BPD, sex drive, and general motivation

[Butterfly]

Hi all,

I was just diagnosed with BPD about a month ago. I can't say how relieved I am to have that diagnosis. Seriously, words can't express it. Once I wrapped my head around it, I finally felt hope that everything is going to be ok and that I am going to get better.

One thing I am struggling with is a lack of motivation, all the way around. I have been married for over 6 years to an amazing man. But I don't feel emotionally connected to him. I know part of it is that he is on the Autistic spectrum. But I honestly believe that I should be a little less selfish because he is so amazing, he really is. I'm not completely selfish, but I want to WANT to give him more of myself, and instead, I find myself retreating to my office and into my little shell, where I'd prefer to talk to friends online, write, and play music than be with him! I do that like every day! He goes to bed long before me and I like it that way...lol.

Which leads me to the sex issue. Without being too personal, I feel like I'm asexual. I mean, I really just don't like it. Don't want it. Hardly want to want it. Hate being married because it's expected to be sexual inside of marriage. And there's none of that for me. I know that's the opposite of most BPD patients...usually they're extroverted sexually because they're craving the attention. Not me. I crave attention but not sexual/intimate attention. I prefer the attention my friends give me than what man could give me.

Mind you, I was abused by my father in all manner and I know that doesn't help anything. However I have been in counseling for somewhere around 14 years and I mostly don't have any hard feelings or flashbacks to that time of my life. I mean I have my issues from it but it's not a big deal.

I also lack motivation, in general. I just don't want to do anything. I don't want to go through the DBT therapy or anything like that. It's work. But in the back of my mind, I'm like yeah, I want to kick butt! I want to be motivated to do all the things that I want to do, like working out and getting healthy, writing in my blog more often, spending more time with my husband, writing music, and keeping my house cleaner. I have proven to myself and many others that when I want something, I have the full capability to give 150% of myself and then some. So why I can't do that when it comes to my home life I don't know.

Anyone else struggle with this? Anyone have any ideas?

 

[pappastratos]

Hi Tins, Merry Christmas,
lets start with the last first,,'I also lack motivation, in general' yeah, me too, but it is something you have to make yourself do, the sooner in the morning you start, the more you will accomplish.
the sex part, a little tougher, a healthy marriage; espically being younger like you, sex is important. The further you withdraw or stay away from something, the more you will not want it. This is not good. Maybe try exploring your own sexuality (keeping a G rating here) after a while include your husband in small steps.

 

[rockytopva]

Did I hear someone ask of motivation? Then that's what we'll be talking about is motivation!
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=caG7Oq93bUQ

 

[ladycounselor2be]

God Bless You
Hebrews 13:4 says the ( first part ) Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. So, this is not of God. The enemy will use anything to break up a marriage, including a valid illness. However, victory is the Lord's! what you describe is a bi-product of BPD. It can be under sexual or no desire to over sexual and overtly sexual. You need a counselor/therapist that will work with you and your husband through this- (especially if he is suffering with autism as you stated. Do not suffer in silence. I am always telling people to get help. Satan wants you to feel alone. Go to the website the National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) since I am new to this forum I cannot put the link in my post. They have support groups, and I would suggest that you and your husband attend as a couple. Also The National Institute of Mental Health NIMH is another website.
Here are just some of the symptoms:
Extreme reactions—including panic, depression, rage, or frantic actions—to abandonment, whether real or perceived
A pattern of intense and stormy relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often veering from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future (such as school or career choices)
Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating.

There is help. Do not hesitate to get it! I am a graduate student working towards my degree in Counseling, BPD was one of my first case studies. I plan on specializing with patients suffering from BPD once I have graduated.
God Bless You!

 

[Krissy Cakes]

Omgosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Were we switched at birth?!?! I'm the same way! Like in every way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sorry thats scary funny.

I'm praying for you sis.

 

[Butterfly]

don't be sorry, it's ok...It's good to know I am not alone!

 

[Krissy Cakes]

don't be sorry, it's ok...It's good to know I am not alone!

Oh no please know your NOT alone and know I am ALWAYS here to talk to you if you need to.

 

[Messy]

I'd search for some help or prayer.