time because my dad constantly used "your mom doesnt love you but I do" as a way to put control on me but eventually I finally broke out of it.

I dont miss my parents. I miss having parents, but not them.

 

[Catherineanne]

The premise is flawed. There is no such thing as an "otherwise happy home" wehre emotional and physic abuse occures on a regular basis.

The right thing AND the best thing would be to report the parents.

You are right. The premise is flawed. Absolutely. And the flaw is in me.

I am on some levels not capable of judging what a happy home is, because I grew up in an abusive home, which pretended to be normal. On another level, I can see perfectly well that what was good enough for me, would never be good enough for my daughter. Absolutely not.

But now I see one of my siblings with the same kind of home, and children like me and my siblings, a generation further on.

What they had before the report was an aunt who could see it, and could say, this is not right, and who could - and did - give them emotional support and validation. Now what they have is more denial, and an aunt who will probably never be allowed to visit again.

I am trying to read all the responses, but I am not doing well. I will come back another time. Thanks for all the supportive (ie, it is right to say something) replies.