Child abuse

[Catherineanne]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

 

[Q2004]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Would it make a difference if it was within your own family? Part of your family history, and the second generation of abuse you have seen, but far from the second to exist? What about if it is a nice Christian family, regular churchgoers?

And if the cost of doing so was to lose all contact with your family, and to become an outcast.

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

I remember my Father telling me a story about a woman he knew in Tahoe. She had a drug problem and two young children. A single mother, her children had been taken away because of her use of marijauna. She got her kids back, and a born-again neighbor reported seeing her smoking a joint. My father expressed to me with disgust that he felt that was the most un-christian thing to do. Her children were taken away again, because she needed some relief.

 

[Thirst_For_Knowledge]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

I most certainly would. I would report them to SS.

 

[Thirst_For_Knowledge]

I remember my Father telling me a story about a woman he knew in Tahoe. She had a drug problem and two young children. A single mother, her children had been taken away because of her use of marijauna. She got her kids back, and a born-again neighbor reported seeing her smoking a joint. My father expressed to me with disgust that he felt that was the most un-christian thing to do. Her children were taken away again, because she needed some relief.

I wouldn't do that. Of course, I don't see smoking a joint, as a parent, a form of abuse.

 

[gwenmead]

"Physical and emotional abuse" and "happy home" don't belong in the same sentence.

You bet your sweet bippy I'd call the authorities and report it.

 

[sethad]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

child abuse=bad

report it

 

[justanobserver]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

how can it possibly be a happy home? if a kid is gettin abused, that kid aint happy. The abuser sure isnt very happy when they are abusing unless they are some kind of sadist.

Theres no doubt in my mind I would call the cops. Its the 'right thing' to do.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

If you knew of a family where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis, but which is otherwise a happy home, would you do anything about this?

Is it the case that sometimes doing the 'right thing' is not actually the best thing to do?

Like others, I do not see how a house where the children are emotionally and physically abused on a regular basis can be in any way considered a 'happy home'.

Report it? In a heartbeat.

 

[loriersea]

I agree with the others. A child may not realize that what is going on is wrong, but if they are being abused, it is not a good situation. If the child is being abused, I'd definitely report it. Working with kids, I have had an instance where I have reported suspected abuse to my supervisor, who then made the call to CFS. A child was being bullied by another kid, and told me to tell his father he'd hit that kid. I asked him why, and he told me that his father would hit him if he didn't hear that he'd hit the other kid. That kind of thing was definitely a red flag for me, given other behaviors I'd seen in the child and his family, so we contacted social services. I don't know what happened, but I'd much rather something like that get investigated than have a child in a dangerous situation.

 

[katautumn]

It depends. There was a situation some years back which some of you may have seen covered on news reports. The parochial school at the House of Prayer church administered corporal punishment as a last resort to disciplining wayward students; however, the parents had to consent to permitting the school administrators to employ corporal punishment. When it came under investigation, some forty-something children were rushed out of their homes by DEFACS (if I'm not mistaken, it was right before Christmas) and placed in foster care. That saddened me because these children were not being "abused". It hurt me to see young children wailing and screaming as a police officer snatched them off their bikes in the front yard, parents sobbing and pleading and DEFACS officials calling them abusive parents. It pained me to see siblings separated right in front of each other, taken to separate foster homes or shelters.

Around this same time my parents were trying to get some intervention from CPS in the situation of my aunt who has two young daughters. She was smoking crack. Her live-in boyfriend was sexually abusing her children right in front of her. The girls were so infested with scabies that the schools said they could not return until they were treated for their body lice. They hadn't been to school in six months. Dirty dishes literally filled the only bath tub they had in their home. Roaches poured from everywhere. There were empty cupboards. She sold her station wagon so that her boyfriend could purchase a Fiat. How do you fit a family of four in a darn Fiat?! You don't. Their situation was awful. DEFACS went out and investigated and said they did not witness any abuse taking place and told my parents they needed to "mind their own business and stop bothering CPS with trivial issues". We were all infuriated. Neglect is a form of abuse. While DEFACS is going out and seeking "justice" in these high profile cases, they drop the ball on cases in which abuse is obviously present and subsequently (and tragically) some children have died. In the meantime, my aunt is still with her pedophile boyfriend, still hitting the crack pipe, her fourteen year old is already sexually active and hasn't been to school in years (they keep moving to different counties to conceal this from thr authorities). The other daughter lives with her biological father and seems to be doing alright.

If I knew that a friend, relative or neighbor was abusing their children I would report it, to hell with the reprocussions. Children do not ask to be born into abusive homes. They are innocent victims and deserve to be protected by someone if their parents fail at this task.

