Changing names?

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Ladies - Whose changing? Whose not? What are your reasons for changing/not changing? What does your partner think (and for those who AREN'T changing your name, what did your FH think originally when you told him?)

Men - How would you feel if your FW told you she didn't want to change her name?

Is anyone being REALLY original and combining the two names? Ie, if your last names were Smith and Jones, changing it to Smones or Jonith?

How about a MAN changing his name?

Me - well I'm changing mine when the time comes - got no problem with that whatsoever. I think that it's a nice little tradition that isn't worth me digging my heels over. I like the symbolism of the same name provides, and I know how hard it is to be the kids when you don't have the same name as your mum. Also, at church, SOME people will think we are just defactos without the same name, and I HATE the thought of ANYONE thinking we were defactos - it takes away the specialness of our marriage, regardless of the whole 'ignore what everyone else thinks'.

Plus, I like the sound of Mr & Mrs - even tho it is a shallow form of it, I like the 'belonging' sound it has to it - we belong to each other - even on our papers!

Not that THAT matters all that much - but it's still nice...

Anyway, enough about me and my opinion, how about yours?

Sasch

 

[*heidi*]

I am definitely changing my name. That is the way things have been done traditionally and I think it's good cos it shows how you two are connected to each other. I have thought that career wise it will be a problem if I am getting myself known by my last name now, only to marry and have it changed later. Hopefully that won't be a problem if I get married before I am working for too long.

I feel a little sad that I will lose a part of who I am, but I am more than just a name. Besides my new last name will sound so good next to my first name, they have a nice ring together that my names now don't.

I think it is just plain rude for a woman not to want her husbands name, no matter how bad it is. If he is good enough for you then so is his name, you can't chose the characteristics of him that you like and reject the others. I am chosing to accept all of him, even the bits I may not like. For the same reason I think joining names like Smith-Jones is absurd, it's like you can't make up your mind or something. (If we did that every generation our last names would double in size every marriage!) As for the man taking the womans name, that sounds like the relationship is heading for serious trouble with the husband and wife not knowing their roles in the marriage.

If I were a guy and my wife to be didn't want to take my last name I would be seriously offended.

 

[ps34_18]

I'm definitely changing my name. I can't imagine not.

 

[Snowy]

I am changing my name

 

[sculpturegirl]

I am having four names, but not hyphenated. (Similar to South American tradition.) I will be Mrs. Hubbylastname and our children will have his name. I will sign my checks Sarah Hubbylastname. I am a professional, with a professional name, but when I change my name it will be more of a "brand name" for my artwork.

I will be very proud to join our names together!

 

[nuarc]

I want to do what you are doing sculpturegirl, but the otherway around I will be Mrs. lastnameHubby's name. My sweetie, is all for it, but I know that my parents and his parents would just die. Haha- I dont know what will happen though. I think I will just end up taking his last name. Keeps the peace and makes everyone happy.

 

[invisiblebabe]

You better believe I'm changing my name when the time comes (not engaged yet, but in a year's time who knows?). I've been wanting to lose my last name since I was in first grade!

 

[InTheFlame]

I didn't change my name when I married. My husband didn't either. Neither of us had a problem with the other not wanting to change. We are both strongly against following tradition for tradition's sake - if a tradition makes sense, fine, no worries. But the name-changing one didn't make enough sense for us to follow it - so we didn't.

Heidi - I hope I've offended you with my 'plain rudeness' <-- That is a joke, but seriously - I got a little irritated with what you posted. I accept that you have your own opinion - but you seem to be casting aspersions on people who do things differently to you, in this area.

 

[sculpturegirl]

I want to do what you are doing sculpturegirl, but the otherway around I will be Mrs. lastnameHubby's name. My sweetie, is all for it, but I know that my parents and his parents would just die. Haha- I dont know what will happen though. I think I will just end up taking his last name. Keeps the peace and makes everyone happy.

Nuarc- what I mean by Mrs. Hubbylastname is that I won't use my last name at all, exept when it comes to art, only my Hubby's last name. He likes the idea.

 

[Cright]

IntheFlame - do you/are you going to have children? do you forsee any confusion or lack of convience? who's last name would/do the child(ren) have? just curious...


See.. I will change my name.

I never though of 'not' changing it for reasons more than tradition.. also not just for tradition sake.

1 - don't like my last name
2 - will more easily identify us as married
3 - we want children and they will have 'our' family name too, helps identify the family unit.
4 - easier to send us invitations and other snail mail correspondence. (I have 2 cousin's who married women who didn't take their last name.. when mailing out my sister's invitations for her wedding I could not find etiquette on how to address them ANYWHERE).
5 - not changing your name was (no not inherantly) part of the feminist movement, I prefer not to give anyone even the slightest idea that I could possibly be a leftist feminist.

