Hmm... I have to think here of all the stuff, cos there were a few things that happened that may not have if I'd had the same name as my mum.
I think most of them had to do with misconceptions. I went to a Christian school, where I was basically the only one with a different name to my mum (she worked at school too). There were a lot of jokes about adoption, fornication, the stigma with a divorce, that went on that didn't need to. Even if I should have been stronger, as a child at that point, I would have preferred to not have the issues to begin with.
As an adult, I can see that it was more THEIR problem and I had to deal with it, but when you're a little child, you can't see things that rationally. All you can see is that you are 'different', and when you're trying to fit in (as all kids do), anything that screams 'different' results in mocking (ever seen those little kids with burquas on and how the other kids abandon them?). You can teach children all you want to about 'dealing with it', but they still have a child's mind - and it WILL hurt. It's all to do with the 'innocence of a child's mind' and the fact that they don't have the rationalisation that an adult does, no matter how hard we (as adults) try to 'help' them.
I think that would be my main concern, with my children. I know what I went through because of it, due to other kids, and although I put on the brave face, and listened to mum when she said 'don't get upset by their immaturity', it still hurt when you went to the playground and were whispered about.
Also, I remember when I had step-siblings, that family groups would happen at children's church, and people would innocently put me in another group, because of the lack of having the same last name. I HATED that! I also hated having to tell them that they WERE my siblings, and having to embarrass them.
I know that to us adults that doesn't seem like much, but thinking about it now reminds me about how much it hurt as a child when my 'difference' caused others to hurt me and mock me.
I'm not saying we should protect our kids from EVERY slight, but in that matter, I think I'd want to avoid it, before it happened.
There's probably some other stuff as well in regards to me having a different name to mum, so if I think of any, I'll post again.
Sasch
I think most of them had to do with misconceptions. I went to a Christian school, where I was basically the only one with a different name to my mum (she worked at school too). There were a lot of jokes about adoption, fornication, the stigma with a divorce, that went on that didn't need to. Even if I should have been stronger, as a child at that point, I would have preferred to not have the issues to begin with.
As an adult, I can see that it was more THEIR problem and I had to deal with it, but when you're a little child, you can't see things that rationally. All you can see is that you are 'different', and when you're trying to fit in (as all kids do), anything that screams 'different' results in mocking (ever seen those little kids with burquas on and how the other kids abandon them?). You can teach children all you want to about 'dealing with it', but they still have a child's mind - and it WILL hurt. It's all to do with the 'innocence of a child's mind' and the fact that they don't have the rationalisation that an adult does, no matter how hard we (as adults) try to 'help' them.
I think that would be my main concern, with my children. I know what I went through because of it, due to other kids, and although I put on the brave face, and listened to mum when she said 'don't get upset by their immaturity', it still hurt when you went to the playground and were whispered about.
Also, I remember when I had step-siblings, that family groups would happen at children's church, and people would innocently put me in another group, because of the lack of having the same last name. I HATED that! I also hated having to tell them that they WERE my siblings, and having to embarrass them.
I know that to us adults that doesn't seem like much, but thinking about it now reminds me about how much it hurt as a child when my 'difference' caused others to hurt me and mock me.
I'm not saying we should protect our kids from EVERY slight, but in that matter, I think I'd want to avoid it, before it happened.
There's probably some other stuff as well in regards to me having a different name to mum, so if I think of any, I'll post again.
Sasch
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God Bless
