"I know it's an annoying question" I say, whilst peeling the label off my beer bottle "but what do you do for a living?"
"I'm a nurse" she says: "though I'm mainly a phlebotomist, I'm still in uni."
"Oh nice" I sit up straight to adjust, then peer at her though a lowered - and somewhat amorous gaze: "yeah my mother is a nurse. Honestly, it's just such an admirable job; and one that's most certainly not about the money, you have my respect there."
"Aww thank you" she says, as she twizzles her ear ring between her thumb and forefinger: "I do love it though, so it's not all bad."
"I bet you have your favourite patients don't you?" I reply: "I know my mother does."
"Oh yes" she answers, whilst looking at me with a serene smile: "those patients make it all so worth it."
*Pleasant silence: taking a mental note of body language cues. Playing with hair? Tick! Torso facing me? Tick! Mirroring my gestures? Tick! Okay, let's go in.
"So, are you up for something to eat? I know a nice little place by the river where the food is great and the ambience is marvellous."
"Yeah, sounds great!" She leaps up out of her chair wearing the most buoyant smile: "we're new here you see, we'd love the chance to check out some restaurants and do a bit of exploring."
"Eh?" I screw my face and scratch my head: "is there a mouse in your pocket? Who's we?"
"My wife, oh here she comes now..." The woman reaches out to embrace another woman - a woman with a crew cut, waistcoat and a cuban cigar hanging out of her mouth: "Owite mate!" She says with an affirming thumbs up.
"Tonya, this is Pete - he's going to take us out for dinner"
"Sound as a pound" says Tonya: "I'm so hungry I could eat my own earwax, let's get it on."
A dramatisation of an ALMOST true story. Moral of the story, NEVER assume anything - not ever lol.
*Edit. Okay, I'll fess up. I've asked out two women in my time who had wives.
Roast me, I deserve it.
Also, my name is not Pete. (Or Reese)
)
