Celibacy?

[iambren]

The Bible doesn't command either way so I suppose it's an individual choice. It would be interesting to see what's in a man vs a woman's mind when they say "I want to be married". Is the woman saying "Yes, I want a hubbie so we can have great non-sinful sex"? Does the man think "I can't wait to have warm verbal intimacy,little children,and a white picket fence"?

KitKat--I respect your "take or leave it stance"

"I could take or leave marriage, honestly. But I want a friend to be close to. I don't really desire sex at all, but I do desire closeness and emotional bonds."

I think this falls with celibacy for it sure would hurt a guy if his wife was set at this stance.


As for myself I could be celibate,if God called me, but I would be sad. Right now I am divorced and not in a relationship. I really miss the love of a woman;it just doesn't seem right to not have a life partner. And.......I so miss the love of a woman's body. It's like I drink in from the intimate touch that a woman gives me. Can't explain it.

 

[KitKatMatt]

I think this falls with celibacy for it sure would hurt a guy if his wife was set at this stance.

There are people who are perfectly fine with being with someone who will never have sex.

That is the kind of person I would like to be together with, because I do desire to have a significant other. Whether or not I will marry really just depends on what happens.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

I keep telling myself that I will stay celibate, but my family points out the truth, which is that I'm boy crazy, and would probably be better off getting married at some point, rather than staying celibate. I keep changing my mind every five minutes about whether to stay celibate or to get married. I don't know why I'm so obsessed with romantic love, when I've only had one boyfriend, and that only lasted for 3 months. The rest of my life I have only flirted with guys, but I don't think I've ever been ever truly in deep love, but I do get crushes often.

Repped you.

 

[graciesings]

What is celibacy defined as, actually? I would need to know that before answering the question fully.

I took the OP to mean that it was perpetual singleness.

Webster Dictionary

Ce`lib´a`cy

n. 1. The state of being unmarried; single life, esp. that of a bachelor, or of one bound by vows not to marry.

Yes. This.

 

[orangeness365]

Repped you.

thanks

 

[graciesings]

But, I have to mention that I've never been in situation where someone is being told by other people that they should live in celibacy? That sounds very invasive.

Yes, I'm trying to imagine in what context someone would say this.

maybe the OP can elaborate for us?

I'm a little surprised. The usual comments among Christians is to get married and have a family. I'm curious as to why they would say this to a young woman. Are they telling you this as a means of you focusing on your studies than thinking of marriage later on or never get married at all?
It would some what be refreshing for me to hear that comment because it becomes overwhelming and almost hurtful when people continually comment on why I am single.

I didn't mention this in my original post, because I don't want to discuss it here.... In fact, it isn't within the rules to discuss homosexuality in Singles, so I'd rather keep that off the board. But, the reason I hear this is because I'm struggling with my sexual orientation at the moment. I've discussed it with my parents and a few guiding individuals in conservative churches. They've told me that if I don't think I could be content marrying a man, I should make a commitment to celibacy....

I am willing to discuss your opinions of that in private if you wish.... But, as I said, not here.

The tough thing for me is that I have always wanted a partner.... I have always wanted loved, wanted a companion. And I have always wanted to be a mother. So, "celibacy" is not a word to be thrown around to me.... That would be really hard.

My reason in posting this thread was to see how other singles feel about the idea of remaining single forever, and maybe get an understanding of what it would mean.... if I took that course.

 

[JackofSpades]

I think this falls with celibacy for it sure would hurt a guy if his wife was set at this stance.

I think there is no need to make such hasty conclusions. Asking the guy and letting him tell would he be hurt or not could probably be alot better way to handle it than assuming something generalizing. Not every guy in the world feels same way about sex, there is alot of variety and even if they were not asexuals, they could be just fine with such arrangement.

I have to also mention that out of all possible reasons why woman would not want to have sex with me, I think being asexual is probably the least hurting reason. I wouldn't even describe it as "hurting", more like "having special wish" or something like that.

 

[KitKatMatt]

I think there is no need to make such hasty conclusions. Asking the guy and letting him tell would he be hurt or not could probably be alot better way to handle it than assuming something generalizing. Not every guy in the world feels same way about sex, there is alot of variety and even if they were not asexuals, they could be just fine with such arrangement.

I have to also mention that out of all possible reasons why woman would not want to have sex with me, I think being asexual is probably the least hurting reason. I wouldn't even describe it as "hurting", more like "having special wish" or something like that.

The statement rubbed me the wrong way to be honest. I am sure they didn't mean it that way, but after so long of being told I was broken, or that I "needed fixing", or the insinuation that I would hide this from someone until we're married and that my choice would "hurt them", I'm a little defensive.

It's a very important subject that I am very quick to bring up to anyone who seems interested in me. And I know several people who are also looking for lasting relationships that don't involve sex, so I know other people exist!

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

Kitkat their are more than enough people who either are asexual or would be happy with that.. i think it's harder for males to say they are asexual hence it's like a hidden secret.