 

[sethad]

hmm...this is about a family not a school.

abuse is abuse. whether it be emotional physical or sexual. if there is any of that in a home there is no excuse for it and the kids need to get out.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

There was a situation some years back which some of you may have seen covered on news reports. The parochial school at the House of Prayer church administered corporal punishment as a last resort to disciplining wayward students; however, the parents had to consent to permitting the school administrators to employ corporal punishment. When it came under investigation, some forty-something children were rushed out of their homes by DEFACS (if I'm not mistaken, it was right before Christmas) and placed in foster care. That saddened me because these children were not being "abused". It hurt me to see young children wailing and screaming as a police officer snatched them off their bikes in the front yard, parents sobbing and pleading and DEFACS officials calling them abusive parents. It pained me to see siblings separated right in front of each other, taken to separate foster homes or shelters.

In this situation, DEFACS did exactly the right thing. The children in question WERE being abused, and deserved protection.

 

[sethad]

yea. you know along time ago the rules for deaf schools were alot different...the kids didnt have to go home for vacations and weekends and most parents really didnt care so they left them there to rot.

things havent changed much...most hearing parents still dont learn sign which really should be considered neglect.

anyways...there was a case of an oral deaf school in Boston years ago where the nuns and priests physically sexually and emotionally abused the kids including tying their hands if they tried to sign, beating their hands, hanging them upside down in closets, and all that. (here's a few articles on that: http://www.deaftoday.com/news/archives/004625.html, http://www.deaftoday.com/v3/archives/2005/10/mans_abuse_case.html, http://www.katc.com/Global/story.asp?S=1858097&nav=EyAzN1Xc )

so I guess since the parents must have either given permission or they didnt care...thats ok in your view katautumn?

 

[sethad]

besides, isnt it the law to report suspected abuse?

 

[katautumn]

so I guess since the parents must have either given permission or they didnt care...thats ok in your view katautumn?

I don't have a problem with spanking children. I have never had to spank my son, but it doesn't mean I equate a swat on the bottom with abuse. Now, if there were other things going on at that school, then I would consider it abuse. I am just stating that I think the priorities of DEFACS are misplaced and children who really are being abused end up dead because of this.

 

[sethad]

I don't have a problem with spanking children. I have never had to spank my son, but it doesn't mean I equate a swat on the bottom with abuse. Now, if there were other things going on at that school, then I would consider it abuse. I am just stating that I think the priorities of DEFACS are misplaced and children who really are being abused end up dead because of this.

so whose to say that those kids at the school you were referring to were only getting spanked?

and whose to say that those kids in the home are only getting spanked?

 

[katautumn]

besides, isnt it the law to report suspected abuse?

I think that only applies to doctors and school officials. I don't think, say, a neighbor could be prosecuted for not reporting suspected abuse. I think it would be the morally and socially responsible thing to do, but I don't think private citizens are obligated by law to report suspected abuse.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I don't have a problem with spanking children.

I have a problem with physically striking children. It's called child abuse.

I have never had to spank my son, but it doesn't mean I equate a swat on the bottom with abuse.

You should. Spanking IS physical abuse.

 

[katautumn]

so whose to say that those kids at the school you were referring to were only getting spanked?

Like I said, I don't know. I just know how DEFACS drops the ball on many cases and just rushes in with the cops and takes kids out of homes where they aren't truly being abused and overlook the cases or put them on the back burner in homes where abuse is obviously present.

When my parents were children, if they misbehaved at a friend's house, their parents had full permission to spank a child other than their own. Schools had used corporal punishment for years. Now, I don't find corporal punishment acceptable, but this was a private institution and the parents consented or not to their children being spanked when they misbehaved. Now, if there was molestation or anything other than a spanking then I would be seriously appalled.

and whose to say that those kids in the home or only getting spanked?

Maybe some of them were being abused. The point is that DEFACS went out and removed all of these children from their homes and then investigated the case. If there were children being abused in their homes then yes, take them to a safe place, but spanking or allowing someone else to administer the spanking is not abuse in my eyes. I would not consent to it, but I don't find these parents abusive for it.

 

[sethad]

When my parents were children, if they misbehaved at a friend's house, their parents had full permission to spank a child other than their own. Schools had used corporal punishment for years. Now, I don't find corporal punishment acceptable, but this was a private institution and the parents consented or not to their children being spanked when they misbehaved. Now, if there was molestation or anything other than a spanking then I would be seriously appalled.

did you read the links I posted about that other school? that was a private school too and while people thought that the school was find and was only using "corporal punishment" the kids were actually getting raped, tortured, beaten, molested, etc.

which is why corporal punishment should not be allowed in any schools, at all. private or not.