With that said - I do not have a problem with any woman who does not change her name.. I know many do it for their business or for other personal reasons or prefrences.. I just wanted to outline my prefrences for the OP.

God Bless,
Carina

 

[TheListener]

My fiance is changing her name but I would be fine with it if she said she didn't want to just as well. But to be honest, I feel honoured that she is changing her name.

 

[InTheFlame]

IntheFlame - do you/are you going to have children? do you forsee any confusion or lack of convience? who's last name would/do the child(ren) have? just curious...

We're not sure yet - there are all sorts of options available but we haven't decided... neither of us are really bothered! They'll doubtless finish up having different surnames to at least one of us, but that's OK. I should research what they do in countries where women aren't legally allowed to change their name when they marry.

 

[Pope Gonzo]

Steph is definitely changing her name. For both of us, being brought up, we never really thought of not having the wife change her last name. *shrug* Call us old-fashioned

 

[Maeyken]

When I end up getting married, I will change my name. I like the idea of it, although now that I am thinking more about marriage, I am surprisingly a little sad about changing my name. I mean, I've had it my whole life! But at the same time, it is important to me to share my husband's last name. In my opinion, it is ok to take on the husband's last name, or to keep your own. But, I really don't like when people hyphenate their names!!! It drives me nuts. One last name is more than enough for anyone. The one thing I like even less than a woman (or man) hyphenating her (or his) name, is when they hyphenate their childrens' last names... the poor kid doesn't even have a chance to choose!

Another option for last names of children whose parents have different last names is to decide that girls will carry the mother's last name, and sons the father's. A couple in my church decided to do this, but they ended up having a son so it seemed to fit in with "normal".

 

[*heidi*]

Heidi - I hope I've offended you with my 'plain rudeness' <-- That is a joke, but seriously - I got a little irritated with what you posted. I accept that you have your own opinion - but you seem to be casting aspersions on people who do things differently to you, in this area.

I just don't see any reason for women not to change their names, apart from professional reasons, but still surely the benefit outweighs the costs. I don't know why we do it, but I don't think tradition is useless either. Actually, it would be interesting to know the history of why we change out names when we marry.

Sorry to irritate you InTheFlame, my opinions and my presentation of them do that do a lot of people.

 

[Ashlynn]

Whether or not people want to or dont want to change their names is *so* their business. If it isnt what I agree with- it is still their business, not mine.

 

[InTheFlame]

I just don't see any reason for women not to change their names, apart from professional reasons, but still surely the benefit outweighs the costs.

Funny how we all have different perspectives, and the opposite opinion generally looks kooky (no offense) I'd say much the same about not changing surname - that I don't see any reason for women to do it, and that it's far easier and sensible to leave one's surname as is.

 

[MagicStar723]

I will definately be changing mine!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Intheflame,

Hey, how are ya I love talking to people who have a different opinion than mine (unless of course, they're going against biblical truth) - it makes me think more!

Just wondered if you'd come across people who assumed you were just defactos or something, because you hadn't changed your name? I remember seeing this question raised in another Christian thread (might not have been this forum, can't remember), and there was someone who said that they had continually had to inform people that they were actually married, and it got so tiresome, they just gave up and changed it, which in turn made things easier when it came to kids, joint accounts, legal issues, etc.

For me, that's my main thing - I would HATE anyone assuming we weren't married, so I'd do it on that basis alone (I know I shouldn't put so much stock into other opinions, but if it were challenging my marriage status, I'd be doing ANYTHING to protect it).

I don't agree with that whole 'submission being threatened cos you didn't change your name' - for goodness sake - that's an attitude, not something as 'surpurfluous' as a name change. If your behaviour was one that wasn't submitting to your husband as head of household, and the refusal to change a last name stemmed from that, then by all means, that WOULD be a problem.

I admit that I don't think changing my name is entirely 'superfluous' - I am a big one for symbolism, and I do think changing my name is a beautiful symbol of taking my husband as the head of my household (rather than my paternal family), and cleaving to him in ALL things - even in something as 'small' as taking his name. But I see it more as 'icing on the cake' rather than 'necessary in marriage'...

But yeah, back to ITF - have you come across having to correct people who assume you aren't married to your hubby?

I see lots of reasons for a woman to change it, by the way! Probably has something to do with not having the same name as my mum growing up, and the hassles that incurred.

Sasch

 

[InTheFlame]

Sascha - no, we haven't had that problem! Maybe people check out our ring fingers, or maybe we've just tended to introduce ourselves as a married couple, or something. Then again, I can't think of many situations where marital status would come up as a topic of conversation? (so we wouldn't necessarily know that people thought we weren't married) Or non-business situations where our last names would be known before we were (if you know what I mean!).

What sort of hassles did you go through because of having a different name to your mother?