I think for a lot of people sexual intercourse is way down on the list, it's actually having someone , a partner, bond and love. As passion burns out and you have to be left with something for it to make it work, that's why you need to be with your best friend, i hope that makes sense and i kept within the rules i had to rewrite that.

 

[JackofSpades]

The statement rubbed me the wrong way to be honest. I am sure they didn't mean it that way, but after so long of being told I was broken, or that I "needed fixing",

Unfortunately, it seems to be the normal way with all sorts of differencies that mainstream people are telling minorities that they need to be fixed. Asexuals are not only persons who end up hearing that.

I find it historically interesting that had someone told in Middle Ages that they are asexuals, they would have likely been respected for being saintly. Cultural standards for what is healthy or appropriate can be so random.

...or the insinuation that I would hide this from someone until we're married and that my choice would "hurt them", I'm a little defensive.

I would imagine that in practise the problem is actually usually other way around, that the non-asexual person doesn't take the statement seriously and expects the asexual partner to change at some point. I think that's equally disrespective than the possiblity of hiding it would be.

Kitkat their are more than enough people who either are asexual or would be happy with that..

I would find it to be far worse problem if my partner didn't love me, than if she didn't want to have sex with me.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

I would find it to be far worse problem if my partner didn't love me, than if she didn't want to have sex with me.

Yes i think most of us would.

I was just saying on regarded to iambren post making it sound like all men want/need sex. it further from the truth i think

 

[JackofSpades]

....making it sound like all men want/need sex. it further from the truth i think

It's probably "top 1 incorrect myth" about male sexuality that all men want sex all the time.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

It's probably "top 1 incorrect myth" about male sexuality that all men want sex all the time.

Yeah i know, is that a male thing though ? Media ? Were does it come from ?

 

[CCHIPSS]

I plan to get marry, and I improve myself everyday for my potential future spouse.

But if God wants me to stay single, then I will try to accept it.

 

[Rhamiel]

thank you for being upfront about that Gracie
I think your particular situation shows why some people might give such advice

 

[Cearbhall]

I didn't mention this in my original post, because I don't want to discuss it here.... In fact, it isn't within the rules to discuss homosexuality in Singles, so I'd rather keep that off the board. But, the reason I hear this is because I'm struggling with my sexual orientation at the moment. I've discussed it with my parents and a few guiding individuals in conservative churches. They've told me that if I don't think I could be content marrying a man, I should make a commitment to celibacy....

I am willing to discuss your opinions of that in private if you wish.... But, as I said, not here.

The tough thing for me is that I have always wanted a partner.... I have always wanted loved, wanted a companion. And I have always wanted to be a mother. So, "celibacy" is not a word to be thrown around to me.... That would be really hard.

My reason in posting this thread was to see how other singles feel about the idea of remaining single forever, and maybe get an understanding of what it would mean.... if I took that course.

I personally couldn't and wouldn't give up my dream of being happily married and becoming a mother, but it's your decision to make. If your personal beliefs tell you to do otherwise, then you'll have to choose what's most important to you. My only advice there is to make sure that they're your beliefs. A good way to guarantee unhappiness is to deny yourself what you want based on what other people want you to do. If you think deeply about it and decide that you agree with them, then that's absolutely fine. If you can be content with and proud of your decision to remain celibate rather than marrying and being a mother, then go for it.

Some people might consider this "promotion of homosexuality," given what you've just said (I still don't understand that clause, so it's best to be on the safe side), so I'll stop there. Feel free to PM me.

 

[Cearbhall]

The focal and false (again, in my view) core is the conclusion that if one feels attracted to the same gender at some time one can reasonably conclude that this is a result of a static and unchanging thing called your orientation and that there is nothing you can do about this, as it is a part of the core 'you' - not for some time - but for all time.

I agree. This is very unfortunate, but I think awareness and understanding of the fluidity of human sexuality is increasing as people become more familiar with and comfortable with LGBT topics. As the "us and them" mentality continues to break down, I think society will stop being so obsessed with labeling everyone.

 

[JackofSpades]

Even if we were allowed to talk about this here, I don't think I could come up with anything helpful because I think being gay Christian is like one of the most emotionally difficult positions to be in in our current culture. It's possible that you have some rough time ahead.

 

[Cute Tink]

I've had multiple Christians tell me, lately, that I shouldn't ever marry. Just don't date anyone. Be single all your life....

my question is.... could you do that? Would you? why?

I have been married before, but I have dedicated myself to the concept of celibacy for now. I have no desire to date or have sex at all, so, at least for now, this isn't a struggle for me in the slightest.

 

[TheGirlOnFire]

It doesn't mean someone reported it Steven, the Mods to look at the all post anyway so it might not be the case someone reported it, just that it was picked up by the team.

On note the only time you will become non-sexual is when they put a nail on your coffin, it's not something you can train in. Like a-sexual people it's who they are.